On November 27 2018 09:19 VanDerMeyde wrote:
Liquidpoker is probably not the right place to go for advice
This helped me out of a similar spot thou:
- 8 hours of work (go get a job)
- 8 hours of sleep
- 8 hours of grinding up a poker account / eat healthy / work out
Dont waste time
I do have a job. I feel like it does help. It gets me out of the house and forces me to be active and interact with people.
I do eat healthy. I don't work out. I feel like meditation is a substitute for working out although I am currently not meditating.
ok thats great man
:D
0
hiems United States. Nov 27 2018 21:52. Posts 2979
yes its a game of throne reference ive been watching it alot lately.
some stuff i observed about you is that you have to go all in on everything you do where most people would just push some sort of obvious abort button or just be able to have moderation and balance in their life.
i also think that you need to understand that life is not some game of daisies and unicorns. if you make mistakes you dont get to just reenter coins and music starts up and lights flash and you play again.
life is more like game of thrones. if you make mistakes like robb stark you end up having your pregnant wife, mom, pet wolf and all your bannerman brutually murdered and ur head stuck on pike.
losing ur bankroll those years ago was a mistake. quitting poker and doing nothing was probably a mistake. getting fired from your job was a mistake. drinking too much was a mistake. getting checked in to mental institution and being branded as having disorders was a huge mistake. spending all your money travelling after getting fired with no plan was probably a mistake.i also think it was a mistake sabotaging that interview you had at that nice restaurant saying you didnt want to work many hours. i realize food industry is brutal and not for everybody but i felt like what the hell is he doing?
ive made plenty of mistakes in my life. ive found that if you keep making mistakes it starts piling up and you need to dig yourself out of bigger holes that are harder and harder to get out of. try your best to make good decisions.
I beat Loco!!! [img]https://i.imgur.com/wkwWj2d.png[/img]
Do you remember me? I used to hang out here a lot.
First of all, I wanna start by saying that this is a message for you only. Other users will judge what I'm about to say, maybe even you, but this is the message I'm here to deliver to you.
I recently completely opened my 3rd eye (or so I think) and became able to get in contact with my spiritual guides at will. It's has been the greatest blessing of my life. Just now I had the intuition to access liquid poker, then I just felt like your blog was the first thing I should click on, I started reading your post and then my spiritual guide manifested right in front of me, knocked his head, and then disappeared. This is how he tells me I need to act.
So I'm here to help you. Listen. Life is not meaningless and you are not to waste it. You were given a chance to be here, and this is a truly blessing. You remembered to meditate but you forgot to be thankful. You are seeking fullfilment outside of yourself, but you know that's not where it is. There is no 'living the life'. You already are everything you need to be, you just need to realize it. You are in the right path. Go back to your meditation, go back to the reading, move your body daily, make it clear to the universe your intention. The universe is calling you. You are blessed.
Namastê :-)
Last edit: 27/11/2018 23:18
1
LemOn[5thF] Czech Republic. Nov 27 2018 23:11. Posts 15163
"for in this world everything is pardoned in advance and therefore everything cynically permitted.” - a quote by Kundera
Life is meaningless, and that's probably the most liberating thing you could hear. That thought used to scare me and push me into depression, however, it wasn't because of the thought alone but because of my attitude. I feel like the right attitude is everything that matters to life, it's the very core towards anything
Tutz wait what, weren't you a model in Brasil living the dream? How did you end up into Buddhism
On November 27 2018 22:21 Spitfiree wrote:
"for in this world everything is pardoned in advance and therefore everything cynically permitted.” - a quote by Kundera
Life is meaningless, and that's probably the most liberating thing you could hear. That thought used to scare me and push me into depression, however, it wasn't because of the thought alone but because of my attitude. I feel like the right attitude is everything that matters to life, it's the very core towards anything
Tutz wait what, weren't you a model in Brasil living the dream? How did you end up into Buddhism
Hello friend. No I'm not Buddhist, because I don't care for titles. Buddha spoke a universal truth just as many others before and after him. I just recognize the truth in his teachings. I could write a long text about how my spiritual awakening has happened, but I feel like the topic of this blog should not be about me, but about our friend here that is going through a difficult time, so let's honor him.
I would gladly explain everything you want to know about my life through private messages, or in another topic.
On November 27 2018 15:23 Mortensen8 wrote:
There's so much more to life you can go really deep but there are many ideologies etc. that suck you into them and shape your mind stay out of it all and watch the world burn don't buy into any of it because they will all just be used as useful idiots in the end (ordo ab chao). You can already see the division is getting more intense every year. But this is the time rise above it all and create good with stuff like permaculture. Basically all the darkness you see in the world is an opportunity without opposition we would have no way to grow. I have no idea how anyone can think existence to be mundane you literally have infinite knowledge right in front of you on the computer you are probably just trapped in a matrix thought control and never find something interesting.
Also you are probably vitamin D deficient get more sunlight, fish, eggs and dairy. Get away from wifi and other types of radiation as much as you can.
I just got my vitamin D levels checked recently and they were good.
Maybe hypothyroid judging by how much you sleep again cod might help because of iodine.
Holy shit, I thought this would be a dead blog but it blew up since I last posted. Even brought back a ghost from the dead (and that ghost apparently sees ghosts now :D). I agree with Erling, this is not the place to look for advice, not that it appears that you were looking for some, but I'm pretty sure virtually all of this advice here is worthless to you. No offense to anyone who posted, I'm not saying the advice here is necessarily worthless (though some of it is really shit), it's mostly just that you people don't know him, don't understand that this is a spiritual malaise, and that your conventional wisdom doesn't apply to changing it.
On the other hand, I know why you were suddenly hit with depression, because of the part that I played in influencing your decisions to get into Buddhism, and to follow the same teacher that I was following; and from the information you've just now released, it wasn't just 'a bit' of depression either, so you were downplaying that by saying it was... and to what end? Not appear 'too' weak on some poker forum? Come on. This is why I've always encouraged you to leave this site and write in a diary -- there is no way you would be this dishonest with yourself when it's just you and a piece of paper (or screen), is there?
So, you got tunnel vision for a while. It was all about this. And this didn't pan out. You should be used to this by now, but I know it doesn't make it any easier, because every time it must feel like 'this is it'. People get discouraged all the time when they're on the spiritual path. Depression is not an anomaly, it is the norm. Just when I finished my vipasanna retreat I read on /r/Buddhism that someone was experiencing the same thing, discouragement and separation with their teacher/sangha. It's part of the process. Better to be depressed and that depression leading you to search elsewhere than self-deception. It's those who don't get depressed who really need the most help. They are satisfied in a society in which a lucid person cannot be satisfied. Baal's idea of a purely liberating nihilism hides a poverty of spirit, but he's right that you'd be better off in his shoes than in your AA-brainwashed ones.
Your depression, as I understand it because we are going through one based on the same disappointment, occurred simply because you suddenly became aware that the ground you were standing on wasn't solid, and this has made you lose not only your footing, but your direction. (And the reason this direction matters so much isn't purely because of AA or a quest for the divine, it is because of the economic reality -- the prison-- we live in.) So instead of having a distraction or a psychotic break to escape this prison, you had this healthy sublimation, this attachment to these teachings; you had this map in your head, you were attached to its potential to free you from suffering, to give you what you needed the most (meaning, purpose, community) and when you realized it was unstable, instead of embracing the unstability and seeing it for the value that it has, you became directionless, with seemingly no where to turn for comfort. For me, it has been a learning experience. I was very invested in these teachings but still, I didn't have tunnel vision like you did, because I am a syncretist, and I never renounced that part of me, nor will I ever. I had some place to turn to, i.e. the knowledge and wisdom I've accumulated and attempted to synthesize, and that synthesis relies on fields of study I'm still very interested in.
Maybe that's my main issue with Theravada Buddhism. The idea that when you take refuge, you should only take the Buddha as your teacher and not go to anyone else. It's so rigid, and incredibly silly in my mind, because even the Buddha said that he didn't teach everything that he knows, he taught a fraction of it. So why should I limit myself to that limited knowledge from one human being? Of course, their answer is because only Nibbana matters, and this is the direct path to it. Well, I was never convinced of this, and I don't think it can help. The world is too complex now.
It's a cliché to some degree, but it's true that everything that happens to us can and should be seen as a teacher. This is what all Buddhists teach, in accordance with all other spiritual paths: if you remain open, everything is an opportunity to learn more about yourself, and that is the ultimate goal, as Socrates knew, to know yourself. Depression is just another flavor to explore, or really another form of nourishment, it's certainly not something to banish. I've swam in those waters for years and I've never regretted it. There are insights that the sick and the depressed get that the rest of people never get, this was Pascal's enlightening remark that changed Cioran's life forever.
Even if there are things you can do to feel better, because depression is multifactorial, that doesn't mean you should do them, and certainly doesn't mean you should expect to feel better as you are doing them. Just do them if you have the motivation to do them and you feel there are no insights you can get from the depression, and don't expect change, change happens all the time regardless of what the little voice in your head says. Change is the only certainty, the only constant, as Heraclitus remarked. Seeing change happen without trying to control it, working on finding that balance, that's a noble goal, and it can be done in every state of being. You don't have to first 'undepress' and 'optimize'. That's for the dullards.
fuck I should just sell some of my Pokemon cards, if no one stakes that is what I will have to do - lostaccount
Last edit: 28/11/2018 02:02
1
AndrewSong United States. Nov 28 2018 05:44. Posts 2355
On November 27 2018 04:13 drone666 wrote:
I think first you need to realize that your life isnt important, so you get to the conclusion that if you are suffering more than having moments of joy, you will kill yourself, and if thats the case, do it man, why not ?, life is not important anyway and suicide is 0 ev
but when I reached this conclusion, it made me realize that I shouldnt be so worried about being happy/successful and giving all this importance about things I used to value, I accepted better being sad and miserable sometimes, I realized that life is just like a game
Most likely everyone is suffering more than having moments of joy and the moments of suffering are stronger and longer lasting than the moments of joy. We should all kill ourselves?
the obvious rational answer is yes
if you think your life is not worth living, then why are you living ? probably because its our nature to try to survive no matter what happens, but once you think logically about it, there's no point in going on living a miserable life
On November 27 2018 20:52 hiems wrote:
yes its a game of throne reference ive been watching it alot lately.
I have seen GoT all the way through twice. I know the 3-eyed raven I just didn't know the relevance. How would I become the 3-eyed raven and why would I want to be the 3-eyed raven?
some stuff i observed about you is that you have to go all in on everything you do where most people would just push some sort of obvious abort button or just be able to have moderation and balance in their life.
I don't know if this going all-in on everything is an exaggeration or true. I guess I was never really one to understand the obsession with moderation and balance. I don't really think about these things. I don't really know what to say
i also think that you need to understand that life is not some game of daisies and unicorns. if you make mistakes you dont get to just reenter coins and music starts up and lights flash and you play again.
life is more like game of thrones. if you make mistakes like robb stark you end up having your pregnant wife, mom, pet wolf and all your bannerman brutually murdered and ur head stuck on pike.
Both scenarios are not very realistic.
losing ur bankroll those years ago was a mistake
yup
quitting poker and doing nothing was probably a mistake
disagree
getting fired from your job was a mistake
This one is complex but I was terribly unhappy in my place and position and had a debilitating drinking problem. I sobered up and wanted nothing to do with that corporation. There were other jobs that they offered that I didn't want. I don't think it was a mistake to get fired/leave.
drinking too much was a mistake
Yeah, being an active alcoholic is never good
getting checked in to mental institution and being branded as having disorders was a huge mistake
No
spending all your money travelling after getting fired with no plan was probably a mistake
No. I did have a plan. Don't drink or do drugs or kill myself.
i also think it was a mistake sabotaging that interview you had at that nice restaurant saying you didnt want to work many hours. i realize food industry is brutal and not for everybody but i felt like what the hell is he doing?
Negotiating. I ended up with a presumably better situation so c'est la vie.
ive made plenty of mistakes in my life. ive found that if you keep making mistakes it starts piling up and you need to dig yourself out of bigger holes that are harder and harder to get out of. try your best to make good decisions.
Except for it's difficult to look back and say with certainty what was a mistake or how big the mistake was and not all that fruitful to analyze. Unless it's like re-occuring mistakes. The one that jumps out at me here is going to 4 of my favorite places in the world over the late summer/fall of 2014. My literal plan was not to drink or do drugs or kill myself. A mistake was spending a lot of money on luxury fashion that winter.
Do you remember me? I used to hang out here a lot.
First of all, I wanna start by saying that this is a message for you only. Other users will judge what I'm about to say, maybe even you, but this is the message I'm here to deliver to you.
I recently completely opened my 3rd eye (or so I think) and became able to get in contact with my spiritual guides at will. It's has been the greatest blessing of my life. Just now I had the intuition to access liquid poker, then I just felt like your blog was the first thing I should click on, I started reading your post and then my spiritual guide manifested right in front of me, knocked his head, and then disappeared. This is how he tells me I need to act.
So I'm here to help you. Listen. Life is not meaningless and you are not to waste it. You were given a chance to be here, and this is a truly blessing. You remembered to meditate but you forgot to be thankful. You are seeking fullfilment outside of yourself, but you know that's not where it is. There is no 'living the life'. You already are everything you need to be, you just need to realize it. You are in the right path. Go back to your meditation, go back to the reading, move your body daily, make it clear to the universe your intention. The universe is calling you. You are blessed.
Namastê :-)
Hey Tutz,
I remember you.
Thanks for the post.
I would be interested in a PM or a blog regarding your spiritual awakening.
On November 27 2018 15:23 Mortensen8 wrote:
There's so much more to life you can go really deep but there are many ideologies etc. that suck you into them and shape your mind stay out of it all and watch the world burn don't buy into any of it because they will all just be used as useful idiots in the end (ordo ab chao). You can already see the division is getting more intense every year. But this is the time rise above it all and create good with stuff like permaculture. Basically all the darkness you see in the world is an opportunity without opposition we would have no way to grow. I have no idea how anyone can think existence to be mundane you literally have infinite knowledge right in front of you on the computer you are probably just trapped in a matrix thought control and never find something interesting.
Also you are probably vitamin D deficient get more sunlight, fish, eggs and dairy. Get away from wifi and other types of radiation as much as you can.
I just got my vitamin D levels checked recently and they were good.
Maybe hypothyroid judging by how much you sleep again cod might help because of iodine.
Bro, I just got a ton of stuff checked a few weeks ago and I have the bill to prove it. Both my GP and Psychiatrist said everything was "perfect." My Psychiatrist even asked me what I eat and what I do because the numbers couldn't be any better.
On November 28 2018 00:57 Loco wrote:
Holy shit, I thought this would be a dead blog but it blew up since I last posted. Even brought back a ghost from the dead (and that ghost apparently sees ghosts now :D). I agree with Erling, this is not the place to look for advice, not that it appears that you were looking for some, but I'm pretty sure virtually all of this advice here is worthless to you. No offense to anyone who posted, I'm not saying the advice here is necessarily worthless (though some of it is really shit), it's mostly just that you people don't know him, [bold]don't understand that this is a spiritual malaise, and that your conventional wisdom doesn't apply to changing it.[/bold]
That is correct.
I just took a nap and then I was lying in my bed contemplative lingering. My sister made me a collage of some of Basquiat's work. I just lay there staring at it for who knows how long. I don't know why I feel this connection to Basquiat. I suppose he was a quintessentially cool character that created unique art. I suppose I would be a heroin junky if that was ever a part of my life. I was talking to a friend the other day: I wouldn't even know where to begin. I wouldn't know where to get the bags, how to get the gear. I have hung out with enough junkies to know the lingo but I was never around these guys in active addiction.
But, Basquiat "had it all." I don't know enough about Basquiat's life to know what drove him back to the drugs. Some would wager a spiritual malady. A spiritual malady that seems to plague some more than others. So, yes, this is a spiritual malaise. It doesn't feel that way writing some stuff out listening to "Bolero" by Ravel with my cat purring in my lap but it's there. Who can I trust? This is a question I have been asking myself. What should I invest in? I have become overly cynical in regards to Buddhism. I just want to sleep and read my sad novel by a sad man that abused women and then killed himself. I am surrounded by men who have killed themselves. I go to AA out of habit or compulsion. Higher Powerless. They will tell me that is my problem. I don't really tell them my problems. I just go and listen just to be around people like me. I engage in idle chatter after the meeting with the people who are killing themselves with cigarettes. I don't have a sponsor so I can't reasonably sponsor someone. My mind tells me this is the problem. I don't have a sponsor and I am not working The Steps. AA tells me that my spiritual malady can be solved with a sponsor and The 12 Steps. I am not so sure. I just need some form of Buddhism to work out and find the right teacher ya know?
You know, when I lived on the small island of Gozo in the Mediterranean full of farmers and 1 stop light we met some anarchist locals. They owned their own boats and even their own island. Flying around on those speed boats on the open seas getting fucked up. Having private parties on the island they owned and parties everywhere it felt like that was it. Going out to fine dining, drinking an absurdity of fine wine, and deciding to go see the DJ in town, strip clubs, cocaine, potential for orgies. This is all behind me though. It wasn't it. I just went back and listened to one of my favorite songs at the time that kind of spurned all those memories. I am in transition. I seem to always be in transition even though I don't realize it. It still feels like everything would be ok if I had a good Buddhist teacher. On another hand it feels like I may be past that.
On the other hand, I know why you were suddenly hit with depression, because of the part that I played in influencing your decisions to get into Buddhism, and to follow the same teacher that I was following; and from the information you've just now released, it wasn't just 'a bit' of depression either, so you were downplaying that by saying it was... and to what end? Not appear 'too' weak on some poker forum? Come on. This is why I've always encouraged you to leave this site and write in a diary -- there is no way you would be this dishonest with yourself when it's just you and a piece of paper (or screen), is there?
You can look into that if you want. I wasn't having any suicidal ideations and was delusional about the whole thing. Who wants to be depressed?
So, you got tunnel vision for a while. It was all about this. And this didn't pan out. You should be used to this by now, but I know it doesn't make it any easier, because every time it must feel like 'this is it'. People get discouraged all the time when they're on the spiritual path. Depression is not an anomaly, it is the norm. Just when I finished my vipasanna retreat I read on /r/Buddhism that someone was experiencing the same thing, discouragement and separation with their teacher/sangha. It's part of the process. Better to be depressed and that depression leading you to search elsewhere than self-deception. It's those who don't get depressed who really need the most help. They are satisfied in a society in which a lucid person cannot be satisfied. Baal's idea of a purely liberating nihilism hides a poverty of spirit, but he's right that you'd be better off in his shoes than in your AA-brainwashed ones.
Your depression, as I understand it because we are going through one based on the same disappointment, occurred simply because you suddenly became aware that the ground you were standing on wasn't solid, and this has made you lose not only your footing, but your direction. (And the reason this direction matters so much isn't purely because of AA or a quest for the divine, it is because of the economic reality -- the prison-- we live in.) So instead of having a distraction or a psychotic break to escape this prison, you had this healthy sublimation, this attachment to these teachings; you had this map in your head, you were attached to its potential to free you from suffering, to give you what you needed the most (meaning, purpose, community) and when you realized it was unstable, instead of embracing the unstability and seeing it for the value that it has, you became directionless, with seemingly no where to turn for comfort. For me, it has been a learning experience. I was very invested in these teachings but still, I didn't have tunnel vision like you did, because I am a syncretist, and I never renounced that part of me, nor will I ever. I had some place to turn to, i.e. the knowledge and wisdom I've accumulated and attempted to synthesize, and that synthesis relies on fields of study I'm still very interested in.
Maybe that's my main issue with Theravada Buddhism. The idea that when you take refuge, you should only take the Buddha as your teacher and not go to anyone else. It's so rigid, and incredibly silly in my mind, because even the Buddha said that he didn't teach everything that he knows, he taught a fraction of it. So why should I limit myself to that limited knowledge from one human being? Of course, their answer is because only Nibbana matters, and this is the direct path to it. Well, I was never convinced of this, and I don't think it can help. The world is too complex now.
I really don't know what to think of Nibbana at this point. I am sort of just blocking that all off.
It's a cliché to some degree, but it's true that everything that happens to us can and should be seen as a teacher. This is what all Buddhists teach, in accordance with all other spiritual paths: if you remain open, everything is an opportunity to learn more about yourself, and that is the ultimate goal, as Socrates knew, to know yourself. Depression is just another flavor to explore, or really another form of nourishment, it's certainly not something to banish. I've swam in those waters for years and I've never regretted it. There are insights that the sick and the depressed get that the rest of people never get, this was Pascal's enlightening remark that changed Cioran's life forever.
Even if there are things you can do to feel better, because depression is multifactorial, that doesn't mean you should do them, and certainly doesn't mean you should expect to feel better as you are doing them. Just do them if you have the motivation to do them and you feel there are no insights you can get from the depression, and don't expect change, change happens all the time regardless of what the little voice in your head says. Change is the only certainty, the only constant, as Heraclitus remarked. Seeing change happen without trying to control it, working on finding that balance, that's a noble goal, and it can be done in every state of being. You don't have to first 'undepress' and 'optimize'. That's for the dullards.
Oh god, "optimize".... I don't know. I am sitting in the depression quite nicely today. There is a bit of optimization that comes with the territory of work but I can only really do the best I can.
On November 27 2018 15:23 Mortensen8 wrote:
There's so much more to life you can go really deep but there are many ideologies etc. that suck you into them and shape your mind stay out of it all and watch the world burn don't buy into any of it because they will all just be used as useful idiots in the end (ordo ab chao). You can already see the division is getting more intense every year. But this is the time rise above it all and create good with stuff like permaculture. Basically all the darkness you see in the world is an opportunity without opposition we would have no way to grow. I have no idea how anyone can think existence to be mundane you literally have infinite knowledge right in front of you on the computer you are probably just trapped in a matrix thought control and never find something interesting.
Also you are probably vitamin D deficient get more sunlight, fish, eggs and dairy. Get away from wifi and other types of radiation as much as you can.
I just got my vitamin D levels checked recently and they were good.
Maybe hypothyroid judging by how much you sleep again cod might help because of iodine.
Bro, I just got a ton of stuff checked a few weeks ago and I have the bill to prove it. Both my GP and Psychiatrist said everything was "perfect." My Psychiatrist even asked me what I eat and what I do because the numbers couldn't be any better.
How can you be depressed then I've got all these auto immune bs and I'm happy maybe try weed and cbd actually cbd might make you depressed not sure but I still take it. I am also into weird and interesting rabbit hole shit which keeps me going. If you are in perfect health why sleep 15 hours? Keep in mind that 'perfect' levels of testosterone ranges from 200 to 1200 is it possible they are comparing you to some low average. I would also like to know what you eat haha.
Do you remember me? I used to hang out here a lot.
First of all, I wanna start by saying that this is a message for you only. Other users will judge what I'm about to say, maybe even you, but this is the message I'm here to deliver to you.
I recently completely opened my 3rd eye (or so I think) and became able to get in contact with my spiritual guides at will. It's has been the greatest blessing of my life. Just now I had the intuition to access liquid poker, then I just felt like your blog was the first thing I should click on, I started reading your post and then my spiritual guide manifested right in front of me, knocked his head, and then disappeared. This is how he tells me I need to act.
So I'm here to help you. Listen. Life is not meaningless and you are not to waste it. You were given a chance to be here, and this is a truly blessing. You remembered to meditate but you forgot to be thankful. You are seeking fullfilment outside of yourself, but you know that's not where it is. There is no 'living the life'. You already are everything you need to be, you just need to realize it. You are in the right path. Go back to your meditation, go back to the reading, move your body daily, make it clear to the universe your intention. The universe is calling you. You are blessed.
Namastê :-)
Hey Tutz,
I remember you.
Thanks for the post.
I would be interested in a PM or a blog regarding your spiritual awakening.
Alright I'll do a long post about it on the weekend, cause that's when I have more free time to write.
Also, if you need someone to talk to, one that understands you spiritual search, dont hesitate to hit me on whatsapp.
My number is: +5511945639495
When I say I would like to help you, I mean it. Although all the help I can offer is through words and hints
United States. Nov 28 2018 05:44. Posts 2355
