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2008 is a disaster. Start over?

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[vital]Myth    United States. May 18 2008 03:07. Posts 12159
Background story (skip this if you know me personally, or if you don't really care about anything but the good stuff)

In 2007, I started the year still in college and playing poker frequently but never taking it very seriously. I was bouncing between $1/2 and $2/4 6-max in January, and managed to successfully make the move up to $2/4 sometime in February. But March was the month of my downfall, as I nearly went completely bust. I was back at $.5/1, and not rolled too well for it either. I'm still unsure how it happened, but it's so far behind me that reflection seems pointless. I'll never be able to go back and understand where I went astray at that time.

By the end of April, though, I had regrouped and was on a steady climb upwards. I began a one-month coaching deal with a prominent mid-to-high stakes player, and we worked together pretty frequently. In return, I gave him a cut of my profits during that month and the two months following. That didn't work out great - I felt like I learned a few very important things about NLH, but overall didn't improve very much. Nonetheless, by May, I was taking shots at $2/4 again. That was also the month I graduated from college (with a BS in biology).

Then, in June, I had a massive breakthrough. I had moved into my uncle's vacation home in Las Vegas, to be around for WSOP. I began playing $1/2 9-max, and fit very well into a style that destroyed the game. I made a cool 75 buy-ins that month, and was on top of the world.

It was then that I realized just how much I love poker. I had a decent job lined up (to begin in August) as a risk analyst, but I called the firm and told them I was turning it down. Even if I had more opportunity for outrageously high pay working in finance, I had to do what I loved. So I kept it up. The rest of the summer went well, including a $70k score in the Sunday Million. WSOP was very fun and educational, and I got to make (or improve) my connections with many great players, most notably Daut, Ket, and Rekrul.

I finished out the year pretty solid. From August through December, I made a little under $80k in cash games. I cashed out over $70k to pay off some enormous student loans I had accrued, pay off the loans my parents took out to help me with college, pad my stock portfolio, take a few (somewhat lavish) vacations, and finally move into a new apartment with my current roommate FrinkX. It was the first time I moved out of my parents' house (after college), so I spent a lot on new furniture and such.

Struggling in 2008

After such a good show in 2007, I've somehow lost the ability to win at all. So far in 2008, I haven't had a single consistent stretch of profits in online cash games. I don't believe I've had an entire week in the black, but if I have, there were only 1 or 2 of them. January was stiff loss of several thousand; February was a moderate loss of a few thousand too. In March, I hardly played online at all, because I was grinding tournaments at the Wynn Classic and playing live cash games for the most part. I did manage to make about $10k in live cash and profit about $5k from tournaments with my staking deal. April was similar to March, except I lost about $5k playing live cash and made about $18k in tournaments.

But the end of April and the beginning of May have been the most disastrous stretch yet. I was down about $9k in online cash during April, and am down another $14k so far in May. Combined with a LOT of EXTREMELY spewy spending so far this year (mostly at strip clubs and night clubs), AND the missing $40k bankroll that I lost in the RedNines/Microgaming scandal, I've barely got a working BR for $5/10 now. I was comfortably rolled for $25/50 less than 6 months ago. More importantly, I have absolutely no confidence. Everything I do is wrong, and every time I feel like I'm playing excellent, my results are worse than ever.

I've been such a consistent loser for so long now that I can't stop asking myself what other career I'll pursue once I go broke. I just took a break for a while, to refresh myself and relax from some serious frustration. So I sat down at some $5/10 and $3/6 6-max tables, confident and feeling good, and surprised in fact to see that the games were abnormally fishy. I thought I made a lot of good plays and got my money in appropriately. But I proceeded to win 8% of showdowns (yes, 8) and lose $5,500 in around 500 hands. And no, I wasn't getting sucked out against. Rather, I was doing things like re-shoving over an absolute maniac squeezer and running into AA, as well as flopping a double-gutter in a 3bet pot against somebody running 55/43 and 3betting every hand, and getting it in against QQ. I thought I was getting into good spots and making reasonable plays, but every single time my money went in, it was horribly wrong.

So, I drove up to LA from San Diego tonight, because I'm going to my BFF Day[9]'s college graduation tomorrow (yay!). On the way here, I realized that I just don't see myself ever succeeding in poker anymore. Not because I don't want to, or don't have the passion for it, or don't think I'm smart enough, or don't have the dedication, but simply because I can't picture myself winning. Like winning doesn't make sense to me anymore. So my mind was just wandering during my drive, and I was kinda panicking with myself about what other skills I have, where I can turn for another career choice because total failure in poker seems imminent.

But I could still hear Rekrul berating somebody a long time ago, saying they should be SO grateful simply to have the opportunity to click buttons on a mouse for a living, that they should find a way to make it work no matter what. And I realized, truly, that I can't fail at poker. There is no way that I don't "have what it takes" to succeed, and there is no way that I'm going to let myself down when I've got such a great thing in my hands. Poker life is the easiest, funnest, and most awesome life that I've ever imagined, and I see no better path to which I'd want to dedicate my energies. Somehow, I have to pull through. There has got to be a way through this mess I've made for myself, this mess I've made of myself.

So, I'm going to start over. I briefly played some $1/2 6-max earlier today while I was trying to get my PT3 HUD to work, and it felt outstanding, just because I truly and whole-heartedly believed I had a massive edge in the games. When I played my $5/10 session, I felt confident as well, but I can't deny that I've been unable to shake free of self-doubt in my normal games lately. For my own sake, I need to have some positive results, even if they're not nearly as profitable as I want them to be.

I'm going to get back to $1/2 and move up when I feel it's right, but not before winning 25 buy-ins (at each level). If (pleeeease one TIME) my coach finds time for me, I'll definitely play our sessions at $3/6 or $5/10, and if they go well and I feel I've learned a lot, I'll just stick with it and see how I progress from there. In the meantime, I'll be blogging about my quest for redemption.

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Eh, I can go a few more orbits in life, before taxes blind me out - PoorUser 

SKoT   United States. May 18 2008 03:13. Posts 1768

Man it seems like everyone is catching a face full of shit this year/past few months

Myself semi-included


jase   Australia. May 18 2008 03:19. Posts 1604

Really good read, can't imagine how down you must have felt, obviously if you can overcome emotions like that you clearly have the emotional state a good player needs and of course you have the poker skills


Exhilarate   United States. May 18 2008 03:19. Posts 5453

Nice story. I'm sure you'll do fine, you're one of the best damn posters on this site.
And good luck

 Last edit: 18/05/2008 03:19

ggplz   Sweden. May 18 2008 03:19. Posts 16784

Good post.
GL to you sir

if poker is dangerous to them i would rank sports betting as a Kodiak grizzly bear who smells blood after you just threw a javelin into his cub - RaiNKhAN 

Xenocidegs   United States. May 18 2008 03:25. Posts 365

Good read, I've always liked your posts in the hand discussions on the forum and I can tell you sincerely love poker for the love of the game rather than for the money. I hope you get back on your feet and start crushing poker like everyone knows you can.


MezmerizePLZ    United States. May 18 2008 03:26. Posts 2598


  On May 18 2008 02:19 ggplz wrote:
Good post.
GL to you sir


Loco   Canada. May 18 2008 03:27. Posts 20963

yeah ive had a pretty bad year too but nothing as bad as you, but I also am EXTREMELY grateful for having this opportunity and its the only thing that always kept me going in the roughest parts.

i think it was after watching "The Secret" or hearing Tony Robbins speak, it opened my eyes that I was taking shit for granted. being grateful is an awesome thing.

wish you the best of luck, your efforts will pay off eventually and you know it deep inside.

fuck I should just sell some of my Pokemon cards, if no one stakes that is what I will have to do - lostaccountLast edit: 18/05/2008 03:29

Siro   Australia. May 18 2008 03:30. Posts 1540

afk trying to make poker my career


(coach me)


flounder44   United States. May 18 2008 03:34. Posts 916

wow myth that is a very inspirational story. It's so hard to stay ahead no matter how many BI's u have for any given stake. I Know that you will rise to the top again despite adversity and all the bad luck thats come your way.

Just try to hang in there and keep making +EV plays.


whamm!   Albania. May 18 2008 03:41. Posts 11625

you're simply one the best posters here amongst ppl in your level of play. your advices the most insightful, and you are very usually polite and courteous, to most if not all low stakes/microstakes members here. i most definitely respect and admire your demeanor and i wish you nothing but better things to come. and good things will come soon. and im sure it will. i wish you luck man.


n0rthf4ce    United States. May 18 2008 03:43. Posts 8119

4 SLAPS FOR YOUR FACE. It's unreasonable for one of my best horses to lose confidence. You know you have what it takes, both in the realm of intelligence and self discipline. I believe a good explanation for your constant losing sessions are your bad habits (ex. sleep schedule, LONG sessions, etc.). Some can handle this better than others. I suggest re-reading Ket's guide and making note of what you could improve on. "I can't picture myself winning..." blah blah PLEASE! You were born to win and you know that.

www.cardrunners.com 

lebowski   Greece. May 18 2008 03:45. Posts 9205

the next brag post is coming sooooo soon
gl man

new shit has come to light... a-and... shit! man... 

Big_Rob_48   United States. May 18 2008 03:51. Posts 3432

I enjoyed reading this, it was motivating. Best of luck

My AIM sn if you want to chat: YoRobbyMiller 

[vital]Myth    United States. May 18 2008 03:54. Posts 12159


  On May 18 2008 02:43 n0rthf4ce wrote:
4 SLAPS FOR YOUR FACE. It's unreasonable for one of my best horses to lose confidence. You know you have what it takes, both in the realm of intelligence and self discipline. I believe a good explanation for your constant losing sessions are your bad habits (ex. sleep schedule, LONG sessions, etc.). Some can handle this better than others. I suggest re-reading Ket's guide and making note of what you could improve on. "I can't picture myself winning..." blah blah PLEASE! You were born to win and you know that.

yeah, my lifestyle can definitely use improvement, and obviously feeling better is good for poker

but to be fair, nothing in my lifestyle has changed. if anything i'm a LOT happier now than i was in 2007. living with frinkx is a lot better than either being in college or living with my parents

Eh, I can go a few more orbits in life, before taxes blind me out - PoorUser 

Stygg   Sweden. May 18 2008 04:17. Posts 2347

my experience tells me that when you make a blog like this, things turn around 90% of the time and within days, you make a new blog about how fkin sweet everything is. and vice versa, when you make a brag blog you get it up the ass the next few days.

gl to you, i can't imagine this streak of rotten timing and luck will continue much longer.


DustySwedeDude   Sweden. May 18 2008 04:17. Posts 8623

oh shit. the mighty myth, now I feel less gay for when I moved down and played like 90k hands of 1/2 earlier this year. I'm sure you'll be back though, you're far to fucking smart not too. GL man.


iakim322   United States. May 18 2008 04:22. Posts 1335

I got the same exact feeling basically. A couple times last year while I was playing part time and then again just recently on the heels of a massive downswing in just two months. My somewhat idiotic, recent solution was to lock up most of my money in stocks even though I coulda left myself somewhat comfortably rolled for 5/10 or whatever...just so I don't have that stress of losing tons of monies at least for awhile. I also hate letting poker define my life when I'm losing which is what you just apparently went through. But anyways, I picked up tournaments on a stake which is asking to be disappointed for losing every day...so that shows you what I know. Your solution of moving down is A+. Also, drink more. Your roommate is pretty good at that.


Kapol   Poland. May 18 2008 04:28. Posts 4696

YOU SHALL NOT QUIT

BIBLE (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth) 

Pillars   United States. May 18 2008 04:44. Posts 1049

I've only played a few sessions with you, mostly back in 2007, but it was clear you were a winning player. Based upon posts of yours which I've read, and what little I know of you, it seems almost certain you should be able to beat mid-stakes NLHE at a good clip.

Good luck figuring out whatever is currently impeding your ability to do so...


nicksson   Sweden. May 18 2008 05:02. Posts 4662


  On May 18 2008 02:19 ggplz wrote:
Good post.
GL to you sir


SuperElmo   Bulgaria. May 18 2008 05:15. Posts 112

I am positive : 1.you will be winning soon enough
2. you will be able to find realization in any other career you try because of your determination and abilities you manifested trough poker
so don`t worry that much and HF

I want you to hit me as hard as you can - Tyler DurdenLast edit: 18/05/2008 05:16

Matt98568   United States. May 18 2008 06:39. Posts 2391

Good luck! I look forward to seeing your next post about how much you are destroying the games which I'm sure will be soon.


Logiabs~   Colombia. May 18 2008 07:01. Posts 9133


  On May 18 2008 02:26 MezmerizePLZ wrote:
Show nested quote +



Bejamin1   Canada. May 18 2008 07:16. Posts 7042


  On May 18 2008 02:19 ggplz wrote:
Good post.
GL to you sir

Sorry dude he Jason Bourned me. -Johnny Drama 

Sheitan   Canada. May 18 2008 07:52. Posts 4217

Go Myth don't give up ! You'll figure out a way to the top again, the only time you lose is when you stop trying ! Here's something that inspires me a lot:

http://www.filecabi.net/video/Famous_Failures.html

Odds are exactly 50%, either happens or it doesnt  

jkpickett   United States. May 18 2008 07:57. Posts 1403

so many people that i talk to are going through the same thing. maybe the games are getting that much harder as the economy starts to put the pinch on all the joe schmoes out there?

Those who oppose authority so vehemently often abuse it when given immense power 

Fox   . May 18 2008 08:19. Posts 3110

GL!


Oddeye   Canada. May 18 2008 08:20. Posts 5098

I'm actually pretty surprised following your good thought process you are losing. Do you usually multitable or only play few tables?


[vital]Myth    United States. May 18 2008 08:25. Posts 12159


  On May 18 2008 07:20 Oddeye wrote:
I'm actually pretty surprised following your good thought process you are losing. Do you usually multitable or only play few tables?

i only play 4-6 tables of 6max, 8 tables of FR, 1 or 2 tables hu

Eh, I can go a few more orbits in life, before taxes blind me out - PoorUser 

pinbaLL    Sweden. May 18 2008 08:27. Posts 7243

No worries, shit turns around fast in poker.

that SUCKS about losing 40k like that though WTF

sick beat


lachlan   Australia. May 18 2008 09:07. Posts 6991

myth keep playing full ring, its simply the best, better then all the rest

and edit ur pahud, include the following stats

Call PFR
fold Cbet/fold turn bet/ fold river bet
went to showdown
attention to steal
fold bb to steal

as well as the defaults

they all help heaps! if u havent already of course

full ring 

iop   Sweden. May 18 2008 09:07. Posts 4951

Yeah you'll be back

Milkman lol i didnt spend half a thousand on a phone so i could play it cool and be all stealth 

mrpav.com   Canada. May 18 2008 09:32. Posts 3069

u can do it

===== mrpav.com ===== 

JYang   United States. May 18 2008 09:33. Posts 2669

Nooooooooooo Corwin

u cant fail

u need to get back and start playing more

and stomp those nits


JYang   United States. May 18 2008 09:36. Posts 2669

and i honestly thought u were joking when u put "no winning weeks in 2008" on ur status bar

we all believe u can do it, just get the hands in and results will come.


Twisted    Netherlands. May 18 2008 10:07. Posts 10422

Keep it up dude. Moving down is perfect for regaining confidence and getting the feeling back that you're a winning player.

Good luck.


Joe   Czech Republic. May 18 2008 10:20. Posts 5987

GL man

there is a light at the end of the tunnel... (but sometimes the tunnel is long and deep as hell) 

bane   United States. May 18 2008 10:33. Posts 2379

i remember when you FTed the sunday million i had been playing for only a month and didnt even have enough money to talk at the table! all your posts that i understand show a pretty deep understanding of the game and i wish you all the luck on your road back


F4Zi   United Kingdom. May 18 2008 10:35. Posts 3462

yeh man best of luck on the road back, u just need a decent winning month imo and maybe a nice tourney cash

My girlfriend started blowing me and then she stopped, I went on tilt and donkey punched her. 

thundza   United States. May 18 2008 10:35. Posts 2001

I believe!

gogo Corwinnn!

(wish I were at graduation :/. take care of Sean!)

pausing stinger video to google ninja porn - myth 

YoMeR   United States. May 18 2008 10:46. Posts 12435

wtf hard to believe someone as good as yourself could be in the red for so long.

eZ Life. 

sniderstyle   United States. May 18 2008 10:50. Posts 2046

pretty surprised to read this blog

i have the most utmost respect for you and have always been thoroughly impressed with your comments in the strat forums

If anything, your post makes me quite a bit scared of this game just knowing how fine the line can be between winning/losing. You can have all the poker ability in the world but if something is just a little off, things go downhill fast. Pretty frightening.


I wish you the best sir, hope you recover quickly.

Genginho: lose today 100 dollar only because of fishs they called and had luck on river 

ggplz   Sweden. May 18 2008 11:00. Posts 16784

"im not playing .5/1, im just avoiding myth"

if poker is dangerous to them i would rank sports betting as a Kodiak grizzly bear who smells blood after you just threw a javelin into his cub - RaiNKhAN 

Big_Rob_48   United States. May 18 2008 11:48. Posts 3432

Anybody see this kind of thing as proof that games have gotten a lot tougher since a year ago?

My AIM sn if you want to chat: YoRobbyMiller 

JonnyCosMo   United States. May 18 2008 11:54. Posts 7292

Remind me to hug you when you get back

Everyone needs to see that you are king of the castle - PoorUser 

Fayth    Canada. May 18 2008 11:59. Posts 10085


  On May 18 2008 10:48 Big_Rob_48 wrote:
Anybody see this kind of thing as proof that games have gotten a lot tougher since a year ago?


naw it has all to do with his mindset, I had a very similar stretch (250k hands) and now i win tons, he'll make it back, no doubt

Im not sure what to do tomorrow when I see her, should I shake her hand?? -Floofy 

PoorUser    United States. May 18 2008 12:16. Posts 7471

lifes tough get a helmet

-.- gl see you sooooon

Gambler Emeritus 

FrinkX   United States. May 18 2008 12:25. Posts 7561

hurry back and grind w/ me and rikd and we'll like talk about poker n shit

cosmo ur not invited

bitch on a pension suck my dong 

milkman   United States. May 18 2008 13:26. Posts 5719

49th comment... much <3 from lp..

Its hard to make a easy buck legally, its impossible to make a easy buck morally. 

k2o4   United States. May 18 2008 13:51. Posts 4803

wow myth, that's rough. I totally understand. I had a lot of the same feelings lately too, though I was never as successful as you were, I hit some hard times and have had the same feelings. There's no doubt in any of our minds that you will continue to own the game in the long run, so stay confident.

Moving to 1/2 is a great idea. I've found that dropping down limits is the best way to deal with this type of pain and loss. GL man!

InnovativeYogis.com 

collegesucks   United States. May 18 2008 14:26. Posts 5780

lol..... reading this makes me want to grind 50NL for the rest of my life


Yugless    United States. May 19 2008 17:21. Posts 7174

ahh, the 'i suck at poker' blog post, most of us have been there at one time or another.
you'll be fine, you're like the best poker mind ever

Baal - look is talking hah.  

newbie.cjb   United States. May 19 2008 23:25. Posts 3096

your only a myth

my lose is a win. my wins are nothing. 

Day[9]   United States. May 25 2008 23:20. Posts 3447

corwin!!!!

you are the best friend i've EVER had: by far the most charming, brilliant, talented, and humble person in the world!! I know you'll be back in the game crushing hard as always!!

Hell I went from 50 to 50k back down to 2k and all the way back again. You'll apesmash your way to victory in NO TIME!! :D :D :D :D

<33333333333


 



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