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Joeingram1   United States. Dec 18 2012 09:12. Posts 943
I've been getting a few messages recently to blog more but everytime I get in the zone I end up doing something else and falling out of it. I write the blog in my head and than I just forget all about it until the next time comes up where I want to write. As the people who have read my blogs know I'm very very honest and open in what I write. Some say it might be to a negative point but really I don't see a reason not to be, this is me, this is my life, this is what I think, this is whats on my mind. I think so many people experience things in their life and never talk about it or express it in writing for themselves. Since moving over here to Australia I really haven't had anyone to talk to, I have my friends I skype with sometimes but it just doesn't feel the same to me, almost not real.

I should give an obligatory poker update since my last blog had to do my current poker mindset/strategy. I pretty much decided to do a 180 from what I wrote about before. I was chatting with a fellow mass multi tabler who has played some PLO but not a ton of volume and he was saying he wanted to start mass multi tabling for VPP. I tried explaining him how this wouldn't work out but if he was going to try it some things he could do that would be effective. Then I started looking at my recent results and saying to myself why don't I try all this shit I am talking myself. I realized that I needed to play less hands when I was only playing a few tables but just couldn't figure out how to do that effectively and in turn my variance was insane and I was making many mistakes. I decided to try mass tabling again with a different approach to the game pre and post flop and see what the effect would be. In turn my sessions become much less stressful, much lower variance, hands became easy to play and in turn started winning in bunches. All the terrible spots I found myself in before went away and was able to essentially revamp my pre/post play and still add in parts of my game that I felt like worked effective when I was playing like a maniac. I guess the problem now becomes that playing midstakes is pretty boring when you have like 500 buyins for the limit you play and no motivation to go with it. I really have no desire to play 5/10 ever again so using that as a goal or building block to work towards isn't really in the picture. Everything I would want to spend money on I already have, excluding some extravagent car purchase, which really doesn't interest me anymore. I think this is just a phase that can be explained by the next paragraph though.


I feel some long writing coming on here but might be good for me. I basically decided to write this after my last tweet which had to do with my mom telling me I should never do drugs because they are bad for your mind and body whereas I countered with what about doing them to the point where you are not abusing them. The overall idea behind it was finding a balance with it. I have heard many people say that it can ruin your mind, but to me my mind has been locked in some sort of black hole all my life and never thought past some sort of basic level. I think right now I'm also just having an adverse reaction to recent events that have transpired here while being in Sydney and my mind just has no idea how to react or what to do so constant thoughts like this come into my mind. Not sure I wrote much about this but I moved here to Sydney for someone I met in Ibiza this summer and did some traveling with throughout Europe after. At the time it was like magic being with her and really felt like I HAD to come here to see the possibilities of finding something special that I never have experienced before. Throughout my dating life I really have never liked anyone in this way, a majority of the time feelings would never stick around for a long time and subsequently I never really ended up dating anyone in a serious way. Then comes earlier this year, I'm doing amazing poker wise, finally going out for the first time in my life and at some point with a few poker friends of mine I decide that I should try something I never have before. Since this time I have looked at the idea of love in a totally different way. I don't think I have ever loved anyone previous to this year but now in my life I have found love that I never knew I could feel with some constants in my life in addition to falling in love with 3 people this year. 2 of these the first time we met both of us were on another level together which in turn feelings that I never imagined I could ever feel for anyone else were experienced. One of the problems with this is that you are tricked into thinking this type of feeling will always be there which is what happened in the case of my Sydney adventure I embarked on.

When I arrived here everything started off well, which is to be expected. As things progressed I became pretty unhappy with my poor poker results and having no good friends out here to talk to about anything eventually detoriating the relationship we had. I don't really want to get much into the relationship but while I was telling myself that I'm going to really give it my best try mentally and try to make things work here because really I didn't have any other options for anything else out here, she had already moved on and was staying with me to make me happy and lying to me about what she was doing, her feelings, other stuff. Only after being confronted with actual evidence of did she finally admit to some of the lying that had been going on for weeks now. In a way I was quite impressed with the ability to come off us such a genuine nice caring person while also being a pathological liar with the ability to lie about something for hours/days/weeks. I have lied to women in my dating life to a certain extent, most of the time being I would not say something like "yes im dating you and 2 other girls as well" but those relationships were never serious and I rarely would find myself saying things like I actually care about you alot or your the only one for me type of things but once I actually made the move here to Sydney I decide that I would try this way of living out. Being honest, one woman, really caring for the person and in turn when something like this happens I just feel crushed to a point I have never quite felt before. I'm sure alot of the reason is that i'm in fucking Australia and barely know anyone else but at the same time I realllllly cared for this pos so its like on one hand i wish death and on the other hand it makes sense to me. Those first times we had together in our zone tricked us into thinking that more was possible when in reality it wasn't there. lol no idea where I was going with any of this but I think it was just explaing how I got to the point where I decided to make my last tweet I made. Writing this stuff out I think is good for me and will help me overcome these crazy thoughts running through my mind.


So now here I am still in Sydney, I have a sick place for 2 more months, a 5k bed that I never want to leave, whole bunch of other stuff I bought because I thought I would be here for a long time and really haven't achieved much of anything. So I decided that I would get out there in the world and see what Sydney has. Have been doing a bit more raging lately and you guys can probably guess that in turn I start feeling a little out of this world more often and my mind starts thinking ideas that have never come up for myself before. I am hoping once I move past this recent breakup that I will be able to learn from it and look at things differently but until then I really have no fucking idea what to do or think or feel. Poker not sure where to go, life not sure where to go, so many options, so many ideas, never want to make the wrong decision and live with regret.


Joey


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DaEm0niCuS   United States. Dec 18 2012 09:30. Posts 3290

You moved half way around the world to another country to live with some girl you barely knew. What could possibly go wrong? You got owned bro. Woman be crazy. Druggie partier turned out to be a liar.. ohh snap.


Any ways enough of that. I feel some life lessons have to be learned through experience, this is likely one of them. Consider things a bit more carefully next time and look at a person more thoroughly before you decide to make such a large investment. Be a bit more objective and ask people who you respect for their opinions. Basically treat relationships more like poker.

 Last edit: 18/12/2012 09:34

Mariuslol   Norway. Dec 18 2012 09:35. Posts 4741


u could maybe make one of them lists, I hear that's pretty popular with people who have enough money, and ain't tied up in anything.

Things u want to do before you die shit!!

Could also maybe perhaps try and find out what's the coolest/smartest things to learn shit, then take courses for it/travel to where it's best.

Or learn shit u dreamt about as a kid, to see if that fills you with passion n stuff xD

Maybe read 15 of them self help books in my time, they all kinda say the same "It seems we're quite happy when we learn/grow".

Ok, that's all I have atm lol


Eluflop   Estonia. Dec 18 2012 09:44. Posts 3821

life is a shit and then you die.


PoorUser    United States. Dec 18 2012 10:14. Posts 7359

drugs are a hell of a thing. goodluck with whatever you end up doing

Moneys gotta go in here 

julep   Australia. Dec 18 2012 13:18. Posts 1274

I can take you out bro. Where are you living?


Achoo   Canada. Dec 18 2012 14:47. Posts 1454

Regroup !
It's just the std after effect of being rejected by someone you had feelings for .... Fall back on friends or family, move out of Sydney asap if you feel its getting worse !

Odds are exactly 50%: it either happens or notLast edit: 18/12/2012 14:52

RiKD    United States. Dec 18 2012 15:25. Posts 4664

Something that I think rings true for me from reading this blog and I am starting to believe rings true for every human being is that everyone should have some "peoples' shoulders to cry on." I put it in that tone as it's different than being negative or complaining. Or in the simplest terms: Friends. Just some human beings that one can jive with, get away with and/or blow off some steam/have fun/lose yourself/whatever you want to call it. A broad, diverse yet personal, sincere group of Friends. A balance of Friends. That is "Balance." You can't get away and blow off steam about dating/girlfriend issues with dates/girlfriends. You can't get away and blow off steam from frustrations at work at work. You can't get away and blow off steam from annoyances with family with family that is annoying you. Hell, sometimes you just need to get away from everything and go to a friend in the form of books, exercise, x skill/hobby that you enjoy.

This seems incredibly simple and it probably is but it also seems to be one of the first things every human takes for granted at times.


PuertoRican   United States. Dec 18 2012 15:57. Posts 10941

For future blogs, don't focus on having to sit down and write out some long blog, cuz you might get sick of it eventually, or just not find any free time to do it.

I'd suggest keeping a file that you update every now and then with random things that are happening to you throughout the month that you think is worth talking about, and then at the end of every month, you can go back to that file and expand on all of those past entries and compose better blogs.


p.s. You aren't living in Perth, are you? This chick I knew back in the day from Australia said that all the girls in Perth are sluts, and are known for fucking all of the foreigners. There's U.S. Navy port there and there's always fresh guys coming in and apparently have their way with the locals. I've heard this from one other too.

Rekrul is a newb 

Funktion   Australia. Dec 18 2012 16:26. Posts 1638

Sounds like you were in lust not love.

Anyway just don't hang with wobbly, you'll probably go suicidal if that happens.


Bejamin1   Canada. Dec 18 2012 17:07. Posts 7042

I don't know you so it's a bit inappropriate to speculate, but you may want to ask yourself if you became a bit difficult to be around when things started to go bad with poker. I don't know if this is the case for you but I've witnessed pretty dramatic bad mood transference from people who wind up in extended bad runs, myself included. The loss of confidence and the fact that playing poker becomes an experience of suffering really can translate into your day to day mood. Good chance it's not the case for you but a lot of people get pretty grouchy/bitchy when they're tens of thousands in the hole on EV.

Sorry dude he Jason Bourned me. -Johnny Drama 

bigredhoss   Cook Islands. Dec 18 2012 18:09. Posts 8584


  On December 18 2012 13:47 Achoo wrote:
It's just the std after effect



he didn't actually say she had an std + Show Spoiler +



good luck joseph

Truck-Crash Life 

player999   Brasil. Dec 18 2012 19:25. Posts 7965

there are no wrong decisions

Browsing through your hand histories makes me wonder that you might not be aware these games are possibly play money. Have you ever tried to cash out? - Kapol 

player999   Brasil. Dec 18 2012 19:27. Posts 7965


  On December 18 2012 08:30 DaEm0niCuS wrote:
You moved half way around the world to another country to live with some girl you barely knew. What could possibly go wrong? You got owned bro. Woman be crazy. Druggie partier turned out to be a liar.. ohh snap.


Any ways enough of that. I feel some life lessons have to be learned through experience, this is likely one of them. Consider things a bit more carefully next time and look at a person more thoroughly before you decide to make such a large investment. Be a bit more objective and ask people who you respect for their opinions. Basically treat relationships more like poker.



fuck that, even if it failed it was a good move, better to do things and fail than not doing and live wondering "what if"

Browsing through your hand histories makes me wonder that you might not be aware these games are possibly play money. Have you ever tried to cash out? - Kapol 

zachvac   United States. Dec 18 2012 20:34. Posts 4

"so many options, so many ideas, never want to make the wrong decision and live with regret."

Worse than this is constantly worrying about making the wrong decision and living with regret and instead not making any decisions at all. You don't seem like the type to do that, just pointing out that once in awhile you gotta take a chance and sometimes it's not gonna work out, but it might still be better than had you never taken it at all and were always wondering what might have been.


zachvac   United States. Dec 18 2012 20:36. Posts 4

lol wrote mine before I saw player999's, but yeah what he said


NewbSaibot   United States. Dec 18 2012 23:59. Posts 4804

You should coach microstakes PLO joe. Would give you something to do, take your mind of things..

listening to edzwoo has made u a nit... *sigh* - Zalfor 

Joeingram1   United States. Dec 19 2012 00:30. Posts 943


  On December 18 2012 18:27 player999 wrote:
Show nested quote +



fuck that, even if it failed it was a good move, better to do things and fail than not doing and live wondering "what if"



yea i tend to agree more with player999 and zachvac because even if shit turns out terrible, you can still make a good situation out of everything


Joeingram1   United States. Dec 19 2012 00:37. Posts 943


  On December 18 2012 14:25 RiKD wrote:
Something that I think rings true for me from reading this blog and I am starting to believe rings true for every human being is that everyone should have some "peoples' shoulders to cry on." I put it in that tone as it's different than being negative or complaining. Or in the simplest terms: Friends. Just some human beings that one can jive with, get away with and/or blow off some steam/have fun/lose yourself/whatever you want to call it. A broad, diverse yet personal, sincere group of Friends. A balance of Friends. That is "Balance." You can't get away and blow off steam about dating/girlfriend issues with dates/girlfriends. You can't get away and blow off steam from frustrations at work at work. You can't get away and blow off steam from annoyances with family with family that is annoying you. Hell, sometimes you just need to get away from everything and go to a friend in the form of books, exercise, x skill/hobby that you enjoy.

This seems incredibly simple and it probably is but it also seems to be one of the first things every human takes for granted at times.




I agree with this soooo much and think its one of the biggest issues I've faced being over here. I really have never quite thought about it in the context which you wrote but i think its such a great thing to do and to have in your life. I'm copying this to my notes I read often so I don't forget it. Thanks



  On December 18 2012 14:57 PuertoRican wrote:
For future blogs, don't focus on having to sit down and write out some long blog, cuz you might get sick of it eventually, or just not find any free time to do it.

I'd suggest keeping a file that you update every now and then with random things that are happening to you throughout the month that you think is worth talking about, and then at the end of every month, you can go back to that file and expand on all of those past entries and compose better blogs.


p.s. You aren't living in Perth, are you? This chick I knew back in the day from Australia said that all the girls in Perth are sluts, and are known for fucking all of the foreigners. There's U.S. Navy port there and there's always fresh guys coming in and apparently have their way with the locals. I've heard this from one other too.




Not living in Perth but have heard some similar things. I usullay jot down some notes in my iphone when I think of something I want to write about but its usually just hard for me to actually start writing, once I do I can kinda keep going but its just that mental block of sitting down to begin with. I might need to start taking more notes though



  On December 18 2012 15:26 Funktion wrote:
Sounds like you were in lust not love.

Anyway just don't hang with wobbly, you'll probably go suicidal if that happens.



I have thought about this soooo much and I really think I was in Love in these instances and not lust. I've been in lust in a 1 on 1 setting with a girl probably 500 times in my life and in these other instances it just feels other worldly. lol might be able to help Wobbly get some girls and pwn it up a bit irl so might not be a bad thing to hang with him




  On December 18 2012 16:07 Bejamin1 wrote:
I don't know you so it's a bit inappropriate to speculate, but you may want to ask yourself if you became a bit difficult to be around when things started to go bad with poker. I don't know if this is the case for you but I've witnessed pretty dramatic bad mood transference from people who wind up in extended bad runs, myself included. The loss of confidence and the fact that playing poker becomes an experience of suffering really can translate into your day to day mood. Good chance it's not the case for you but a lot of people get pretty grouchy/bitchy when they're tens of thousands in the hole on EV.




Well this actually did happen, I kinda wrote about it a bit but didn't really want to dive more into detail about it. As my mood started to go downhill I did become harder to deal with to the point she thought she was the reason I was acting like I was. In reality poker does some crazy stuff to your mind and thoughts and its hard for someone that doesn't actually play themselves to ever quite understand that. I def was pretty grouchy/bitchy after a few weeks of it happening and it really didn't start to get better until recently. By then it was much to late and things both of us were mentally checked out.


Joeingram1   United States. Dec 19 2012 00:39. Posts 943


  On December 18 2012 08:35 Mariuslol wrote:

u could maybe make one of them lists, I hear that's pretty popular with people who have enough money, and ain't tied up in anything.

Things u want to do before you die shit!!

Could also maybe perhaps try and find out what's the coolest/smartest things to learn shit, then take courses for it/travel to where it's best.

Or learn shit u dreamt about as a kid, to see if that fills you with passion n stuff xD

Maybe read 15 of them self help books in my time, they all kinda say the same "It seems we're quite happy when we learn/grow".

Ok, that's all I have atm lol



Thanks Marius I'm actually going to do a few of these ideas and think its a GREAT idea. Thank you I think I like idea one the best but I can actually use #3 on a smaller scale. Like I have always wanted to learn how to swim (noob I know wtf why cant i swim) so this is a good time to try to learn these new things


 
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