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PoorUser    United States. Jan 14 2019 16:01. Posts 7471

man yikes. some of the stuff drone said is clearly good, but some is clearly bad, and yet more is clearly dangerous. this culture of no means yes is...troubling, and the idea that you need to dupe a woman into sleeping with you is inane. yes women tend to be attracted to confidence, but confidence can be displayed in a myriad of ways. confidence isn't definitively proven by using plans and back up plans that get her into bed a few hours after you meet her. it is just as fine to go out on a normal date and know that you have no plans to sleep with her on the first date, and if all your actions convey that confidently, that is fine too. you can go out on a second date and go from there, and if what you're looking for doesn't happen in what is a reasonable amount of time for you, then move on. it doesn't implicitly mean that you used the wrong cheat codes or whatever. sometimes two people who date don't sleep with each other and that's no big deal. that's dating - not everyone clicks.

you went out of your bubble, did stuff that you normally wouldn't that worked out, made some type of move and she clearly had a good time. it sounds like if things continue to go well, you'll sleep together soon. if promises of that keep occurring and not happening then again, might be time to reevaluate but i can't imagine being so pessimistic with some of that pure alpha dribble that drone was spouting. id generally say that the best way to be confident is to find an area that you are comfortable in and then have a date take place in that context and let the confidence come out...but it seems like you did well enough out of your bubble maybe other things will work for you. the one thing i would recommend is not trying to unnecessarily defend yourself/feel inferior because you view her as more successful/more whatever than you. that, and things like that, are decidedly unattractive. just be comfortable being you and find instances while dating to make the best parts of yourself come out. confidence, in whatever form it takes, is important - but in what some of the more popular opinions of what confidence is can be displayed, its a thin line between confidence, and elitism or douchebaginess and should be tread very carefully.

Gambler EmeritusLast edit: 14/01/2019 16:03

OpWestAcct   United States. Jan 14 2019 16:28. Posts 640

Hahah this comment's section was dynamite. Why is there a random salty dude ranting about how he is excluded from the 95th percentile of the genetic lottery because he is not a tall white male? In any case, drone is either trolling or essentially LP's biggest douche. The fact that he believes every date is a game and there are pawns that need to be moved in certain order to checkmate a woman into sleeping with you is absurd. It only shows his bitterness and how much he has been ghosted or used in the past - most likely because of his attitude (which results in a chicken or the egg debate). I don't feel like reading all of your blogs to find out your intentions and I do not know your age but I can tell you that not every woman - especially mid to late 20s - is online dating just to hop scotch through some mental gymnastics and test their dates to see if they are alpha enough to cash in. Just have and be fun, be respectful and be patient. If you get played, you get played - big deal move on. But don't cross any lines and don't have any expectations. I have online dated for years and although my experiences have been great and fun, 9 times out of 10 the connection will fizzle out. Women just rarely take online dating seriously enough to extend the effort necessary to strike up something meaningful.

Fuck me 

bigredhoss   Cook Islands. Jan 14 2019 17:09. Posts 8646


  On January 14 2019 15:01 PoorUser wrote:
man yikes. some of the stuff drone said is clearly good, but some is clearly bad, and yet more is clearly dangerous. this culture of no means yes is...troubling, and the idea that you need to dupe a woman into sleeping with you is inane. yes women tend to be attracted to confidence, but confidence can be displayed in a myriad of ways. confidence isn't definitively proven by using plans and back up plans that get her into bed a few hours after you meet her. it is just as fine to go out on a normal date and know that you have no plans to sleep with her on the first date, and if all your actions convey that confidently, that is fine too. you can go out on a second date and go from there, and if what you're looking for doesn't happen in what is a reasonable amount of time for you, then move on. it doesn't implicitly mean that you used the wrong cheat codes or whatever. sometimes two people who date don't sleep with each other and that's no big deal. that's dating - not everyone clicks.

you went out of your bubble, did stuff that you normally wouldn't that worked out, made some type of move and she clearly had a good time. it sounds like if things continue to go well, you'll sleep together soon. if promises of that keep occurring and not happening then again, might be time to reevaluate but i can't imagine being so pessimistic with some of that pure alpha dribble that drone was spouting. id generally say that the best way to be confident is to find an area that you are comfortable in and then have a date take place in that context and let the confidence come out...but it seems like you did well enough out of your bubble maybe other things will work for you. the one thing i would recommend is not trying to unnecessarily defend yourself/feel inferior because you view her as more successful/more whatever than you. that, and things like that, are decidedly unattractive. just be comfortable being you and find instances while dating to make the best parts of yourself come out. confidence, in whatever form it takes, is important - but in what some of the more popular opinions of what confidence is can be displayed, its a thin line between confidence, and elitism or douchebaginess and should be tread very carefully.



well said

PoorUser GOAT always and forever

Truck-Crash Life 

k4ir0s   Canada. Jan 14 2019 18:06. Posts 3476


  On January 14 2019 15:01 PoorUser wrote:
man yikes. some of the stuff drone said is clearly good, but some is clearly bad, and yet more is clearly dangerous. this culture of no means yes is...troubling, and the idea that you need to dupe a woman into sleeping with you is inane. yes women tend to be attracted to confidence, but confidence can be displayed in a myriad of ways. confidence isn't definitively proven by using plans and back up plans that get her into bed a few hours after you meet her. it is just as fine to go out on a normal date and know that you have no plans to sleep with her on the first date, and if all your actions convey that confidently, that is fine too. you can go out on a second date and go from there, and if what you're looking for doesn't happen in what is a reasonable amount of time for you, then move on. it doesn't implicitly mean that you used the wrong cheat codes or whatever. sometimes two people who date don't sleep with each other and that's no big deal. that's dating - not everyone clicks.

you went out of your bubble, did stuff that you normally wouldn't that worked out, made some type of move and she clearly had a good time. it sounds like if things continue to go well, you'll sleep together soon. if promises of that keep occurring and not happening then again, might be time to reevaluate but i can't imagine being so pessimistic with some of that pure alpha dribble that drone was spouting. id generally say that the best way to be confident is to find an area that you are comfortable in and then have a date take place in that context and let the confidence come out...but it seems like you did well enough out of your bubble maybe other things will work for you. the one thing i would recommend is not trying to unnecessarily defend yourself/feel inferior because you view her as more successful/more whatever than you. that, and things like that, are decidedly unattractive. just be comfortable being you and find instances while dating to make the best parts of yourself come out. confidence, in whatever form it takes, is important - but in what some of the more popular opinions of what confidence is can be displayed, its a thin line between confidence, and elitism or douchebaginess and should be tread very carefully.




Good insights. I recognize that I do need to learn to be more comfortable with myself when I'm with women who are high achievers, esp considering I'm attracted to these types of women and dating older. I lack experience, but I find there's some use in Drone's (and other alpha male types) strategies. The majority of single people use online dating to date nowadays, and in online dating women have all the leverage and infinite amounts of attention. They're at a huge advantage, so these 'red pill' or 'alpha male' attitudes/strats provide men with an edge in the dating game. I don't agree with a lot of it, since I prefer to take a more genuine approach and I like showing vulnerability, but some of it definitely seems useful. I agree with you for the most part though.



Where do you guys think I should take her for the second date? At the end of the first date I suggested dancing again, because it was fun and it got her in the romantic mood. But she made a comment that we wouldn't have the opportunity to talk much if we go dancing again. Maybe dinner? It's difficult to build sexual tension over dinner and to suggest a nightcap at her place afterwards (My place is out of the question because I drive 45min to see her).


The 1st date turned out so well because we had something fun and active to do. All the fun venues (downtown) are about 25min from her place, and even further from mine. The only options near her place are bars and restaurants, and she doesn't drink. May suggest outdoor skating downtown.

I dont know what a dt drop is. Is it a wrestling move? -OlyLast edit: 14/01/2019 20:48

CamilaPunt   Brasil. Jan 14 2019 19:01. Posts 2422

this blog & comments= amazing


drone666   Brasil. Jan 15 2019 02:57. Posts 1821


  On January 14 2019 15:01 PoorUser wrote:
man yikes. some of the stuff drone said is clearly good, but some is clearly bad, and yet more is clearly dangerous. this culture of no means yes is...troubling,



I never said that, I said that I read her saying no the way she did was a shit test, and this is a basic thing that girls do all the time, and this is different than saying and meaning no
doesn't mean that everytime they say no it's a shit test, doesn't mean that everytime they say no it means yes, you are just confused because you dont even know what a shit test is


  and the idea that you need to dupe a woman into sleeping with you is inane. yes women tend to be attracted to confidence, but confidence can be displayed in a myriad of ways. confidence isn't definitively proven by using plans and back up plans that get her into bed a few hours after you meet her. it is just as fine to go out on a normal date and know that you have no plans to sleep with her on the first date, and if all your actions convey that confidently, that is fine too. you can go out on a second date and go from there, and if what you're looking for doesn't happen in what is a reasonable amount of time for you, then move on. it doesn't implicitly mean that you used the wrong cheat codes or whatever. sometimes two people who date don't sleep with each other and that's no big deal. that's dating - not everyone clicks.



this is another thing that I didn't meant, this is what I sent him on private:


  but in general dont get too worried about HAVING SEX, but def pay attention to not get attached to other people validation, seems like you only had a good time because other people accepted and validated you and not because you were really having fun independent of the outcome



I meant that the goal should be him having fun doing whatever he wants, and not to have the goal of having sex, unless he's super horny, this obsession with taking the girl to bed is mostly a social conditioning caused by lack of confidence that he needs to prove to everyone else and to himself that he's capable

I'm sorry, your intentions are good but you clearly don't know much about what you talking about

Dont listen to anything I sayLast edit: 15/01/2019 03:01

drone666   Brasil. Jan 15 2019 03:32. Posts 1821

Btw stay away from red pill, I just saw that you mentioned my advices related to red pill, they are retards and it's not in any way what I mean, they are exactly what pornuser is saying I am lol

Just a bunch of nerds trying to get validation by brute forcing and pretending they are tough and alpha

Dont listen to anything I say 

PoorUser    United States. Jan 15 2019 04:10. Posts 7471

not really looking to get into a debate with you so i'll just answer quickly and be done on my end.


  On January 15 2019 01:57 drone666 wrote:


I never said that, I said that I read her saying no the way she did was a shit test, and this is a basic thing that girls do all the time, and this is different than saying and meaning no
doesn't mean that everytime they say no it's a shit test, doesn't mean that everytime they say no it means yes, you are just confused because you dont even know what a shit test is



i understood what you meant and that is the point.


  and the idea that you need to dupe a woman into sleeping with you is inane. yes women tend to be attracted to confidence, but confidence can be displayed in a myriad of ways. confidence isn't definitively proven by using plans and back up plans that get her into bed a few hours after you meet her. it is just as fine to go out on a normal date and know that you have no plans to sleep with her on the first date, and if all your actions convey that confidently, that is fine too. you can go out on a second date and go from there, and if what you're looking for doesn't happen in what is a reasonable amount of time for you, then move on. it doesn't implicitly mean that you used the wrong cheat codes or whatever. sometimes two people who date don't sleep with each other and that's no big deal. that's dating - not everyone clicks.

[this is another thing that I didn't meant, this is what I sent him on private

but in general dont get too worried about HAVING SEX, but def pay attention to not get attached to other people validation, seems like you only had a good time because other people accepted and validated you and not because you were really having fun independent of the outcome




  I meant that the goal should be him having fun doing whatever he wants, and not to have the goal of having sex, unless he's super horny, this obsession with taking the girl to bed is mostly a social conditioning caused by lack of confidence that he needs to prove to everyone else and to himself that he's capable

I'm sorry, your intentions are good but you clearly don't know much about what you talking about



if you're salty that i didn't incorporate what you said to him via your PM in my response, im not entirely sure how to respond to that. past that, all i can say is it seems most people itt have seemed to understand a lot of what you've posted as i have. even if that isn't a great representation of how you feel, the onus is generally on the communicator to get it right...especially when they are trying to teach people.

Gambler EmeritusLast edit: 15/01/2019 04:15

drone666   Brasil. Jan 15 2019 04:23. Posts 1821

you didn't understand because in you affirmation you said exactly this words : "this culture of no means yes is...troubling"
and there's nothing to do with what I said, I said about making a proper read of when a no means yes

and I'm not salty I just said what I noticed, you clearly haven't done any study about the subject so your advice is not very useful because is based only on your own experience and reflection
I used the word "what I meant" when I added the part that I sent him on private because it's fair to misinterpret like you did what I wrote here, because the intention of my advice wasn't clear without the pm

Dont listen to anything I sayLast edit: 15/01/2019 04:32

k4ir0s   Canada. Jan 15 2019 06:36. Posts 3476

We talked on the phone for 1.5hrs before she slept. Learned a lot about her..

She invited me to play volleyball at some gathering Friday. I don't play it, but w/e, seems fun. I think she's eager to show me off to her acquaintances. She picked a day where she doesn't have custody of her son. I'll drive to her place, park my car, then we'll leave in hers-- and I assume we're going back to her place afterwards for a nightcap. She said that she already deleted the App we met on and seems to already be settled on me. Aha. I'm flattered. To be honest, I haven't been chatting with anyone on the app since, never told her that though. She talks about all the stuff we'll do together but I can tell she holds back to not come across as needy. And she mentioned that she's looking for exclusivity in a relationship.

We talked about sex for a little bit. She seemed very weird about it. She told me that she was in a sexless marriage for 10 years and divorced 8 months ago, and had an obsession with erotica. She wants to take it slow with me, even though she admitted to experimenting with younger guys after her marriage. She asked me how important is sex to me, and I said it's very important; she replied the same. But then she told me that if we go to her place after the date then she wants me to promise her that we won't have sex. She said that she'll likely want it and will come onto me, but she wants me to restrain myself.

She joked about us reading a sex book together before having sex. Although she said it was a joke I'm not sure; seemed like she was hoping I'd agree with her-- I didn't. She seems sexually repressed or traumatized by bad experiences. I joked about thinking of her in the morning and she said IT"S FINE that I think of her in that way.

She admitted that she likes me calling her every day and likes constant communication. She likes touch, like holding hands. I like these things too, especially since it was lacking with my ex.

I'm beginning to see her vulnerabilities, the chips in the vase that I thought perfect are being revealed. Which is great; it'll help me pull her off the pedestal.

But wtf do I make of the sex thing. On the 1st date she implied having sex on the 2nd. And now the 2nd one is being planned and she's suggesting we wait longer, BUT she chose a day where her son isn't there, and wants me to restrain myself when she makes moves on me when we're at her place. LOLL? Maybe she wants the privileges of having a BF (going out together, having fun, show me off to her girlfriends, a listening ear), without the sex.

Also, she always wanted to have a boyfriend with a six pack. She was with a guy who has one, but it didn't work out due to differences in personality. She's still 'great' friends' with him . I wonder if she expects I have a six pack? I don't. She seems a bit superficial, but then again.. many of us want a girl with a great ass (including me), so I can't judge.



Any red flags here? lol. I like her though, so I'll continue. She lives in this bubble of having her own business coach, spiritual coach, nutritionist/trainer, and already spoke to her spiritual coach about me lol. She's into something similar to law of attraction, but "scientific and with proof"; that consists of envisioning what you want and imagining you already have it. She envisioned her ideal partner, since I arrived she stopped, and now she's envisioning more money. Lol the ridiculous thing is that it seems to be working for her, considering her constant chain of success. She says I should start a business and will show me how eventually.


lots of laughs to be had in this blog. She wants me to call again tomorrow night (i'll call every night until our next date. it'll build amazing chemistry), and I'll keep the focus on her and learn more about whet I'm getting myself into. She's not boring, that's for sure

I dont know what a dt drop is. Is it a wrestling move? -OlyLast edit: 15/01/2019 07:41

drone666   Brasil. Jan 15 2019 09:09. Posts 1821

Some other dude is banging her while you play volleyball with her son

Dont listen to anything I say 

Loco   Canada. Jan 15 2019 09:50. Posts 20963

Someone who is into the law of attraction seriously is bottom of the barrel stuff.

fuck I should just sell some of my Pokemon cards, if no one stakes that is what I will have to do - lostaccount 

LemOn[5thF]   Czech Republic. Jan 15 2019 12:20. Posts 15163

You got yourself another temporary chick with loads of red flags and mistakes you are doing haha
Again
Treat this one as an experience
literally 0% chance it will last long term
You're not getting yourself into anything, just have fun and pick up experience.

And please for the love of god
DO NOT STOP DATING OTHER WOMEN!

93% Sure! Last edit: 15/01/2019 12:37

OpWestAcct   United States. Jan 15 2019 15:13. Posts 640

This woman is right on par with a lot of the older online 'catches' you'll meet. She is fucking super weird and there are probably plenty of good reasons she is a divorced, single mom who is now making up for lost time by banging young dudes. I would proceed would caution and as long as you aren't stressing too much then you should be in the clear. I don't know how hard you fall for chicks but keep your guard up.

Fuck me 

k4ir0s   Canada. Jan 15 2019 15:39. Posts 3476

^
She left her husband. And she doesn't have most of the baggage a typical single mom has. Her and her ex husband kept the house and keep the son there, and they take turns living in that house half the week. While she has her own separate place the rest of the week. Unlike most single moms she's independent and does fine on her own. She also told me on the phone that the man in her life will be a big priority, despite being a mom.

Aha it's going to be lots of fun.

Drone I'm not playing volleyball with her son haha. It's a 2nd date and her son won't be there. After all you said not to focus on sex. Volleyball will prolly set the mood better than dinner. When we go back to her place I'm not going to hold myself back


Lemon, yes. I should continue to date. But it's all so exhausting to msg back and forth, find date spot, set dates, agree, confirm and drive there. I'll see how Friday goes.

I dont know what a dt drop is. Is it a wrestling move? -OlyLast edit: 15/01/2019 15:41

OpWestAcct   United States. Jan 15 2019 16:23. Posts 640

Yeah I like the volleyball idea. Especially once she sees that you are awful at it, it will further prove that you are willing to go outside your comfort zone and will display quite a bit of confidence. Just don't apologize when you suck and just have fun. She lives half of her life in the same home of her previous marriage and obviously still has a ton of contact with her ex. How you do not call that typical baggage, I do not understand. What is your age and her age?

Fuck me 

LemOn[5thF]   Czech Republic. Jan 15 2019 16:32. Posts 15163


  On January 15 2019 14:39 k4ir0s wrote:
^
She left her husband. And she doesn't have most of the baggage a typical single mom has. Her and her ex husband kept the house and keep the son there, and they take turns living in that house half the week. While she has her own separate place the rest of the week. Unlike most single moms she's independent and does fine on her own. She also told me on the phone that the man in her life will be a big priority, despite being a mom.

Aha it's going to be lots of fun.

Drone I'm not playing volleyball with her son haha. It's a 2nd date and her son won't be there. After all you said not to focus on sex. Volleyball will prolly set the mood better than dinner. When we go back to her place I'm not going to hold myself back


Lemon, yes. I should continue to date. But it's all so exhausting to msg back and forth, find date spot, set dates, agree, confirm and drive there. I'll see how Friday goes.


Cause you're doing it fucking wrong :D
Literally takes 2-3 messages or one phone call and one date per week initially in the first couple months

I mean you're learning
But eventually you'll move past this and your life is naturally busy
And you'll start giving the time to people that put in the effort themselves

And for women it's literally they message you first, you ask when they are free and set the date the end

93% Sure!  

k4ir0s   Canada. Jan 15 2019 20:21. Posts 3476


  On January 15 2019 15:32 LemOn[5thF] wrote:
Cause you're doing it fucking wrong :D
Literally takes 2-3 messages or one phone call and one date per week initially in the first couple months

I mean you're learning
But eventually you'll move past this and your life is naturally busy
And you'll start giving the time to people that put in the effort themselves

And for women it's literally they message you first, you ask when they are free and set the date the end



Why 1 call per week? What's the logic behind that? Because it removes mystery? The phone call was effortless and she loved it. Seems like it builds attraction and chemistry. And it's fun talking to her.


Could you point out any other mistakes I'm making? I assume you're implying that I'm becoming invested too soon, and giving her too much attention even though she didn't give up sex yet.




  On January 15 2019 15:23 OpWestAcct wrote:
Yeah I like the volleyball idea. Especially once she sees that you are awful at it, it will further prove that you are willing to go outside your comfort zone and will display quite a bit of confidence. Just don't apologize when you suck and just have fun. She lives half of her life in the same home of her previous marriage and obviously still has a ton of contact with her ex. How you do not call that typical baggage, I do not understand. What is your age and her age?




Volleyball it is. Not apologizing when I suck at it. good tip. Despite the contact with the ex there's nothing there sexually. She told me her ex had issues performing and that she'd only get 20min of sex per month. So I don't think that's an issue. And she's only keeping the home with him to help her son slowly transition into both parents living in separate homes-- It's called 'bird nesting'. It's baggage for sure, but she told me that whoever she dates will be an equal priority.I'm 30 and she's 42 (but super hot ).

I dont know what a dt drop is. Is it a wrestling move? -OlyLast edit: 15/01/2019 20:29

OpWestAcct   United States. Jan 15 2019 20:39. Posts 640

Yeah ok you're doing fine. Don't worry about drone or lemon - they seem to keep advocating ideas that would essentially be applied to 'the game' but the fact of the matter is that this woman is 42. She isn't trying to play games and as a 30 year old neither should you. She knows what she wants and she expects to either get it from you or move on which is why she is being so upfront and honest. You aren't two 23 years olds who are still figuring out who you are and what you want. But with a 12 year age gap I would still proceed with caution, chances are this will just be a fun fling and nothing more.

Fuck me 

k4ir0s   Canada. Jan 16 2019 08:07. Posts 3476

Aha she talked about getting an HIV test done and suggested I do the same, and wants to wait 2 weeks for sex. (Drone and Lemon, I know you're going to suggest I gtfo and cut my losses)

I'm interested in her and will continue. But I'll listen to Lemon and maybe set another first date with someone in the meantime. I'm obv not committed to this girl and need to keep my options open in case this goes nowhere. It's not just about sex. She's been with two guys after her marriage in the past 8 months. I doubt those guys waited that long to get intimate. Her justification: she wants this to last. Or maybe it didn't workout with those guys because they didn't have the patience to wait so long for to get sexual. I will laugh my ass off and gtfo if I get to the 2 week mark and she delays more. It's not just about sex. With sex comes lots of good stuff, like sleeping over, spooning, intimacy etc..

In spite of this, I think something can happen when I come over to her place Friday. She wants to cook a meal for me and talk.


I dont know what a dt drop is. Is it a wrestling move? -OlyLast edit: 16/01/2019 08:09

 
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