Navigating through the seasons - Page 15

Picked up some scales to play. Makes me realize just how bad I am at the bass at the moment. Picked up some more good practice songs too. Under Pressure by Queen & David Bowie and Sunshine Of Your Love by Cream. Forces me to move between the D and G strings.

I remember distinctly what inspired me to buy a shitty guitar.





I wasn't ever close to David Gilmour (Pink Floyd) but I could damn near play White at peak powers although John Mayer in general is untouchable. John Mayer has the perfect hands and fingers for the electric guitar. I have extra large hands but not huge hands and my fingers are not skinny like a John Mayer or a Jimmy Hendricks. They are fatter. A bass player once told me that I have bass playing hands not electric guitar playing hands. That is part of the equation but I'll still have to put in 10,000 hours if I want to get good. Practicing 15 min. / day everyday of the year 100 years of practice won't even get me to 10,000 hours. It is a good idea to be in it for the long haul though. At least have the long haul in mind. I read today I won't even really develop the muscles in my hands and fingers for 2 months of consistant practicing. I will get tired of playing the same songs over and over. Maybe I should have opted for a 5-string but a decent one can't be had for less than $600. I lack structure and guidance. I should go back to my guitar teacher but I don't know if I can afford it.

Oh well, my laundry is done. I could ask myself these questions over and over and over. The truth is I don't think I have the funds with Christmas coming up and other things to take lessons right now. I don't have enough for a Fender Rumble 40. I just have to continue figuring out ways to get better at the bass on my own.

I boycotted Radiohead, The Smile, Thom Yorke, and Jonny Greenwood for about 2 weeks then I watched this:



Now, I am in an explosion of Radiohead. I'm attempting to learn every single one of their songs on bass at the same time. Plus, it has unlocked Radiohead from the bass perspective. One thing I'm finding though is that every single tab that I have downloaded is wrong in some way. When I do a close listen of the song I find innaccuracies. Most of the time it's a pretty easy fix so I guess not a big deal. That is one of the reasons I miss my teacher. He was highly trained, highly practiced musician with a fantastic ear. I rarely found innaccuracies in his transcribing of songs. I completely lost track of time tonight practicing. I got lost and practiced for probably 2 hours. I'm not even sure. Not every practice session is going to go like that. If I practice for 2 hours a day every day I can get my 10,000 hours in less than 14 years.

I wonder if it was part of Loco's master plan for me to get a bass guitar and play along to Loss Leader by Codeine and thoroughly enjoy it. It's a good first song because:

#1 - I love the song. People recommend songs all the time but I've found it's best if I love the song first rather than trying a song I'm luke warm on because it "fits." A good example is Another One Bites the Dust by Queen. It's a classic bass line and a good beginner song but honestly it bores me and I am not excited to play it.

Ok. No enumeration. That is the most important aspect of a song to practice.

Nude by Radiohead is a really fun song to play. I'm way up in the frets like 16th, 17th, 18th, 19th frets. It's something different. I'm trying to find songs all across the frets and strings.

I guess I'm kind of hyper-focusing on the bass. It's all I really have going on in my life. I still have poetry and Bolano. There is not only figuring out the bass but my music listening has exploded too. It's like I'm listening from a different perspective and it's incredibly stimulating. How the bass sits in the mix, how the bass interacts with the drums and interacts with the melodies.

I have some concerns of where my life is going. I don't make enough money. I don't want an assistant manager job where I am currently working. It is an ok start. Everyone has to start somewhere. I have to build up more funds and more retirement funds and hopefully I can find something that I like more. I am still having troubles with driving places. It would be impossible to find a better commute than I currently have.

So, I have the bass. I don't have friends, I have a bass guitar. Sometimes I regret not getting a 5 string so I could play heavier music. I think it's ok. I really like my bass for now.

Best Alternative Bass Intro from the 90s?



Another Fave:

-E&start_radio=1

or



or



Best Alternative Guitar Solo from the 90s?

I seem to find myself on here a lot when I am waiting on laundry. Laundry is done but maybe I want some reflection before sleep. Yes, I'm still playing the bass. I played for about an hour or so today. I just have a bunch of songs that I run through. I'd like to add some scales and there has got to be other stuff I can work on. The limitations are that I can't even tune to a drop D because my tuner doesn't pick it up. It basically has to be a 4 string in standard tuning so I can't play anything that heavy unfortunately.

I decided to take some steps back and really focus on form and fundamentals. Just practicing on some very basic exercises. Cutting down the songs to 3 songs: Loss Leader by Codeine, The National Anthem by Radiohead and Pyramid Song by Radiohead. Very easy songs and I am playing them slow, slow, slow making sure my form and fingering are excellent. I was getting ahead of myself with all the songs and letting my fingering and form go wild. It doesn't serve me in anyway. It's like ego-lifting in the gym. I'm also shortening my sessions and trying to increase focus over a shorter period of time and making my sessions more frequent. I realize I could really use a good teacher. Christmas did not hurt me financially as much as I thought it might but I still have some other big bills/expenses coming up.

Other than that I find myself somewhat bored on my day off. Which is a good thing versus a bad thing. It feels restful for the sake of rest rather than rest in order to work. I don't remember who said this. I think it was a random user on Discord but they said they loved working days because they could look forward to time off versus time off when they were dreading work. It is something like that for me. Working is not so bad but there is a general distaste for it if I am honest. All the little things that are frustrating or annoying. I simply pray for grace for my associates, my customers, and myself.

This is why there is a lot of pressure on my bass playing. It has to feel worth it. It is why it would be healthy for me to have friends. Struggling on beginner excersises is hard work. It's like going into the gym and not being able to bench the bar. At least I am reading a good novel. That takes some of the pressure off. I could always study poetry. That is something different. I can take the dog for a walk. This is mostly enough most of the time. Maybe I should want more. That opens me up for more pain and suffering.

I'm doing laundry again. I'm drinking white tea which is a cue to calm down until I get my helping of mirtazapine for the day. I don't really have a lot to talk about. I kind of hit most of it in my previous post. Maybe there is more out there. I don't know how much I think about improving myself outside of playing the bass guitar. I am kind of stuck in my job. I can't drive myself out of it. I can't avoid the misfortunes of a busy shift. That's life. Exposure therapy only gets me so far. It's why the bass is so important. That is supposed to be my out but instead of practicing I am on here typing. Typing. I am a pretty proficient typer. It comes from a keyboarding class I had in high school and then chatting a lot on AIM, MSN, Skype, Discord, et al. It just kind of naturally happened that I type fast and well. Sometimes I wish I would have had music in my life at a young age. I did have music in my life at a young age. I played piano at age 5 and violin at age 9. I was always more into sports and other stuff at that age. I didn't realize the power of just learning a musical instrument at a young age. I wanted to play the electric guitar at age 10. Hell, I was in a band at age 10 but didn't even have an instrument to play. I could read music. It just came naturally like typing. I don't think my mom wanted an electric guitar in the house. My efforts were thwarted in 5th grade, 7th grade, 9th grade, etc. Mom, why did you encourage me to play a gay instrument like the violin and you won't buy me an electric guitar? I should have never quit the piano. That's just the way the cookie crumbles and here is me at 40 struggling to play scales and read music. Here is me at 40 at yet another dead end retail job. Gotta survive. I gotta survive. At least I eat good food and sleep in a comfortable bed with a comfortable pillow and a comfortable blanket.

Driving freely seems like it is so far away. Typing is like second nature. I need to get my driving and my scales up to par with my typing but my typing is firm in fundamentals and consistant practice and necessity for 25+ years.

My resume has its problems. I don't know if there is anyway out of this mess besides finding peace. Finding acceptance. Finding grace.

On one hand it feels like I should fight for something. On the other hand it feels like I should find peace. Expectation is the first step in resentment. I could type for hours probably. No telling if it is getting me anywhere besides the passage of time. I do feel a bit calmer.

I really like A Moon Shaped Pool by Radiohead. It is a good evolution in their long career.

My laundry is almost done.

I am so far away from Love from and for an Other. Maybe that is the true bane of my existence. That is opening up a whole new can of worms in the pain and suffering department. That's when the stakes are high. Maybe it is for the best. As I said, I'm so far away from Love from and for an Other. Maybe that is why I will be terminally depressed, terminally cold, terminally numb. The best I can hope for is a manic high that will never be sustainable. It always crosses over to the psychotic. A trip to the psych ward. I can't even keep my room clean.

"Expectation is the first step in resentment."
exactly so don't expect or expect the unexpected.

"I am so far away from Love from and for an Other."

first you gotta master self love then you may find true love but loving yourself is the most important first. if you can't love yourself how can you love someone else?

" A trip to the psych ward"

no thanks been there, dont ever want to go "jail" again.

Happy holiday rikd, may you find peace and enjoyment this season and every season. Just remember gratitude makes life easier to life imo.

edit
I am doing laundry today got a tonne to do lol

My bass guitar has neck dive. I am finally not going to be delusional about it. My bass guitar has neck dive. I just bought a strap that hopefully remedies that situation. If not I will take more drastic measures. I wonder what else is wrong with this guitar made in Indonesia... The neck dive is bad because I have to support the guitar with my left hand instead of focusing on proper form. This is what happens when a fish goes into a guitar store.

Any plans for Christmas Day?

Drink some coffee and go for a walk. I had the idea to get Expedition 33 so I would have a new video game to play on Christmas day. That was always the best. Eat some plant-based tendies. Play my bass guitar even though the neck dive is annoying as fuck. I don't think my guitar strap comes until Sunday. Who knows? I planned on getting into some stuff tonight so I drank a Celsius energy drink at like 8pm and ended up just watching The Great American Baking Show for 2 hours with my parents.

My only expectations for today were to drink some coffee and go for a walk. I already surpassed that and my parents surprised me with a bass amp! It's a Fender Rumble 25. Not exactly the Fender Rumble 40 that I wanted but the Rumble 25 is plenty loud and clear. I'm just playing in a bedroom. Anything more and I might get complaints from the neighbors. I might already get complaints from the neighbors and the volume is only one fourth of the way up. The amp registers on my tuning app too so I can tune into a drop D! I found a shitty guitar strap from my first shitty guitar and that alleviates neck dive! I just practiced for like 2 hours.

Verdict is still out on whether or not I pick up Expedition 33.

Songs I played today:

I picked up Expedition 33. I played through the Prologue and a portion of Act 1. C'est magnifique.

I don't know how to tell this story without giving away too much information so I won't tell it but I had a somewhat ridiculous yet amazing interaction with the Other tonight. I probably should have invited her out to the bar next door when I got off work but freedom was like an hour away. I'm not going to invite her back to my parents' home. Even her getting drunk at a bar and me just loitering drinking cranberries and club sodas is a little ridiculous but the interaction became so ridiculous nothing seemed off bounds. I have a rule not to have sex with drunk women our first time having sex. Believe it or not it has come into play a few times in my life and I think it is the right play.

Oh well. Another night alone. At least there is Expedition 33, plant-based tendies, and Celsius Energy Drink. Le sigh.

I have the bass guitar, I have the guitar strap (neck dive is gone, comfort is maximized), I (sort of) have the amp (Rumble 25 kind of sucks tbh) and now I've lost the motivation to practice. Expedition 33 is so much easier. There is no will power involved after a long, busy day at work. I can just log on and get lost in JRPG excellence. It's a JRPG steeped in French culture. My two favorite cultures tbh. I kind of knew this was going to happen. The bass is a marathon not a sprint. It's not every day a top 10 or top 5 game comes around these days.

Maybe I have sort of come to a revelation. I want to compose music with my bass guitar and play in a band and perform for people. The flirtations and female touch from the Other the other night motivates me to date. I also am really engrossed in Expedition 33. I think I can handle all these things it will just take discipline. Or, maybe it's impossible and life would be bearable anyway. I realize I continue getting older. When I was 20, 30 seemed so far away. When I was 30, 40 seemed old and impossible. Now, I am 40 and things seem to be moving so fast, too fast. Dating is more difficult. Making friends is more difficult. Learning an instrument is more difficult. Listening to music and writing these journals remain something in my life. I don't want to play Expedition 33 until 4am. I have to wake up at 4am on Tuesday.

In order to date I probably need to move out of my parents home and figure out the driving thing. Which means I need to figure out the driving thing and find a better job. That's just a start. These two things are actually really difficult for me.

Bass guitar is just practicing smart consistently.

It is easier to just eat plant-based tendies, drink energy drinks, and play Expedition 33 or post journals here.

"Well, am I getting closer? Will I ever get there? Does it even matter?" (Tame Impala - Apocalypse Dreams)

Another night waiting for laundry. I guess I could be playing the bass, playing Expedition 33, or reading Bolaño. I can't help but replay the other night with the Other. I am thinking if I could have played my hand differently or how I would play the hand in the future. I can't kiss a customer on camera on the clock. I could have gone for a more virile hug (she came in to hug me) but I was somewhat chubbed up and thought that would be out of line too. It's ok. I played the hand fine. The penis wants to get wet. It is easily frustrated. I have to go the normal routes. She was a little crazy and might have had syphilus. But, she was age appropriate (39) and could hold an absurdist conversation. Shaped like a Rodin Venus with eyes like firecrackers. Incels hold onto single experiences too much but it's because there flat out won't be Others. I need to put myself in a position of a surplus of Others. An abundance of Others. Which is really tough to do without any money or status. Most women don't care about my skill in Expedition 33, my energy drink tolerance, or my plant-based tendies diet. I don't think I am black pilled. A year at the gym and I am moving closer to Rodin Adonis and moving further from 270 lb. blobbo. I have a great haircut. I refuse to spend money on designer clothing. That probably hinders me with many segments of women. I can't afford to eat out. I can't afford rent. That is two strikes against for the majority of women no doubt. I can't drive anywhere. 3 strikes I'm out with everyone but the most bizarre segments of women.

Yeah... Time to take my medicine. Demain viendra. Nous continuons.

I made the waiting for laundry post and now it is time for the obligatory I am not ready for sleep yet post. I wish I was. I have to get up at 4am tomorrow. It's part of being on a workforce. I don't set the schedule the manager sets the schedule. They pay me for a service and then hopefully I can eke out some kind of living from that. Even though I spend probably the majority of my "living" at the job. Demain viendra. Nous continuons.

Absurdism

I prefer Samuel Beckett to Albert Camus. Camus typically gets placed as the frontman of Absurdism but Beckett's art gets more tingle in the spine. When I'm done with Bolaño I'll have to jump back in to Absurdism because I think that is where I typically fall with things. Although I don't imagine Sysiphus to be happy all of the time. That in itself is absurd. Bolaño is more realistic, intense, poetic. They are all very human. I connect with humanity and the existential situation when I engage with these writers. Expedition 33 is a deep look at the existential / absurdist situation and it is a beautiful piece of French art. As I said a Japanese Role-Playing Game steeped in French culture. C'est magnifique. The Stranger by Camus is just ok in my books. I liked The Stranger. I love Waiting for Godot, Endgame, Molloy by Beckett. I should probably just read more Beckett. Also, how could I forget Franz Kafka! What a beast! The Hunger Artist, Metamorphasis, The Trial. So much amazing art in this world. Dosteovsky (Notes from the Underground, The Idiot, Brothers Karamazov, Demons, Crime and Punishment), David Foster Wallace (INFINITE JEST!). So many more to explore!