Navigating through the seasons - Page 7

On October 27 2025 13:09 lostaccount wrote: Show nested quote + On October 27 2025 00:14 RiKD wrote:   On October 26 2025 08:46 lostaccount wrote:   On October 26 2025 03:15 RiKD wrote: I need to figure out some things to do beyond poetry and reading Bolaño. I can't always rely on those things to get me through. The obvious choice is to get to some AA meetings but is that truly obvious? I haven't liked going to those things in 10 years. I'm stumped. How does an out of practice recluse who doesn't drink go out and meet people at age 40? play pokerrrrr, side hustle rikd play some tournaments learn gto then when u get a bankroll play some live tournaments and profit? Poker is not happening. I was never really a tournament guy unless it was a main event or a big event. I did enjoy learning GTO though. Live tournaments are a definite no unless I can win a million bucks. I mean I would take scaled tournaments to my brokeness with good structure to be honest. I don't know of any live 10$ mtts with low rake with good structure that are well run. I had 2 stints with poker in the last 5 years. GTO Wizard was a lot of fun but not fun enough. I was big winner on Ignition and ACR over relatively small samples but it just wasn't worth it for me. I'm happier studying poetry and reading novels. I meant play live poker not online poker

I could probably find a relatively small private game to get involved in but it's a matter of driving there. Live poker is not a bad suggestion.

On October 27 2025 13:09 lostaccount wrote: Show nested quote + On October 27 2025 00:14 RiKD wrote:   On October 26 2025 08:44 lostaccount wrote:   On October 26 2025 03:11 RiKD wrote: However, I would like to live above survival. fuck that live to thrive, at least. you dont need to live like a king but live to thrive rikd What does thriving look like? having everything u need and a lot of wants

I think I just about have everything I need. Wants is a whole 'nother can of worms.

On October 27 2025 15:21 lostaccount wrote: + Show Spoiler +

I am not a fan of Ted talks typically. I did watch this one in its entirety. Thank you for trying to help. I don't consider myself a polymath as I have published ZERO. The closest to published that I have is a number of paintings are hanging up in peoples' dwellings. Even when I was in solitude I didn't really produce anything and certainly nothing compared to Leonardo Da Vinci or anyone else worthy of calling a polymath. Now, that I am employed I am mostly too tired to create (which is also sad). If polymath denoted random blog output I would be a hella polymath.

I just got back from the gym. That is what I needed. There is a woman that is in there all the time that is incredibly fit. Probably about my age or younger. I was doing incline bench press. I caught her looking at me. Then she just stood in my path on her phone. Then I went to do machine bench press and she loitered in my view. Then she saw I was doing machine bench press and went to do the machine row literally right in front of me. She had on a backless top so I could see her incredible back muscles through a range of motion. I don't know what the deal with that was. I think some of these gym thots get horny just like anyone else and probably more. She could smell the horniness on me as well as my expensive body wash. The one that I get compliments on but was too broke to purchase for a while. She doesn't know I am a retail cashier that lives with my parents. Even so I am having a lot more of these coincidences happen so it's either I am delusional (more confident) but even if I am more confident the likelihood of this kind of stuff happening is more likely. I think it's a combination of this and the fact that I am bringing in a paycheck but most importantly I am actually leaving the house and in social situations much more often. I just need a cooler job that pays more so I can get out of my parents' home and I could probably date successfully. Also, it's not fun being a broke loser but if I could write poetry it kind of goes with the territory. I'm not a broke loser I'm a poet! So, my options are get a cooler job and make more money or write poetry (or both).

It's funny. I've done some research. Almost nothing is made in the USA anymore in regards to clothing. Nothing globally is Union Made. It's a good thing I don't need any clothing this fall / winter. I am mostly concerned with working conditions for humans but also there are animal considerations in regards to the materials used. There is a part of me that enjoys researching and getting nit picky but there is also a part of me that wants to throw my hands up and sigh in despair.

"There is no ethical consumption under capitalism."

Fast fashion made in sweat shops made with animal materials would be the worst option as they also typically don't even fit well and fall apart pretty quickly.

The problem is there is some serious sticker shock for "ethical/sustainable" clothing. Which is why it is important to be a bit of a minimalist and only shop at thrift stores or buy fewer pieces that will last longer.

The only item of clothing I have bought recently was a Patagonia fleece I bought on clearance for $50 because I was freezing in my bro's house. I have probably worn the damn thing 50 times since then so there is a lovely word called amortize. Ideally, I would have asked my bro to not have the AC on so low or just grabbed a blanket but I didn't do that. We can improve and get better every day.

Anyone seen any good films lately?

I've been having a hankering for a good film.

I am looking for some change, some revelation.

Just listening to some Air in the crib winding down for the night.

I asked ChatGPT what movie I should watch. It told me Paterson. I told it I already saw Paterson and it was like seriously, you should watch it again. So, I did. I love that movie.

My pace studying poetry has slowed down a bit but that is due to working everyday for as long as I can remember. Tomorrow is the last day of this portion of the odyssey until I get a day off. My back is killing me and my neck is killing me. Pray for me to get through tomorrow ok.

FEAR OF GOD, ISSEY MIYAKE, RICK OWENS, I don't need any of this stuff. I am set for Fall/Winter. So, why do I want this stuff? THIS STUFF?

I just want to chill in the crib listening to Air and not be in pain (now, tomorrow, ever). Unfortunately, that is not possible. Unfortunately, that is not possible. That is not possible. Unfortunately, that is not possible. It is not likely. It is not probable. It is not possible.

I want to do something constructive. Not pound on the keyboard here in hopes of change and revelation. It really just gets me the same things.

On October 29 2025 03:14 RiKD wrote: Anyone seen any good films lately? I've been having a hankering for a good film.

Same.

2025 has been a terrible year for new movies. Seems like every year after the pandemic has been shit for new movies.

I'm not even talking about new movies. I am sure there are thousands of movies from 1920s to now that are worth a watch it just feels difficult to link up with these movies. ChatGPT does an ok job but I have this friend P that had a knack for suggesting the right movies at the right times. He is a living encyclopedia of cinema. Unfortunately, he's in the psych ward or jail. Loco never failed me either but he's obviously too busy making money and trying to beat the stock market which is wise since better returns in the markets is the only thing we really can do to make our lives and our retirements better. Most people are maxed out on their job / ability to make money. Investing there is still potential to put skill points there. I don't like the strategy of working until I die and I don't like the strategy of eating catfood and living in a closet. It was cool watching all of this Loco curated film at the time but now it would feel sad or weird or I don't know what the word is to describe if Loco suggested a flim of the week or something like that. Some things we must discover ourselves. Plus, if I get a hit of a good movie I am just going to want more. I could easily just use Letterboxd but ChatGPT might be better.

Calm, white tea, pink muhly grass.

I wear a uniform to work and it is kind of liberating. I wish I was an artist so I could wear a uniform all the time. Without fashion getting the hooks in. I don't know why I fall for it constantly. I've always liked shining balls of color as a cat has an attention span.

Calm, mirtazapine, silence between songs.

Corporations

Like clockwork The Corp. I work for took down their Halloween decorations and put up Christmas decorations almost instantaneously. Like literally in a blink of an eye. One second it was Halloween the next second it was Christmas. It mirrors reality. One second it is Halloween the next second it is Christmas. Pretty soon it will be 2026 and I will have the collective unconscious urge to change, to improve, to advance. It seems like yesterday my fingernails were short and neat and now they have grown out of control. The times I'm not wearing socks my toe nails have done the same. I think I need a haircut which means it's already too late. It's already too late. It's not too late to do something. I can cut my nails and get a haircut and feel good about myself. I can leverage my current job to get a better job. It will take work. I feel so far down the totem pole but it is possible. I always wanted to just eke out a living. Make pottery down by the river. I want to be outside of society somehow yet I am too weak. I want to be apart of society. I want to be outside of society but I want to be apart of society. It's conflicting wants. What is true is sometimes I need to be alone. Like right now. Work can be a lot sometimes because I tend to be introverted...

Maybe I'll cut my nails.

REVELATION IS IN THE ROUTINE!

ANTI-AESTHETIC IS AN AESTHETIC!

ANTI-CONSUMERISM IS THE WAY!

It all starts blurrrring togetherrrr....

Just remember hoe'ing around and catching syphilus isn't cool guys.

Just remember hoe'ing around and catching syphilus isn't cool guys.

Living in extreme poverty isn't cool either.



Benjamin Franklin doesn't blink. You've lost the negotiation. Carry your chains with dignity and grace.

Sometimes primal screaming seems appropriate.

Or lifting weights really intensely.

There has got to be more out there. There has got to be more out there.

I've had some warm banana bread and hot white tea. One contradiction in my life is that I want a non-aesthetic aesthetic yet I'm spending 5 days in the gym looks maxxxx'ing and spending quite a bit on toiletries. I'm following designer brands. I'm following. I'm not leading. I'm following. There are leaders, there are followers, I'd rather be a dick than a swallower (Ye).

I just paid a bunch of bills. Bills suck but it feels good to pay them and still have money. It feels good to pay them with my money. I can actually start paying down some credit card debt. So, I am still in survival mode until that gets paid down. It feels good to throw a chunk of money at that chunk of debt though. The only good thing about credit card debt is that it's pretty simple investing strategy. Unless I am missing something it seems pretty straightforward to just pay down the debt as fast as I can. It's not since I have gotten away from paying interest that I can try to round up an interest for myself in the markets.

So, no digital drop or Fender P Bass in my future unless I get it for Christmas. I realize I might need to get some new clothes for Fall/Winter 2025 because I am still losing weight and my pants are falling down.