In response to the comments in my latest blog:

as opposed to 9-to-5 office grinder, whos only social contact comes with unpleasantness from his co-workers and superiors, and seeing his friends on a weekend.
Your life is easy, its just that life in general is hard.

And the only reason you have the ability to say stuff like "i quit poker" is because you're so well off.
No other person can afford to quit a 5k job just like that.

I know my life is easy at this moment but the fact that it's easy does not make me happy(ier).

I don't really know what I want to do in life yet. I've been thinking about getting a part-time job actually to see what it's like and to involve myself in the community more. It helps to connect with your friends in a way they recognize. Poker is something so totally different that I just feel weird and not regular and I actually want to be more regular.

A wise man once said: 'to be happy in life you gotta have it tough sometimes'

With poker you never really have it tough but because of that you can't really be happy either. And I truly believe that right now.

when you start making less in a month than you throw around in a single session of poker and hate your life because you have to wake up at 6am every day and work I think you'll change your mind.

GL in whatever you end up doing, Twisted. We all know you aren't going to quit cold turkey for good, but that's fine.

I respect you a lot as a person because of your last two blog posts, and I sincerely hope that you find that fulfillment that you are looking for.

agree with blog entirely, or at least, in theory, since i haven't really made any money yet. got to try to balance your life and its really easy not to :S

there are so many alternatives to working for $10/hr for social contact. who cares if you're a nerd you're not gonna fit in with "cool" coworkers anyway if its really that bad ur just gonna sit in your cubicle and listen to some fat faggot old man berate you when you could buy everything he owns out from under him just for the hell of it.

like it or not your mind is already way too warped to fit in with society in a normal way, at least without you ever hitting rock bottom anyway. Move in with your friends who are more like you and play poker imo

I understand where youre coming from and i wish you luck in recovering from your depression.
You should follow ur own advice and play some poker to supplement your quest for whatever it is that would make you feel fullfilled.
Also I would advise you to get involved in charitable work, that would get you connected to community, align with ur financial situation and definitely make you feel better about yourself.

in a way "the man" is owning your soul right now for tricking you into thinking that leading a normal life will bring you happiness

gl w/ whatever u end up finding that u enjoy.

I like how you call yourself a random 5-10 grinder. There's probably only a few thousand people in the world that can beat 5-10. It's pretty impressive dude, don't denigrate yourself.

It's not depression and it's not 'leading a normal life', it's about what you truly want in life and what you enjoy. Working at a cafeteria for 8$ an hour a few years ago was way more fun for me than playing poker.

I think I'm just older than most of you (24) and most of you simply don't realize this. I'm not a nerd in any way btw (as far as social akwardness goes, I'm no floofy), I can interact totally fine with people. Anyone that has met me on this website can attest to that.

Like I said I'm not quitting poker entirely, just at this point I really need to focus on other stuff. Besides, playing poker is not my only income out of the poker community. I make videos and have my own website where I earn money from. I'm pretty much set for the future and I don't HAVE to grind a 5 to 9 job 40 hours a week to earn money. I just need to actively find what I want in life and poker is not helping with that. Like I said it's just an excuse to prolong thinking about what you truly wish for in life. Poker is just a short-term plan. I don't see anyone with my experience that can honestly say they want to play poker for the next 10 years.

On April 19 2009 17:15 sniderstyle wrote: I like how you call yourself a random 5-10 grinder. There's probably only a few thousand people in the world that can beat 5-10. It's pretty impressive dude, don't denigrate yourself.

That's my point. It's pretty impressive *here* but not in the real world.

Besides I always have the option to come back for poker short-term and make some quick easy cash.

I think assuming someone who does not see what you mean isn't mature enough is very immature in itself.

I find myself agreeing with you on a lot of points. People don't respect your success in poker because they don't know what they are talking about. That is very unfortunate but the people who _do_ know what they are talking about are the ones you should care about when it comes to achievements. It would be nice if RL friends respect your achievements but I wouldn't measure true success and respect through the opinions of people who are uneducated on the matter.

Life is a search for recognition. The fact that your closest friends will have a really hard time being able to recognize what it is you do can be a tough deal. I'm not sure what the solution is for this but if I had let that influence my choices I wouldn't have played SC/poker and TL/LP would not have existed. I don't think that should be your standard because even though I don't enjoy poker I do enjoy the others for which the same argument goes. I think you just got to find your own way and try and find recognition for what you do from the people you expect to know most about it. They don't necessarily need to be your closest friends.. that is the downfall of choosing an extraordinary profession. I think your whole issue with recognition and understanding is one of the main reasons that so many people are drawn to the live scene. Because it is amongst poker players where you will find understanding for what you do.

/rant

As for myself I don't enjoy poker but I know I will enjoy not depending on money many years from now. I don't want to be worried about my mortgage when I'm 60.

You are talking about going down a path in life that will leave you with nothing but regrets. You'll get to be my age, and have a fat old lady and a couple of kids, a job that hasn't been rewarding in 15 years, and you will regret you walked away from a game that you not only made baller money at, but gave you a rush you can't find anywhere else. Perspective, son, that is all you need. Women come and go and if you let them, they will destroy you on the inside, and there aint one of them worth it in the end. Balance, dude. The money isn't worth a thing if you don't go outside and enjoy it. There is no reason to be shy, raise your head high. Don't give up the life, just modify it to maximize it's potential. Get a grip.

I'd trade my problems for yours in a New York minute

fwiw twisted i agree a lot with the stuff ur talking about here and i think we're on the same page

On April 19 2009 17:19 Nazgul wrote: I think assuming someone who does not see what you mean isn't mature enough is very immature in itself. I find myself agreeing with you on a lot of points. People don't respect your success in poker because they don't know what they are talking about. That is very unfortunate but the people who _do_ know what they are talking about are the ones you should care about when it comes to achievements. It would be nice if RL friends respect your achievements but I wouldn't measure true success and respect through the opinions of people who are uneducated on the matter. Life is a search for recognition. The fact that your closest friends will have a really hard time being able to recognize what it is you do can be a tough deal. I'm not sure what the solution is for this but if I had let that influence my choices I wouldn't have played SC/poker and TL/LP would not have existed. I think you just got to find your own way and try and find recognition for what you do from the people you expect to know most about it. They don't necessarily need to be your closest friends.. that is the downfall of choosing an extraordinary profession. I think your whole issue with recognition and understanding is one of the main reasons that so many people are drawn to the live scene. Because it is amongst poker players where you will find understanding for what you do. /rant

It's not just recognition. I don't enjoy playing poker. I want to do something I actually care about. I don't care about playing poker and making a lot of money right now.

On April 19 2009 17:19 Nazgul wrote: As for myself I don't enjoy poker but I know I will enjoy not depending on money many years from now. I don't want to be worried about my mortgage when I'm 60.

You earned a lot of money through liquidpoker but that's not actually playing poker. Because of poker and stacraft you have been able to create liquidpoker and have a stable income. That's totally different to actually playing the game itself with its huge ups and downs. I'm not saying I will totally devoid myself out of the poker scene I'm just saying I want to stop devoting so much time to actually playing.

a man must search his whole life for purpose

when he has fulfilled and completed a worthwhile mission, he may rest and enjoy the fruits of his labor. Then he must find another mission to complete, living his life with utmost purpose. as he completes each mission with passion and momentum, he gets closer and closer to his true inner self. Like peeling layers off an onion, the man will eventually find his ultimate goal and work to fulfill that as well.

I only play 20k-30k hands a month and still feel like poker is a great drain on life, when doing what it takes to keep the skills polished. I'm at school full time with little social life, work out consistently, and recently started volunteering at a hospital. The perspective change that comes with volunteering is invaluable in terms of finding out what the next step is.

I personally think your decision to quit poker for the time being is a great one, because you've taken what you wanted from this game and are able to walk away satisfied. Don't look at your success in regret of "what could have been" because it truly IS better that slaving away for money that barely beats inflation. You've got all that you need with you, gl.