Navigating through the seasons - Page 2

Man, so high that I can't even open my eyes and think ghosts are stalking me:

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Is that the pinnacle of life?

I mean the room is pitch pitch black. I'm under the covers because our house is haunted. It's almost too much. I don't have experiences like that anymore.

White tea + Nicolas Jaar (!!!)

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I'm so calm, I'm so cool,
white tea and chocolate coursing through my veins,
oranges and kiwis blossom in my soul,

I was never exposed to poetry my entire life mas o menos. I was in Honors English my freshman year and seemed to be settled on that AP track except I dropped out because I did not want to do the summer reading. 3 stinking books. I read 3 books a week today. The problem was the first book was called The Joy Luck Club and it was not a great book. Why the teacher chose this book is beyond me but I got through it. I read it. I think the other book was The Red Badge of Courage which seemed kind of awful too. The other book was any book of my choosing. I could not read these 2 stinking books. Since I dropped out of the AP track and there was no more room in any classes the only opening was like a remedial English. They didn't call it remedial English but the class was full of fuck ups. Actually, it was quite entertaining at times but I didn't learn shit.

I picked up The Norton Anthology of Poetry from my good friend Emma. It is formatted terribly in the Kindle but some of it is still readable. A little late to try to learn poetry but better late than never. I basically just opened the large tome to a random page and started reading. A lot of it is quite good.

I write mostly about my life. I write about my life as fiction, or science fiction, or even fantasy. But regardless of the genre it is personal experience. I haven't published anything lately.

The most interesting observations I've made that are generally applicable is that creatine is a little suspect (any white powder is). Creatine is a lifter's supplement.

Guaifenesin (an expectorant) specifically is the second because it mixes poorly with alcohol. DayQuil (rather than NyQuil) is dangerous to drink even a little while you're using it. It's because of Guaifenesin.

Third and most difficult is back in old times 25+ years ago cartels used to sell cannabis cut with ether (the anesthetic). Ether is such an old school anesthetic for medicinal herbs that it was suggested as Ether / Bombos / Quake in LttP. Literally since forever, syndicate / cartel cut with an anesthetic. Obviously unless you smoked weed back in 1990 or something you would have no idea. So young people today never have to worry about this.

On October 08 2025 18:29 failsafe wrote: Third and most difficult is back in old times 25+ years ago cartels used to sell cannabis cut with ether (the anesthetic). Ether is such an old school anesthetic for medicinal herbs that it was suggested as Ether / Bombos / Quake in LttP. Literally since forever, syndicate / cartel cut with an anesthetic. Obviously unless you smoked weed back in 1990 or something you would have no idea. So young people today never have to worry about this.

Interesting...

I live in California. A lot of the weed we have here comes straight from the source (usually Santa Cruz or some other forest-y area).

On October 08 2025 01:26 failsafe wrote: I write mostly about my life. I write about my life as fiction, or science fiction, or even fantasy. But regardless of the genre it is personal experience. I haven't published anything lately.

Invention based on personal experience.

On October 08 2025 18:29 failsafe wrote: The most interesting observations I've made that are generally applicable is that creatine is a little suspect (any white powder is). Creatine is a lifter's supplement. Guaifenesin (an expectorant) specifically is the second because it mixes poorly with alcohol. DayQuil (rather than NyQuil) is dangerous to drink even a little while you're using it. It's because of Guaifenesin. Third and most difficult is back in old times 25+ years ago cartels used to sell cannabis cut with ether (the anesthetic). Ether is such an old school anesthetic for medicinal herbs that it was suggested as Ether / Bombos / Quake in LttP. Literally since forever, syndicate / cartel cut with an anesthetic. Obviously unless you smoked weed back in 1990 or something you would have no idea. So young people today never have to worry about this.

I probably should take creatine. I have gotten great results from it in the past but for some reason I haven't used any creatine for the past 11 months.

Why is creatine suspect?

It's a shame I only sort of know German and I only sort of know Spanish. The ship has probably sailed on those 2 languages. I'd have to move to a German speaking country or a Spanish speaking country to have a chance. The best bet at this point is to continue to improve my English. Which that is no easy feat either.

Does anyone have any poetry suggestions? The Norton Anthology of Poetry I have is formatted so terribly it's hard to read and it's so large it's a little overwhelming.

I have to let my medications and some food settle in.

I am listening to "audifonos con cable - Sumérgete en un panorama imaginario de paisajes sonoros atmosféricos."

I worked for some time today, took a walk, then I lifted weights. I feel pretty spent.

This is my life. It's difficult not to be in the depression range. I think if I had something, anything my life could be a bit better. Whether that is social connection or some form of art. I think even if I was writing bad poetry my life would be better but I don't know how.

I need something. We always need something. I need something beyond water, food, shelter, health insurance.

I'm so atomized. Most of my co-workers are high school kids... and they do the job better than me.

I realized I had bought Selected Poems by Dylan Thomas ages ago so I am reading that. I think I would prefer to read a broader, well-formatted anthology but you have to go with what you've got.

Sometimes I wish I could smoke cigarettes but I know that is a mistake. I still have an occasional coffee and my fair share of dark chocolate.

I am currently eating these delectable little nuggets of dark chocolate and ginger. It might be one-third of my diet. This is an exageration.

I found a modern and contemperary poetry class on coursera that seems promising so that is good.

It's cooler here, rainier. It sure beats the oppressive heat of the summer but I didn't log on to talk about the weather...

This poetry class is turning out to be enjoyable. We are doing deep dives on Emily Dickenson and Walt Whitman. I did not realize how deep poetry could be.

Work is work. I try not to think about it too much on my days off but when it is just me and the void a lot of my thoughts tend towards work. It is not rest for leisure's sake, it is rest for work's sake. It's dissapointing. I liked it better when my thoughts drifted towards philosophy and untrodden paths. I don't feel particularly lonely. I talk to people all day albeit many times it's superficial. I miss and keep missing the Other. I miss and keep missing human connection on a deeper level. So, in that sense I guess I am lonely but I can just read a Bolaño and the loneliness seems to drift away. There is something to that. It works and not on a superficial level. I am filled to the gills with greetings and superficial chatter at work which is working on some level but I really get my satisfaction at home by myself reading poetry and Bolaño. I was always a borderline extrovert/introvert. What I am missing is intimate relations with females, maybe some 1 on 1 time with close friends, and socializing in small groups. I honestly want less time at work too which I could probably survive on. The thing is I could get this equation well balanced and still want more which is why I want less. I want to need less or I should be scaling up? I still struggle driving which knocks out a lot of potential social life. I also lack the time and energy with working so much. Maybe I will figure it out or maybe I won't.

For now, I can just be happy I have found this poetry thing and that there is Bolaño. It's not always going to work of course. Perhaps, the small group socialization can only occur from AA. I have no desire to hit up venues like bars, clubs, lounges if I'm not surrounded by fellow teetotalers. Meeting friends for lunch or coffee is a possibility. Dating seems impossible. I have embraced my inceldom and am so far down the totem pole it just seems impossible. Entry level job and living with my parents is not a catch. This would be the only reason to scale up my life. Well, there is another reason which would be being able to retire and not work until I die.

And I have a number of tasks that seem to be piling up. It's more difficult getting this stuff done when I am working so much and want to at least try and enjoy my days off to some extent.

Question:

My laptop runs on Microsoft 10. Microsoft is going to stop supporting Microsoft 10. I don't have the hardware requirements to run Microsoft 11. What do I do?

Is Linux the answer?

Or would that be a hopeless endeavour for a chobo like me?

It seems like I have 4 options:

- Update to Windows 11 with Rufus
- Linux time
- Try to upgrade hardware
- Don't upgrade

It's a Lenovo Thinkpad from like 2015.