Navigating through the seasons - Page 3

A problem is I have nothing to write apart from writing about how I don't write. I can't write poetry. I am just learning it. I don't know a stanza from a sonnet. It seems I am out of inventiveness in regards to novels. I remember the times writing my novella. There were times that I was truly alive. Of course, it can be daunting facing the blank page and the blinking cursor but when times were good we were realling flying. Better than codeine.

My laptop (Lenovo Thinkpad from 2015) has Microsoft Windows 10 and needs an upgrade to Windows 11 to be supported by Microsoft but my hardware does not meet the requirements to upgrade.

It seems like I have 4 options:

- Update to Windows 11 with Rufus
- Linux time
- Try to upgrade hardware
- Don't upgrade

Which option would you choose?

I have an old computer (2014 Mac) as well and I need to upgrade to do more things but im content with the things I can do with it mostly YouTube n surfing the net so its fine.
I use to love poetry as well but haven't had the desire to write any as of late.
I guess maybe its time for me to hit the gym again as I have so much free time n gym kills 1 hour or so of the day n gets me healthier

back from the gym, quick 30-40m workout I feel happier endorphins haha. I wouldn't upgrade just let it be like me

On October 14 2025 19:05 lostaccount wrote: I have an old computer (2014 Mac) as well and I need to upgrade to do more things but im content with the things I can do with it mostly YouTube n surfing the net so its fine. I use to love poetry as well but haven't had the desire to write any as of late. I guess maybe its time for me to hit the gym again as I have so much free time n gym kills 1 hour or so of the day n gets me healthier

The difference with Windows vs a Mac is I think there are more security issues to worry about with a Windows.

Gym kills more than an hour for me. There is pre-game prep like food and caffeine and generally getting ready. The actual workout probably takes me 40 min. 15 min. there and 15 min. back. Then there is post-game nutrition and chilling out. Plus, the post-game high is real.

On October 14 2025 19:54 lostaccount wrote: back from the gym, quick 30-40m workout I feel happier endorphins haha. I wouldn't upgrade just let it be like me

I don't have a problem letting it be with a mac. I had a Macbook Pro from 2009 that I got rid of only within the last year or two but with Windows I think there are potentially a lot of security problems.

I need a Death Cafe. We all need a Death Cafe. I just had some banana bread and I'm drinking white tea. My neighbor puts up a bunch of decorations for Halloween. He makes his frontyard into a cemetary with tombstones and skulls and coffins. A student once asked Heidegger, "How does one be authentic?"
Heidegger responded, "Walk through a cemetary." Which I think is brilliant but Baudrillard says there is no such thing as authenticity. I drive by this cemetary on my way to work and on my way home from work and I walk by it twice when giving the dog a walk. I keep getting pangs that I don't want to be working a retail cashier job. What else should I be doing? I don't know if there is anything else I should be doing at this point in time. So, then it moves on to my life. How am I spending the rest of my life? Do I really feel like reading 30 min. of Walt Whitman poetry at this point in time? If I'm really lonely or bored there is Bolaño. There is always Bolaño!

David Foster Wallace said one of his breakthroughs in art was watching Blue Velvet by David Lynch. Apart from some debts to Hitchcock it was a truly Lynchian experience. In art, we have to find ways to be truly ourselves or at least as close as we can get. I do agree with the Baudrillardian notion that there is no such thing as authenticity. We all have debts to people, culture, really everything; the good and the bad and the ugly.

What do we do with this knowledge?

Part of me just wants to do a bunch of drugs at a music festival.

Maybe don't obsess over it. I'll drive myself mad trying to be authentic and realizing it's impossible. I could wear all black and go to some beat poetry in Brooklyn and find clones. The marketers get the idea to sell black t-shirts and then what?

Do I have to have a unique haircut?

Flaubert said: "Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work."

So many perspectives. I do agree with Beethoven that music is a higher revelation than all wisdom and philosophy. Doing a bunch of drugs and going to a music festival or even just singing karaoke or playing the drums hits different.

Most social spheres are full of clones.

I don't really fit into social spheres and I never have. It's a real problem if I didn't know myself or have books to read and dogs to walk. Like I said though, I would like some 1 on 1 time with a romantic partner, some 1 on 1 time with close friends, and some time outside in small groups. I have repeated myself on a lot of this stuff which means it's important but at the end of the day if I have some banana bread, white tea, and Bolaño I'll be alright.

I don't know if I'm ever going to get there on the authenticity topic. I've been going 'round and 'round for a while now. It's similar to the idea of determinism. We are all shaped by our culture, experiences, society. To say there is no such thing as society is absurd. La vie est absurde. That doesn't mean I have to picture Sysiphus happy. Sartre was big on authenticity. We are free to live the lives that we want. Radically free. We are a sum of our actions. Sartre did pretty well for himself. Why can't I be more free? Maybe this is the life I always wanted. Maybe I am free.