Ahhhhhh, just what I've been waiting for - Page 2

The best book I read this year has to be 2666 by Roberto Bolaño.

Ok. Page 2. New page. Fresh start.

I wish to be free of desires. Even free from the desire to be free from desires. Is this even possible? To be truly empty and content?

The other night I went out to dinner with some friends.

Chicken Tikka Masala $23
Mango Lassi $9
Garlic Naan $5

That's about $40 with tax and I tipped $10 so that is $50. I don't have a budget but that just seems like a lot of money. I'm searching for human connection. I'm supposed to have human connection right? Ivy League scholars will cite studies that I need human connection. I believe that I need human connection. Maybe ancient Chinese sages don't need human connection. I don't see how I get it. I've thought about going to clubs and just hanging out drinking cranberry and club sodas all night. That seems laughable HA! Almost as laughable as me understanding The Way and living this life as some sort of ancient Chinese sage HA!

DESIRE

I remember when all I wanted was a bass guitar. Then I got one. I loved it. Now, I find myself picking up the ole Epiphone SG that my brother gave to me years ago. It just seems like a natural flow of things.

I am trying to understand the Taoteching so I can live as an ancient Chinese sage. It's no easy task. Oceans and streams. Effortlessness. No action. I feel like living as a halfway sage is like living as a fool or maybe just a broke person. I am a broke person so it is easy to fantasize about living like a sage or a monk instead of just being a broke person. A failure of capitalism. A loser. Soft and weak.

DESIRE II

So, I finally picked up the Amp Locker Dropped pedal. I've wanted to tune down my guitar for a long while now. I still might just get a set of 7 string strings and throw out the high string. I've heard I might have to file the nut down though which is something I don't really want to mess with. I don't think I even set up my bass guitar right so I better leave some of this stuff to the pros or I am just being a pussy. Anyways, I get the Dropped pedal and latency is ok. Everything is ok. Everything is just ok. It's a cool pedal. I'm not in Shangri-la. Something I have been chasing for more than a year and I finally get it and it's ok. I can play Mk.gee songs, I can play Boris songs, I don't have to file down the nut, I don't have to buy new expensive strings, I don't have to worry about the tuning holding. On to the next one I guess.

Now, that I am full throttle with Reaper and plug-ins I'm not really limited by gear. I'm limited by skill. I could use a larger keyboard but the real problem is that I have no piano skills. The point is I am content with what I have right now equipment wise and that is a good place to be in. In fact, I am thinking about selling some of my pedals. I don't make a lot of money but I naturally don't spend a lot of money. It pisses me off that I am forced to work. It pisses me off even more that I am forced to work and struggle with money but I think that frugality is a virtue. Virtue is one of the most important aspects of a Good Life.