byrnesam's picture blog

so my flatmate (that flatmate)
'got all spazzy at me, then after a heated argement over freezer/fridge space/cupboard/housework she smashed a cup, so i declared war.

every plate, every saucer, cup, saucepan, cutlery is now lying on the floor.

official benoit moment.

im gonna go out and go to the casino now. official life tilt.
/
FCKPLOG:E?:F'

2 votes

Comments (7)

so apparently, professional NL25 / BBJ player isnt widely recognised as a viable career path. Even though its basically a PhD in ballin' with excellent prospects for a career in degeneracy.

so i had to find a "real" job.

I decided to work at a technology store. Because i want to buy an xbox360 and shit, so i might aswell get a staff discount.

So i have to walk at a reasonable pace everywhere i go now. I can no longer just go around bellin'.*

*Bellin definition

bellin:
Strolling with a limp
Sagging hard
Mainly done by L.A street niggas
Is not just a casual stroll
But a way of life


I get to look at baller ass shit like massive TVs and stuff all day, but the people that buy them are usually massive nits - and im like "dude wtf lol, your concerns dont matter, migs got like 2 of these in his bathroom"

Well, i dont say that - because ive now done 2 days at the job, the manager is off sick, the assistant manager is always busy and the other sales reps dont really care - so i stand around doing nothing (literally just stand there)

i dont have a uniform, name badge, contract (thinly veiled concern on this one) or any training other than having now done like 800 laps of the store and a quick demo of how the comuter system works.

I dont talk to customers or answer the phone, i cant access the till so i cant sell anything - which means ill earn no commission so i wont bother trying to chat to anyone. Its a sweet deal.

I work with 3 indians and a chinese.

1 has like elephantitus in 2 of his fingers and i know its rude but i cant stop fucking staring at them. Its like hes got 2 sausages for fingers - its ludacris.

For some reason i have to work 50 hours a week which blows, and i have to work friday, saturday, sunday (ultra mega beat)

anyway, its friday night and im still going out.

The american exchange chick (who rode to the ball with me and flatmate) text me last night asking what i was up to this weekend. She wants to hang with the biggest balla in the southern hemisphere - so ive given her a VIP pass to ride wit a playa.

3 votes

Comments (8)

to celebrate the debut of khans antics on ESPN, heres 2 new air khan designs:

2 votes

Comments (11)

So the way it works is, you play poker and lose some money - then you can go to the casino and win it all back from blackjack and video poker.

runner flush for $25
double once vs a 7 or something
double again: free double up vs deuce.



brag: sick read vs video poker
beat: only $5 is profit
variance: i still hate party

1 votes

Comments (1)

i was gonna post about girls but i cant be fucked.

im off out tonight with girl #2 so i might have something good to report at the end of the night but probably not.

heres some photoshops since i havnt done any for a while.

some of you might not get this one, but im sure theres some film buffs who will.


and i really like this one



theres no fucking spot the difference on this shit

i dont know how but ive ended this night with an ipod nano in my pocket. hopefully no one asks me about it and i can keep it +17000FPPS NIGGA

so i can +24k for a fuckin WII WHUT NIGA NO HE DII INT!

CUNT

CUNT

she was all like "boo hoo why u come see me i got work in the morning"

so i took the camera and fucking GONE like she aint SHIT BITCH FUCK YOU CNT HOE BITCH SKA K I DONT FUCKIN CARE ANYMORE iF YOU WANT MY FUCKIN CAMERA YOU CAN FUCKIng uck MY FUCking DiCK.

1 votes

Comments (8)

Obv i had to go to dinner at the sky tower, which is just a huge tower with restaurants, couple of bars and a casino. I had to pay which was the first beat of the night.

Id alredy happy ending'd before we left - which made us a little late for our reservation.

So we get there and she instantly complains that there isnt enough choice on the menu. We order a couple of drinks and our starters.

I decided to get the most expensive starter and the most expensive main course because im a huge fuckin balla

Alaskan Crab to start, and Rib Eye Steak for main. She ordered Chicken and Feta salad to start and Fish of the day for main.

So we start eating our starters and she tells me she doesnt like cheese. Which is obviously why she ordered a cheese based salad. Inner tilt.



Rib eye, obv.



her fish, looked rubbish. She also doesnt like potatoe, which was half this dish.

They ruined my kumera mash with too much parmasan cheese.

We also got desert and a glass of desert wine which was disgusting.

Total bill $165 - actually quite good value.



low skill view from the top



Getting to grips with the timer...

So we get the lift back down to the ground levels. The casino is there but shes too young to enter (only 19 and you need to be 20)

I enter Farha mode and have to at least try to smuggle her in. I walk the corner and theres 2 security and no one else entering. Thankfully my gangsta stride we walk right past without getting ID'd.

Like a kid in a sweet shop im off to the cashier. She wants to play a slot machine but i only have 1 $2 coin (i roll paper only, obv)

Luckbox it to $8 and shes sick impressed then bitches as we lose it. I then have to hear about how we could have used $6 profit...

Then i play blackjack $10/hand and get owned fairly hard. Then ball back from -$110 to +$50

She doesnt know how to play any casino game, and was shocked by the number of asian people there (LOL)



sick ballin with the profit, thats like $120 USD - most of you guys will never have seen that much money.


bonus pick: how a full time NL10 balla lives.

2 votes

Comments (18)

beat: have to take woman to dinner
beat: shes not old enough to go in the casino
beat: it will be expensive
beat: my life
beat: women
variance: didnt win party BBJ which is at like 400k. I bet if i didnt have to go to dinner id win, so im already like -$160k for this trip.
brag: none

1 votes

Comments (4)

This got massivly TLDR but whuteva.

So last night i went to the university annual ball thing. The theme was "oriental obsession" which i thought was fairly fuckin retarded since 95% of the uni is asian.

I was taking my flatmate (girlfriend #1) but i get a text from the american exchange student who wants to know if she can ride with me (stud life son) - so i get 2 dates kinda.


this makes them look like a beat - they arent that stunning though, but neither am i.

There was a pre-ball party at the student bar. I order a beer and specify "Speights" he gives me a "Tui" and although they are almost the same i cant help but think hes a fucktard.

It was confirmed when i returned to the bar and he looks at me and goes

"What do you want? Speights?"
"Yeh Speights"

He gave me another Tui - learn to fucking read.

I saw him later at the ball and he tried to strike up a conversation with me but i was like NAH SON - GOODNIGHT

On the bus there i spent the whole ride enjoying the paraletic chick 2 seats ahead of me. All that effort for a ball dress, getting ready and buying a ticket - then she doesnt even make it out the pre-ball party.

I arrive and got a fortune cookie (original) which entitles me to 1 free beer and 1 free cocktail. I also drink my dates beer.

The venue was very classy, right opposite a strip club. Had i known this in advance i wouldnt have gone with a date so i could fuck off to see some strippers.

There was a $100 prize for the best dressed man and woman. Naturally i had it sewn up. Unfortunatly it was all politics. They gave it to some fat old guy who came dressed as a samurai - i thought it was a formal ball, not a fancy dress party. Stupid douche. The woman who won was wearing some crappy looking chinese dress. I took a real chinese girl so i should have got brownie points for that.

Then there was some other shit and i ate some sushi and it got really boring really quick. The american girl bought me a drink and i had my photo with her and my asian date so i was pimpin huge.


They had a show, these guys were pretty cool.

I managed to get another free cocktail aswell, and was feeling pretty buzzed. Then i bought the american chick a drink in return but she copped off with some douche (possible beat? i dunno i dont really care about her but shes got massive jugs) So i drank my vodka cranberry then decided to drink hers.

We get a taxi home at about 11:30pm which is when the ball was picking up but since my date doesnt fuckin dance we might aswell just call it a night.

So i get home and i get a text from girlfriend #2 asking if i want to come to the city with her and friends. Obviously this is too good an opportunity to pass up, but first...

I have like 25 minutes so have time for a quick carpet lick and a happy ending. I also gave her the shocker lol.

Then my phone goes while im busy doing my thang. Its girlfriend #2 asking where i am. I tell her ill be down in 10 minutes. Finish up - send girlfriend #1 to her room - get changed and head out.

I get some complimentry beer when i arrive and theres people from my friends home town up to visit. One guy is a total cock but hes with his missus so i dont really give a fuck.

We go out to the city and its pretty good. My bladder almost exploded waiting in line.

We danced some and drank some sambuca shots. I totalled about 6 shots but only paid for 1.

My friend orders 4 sambuca shots and the bar tender lines them up. He gives my friend the little handset to enter his cards pin and the wire from it knocks over one of the shots.

He tells us it was our fault and we have to pay for it. Heres a dilema - pay like $8 for a shot that got spilt, or dont pay for any shots and go to another bar.

Nice one son. We argue with him and he pours us a new shot realising that he is infact a retard.

We take a taxi home at about 3am or so. On the way home i give a beautiful rendition of "Beautiful Girls" by Sean Kingston when it came on the radio as i cuddle girlfriend #2

We get home and people all drop out fast because unlike me they cant drink. sicklifeson

One guy still wants to drink a bit and have a ciggy and he kind of interupts me makin moves with girlfriend #2 but she says shes going to get ready for bed and she will leave the door unlocked so i can come back in 10 minutes.

She locks the doors (stupid twat) so i phone her and get her to come let me in then we head up to her room.

Beat: nothing happened. I was way too drunk but i gave her a cuddle as she was falling asleep, her parents were in town and she had to get up at 9am to go to breakfast with them - then i put my jeans back on and head back to my own place.

The sun is rising and theres daylight - it must be about 5am.

I left my keys/wallet/phone on the desk of girlfriend #2 so i go sleep in the bed of girlfriend #1 - and do the usual stuff to her.

I pass out for a bit, then girlfriend #2 bought me a subway.

gosicklife

Cliff notes:

Went to ball
Playersville
Subway

1 votes

Comments (9)

so i dont know quite how but ive pretty much ended up with 2 girlfrinds ( HI-5 TO ALL MY NIGGAZ IN PlayerSVILLE!)

So tonight was my birthday and i just kept it fairly quiet and went out with my best mate for a few.

Of course before i went out girlfriend #1 (who is my flatmate) took me out for dinner. Obviously i didnt want to order the most expensive thing on the menu (the rid eye steak) so i ordered the duck which was about a dollar cheaper than the steak.

We had a nice meal (and didnt give a tip because our waiter was about as good as cancer) and next week she wants to go out for more romantic meals together. Im like HELLS YEH - coz im fat and love food.

So i get back and my flatmates arent fooled about where weve been even though its supposed to be a big secret.

Me and my best mate start drinking and BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!

WHATS THIS?

Oh its crazy chick from earlier appologising for being a cunt to me (ABOUT FUCKING TIME!!!)

So i text her telling her we might go to bar and shes invited. She says she wants to but only if her friends are up for it - they arent.

I dont care me an my mate go to bar and watch the end of the rugby then head home for a couple of beers and some youtube street fights.

we go to chicks house and we just piss about for a while then my mate goes home coz its late and he has work.

everyone else slinks to bed and i walk this chick home (LIKE I GOTTA PLAY THE GAME NIGGAS)

I make my move and put my arm round her and we mac some - talk some jive together and i pull all the sweet moves on her. mac some more.

I FUCKIN RULE

2 girlfriends with no signs of stoppin
this shit is gonna trainwreck so fuckin hard when it hits.

PEACE WHUT

1 votes

Comments (14)

GO SHORTY!

I got lots of silly little presents from my family, and some cashmoney. probably gonna get a 360.

It wouldnt be my birthday without some girl going on mad tilt due to my gangsta ways.

Remember that crazy chick from way back - well yeh shes back lol.

We went out with a group of people last weekend to party and shit. Her best friend tells me shes really into me so im like SAFE!

That group went home in a taxi and i went to the casino on my own (lol dropped u for a gambol bitch) - its in a previous semi-drunk post.

Then she tilted like crazy over the last week so i gave up trying to be nice and play her games via text and told her to fuck off. The last 2 texts i got from her were pretty funny.

(Told her she was emotionally unstable)
"I dont have issues, youre the one who gets abusive and cruel when i dont say what you wanna hear. It seems ur the one with issues. Im not the one who hasnt attended lectures in how ever long. You have no right to judge me for pointing out that as much as i wanted (past tense after that last text you sent me) to be with you i didnt see how we were gonna make it work. Was wondering what you thought we could do about that but since you just told me what you really think of me i dont think i wanna know anymore"

"Oh by the way ur flatmate told me about ur episode on the roof adter that night you caused a scene at the bar (LOL this is all fictional, i was hammered drunk and went out my window onto the roof and sang along to my mp3s)

So dont talk to me or any1 else about emotional stability coz u my friend are exactly that emotionally unstable, oh and youre not a very nice person and im a tool for thinking you were. At least i know what ur like now"

LOL

Im gonna nuke this bitch.

On a more positive brag: My flatmate is taking me out to dinner tonight. Then ill get smashed on drinks nugga.

PEACE

1 votes

Comments (5)