Ahhhhhh, just what I've been waiting for - Page 4

On April 18 2026 01:21 RiKD wrote: I leaned on Discord when LP was gone. It's an introverted autistic thing to do.

I sometimes use Discord to chat in a relatively dead UFC chat room.

Good thing I have been busy with work lately. Just 7.5 more weeks until it's summer vacation, and then I'll be in the Philippines from June 30 to August 9.

Awww man, my poll got no responses and is now buried on page 3.

PR, It must be nice to not work and go on vacation. I envy PR? Yes, in regards to not working and taking vacations I envy PR.


Poll: What Game Should I Play?
(Vote): Poker
(Vote): Chess
(Vote): Magic: The Gathering
(Vote): Dungeons and Dragons
(Vote): Warhammer 40k
(Vote): ARPG like Path Of Exile or Grim Dawn or other
(Vote): Other (Please name in comments)

I would love to not work and take vacations but in reality I don't really want to go anywhere. I'm happy here. I would be happier if I didn't have to work (and had some money).

I'm currently listening to The Sky Is Pink by Nathan Fake (James Holden Remix). Iop sent me that song probably 20 years ago. Spotify was barely a thing then and he was working for them. I was on Spotify super early because of that. I was on Limewire and Kazaa super early too. I listened to Conjurer today in the gym. It worked. Loco sent me that 2 weeks ago?

I was thinking in 2008 Loco played 100k hands at a dollar per hand at 2/4 that is a pretty pure year. I made fun of him for not putting in more hands but it's not easy getting heads-up action and it's also not a piece of cake maintaining a 12+ ptbb/100 win rate. It seems very tough these days. It is more fun playing humans than bots or the machine. I am still far, far away from playing GTO. I wish there was a casino near by. Playing humans is more fun than playing the machine. There are humans that have been looking at solver grids for 10+ years now. It's tough to catch up. I'm not making any money playing chess and I'm not making any money playing poker but I only just like chess and I love poker so why not play poker is my logic. I might enjoy a good ARPG over anything at this point. ARC Raiders is ok if I'm playing with friends. ARC Raiders isn't a world beater.

So, I'm still in a similar place with what to do with my attention. I think many would consider poker a waste of time. Einstein considered chess a waste of time even though he was a pretty solid player. I don't have any pressing revolutionary physics problems to solve though. Elon Musk considers chess a bad game because there is no fog of war. I get what he is saying but I would bet large amounts that Musk sucks at chess. I've got the Pessoa. That is good. I've got my walks. That is good. Little things are changing in my life but in many regards it feels the same. I have always loved strategy games so this is why I'm searching in that direction.

My brother is playing hockey into his 40s. I don't dare play basketball into my 40s. My brother complains that he sucks. It's not that surprising. He's never been a great athlete and he never played hockey as a kid. He also complains a lot in general. My mom says he's having a mid-life crisis. I can relate. I have seasonal existential crisis but this might be more severe. In his 40s, married, kid, career, what else is there? It kind of reminds me of me and music. I played piano and violin as a kid but I quit pretty early. I enjoyed sports and strategy games and not playing musical instruments. My musical endeavours in my 40s are not hopeless but I think I need a good teacher to help me on the way. Which I don't want to pay for at the moment so I drift back towards strategy games. Sports are done. I can't run, I can't move like I want to. Sports are done. My brother should get a hockey coach that could make his club hockey more enjoyable. Money is not an issue for him. My mom says he should just enjoy playing but I can get it. For me sports are not fun if I suck.

I have been playing The Machine a lot at HU NLHE poker. I shouldn't really be broadcasting this if I want action but there is no action to be gotten anyways. Playing humans is a lot more fun than grinding The Machine but what am I going to do? I kind of knew I wouldn't be satisfied just grinding The Machine but I think I had to take a crack at it. I only played 11 hands this morning until I got tired of it. I think at this point I may need to take a crack at an ARPG.

I'm honestly just writing here because I want to do something other than play The Machine head up no limit hold 'em poker. Playing The Machine is an activating activity and I need to be looking towards deactivating activities as my bed time looms. I played hundreds of hands versus The Machine today and that guy is a sick motherfucker. Super solid yet fucking sick. I play enough hands versus The Machine I find some pretty sick shit too. The Machine will always remember these plays though and maybe I won't. I can never beat The Machine. I can only lose less to The Machine.

I think I need to get back to reading some philosophy too. I was reading great novels for a while and that was great but I miss the philosophy. I was reading a bunch of Baudrillard and that was amazing but then I got to Delueze Schizophrenia and Capitalism or whatever it's called and that was mega stimulating but it wore me out. I haven't read any philosophy since then.

I am just chillin' listening to some Sampha.

White tea - Check
Mirtazapine - Check

I just had to leave the room for a while because I was stuck in a loop battling The Machine. Looking back on today that is what I spent most of my waking hours doing. I don't know how I feel about that. If I'm spending most of my hours at work and playing The Machine that seems like a wasted life. I have to spend most of my waking hours at work but I don't have to spend the rest of my waking hours playing The Machine. I don't see a future in the USA in heads-up no limit hold 'em poker or anywhere really. Heads-up No Limit Texas Hold 'Em poker is a helluva a game though. One of the best in the universe I reckon. I am a little dissapointed that Liquid Poker no longer has many members. At one point this was a haven for games players. Now, it is me just rambling.

Theoretical 9 max No Limit Hold 'Em poker is a pretty tight game. It's an interesting puzzle. David Sklansky was right when he made a post about the online kids of '06 - '10 playing with an invisible ante. I found myself playing thousands of hands against The Machine today. I will be moving to an area that has a good casino in the next 2 years. I have to go where the action is and the action is live 9 handed games. I can probably get some action online too at lower stakes 6 max.

I started playing Path Of Exile as well. Seems like a dece game so far. We'll see.

How does one Magic these days? How does one Magic these days for less than like $100/month?

By the way, Slay the Spire II came out in March. Need to try that one too. That would be under the Other category.

Life is strange. Life is complicated. I wanted to go to UC-Berkely. That shit is expensive. Why would I not go to an in state school like Ohio State? Oh, ok. That makes sense. It was the only school I actually applied to. I had scholarships. I didn't see why I would go anywhere else. Life there was mostly great. I got lucky with my suite mates. We were always getting into some thing or another.

Ohio State wanted me to pick a major. I took like Econ, Math, Computer Science, and History.

Econ - 500 student lecture hall. Professor barely spoke English. He rambled through a shit power point presentation that you could access online. Recitation teacher was FOB Chinese. Just a horrible experience.

Math - Math was cool. I enjoyed it. I never saw math as a career choice though.

Computer Science - Nope.

History - Generally an enjoyable experience

So, it seemed like the choice was math or history. I chose history. The question of what would I do with that always loomed. By that time I was into poker.

2005 I started playing poker. I was all over the place and my computer kept crashing. I got injured playing flag football in the fall of 2005. That fall and winter was grinding time cuz that's all I could do and wanted to do and did.

I basically did the bare minimum to graduate in 4 years because my parents insisted I graduate in 4 years. I had no plans of going to law school or to teach. Both seemed pretty terrible to me.

2006 was my breakout year. I had a breakout session where I won $14k in a day at 2/4 6 max NLHE. My parents insisted that I get a job. I wasn't confident enough to tell them fuck off. I got a job as an assistant manager at a new golf course. Worked long hours and tried to play 5/10 6 max NLHE. I got crushed. Quit the job. Said fuck this. Grinded up again and flew to Buenos Aires. I told my mom the day of the flight that I was going to Buenos Aires and asked if she could drop me off at the airport. That is kind of wild to reflect on. She said yes. I flew to Buenos Aires.

Going back to 2002. I took a Philosophy 101 course that was in some parts great in some parts not so great. I didn't have the balls to major in it. I don't think my life would be that much different if I majored in philosophy.

It's almost like it doesn't matter whatever I did Bipolar I and alcoholism would get me.

I think what matters now is I have more of a handle on it but my life is so ravaged that it's tough to do anything about it. It's not like I can get a technical job in industry with my resume. That's a pretty solid life. There is no future in my current job besides grinding it to eek out a living. There is no position that I want in that store. That's why there is so much pressure on me to find meaning outside of work. Why there was so much pressure on music and why there is so much pressure on hobbies and strategy games. I need a challenge and I need something that at least feels meaningful.

There is no cure for this existential drift.

There Is No Cure For This Existential Drift

I sit here sippin' on white tea doing some laundry. I've played thousands of hands against The Machine(s) in 9 max No Limit Texas Hold 'Em poker today. I think it is in hopes that I can improve and maybe dare to put some money online somewhere that I can actually get action until I move and can play live. Not that that will be the answer to anything. There is no cure for this existential drift. There is no perfect game. There is no perfect hobby. There is no perfect job. There is no perfect friend.

I looked up the poker room I would be living by. It seems ok. Mostly 1/2 tables running and some 2/5. 25ptbb/100 is a $1/hand at 1/2. Probably get 25 hands an hour. Potentially, could make $25/hr but maybe something like 8ptbb/100 is more reasonable. $8/hr isn't going to cut it.

I was looking through Poker Tracker 4 at my last foray into poker. I played 14,000 hands of 6 max 10 NLHE at ACR at 7ptbb/100. I won about $100 in 50 hours of play. $2/hr lol. I do not want to put money on ACR or Ignition. Don't really know what my options are these days. I don't think this will fix my existential drift but it is something to do. The thing about poker is there is limitless learning. It is a challenge and one has to be present to play well.

I am wondering if Coin Poker is an option?

How are the small stakes games looking there?

How is it cashing out money there?

I don't move for another 1-2 years. If I'm going to play poker I may as well start now online if it makes sense.

My timing tonight has been a bit off. I drank some caffeine to time it with a poker study session but then I realized I needed to trim my beard. I tried to give myself a beard fade and fucked up so now I have a goatee (lol) but it doesn't look so bad and when my beard grows back I'm hoping it will look dece. Then by that time I had to take my medications and had some mirtazapine and a white tea and then put in the poker study session and it just didn't feel quite right. At this time of night I typically try to deactivate rather than activate yet all I do is activating activities... Like, I'm probably going to put in a session of PoE after this. I really should watch this Wim Wenders director's cut I have but it's like 5 hours long and I don't feel like watching that right now.

Which site do I rebuild a serious grind right now?

I don't want to multi-site. I just want 1 site to find da grind.

On May 01 2026 22:55 RiKD wrote: Awww man, my poll got no responses and is now buried on page 3. PR, It must be nice to not work and go on vacation. I envy PR? Yes, in regards to not working and taking vacations I envy PR. Poll: What Game Should I Play? (Vote): Poker (Vote): Chess (Vote): Magic: The Gathering (Vote): Dungeons and Dragons (Vote): Warhammer 40k (Vote): ARPG like Path Of Exile or Grim Dawn or other (Vote): Other (Please name in comments)

i'd like to comment on chess here, it's such a great game. one of the things i took from chess is that the minor negative change in your state of mind, or being tired, or stressed, or in a hurry, or pressured... any of it will make you make bad decisions and not see obvious stuff that is right in your face. chess makes this very punishing right away in the game. i wonder how much our decisions are bad in real life when we are in an altered state, because obviously you dont see the punishment right away as you do in a chess game.

Stop voting Magic: The Gathering if you won't tell me how to play the game today for less than $100/month!

Update:

Magic: The Gathering

I looked it up. It seems hard to compete for less than $500 / month. There are also no card shops in my city. I would play digital Magic if it turned out to be cheaper but the magic is in the Local Card Shop and local tournaments.

ARPG Like PoE or Grim Dawn or other

I gotta be honest with the people here. I think PoE is a bit overated. Not really loving the experience. I'd rather play Diablo II LOD again. Grim Dawn I got about as much out of that game as I could. Not sure I want to go back. If there was something new that is better than Diablo II, Grim Dawn, and PoE I would be in for that.

Poker

I am not playing poker at the moment but I am studying it. Not really interested in putting money on ACR again. I don't even remember what I didn't like about Ignition but there was a lot I liked about Ignition. I might put some money on Ignition for extra practice. Like actually playing poker with some skin in the game. Coin Poker got bad reviews. I hear it's pretty sketchy. Ignition seems like the best option. Maybe WPT Gold. Some people here have to play online from the US non?

Chess

Chess is really a great option I just don't have any motivation to really work at it.

Other

Slay the Spire II is a game I am heavily considering buying. Would love to hear other suggestions here.

Warhammer 40k

I listed this almost solely because there is a Local Shop in my city. I never enjoyed this game as much as Magic. Also, can be a major money suck. Not really that interested in it tbh.

Dungeons and Dragons

I just hear all about how this game is the GOAT. I wouldn't know because I never played it.

On May 11 2026 14:36 RiKD wrote: Stop voting Magic: The Gathering if you won't tell me how to play the game today for less than $100/month!

make an easy fire deck then, shouldn't be too expensive right?