janet

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sawseech Canada. Feb 13 2010 09:18. Posts 3182

i sit down. i'm wearing slippers and my hoodie is unzipped and my hair is a mess. i stink. the monkey tilt is pouring out of me.

she is sitting adjacent. she looks at my feet.

"i'm having a bad day." i smile.

she smiles back. i regard her with the cool. late 40s, early 50s. hair impeccably prepared. downtown account payables clerk, probably. it's 8am or so, and i notice that she is holding her right wrist up in the air.

it doesn't look right. i look her in the eye. she smiles.

our names are called. we walk to the loading station for xray. we are lockstep; how did that happen?

unbidden, she tells me that i don't have to explain myself to anyone. i consider how it would have gone had i simply sat down, looked each person dead in the eye, then resumed calculating whatever i had ended up sitting and calculating irrespective of previous events. she is right. we're still walk "yes," is what i end up saying.

we sit down, adjacent, but closer. i smile at her, and she smiles back.

"so, what happened to your wrist?"

it's the same old story. she had her left hand in her purse while walking. she slipped and her right arm came down knuckles first. triple compound jam fracture.

"wow."

"i didn't even feel it. i just went to work. a couple hours later i started to feel it burn. then i knew something was wrong."

i learned later that the burning sensation is the bone marrow entering the bloodstream and the immune system attacking it.

"and here i thought i was tough." she cracks a broad grin and responds. "you are."

i tell her about my day so far. i tell her what i think it will do to my confidence and how my sense of daring will suffer as a result.

"bad things happen, you can't go through life expecting for everything to be 100% perfect all the time. just have faith that tomorrow will be good."

i take it in, then ask her when her injury happened. i ask her because i'm thinking that any surgeon with half a brain would have put steel plates in at first glance.

"3 weeks." she stops. i look her dead in the eye. she knows that i know.

she gives it up. cancer. chemo. depleted heart tissue. given X. her heart grew back. she beat it. she survived.

she doesn't need to tell me that she had a bone marrow transplant. i consider the ramifications. we sit in silence.

she starts talking about her kids, pop culture, yknow, small talk. she tells me about god, and how her faith is what saved her, her eyes clear, her voice steady. i consider the possibility that god has sent me this woman at exactly the worst day of my life for exactly this reason. i cannot totally discount the possibility. i explain why i think there's a small possibility that i've lost my mind today. she tells me that everything will be ok, to have faith.

i ask her what her name is. she tells me. i tell her william, although the rest of the universe calls me will, or casper, or sawseech, or fucking prick, or whatever.

we decide that we should be friends and exchange #s. here we are, both without a right hand, and with 0 pens. me being who i am, i beg her leave and begin to methodically seek out a pen in the most reasonable way possible. i locate a pen, and it's a good one. i tell dude that i'll brb, he believes me even though i look like a psych patient and he clearly needs it. i return.

she is wiping her eye. i sit down and we exchange numbers in a highly unothodox manner.

i tell her about my love for the work of richard pryor. i tell her about tariq, and how proud i am of him. i tell her about the recovery nurse and her insta shittest, and the resultant chop. i cry.

i explain how difficult it is for me to cede control. she understands. i cry again. she cries. some chinese guy in the corrider sees me crying, the top of the food chain 5'11 asian, crying and looks at me. i look him dead in the eye. he looks away.

we sit in silence for awhile. others arrive, and janet seems to appreciate the diversion. i sit and calculate.

she goes in for her xray. she comes out, and the look on her face says it all. i consider offering a hug, but we are now beyond hugs, or gls, or friendly smiles. she nods her head and leaves. i wonder what the fuck i'm going to do now.

i go in for my xray and have my dna damaged for the sake of what i already know, deep in my heart. the results follow soonafter. there is absolute 0 change in the count and position of the sutures.

i stand up and do what i consider to be the next most reasonable course of acion. i considered the possibility of going home to change my clothes but, if anything, shrinks are highly reasonable people. they'll understand.

i move forward, my head high, my steps steady.

-william

0 votes

lets go fucking mental la la la la lets go fucking mental lets go fucking mental lala la la

Last edit: 15/02/2010 14:36

terrybunny19240 United States. Feb 13 2010 09:24. Posts 13829

I read it

but wat

Steal City United States. Feb 13 2010 09:51. Posts 2537

[x] writing fail

Intersango.com intersango.com

gs.RO United States. Feb 13 2010 10:00. Posts 84

On February 13 2010 08:51 Steal City wrote:
[ ] writing fail

SpasticInk Sweden. Feb 13 2010 10:08. Posts 6298

interesting read, but not knowing the whole story here, im kind of confused..

ggplz Sweden. Feb 13 2010 10:23. Posts 16784

casper u ggotta mix it up a lill

if poker is dangerous to them i would rank sports betting as a Kodiak grizzly bear who smells blood after you just threw a javelin into his cub - RaiNKhAN

Steal City United States. Feb 13 2010 10:42. Posts 2537

On February 13 2010 09:00 gs.RO wrote:

Show nested quote +
On February 13 2010 08:51 Steal City wrote:
[x] writing fail

Intersango.com intersango.com

Rocketshiptrip Sweden. Feb 13 2010 11:17. Posts 476

I'm loving the little stories you're posting here, even though the context kind of falls away at a few times. It's really easy to just keep on reading it, I never feel like my focus disapears, which is super usual when I read shits.

That being said, I obviously don't love the reason as to why you have to write them.

Last edit: 13/02/2010 11:48

noface United States. Feb 13 2010 12:06. Posts 182

Sawseech = God

i wouldnt touch a cunnis that raszi has stretched out - Illmatic

sawseech Canada. Feb 13 2010 12:29. Posts 3182

On February 13 2010 09:08 SpasticInk wrote:
interesting read, but not knowing the whole story here, im kind of confused..

do i strike you as careless?

lets go fucking mental la la la la lets go fucking mental lets go fucking mental lala la la

sawseech Canada. Feb 13 2010 13:18. Posts 3182

On February 13 2010 11:06 noface wrote:
Sawseech = God

no, i'm just some guy, and u don't strike me as the religious type.

or i might be wrong. nice song. i think i'll go listen to it right now, while being wrong.

lets go fucking mental la la la la lets go fucking mental lets go fucking mental lala la la

Maynard! United States. Feb 13 2010 13:33. Posts 4453

I didnt read beyond the first line but something tells me that you're kinda crazy

Now I really am a busto. Thanks FTP.

gs.RO United States. Feb 13 2010 20:09. Posts 84

On February 13 2010 12:33 Maynard! wrote:
I didnt read beyond the first line but something tells me that you're kinda crazy

no need to panic! he's just a little hypomanic! ^^

egood United States. Feb 13 2010 20:42. Posts 1883

so why is your shoulder fucked up?