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lostaccount   Canada. Mar 09 2021 23:50. Posts 3649


  On March 09 2021 18:18 hiems wrote:
Show nested quote +



lol wtf. did not expect this.



Haha all good now I am healing now.

love life love others 

lostaccount   Canada. Mar 10 2021 00:32. Posts 3649

wasnt easy to find peace during the rough times but i am happy now

grateful for god

love life love othersLast edit: 10/03/2021 00:32

lostaccount   Canada. Mar 10 2021 00:33. Posts 3649

but back to gme mooning i need to go to the moon one day

love life love others 

hiems   United States. Mar 10 2021 05:11. Posts 2425


  On March 09 2021 23:32 lostaccount wrote:
wasnt easy to find peace during the rough times but i am happy now

grateful for god



Nice.

[img]https://i.imgur.com/wkwWj2d.png[/img] 

Baalim   Mexico. Mar 10 2021 06:07. Posts 33969


  On March 09 2021 21:26 blackjacki2 wrote:
Show nested quote +



*Surprised Pikachu face* when you get sent to the ER for a psych eval and you think that's the appropriate time to joke about murdering politicians and end up getting yourself sent to the psych ward.

This whole post seems to lack insight into your condition. Even people on this forum were able to recognize that you were either high on drugs or having some kind of psychotic episode (turned out to be the latter) but all the doctors were wrong for admitting you to a psych ward? A psychiatric hold in most states is good for 72 hours, so if you were there for 10+ days then it certainly wasn't just because the young nerdy ER doctor got freaked out. Multiple doctors agreed that not only should you be involuntary but that it should be extended beyond the 72 hours. I encourage you to reflect on yourself and their reasonings for why they did that instead of just dismissing it as them wanting to collect "rent." Maybe also reconsider if the CIA would really give a shit about the daily routine happenings in a random psych ward among the individuals on the lowest rung in our society



Agreed 100%, your post lacks insight in your condition, you were held in a mental facility because that was the correct thing to do with someone having a mental episode like you were, as long as you don't see it you probably won't get much better.

The mentioning of the CIA is a huge tell that you are still unwell and they are right you are ripe for a cult, and as mentioned by someonen else, since you mentioned Pelosi they feared you would join a rightwing one, not knowingly you joined the left wing one lol.

Rik it has been a long time since I've felt you are doing well, you have been unhinged and rambly and most importantly very unhappy for years now, you need to change something, the meds or work on yourself and not just read and ramble or something.

Ex-PokerStars Team Pro Online 

Stroggoz   New Zealand. Mar 10 2021 10:15. Posts 4945

Those doctors seem clueless to me based on what you've said rikd.

supposed to have greenstar not bracelet 

lostaccount   Canada. Mar 10 2021 14:33. Posts 3649


  On March 10 2021 04:11 hiems wrote:
Show nested quote +



Nice.


Neilly was part of the reason I got psychosis. As an empath I absorb his crazy unstable energy now I’m stronger than ever. If it doesn’t kill U makes u stronger eh

love life love others 

lostaccount   Canada. Mar 10 2021 15:12. Posts 3649

He also tried to blackmail me cause I had a mental breakdown what a guy but I forgive him lol he thought I was ashamed but I am transparent

love life love othersLast edit: 10/03/2021 15:12

hiems   United States. Mar 10 2021 17:28. Posts 2425

Didnt you lose your bankroll during that time? I'd go kind of crazy too tbh. Its impressive you came back from something like that.

[img]https://i.imgur.com/wkwWj2d.png[/img] 

lostaccount   Canada. Mar 10 2021 17:41. Posts 3649

I didn’t lose it, gave a lot away and spent the rest that’s why my parents took control of my assets. Not getting them back till I get married. I have like 11k net worth that I control

love life love others 

hiems   United States. Mar 10 2021 19:15. Posts 2425


  On March 10 2021 16:41 lostaccount wrote:
I didn’t lose it, gave a lot away and spent the rest that’s why my parents took control of my assets. Not getting them back till I get married. I have like 11k net worth that I control



well regardless of who controls it at least you have the br.

[img]https://i.imgur.com/wkwWj2d.png[/img] 

Baalim   Mexico. Mar 10 2021 22:20. Posts 33969

wow you guys have been through rough shit, this is becoming a emotional support forum more than a poker one and I'm ok with that lol.


back on RikD it feels to me as his psychiatrist doesn't push him enough, It seems your bipolarity leans towards mania and you use your energy rumiating ideas to the point you become unstable, I think you should DO more things that you enjoy, and yes you lose motivation quickly like painting or making pizzas but you should push through it, especially because often the reasons are silly like inconpetence, well of course you will suck thats the point, slowly master it, that is where most of the enjoyment comes from.

Why did you say that you were overvaluing specifically my input and that perhaps I dont have your best interest at heart, what do you mean with that?

Ex-PokerStars Team Pro Online 

lostaccount   Canada. Mar 11 2021 00:16. Posts 3649

Appreciate the suppprt Baal lol

love life love others 

hiems   United States. Mar 11 2021 03:02. Posts 2425


  On March 10 2021 21:20 Baalim wrote:
wow you guys have been through rough shit, this is becoming a emotional support forum more than a poker one and I'm ok with that lol.


back on RikD it feels to me as his psychiatrist doesn't push him enough, It seems your bipolarity leans towards mania and you use your energy rumiating ideas to the point you become unstable, I think you should DO more things that you enjoy, and yes you lose motivation quickly like painting or making pizzas but you should push through it, especially because often the reasons are silly like inconpetence, well of course you will suck thats the point, slowly master it, that is where most of the enjoyment comes from.

Why did you say that you were overvaluing specifically my input and that perhaps I dont have your best interest at heart, what do you mean with that?



Correction:

Back to RIKD : Step 1. go catch a plane somewhere and go pay some hooker whatever you need to get laid bro.

How long has it been since you had sex? A normal person can't stay sane the way you are right now imo. This might even motivate you to get back to work and make money again.

Go hit up the Argentine woman that drank your jizz from the condom or something lol.

[img]https://i.imgur.com/wkwWj2d.png[/img] 

RiKD    United States. Mar 11 2021 03:36. Posts 6968

You are right that my bipolarity leans towards mania but i still get bad depressions. I was in a pit of depression in the summer of 2020 but luckily i know how to ride those out at this point with out killing myself (so far).

It's not even necessarily how i "use" my ideas. This last mania i remember one day i went to sleep at probably 3am and then woke up at 5am and jumped out of bed to solve a mathematical/philosophical problem i was thinking about. I really have no idea how long it took me to do... maybe 1 hour? But, i had been thinking about it for days. It felt like nothing. When everything seemed logically sound it was like finally i was free to get some food (i was very hungry).

Every day i went for a walk on the beach. Every day it was a new adventure. One of the days probably at its worst every 20 yards i felt compelled to draw some art, create a puzzle, or encode some message many times maybe all 3 at once. Some times the puzzles were very simple like the first move in chess or even simpler the next move in tic tac toe. Sometimes the puzzles were impossible to decode because only i have the keys to decryption or i flat out just made some stupid error somewhere that didn't make sense. I would have much preferred to just enjoy the sun, take a slow walk, feel the breeze, and watch the birds but when i am approaching infinity i end up doing whatever it is i end up doing to cope with that idea.

Another example of DOing i was DOing Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and my partner was sometimes my partner, sometimes Jay-Z giving me wisdom, and sometimes Phil Ivey giving me wisdom. When stuff like that happens to me i really just have to sort of cling to whatever reality is there but it is tough because it was literally the facial expressions and voices of Jay-Z and Phil Ivey. I guess BJJ is still a good activity because my training partner will get a limb or strangle me if i am not alert and focused on the right things and after a hard roll for 2-3 hours there is a calmness that settles in but no that didn't happen on that day. It's hard to ever reach a calmness when i am hallucinating things.

I still paint by the way. I may stop for some time but that is probably something i will always come back to.

Being employed at Amazon is miserable. Just because there are positive attributes to cooking and making pizzas does not mean that that can overcome the terribleness of Amazon as an employer. I still cook and make pizzas for my parents. I enjoy cooking for people. I don't enjoy cooking for people as an occupation. But, actually, if the "Chef" @ Food Not Bombs asked me to join the team in the kitchen at her restaurant i would consider it. I will never consider employment @ Amazon unless it was a white collar job that didn't suck which is just never going to happen in my existence.

I was just ribbing you and hiems. I don't know about hiems but i don't think you have ever said anything deliberately to harm me. Sometimes i think your opinions are misguided but that happens to everyone at some point.

In context, i spoke to that forensics psychiatrist for 3 or more hours. One of the things she said was that i trust people online when i shouldn't but i never had the chance to ask her what she meant besides a different psychiatrist lecturing me for 10 min. about how i should stay away from parler. That meeting was only statements of what the forensics psychiatrist thought (she was not there) and then a room full of psychiatrists lecturing me with even more medical students observing. If i push back too hard in any way then the likelihood of me going home in the next couple of days go way down. I never got to see the forensics psychiatrist report or what she meant by anything that she said.

I told her i go to liquidpoker and know a lot of the people there for more than 10 years. I go to reddit.com. I specifically told her about GME. From her findings it made it sound like i go to reddit.com and put all my faith in random memes and shitposting. I specifically told her that i avoid doing this but w/e. I told her i go to twitter.com but understand that i myself curated who i follow and the algorithms lead to me being in a bubble. Just because i follow people from both sides i don't believe that i am outside of my bubble.

I actually listened to one of the recommendations. She said that i focus too much on negative news and that it upsets me. My reddit algorithm was very negative news heavy and it made me realize that reddit was a shitty time suck altogether. I flat out told them that i am not going to avoid reputable independent media that may focus on a tough story but since getting back home i haven't been on reddit and don't really seek the endless injustices of the world. It is one thing to inform someone of clit mutilation in Africa if for some reason that topic comes up but much better is the other day i had a 30 min. chat with my sister about how to help suffering people in her local community. She is legit and looking to open up her own practice and wants me to help.

One last thing. It is not like this incident was my first rodeo. The only time i was truly uncomfortable was one night when i was trying to sleep and my heart was racing and i thought i was off to infinity again. Infinity = hell. Human brains can not comprehend infinity or at least my human brain even when it is super power manic can not comfortably experience infinity. The solution which has been proven is to allow my parents to sort my medication and give me Ativan so i calm down and am able to sleep. My parents get my keys. This is much preferable to the psych ward by far or the psychiatrists taking my driver's license for 3+ months.


Stroggoz   New Zealand. Mar 11 2021 03:48. Posts 4945

Those psychiatrists are straight bullshitting you, because they are the one's who belong to a cult that seriously beleives they can figure you out after knowing you for a couple of hours, which is hilarious. They're kinda like poker players that make massive reads off a 20 hand sample size. The people who know your mental health the best are decent family members and friends who have known you for a long time.

Also people joke about killing politicians all the time, hitler is a famous example and there's holywood movies honoring assassination plots of heydrich and hitler.

Waking up at 3am to solve a math problem is standard practice in the mathematics profession, except they think about math problems for several months, or years, not a few days. Lol.

Caring about the suffering of others is an honorable thing, particularly if you do something about it.

supposed to have greenstar not braceletLast edit: 11/03/2021 03:52

RiKD    United States. Mar 11 2021 03:55. Posts 6968


  On March 11 2021 02:02 hiems wrote:
Show nested quote +



Correction:

Back to RIKD : Step 1. go catch a plane somewhere and go pay some hooker whatever you need to get laid bro.

How long has it been since you had sex? A normal person can't stay sane the way you are right now imo. This might even motivate you to get back to work and make money again.

Go hit up the Argentine woman that drank your jizz from the condom or something lol.


I just looked up flights to Buenos Aires... They are SUPER cheap right now. Once that stimulus check hits the checking account i could get up to some fun.... She was a top top escort though and that was ages ago. There is a chance one of my friends has one of her friends contact info. There is also a chance that she will end up being better at getting me off than any other woman on Earth. I am not doubting that there are other woman on Earth who could get me off better I am just unsure if i will ever meet those women at this point.

If i could pay say $100 for a dece pro and it would be almost certain that law enforcement would not get involved that would sure beat another night of masturbation even if the pornography is excellent.


Baalim   Mexico. Mar 11 2021 05:03. Posts 33969


  On March 11 2021 02:48 Stroggoz wrote:
Those psychiatrists are straight bullshitting you, because they are the one's who belong to a cult that seriously beleives they can figure you out after knowing you for a couple of hours, which is hilarious. They're kinda like poker players that make massive reads off a 20 hand sample size. The people who know your mental health the best are decent family members and friends who have known you for a long time.

Also people joke about killing politicians all the time, hitler is a famous example and there's holywood movies honoring assassination plots of heydrich and hitler.

Waking up at 3am to solve a math problem is standard practice in the mathematics profession, except they think about math problems for several months, or years, not a few days. Lol.

Caring about the suffering of others is an honorable thing, particularly if you do something about it.




Well yeah the psychiatrist have lilttle info and if they get someone on a psychotic break talking about killing Nancy Pelosi and mentioning Parler I think its wise to tell that person to keep off that place, this isn't a normal instance of somebody talking about killing Hitler.

Yes mathematicians do that, but Rik isn't one of them, doing that isn't a sign of mental health but of mania.

To Rik:

You halllucinate while doing BJJ? again it feels to me that your bipolar disorder is being handled very poorly, you dont like working in the food industry unless you work for a michelline star restaurant, you dont like painting if you are not producing masterpieces, this seems like a constant with you. you fantasize about archieving a very far and hard to reach goal, and since you are not there, you give up.

Ex-PokerStars Team Pro OnlineLast edit: 11/03/2021 10:53

blackjacki2   United States. Mar 11 2021 06:18. Posts 2524


  On March 11 2021 02:48 Stroggoz wrote:
Those psychiatrists are straight bullshitting you, because they are the one's who belong to a cult that seriously beleives they can figure you out after knowing you for a couple of hours, which is hilarious. They're kinda like poker players that make massive reads off a 20 hand sample size. The people who know your mental health the best are decent family members and friends who have known you for a long time.

Also people joke about killing politicians all the time, hitler is a famous example and there's holywood movies honoring assassination plots of heydrich and hitler.

Waking up at 3am to solve a math problem is standard practice in the mathematics profession, except they think about math problems for several months, or years, not a few days. Lol.

Caring about the suffering of others is an honorable thing, particularly if you do something about it.




This is just incredibly naive. The psychiatrists interviewed him for hours. You read the biased retelling of a story by someone with mental illness that was having an acute psychosis on a poker forum and you think you're a better judge of the situation than the psychiatrists? Give me a break. Also what is this "people joke about killing politicians all the time" bullshit as if a script of a hollywood movie is at all similar to someone in a manic episode.

You think his family knows him best - well they are the ones that took him to the ER for fucks sake. Also why do you think his psychiatrist told his parents to take him to the ER? He/she just randomly decided to fuck with one of their patients? Use some common sense to realize that his retelling of the situation is very biased and missing major details and then maybe you won't just assume the psych doctors are bullshitting him.


Spitfiree   Bulgaria. Mar 11 2021 11:02. Posts 9629


  On March 11 2021 02:48 Stroggoz wrote:
Those psychiatrists are straight bullshitting you, because they are the one's who belong to a cult that seriously beleives they can figure you out after knowing you for a couple of hours, which is hilarious. They're kinda like poker players that make massive reads off a 20 hand sample size. The people who know your mental health the best are decent family members and friends who have known you for a long time.

Also people joke about killing politicians all the time, hitler is a famous example and there's holywood movies honoring assassination plots of heydrich and hitler.

Waking up at 3am to solve a math problem is standard practice in the mathematics profession, except they think about math problems for several months, or years, not a few days. Lol.

Caring about the suffering of others is an honorable thing, particularly if you do something about it.



I don't think any reasonable psychiatrist would believe they know you after speaking to you for a few hours. There's quite a lot of practice and training that they go through before anyone is even allowed to work in that field with real patients and they are quite aware of the amount of information they receive and the decision they're taking. I heavily doubt that RikD was simply doing only those things he obviously had a distorted view of reality, which while it might be helpful to experience on rare occasions with the influence of hallucinogens, it should be taken with serious consideration when it's a mental condition.

I could see how your notion could relate well to therapists (even though I haven't gone to therapy myself and this is one of the bigger reasons that I haven't gone - cba spending that much effort on finding someone that actually knows what they're doing)

 Last edit: 11/03/2021 11:03

 
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