We will die. A shit ton of pallets just got dropped off at the store that I am responsible for getting processed. It never ends. That's why we must enjoy the present because we really don't know how the future will go. I think that is what I am dissapointed in. I'm not really enjoying the present. So, when the shit hits it feels worse. I'm doing my best to hang in there. I take creatine and lift weights. I was actually thinking about going down to the Friday night AA group. The problem is I had a panic attack going over a bridge the other month and I am petrified to go over bridges now. Just my fucked up mental illnesses.
I feel like I am at a standstill with collaborative ai art. I can't produce anything with paint at home and once I got good with prompts for simple text to image stuff there is not a whole lot to do there that is interesting. Stage 2 would be to learn code and machine learning but that seems like a giant leap.
I started a new video game today. Nier:Automota. Has potential.
There's not really a whole lot going on it seems. Work is tediuos and it is a shame I have to spend so much time there. I think on the bright side it keeps my Bipolar more stable. I lift weights and take creatine which also keeps me stable. I play the guitar and sing. I'm learning "Hold On, Magnolia" this week. A bit of a tricky one for me just on first playthrough. I have been reading a lot of Seneca. That guy gets it for the most part. It's crazy he wrote all those letters in 63-65 AD.
Yeah, so there is not really that much to reflect on I suppose at the moment or at least it doesn't feel that way. I mean there is the whole fact that I will die and I want love and connection. I'm really craving it. I think a lot of people do but today a lot of people are not equipped or not willing or not able to go out and have meaningful connection. I have experienced meaningful connection in my past so I don't think I am drawing dead but there are Hikkimoris and NEETs and whatever else there may be. But, that's really what I was thinking like.... In the future, I will die. So, that is scary. I sit down to play my video games and I get a text that the truck dropped off 10 pallets. That can scuff up the ole disposition a little bit. But, it's not like I have any control over these events. Well, I have some control. I can lower the risk of dying. We can strategically process the 10 pallets for better outcomes. And, since these events suck I really need to enjoy the present and not worry which I am not doing. That is the key. Enjoying the present and not worrying. My scheduled shift is tomorrow and not tonight and there is not really anything more to be done than just processing the damn thing like we know how to process it. I shouldn't waste anytime hoping that it will go away or disapear. There is no hope with out fear and no fear without hope. Take refuge in philosophy.
It's difficult for me to have confidence that we will just enter nothingness upon death. A lot of people throw that around as fact but I don't believe in that. I don't know what I believe in which is why death is scary for me. Death is also many times surrounded by old age, pain, etc. I think we as humans need to look at knowledge and wisdom surrounding life and death. The good life very much includes a good death if possible. I still agree with Heidegger that the best lesson in authenticity is a walk in the graveyard. Something I am way past due on but there are no convenient, nice graveyards to walk here. People here don't think like that. They are fat and rich and are delighted with Disney. I think authenticity is mostly played out and just a marketing ploy of capitalism. But, really spending time in a secluded graveyard. With trees, and a river, and mountains in the distance. Even seeing the expensive stones weathered away. The names not even legible. That is all of us. I don't wish for streams of champagne but I want something more. Help, I am alive and I want. Friends and a love interest for this broken down, mentally ill human may be too much to ask. They say any expectation is a potential resentment. I do not wish to be angry and bitter. But, I am afraid of death. I am afraid of pain. I am afraid of a lot of things. Many of these fears are holding me back to living a better life or what I deem to be a better life. From my experiences, I do know that certain things just work. It would be silly to argue that good friends will not bolster a better life.
1
Stroggoz New Zealand. Apr 11 2023 06:01. Posts 5365
Man we claim to know all sorts of things in every day life.
People asking for such an extreme level of confidence when it comes to claiming there's no afterlife, in comparison to other claims. The rigor people demand for atheism is something close to a mathematical proof.
One of 3 non decent human beings on a site of 5 people with between 2-3 decent human beings
1
Stroggoz New Zealand. Apr 11 2023 06:02. Posts 5365
On April 09 2023 18:44 dnagardi wrote:
memento mori
after death is the same as before birth. You have already experienced the void
why are we afraid?
Yeah a few people have had that insight before.
One of 3 non decent human beings on a site of 5 people with between 2-3 decent human beings
I actually do believe that nothingness - consciousness - nothingness is probably the most likely outcome but I don't know what I am basing that off of. Let me be worm food or dog food or fish food or just anhiliated to the best of our knowledge and let's call it a day and I can get on living. I want to learn about living and death though. Death can certainly be an impetus for life. I keep memento mori around my room. I don't know how strong they are on my daily life. I have to really get shaken up to get a jolt of the good stuff. Near miss car encounters that could have been fatal being a few examples. I was programmed by capitalism to do more though. Today, I would probably be motivated to do less. Focus on a social life more or just lingering contemplation. Maybe some paintings. Maybe some songs.
3
PuertoRican United States. Apr 12 2023 02:09. Posts 13184
On April 11 2023 02:42 RiKD wrote:
It's difficult for me to have confidence that we will just enter nothingness upon death. A lot of people throw that around as fact but I don't believe in that. I don't know what I believe in which is why death is scary for me. Death is also many times surrounded by old age, pain, etc. I think we as humans need to look at knowledge and wisdom surrounding life and death. The good life very much includes a good death if possible. I still agree with Heidegger that the best lesson in authenticity is a walk in the graveyard. Something I am way past due on but there are no convenient, nice graveyards to walk here. People here don't think like that. They are fat and rich and are delighted with Disney. I think authenticity is mostly played out and just a marketing ploy of capitalism. But, really spending time in a secluded graveyard. With trees, and a river, and mountains in the distance. Even seeing the expensive stones weathered away. The names not even legible. That is all of us. I don't wish for streams of champagne but I want something more. Help, I am alive and I want. Friends and a love interest for this broken down, mentally ill human may be too much to ask. They say any expectation is a potential resentment. I do not wish to be angry and bitter. But, I am afraid of death. I am afraid of pain. I am afraid of a lot of things. Many of these fears are holding me back to living a better life or what I deem to be a better life. From my experiences, I do know that certain things just work. It would be silly to argue that good friends will not bolster a better life.
you don't need a nice graveyard. In fact the more neglected the better. At least I think that's what Heidegger would have advised you.
On April 11 2023 02:42 RiKD wrote:
It's difficult for me to have confidence that we will just enter nothingness upon death. A lot of people throw that around as fact but I don't believe in that. I don't know what I believe in which is why death is scary for me. Death is also many times surrounded by old age, pain, etc. I think we as humans need to look at knowledge and wisdom surrounding life and death. The good life very much includes a good death if possible. I still agree with Heidegger that the best lesson in authenticity is a walk in the graveyard. Something I am way past due on but there are no convenient, nice graveyards to walk here. People here don't think like that. They are fat and rich and are delighted with Disney. I think authenticity is mostly played out and just a marketing ploy of capitalism. But, really spending time in a secluded graveyard. With trees, and a river, and mountains in the distance. Even seeing the expensive stones weathered away. The names not even legible. That is all of us. I don't wish for streams of champagne but I want something more. Help, I am alive and I want. Friends and a love interest for this broken down, mentally ill human may be too much to ask. They say any expectation is a potential resentment. I do not wish to be angry and bitter. But, I am afraid of death. I am afraid of pain. I am afraid of a lot of things. Many of these fears are holding me back to living a better life or what I deem to be a better life. From my experiences, I do know that certain things just work. It would be silly to argue that good friends will not bolster a better life.
that heidnigger guy probably envied wealthy people and just tried to be edgy to get pussy. also i don't understand the retardation in which one believes that when the brain dies you can experience something. is that what they teach in universities?
On April 11 2023 02:42 RiKD wrote:
It's difficult for me to have confidence that we will just enter nothingness upon death. A lot of people throw that around as fact but I don't believe in that. I don't know what I believe in which is why death is scary for me. Death is also many times surrounded by old age, pain, etc. I think we as humans need to look at knowledge and wisdom surrounding life and death. The good life very much includes a good death if possible. I still agree with Heidegger that the best lesson in authenticity is a walk in the graveyard. Something I am way past due on but there are no convenient, nice graveyards to walk here. People here don't think like that. They are fat and rich and are delighted with Disney. I think authenticity is mostly played out and just a marketing ploy of capitalism. But, really spending time in a secluded graveyard. With trees, and a river, and mountains in the distance. Even seeing the expensive stones weathered away. The names not even legible. That is all of us. I don't wish for streams of champagne but I want something more. Help, I am alive and I want. Friends and a love interest for this broken down, mentally ill human may be too much to ask. They say any expectation is a potential resentment. I do not wish to be angry and bitter. But, I am afraid of death. I am afraid of pain. I am afraid of a lot of things. Many of these fears are holding me back to living a better life or what I deem to be a better life. From my experiences, I do know that certain things just work. It would be silly to argue that good friends will not bolster a better life.
you don't need a nice graveyard. In fact the more neglected the better. At least I think that's what Heidegger would have advised you.
I just meant a nice cemetery to walk. At my sister's old place it was perfect. A quaint little cemetery at the end of a 1 or 2 mile walk or more if I wanted. Been there since the 1700s. I'm glad I brought this up because it motivated me to check out a cemetery here in town that at least has a lot of massive oak trees from the pictures. I like the juxtaposition of the old oak trees versus the pathetic stones that people decide to set up or the giant mountains and flowing river in the case of my sister's old place.
On April 11 2023 02:42 RiKD wrote:
It's difficult for me to have confidence that we will just enter nothingness upon death. A lot of people throw that around as fact but I don't believe in that. I don't know what I believe in which is why death is scary for me. Death is also many times surrounded by old age, pain, etc. I think we as humans need to look at knowledge and wisdom surrounding life and death. The good life very much includes a good death if possible. I still agree with Heidegger that the best lesson in authenticity is a walk in the graveyard. Something I am way past due on but there are no convenient, nice graveyards to walk here. People here don't think like that. They are fat and rich and are delighted with Disney. I think authenticity is mostly played out and just a marketing ploy of capitalism. But, really spending time in a secluded graveyard. With trees, and a river, and mountains in the distance. Even seeing the expensive stones weathered away. The names not even legible. That is all of us. I don't wish for streams of champagne but I want something more. Help, I am alive and I want. Friends and a love interest for this broken down, mentally ill human may be too much to ask. They say any expectation is a potential resentment. I do not wish to be angry and bitter. But, I am afraid of death. I am afraid of pain. I am afraid of a lot of things. Many of these fears are holding me back to living a better life or what I deem to be a better life. From my experiences, I do know that certain things just work. It would be silly to argue that good friends will not bolster a better life.
that heidnigger guy probably envied wealthy people and just tried to be edgy to get pussy. also i don't understand the retardation in which one believes that when the brain dies you can experience something. is that what they teach in universities?
I don't see how you gathered that Heidegger envied wealthy people because he suggested someone take a walk in a graveyard to understand authenticity. He had a wife and fucked his students probably in part due to his "edginess." I'm surprised you don't know about him. He was a literal Nazi and wanted to be the philosopher-king of the Nazi party.
There is a lot we don't know about conciousness. I never studied consciousness at university. There are other reasons that people concoct theories surrounding what happens after death. I'm not trying to concoct theories because it is sort of a waste of time. I am not that creative and I'd rather paint or write a song. That does not mean that blip - dead - nothingness is the only option. How do we even create probabilities with a subject like this?
1
Santafairy Korea (South). Apr 13 2023 15:12. Posts 2242
true dat bro
don't think about the future, because you can't predict it.
don't worry about the past because you can't change it anyway
and forget about the present.
i didn't get you one.
It seems to be not very profitable in the long run to play those kind of hands. - Gus Hansen
On April 14 2023 06:57 lostaccount wrote:
rikd Gl we will be fine if u just live to be
I don't know what this means.
Part of me wants to go off and write a long post but it's probably already been written. I need friends and a lover but even with out these things I can sort of eek it out with out wanting to kill myself too often.
u rather be a lot of things than u, lucky me I’m an ling of earth so earthling if u know me
But then again I only have a Canadian passport so Cantonese French English and a bit of mandarin and spanish Canadian but I wish I had a world passport so then I can be a citizen of the world and all country welcomes me till that day
On April 22 2023 13:37 lostaccount wrote:
u rather be a lot of things than u, lucky me I’m an ling of earth so earthling if u know me
But then again I only have a Canadian passport so Cantonese French English and a bit of mandarin and spanish Canadian but I wish I had a world passport so then I can be a citizen of the world and all country welcomes me till that day
thats cute. you can't even handle the pressure of somebody critizing your posts while being on an anonymous forum, so you have to constantly delete/edit them. and you are chinese.
I don't know if there is much gratification for me posting on this site anymore. At this point in the night the only thing to do is maybe play my guitar some more. There isn't always gratification with that though and I am tired. I've got too many suggestions swirling around. Everyone has their movie, tv, and music suggestions. Maybe I just want to go my own way.
Maybe I just want to go my own way. The freest people are the comedians and the artists. I think it might be too late for me. I don't think I can even make enough money to travel freely around the globe which is one form of freedom. I don't even know if I crave that version of freedom but the comedians and the artists I want that. To what degree though? Is a starving artist free? Was Van Gogh free? It's hard to be free in an insane asylum. That's probably the least free I have ever felt. On 4 occasions.
Free from drugs and alcohol feels good. In about an hour I will have 9 years free from drugs and alcohol. Should I be further along? What does that even mean?
I think that maybe I will play my guitar and then see if Seneca has anything for me.
Yeah, not really any immediate gratification. Perhaps if someone responds with something intersting but then the cycle continues and continues and continues.
There is something to getting that ring out of the acoustic guitar. A delightful progression of chords. Singer/song-writer. Expression. Moving towards ones' true self at least in that moment in time.
It's probably most frustrating to write stuff with the expectation of getting some response and then getting no response. Even though it is for the best.
I can say there are no expectations of a response but that would be unhonest. Therefore, not getting any response leads to some form of resentment. The "harmless" little blog post becomes harmful to me not even including if I share too much which is probably common and I share more and faster.
The biggest thing is that I worry about the future. The best way to curtail worrying about the future is to just not worry about it and focus on the present but if there is nothing really engaging to focus on in the present the mind starts wandering again.
There is something to be said for being quiet and still and contemplating. I don't really have a whole lot to contemplate at the moment.
I didn't make a whole lot of money last year but I could seemingly afford a lot of toys. Probably, because I live with my parents and a lot of my expenses are lower than if I were completely on my own. Toys are ok. Although, I'm really not sure what I want to do with myself at the moment.
Lose myself in the guitar, professional wrestling, football, masturbation, whatever it may be. I'd rather be doing than living vicariously but sometimes you have to take what you can get.
4
PoorUser United States. Apr 25 2023 18:00. Posts 7472
I got away from reading for school stuff all day to take a walk. Can't say it was a lot, but it was nice enough. Walks and audiobooks is my new thing.
On April 25 2023 17:00 PoorUser wrote:
I got away from reading for school stuff all day to take a walk. Can't say it was a lot, but it was nice enough. Walks and audiobooks is my new thing.
Yeah, walks are great. I am less than 20 min. away from a beach walk. No great forest walks or cemetery walks here though. Neihborhood walks aren't bad.
What kind of audiobooks do you listen too?
I used to listen to a lot of interviews on walks. It's almost as if I was interviewing someone on a nice walk. There are a lot of types of walks and a lot of types of scenery. Deep forest with a friend or by myself is probably my favorite.
On April 25 2023 20:02 dnagardi wrote:
we will die.
i started to practise to get lost in the present moment. Focus on any detail I can find (leaves, cracks in the pavement etc)
Yup. We will die. Which is why we should live today.
Psych people call that something as something to do if experiencing anxiety or a panic attack. It is an interesting approach. I usually look for someting more substantial to focus on that will keep my attention longer. I think I would go mad constantly cycling through say 4 details. It's like when the protaganist of "Nausea" gets nauseous at the details of a tree (and existence in general).
4
PoorUser United States. Apr 26 2023 20:03. Posts 7472
On April 25 2023 17:00 PoorUser wrote:
I got away from reading for school stuff all day to take a walk. Can't say it was a lot, but it was nice enough. Walks and audiobooks is my new thing.
Yeah, walks are great. I am less than 20 min. away from a beach walk. No great forest walks or cemetery walks here though. Neihborhood walks aren't bad.
What kind of audiobooks do you listen too?
I used to listen to a lot of interviews on walks. It's almost as if I was interviewing someone on a nice walk. There are a lot of types of walks and a lot of types of scenery. Deep forest with a friend or by myself is probably my favorite.
Mostly fantasy. Before picking up audiobooks, I'd stalled for leisure reading just because it was hard to read for school and then want to read more after. Audiobooks have been a nice solve to that. I live in a small but cramped town, but there's a park close by that's nice enough to walk through. I finish school up in two weeks, so looking forward to having a bit more time for other things.
Gambler Emeritus
1
Stroggoz New Zealand. Apr 26 2023 20:35. Posts 5365
Fall of civlizations podcast is lit. They just releeased one on carthage.
One of 3 non decent human beings on a site of 5 people with between 2-3 decent human beings
On April 25 2023 17:00 PoorUser wrote:
I got away from reading for school stuff all day to take a walk. Can't say it was a lot, but it was nice enough. Walks and audiobooks is my new thing.
Yeah, walks are great. I am less than 20 min. away from a beach walk. No great forest walks or cemetery walks here though. Neihborhood walks aren't bad.
What kind of audiobooks do you listen too?
I used to listen to a lot of interviews on walks. It's almost as if I was interviewing someone on a nice walk. There are a lot of types of walks and a lot of types of scenery. Deep forest with a friend or by myself is probably my favorite.
Mostly fantasy. Before picking up audiobooks, I'd stalled for leisure reading just because it was hard to read for school and then want to read more after. Audiobooks have been a nice solve to that. I live in a small but cramped town, but there's a park close by that's nice enough to walk through. I finish school up in two weeks, so looking forward to having a bit more time for other things.
Nice. I haven't read non-leisure in so long I don't know what that is like. Sounds kind of bad but necessary. Street walking is another form. I quite like strolling through New York or Paris but it's just different to getting into some deep forest for a forest bathe (shinrin-yoku). Big congrats to finishing up school. Hopefully, all the time won't have to go towards resumes and job searches -_-;;
I didn't want the high to go away so I ate some ice cream which made me happy but also is keeping me fat. The ice cream happy doesn't last too terribly long either. But, I think I realize I don't really need the dopamine at this point before bed and that the fat and the sugar in the ice cream will help me fall asleep so I will probably continue to rationalize eating ice cream until I die of heart disease or it will continue to negatively effect body re-comp efforts.
Actually, first musical performance in front of an audience is a lie. I performed piano and violin concerts when I was a kid and sang in choirs. It feels more rewarding though when you are playing songs you care about and it's really coming from the soul.
1
Stroggoz New Zealand. Apr 28 2023 07:30. Posts 5365
Contact Users: 485 Active, 0 Logged in - Time: 00:03
United States. Apr 08 2023 03:30. Posts 9276
,
,
,
,
,
,
,