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RiKD    United States. Mar 20 2020 15:42. Posts 6314
'Tis a fine mornin' lads.

I woke up early (7am) and did my taxes. I may be getting on the manic side.... Mania in quarantine.... that is bad news... or good news for everyone else perhaps. I have a decent refund supposedly coming to me. If Bernie gets me another $2k I'll be looking pretty good. Just continue to study stuff and talk to people. I'm currently on "The Conquest of Bread" by Kropotkin. Pretty fucking classic if you ask me. Byung-Chul Han has a new book coming out. I kind of want to re-read his stuff. I also want to re-read Mark Fisher. Those 2 guys are my guys. Get up on that shit if you haven't already. "The Burnout Society" by Han and "Capitalist Realism" by Mark Fisher are must reads.

I went to the beach this morning to take a walk and it was CLOSED. The bathrooms were CLOSED too. I really needed to take a pee so I just turned back around but I have all this energy I was going to use for a walk to just sit around doing ????

I don't remember what documentary I was watching but there was a kindergarten in Deutschland that did all the classwork in nature. I want to mix that nature aspect with Montessori principles and start my own kindergarten. I don't want it to be private and expensive but open to anyone in the area with somehow keeping class sizes to the appropriate level. Ideally for vulnerable children. I don't have any Montessori certification or capital at this point but this is something I could focus on.

I have ideas but no followthrough. Would I be good at this? Would I enjoy this?

Now is the time to study and think about what I would really like to do.

My therapist says she thinks my underlying sadness and dissatisfaction will go away if I get the work/productive aspect of my life more figured out. I like what Kropotkin says on the matter but it is not possible TODAY. I would love to work 25 hours a week on something I am passionate about and still have the other hours for leisure and non-bourgeois luxury. That seems just about ideal.

Right now I feel that my big task is getting all the local AA meetings from live meetings to online meetings. I did a meeting last night on Zoom and it worked out pretty well.

Other than that it's go for walks, stay inside, study. Now is the time for change. We have learned a lot about capitalism in a short time in this situation.

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RiKD    United States. Mar 20 2020 23:02. Posts 6314

Just remembered this one.

Maybe my favorite song ever to smoke a joint and take a stroll on the beach to.

RiKD    United States. Mar 21 2020 02:26. Posts 6314

I'm re-reading "The Burnout Society" by Byung-Chul Han. SOOO FUCKING GOOD. Everyone read it and let's discuss.

RiKD    United States. Mar 21 2020 15:15. Posts 6314

It's short. It's more of an essay than anything. You could read it in one sitting if motivated to.

RiKD    United States. Mar 21 2020 16:50. Posts 6314

Top of the mornin' to ya lads.

I'm bored and a little stir crazy. My mom and dad don't want to go on a walk yet.

I'm figuring out what to read next. I may just read "Capitalist Realism: Is There No Alternative" again.

I wonder if I will ever find a job that isn't "hectic." That I can linger contemplatively. Do this for 5 hours a day or so and then move on to other things. Avoid late-modern achievement society. I really don't want hectic work. Some people will cry that a flow state makes life worthwhile but constantly trying to improve oneself imposed by oneself is a recipe for burnout, depression, et al. When the rush comes I forget myself but what stops me from wanting to get better, faster, stronger? Where are the limits? I'd rather be sitting at my table bored and able to contemplate for a little while. Slow moving, calm. Why is everyone working so hard? It's an illusion. It's a trap. It's an addiction. Let us work 5 hours a day growing food. What does man need? What will satisfy these needs? Let us produce these needs and not waste human energy. So many bullshit jobs. We can see it now clearer than ever. Reform. Revolution. The time is now.

Here is a little gem for you all:

In these times. IN THESE TIMES.

My cat Sebastian is my best friend.

Zoom is a pretty good platform for meetups. No complaints. It works pretty well. It's kind of weird being transplanted back into Pittsburgh but it's good seeing everyone.

Oh, I also came across this:

The Science of Well-Being - Yale - Coursera

Who wants to take this course with me?

We could start a discord and discuss.

Who else has ideas on things to do in these times?

RiKD    United States. Mar 21 2020 18:18. Posts 6314

Once there was a human who went walking. They became bored of walking so they started to dance.

 Last edit: 21/03/2020 19:42

RiKD    United States. Mar 22 2020 15:36. Posts 6314

It's weird. Everyone is quarantined and stuck in the house yet no one is posting. What are ya'll doing with yourselves/the time?

Santafairy   Korea (South). Mar 22 2020 17:47. Posts 1829

well i was going to complain about my life endlessly in replies to my own blog but i thought fuck it i know what i need to do let's just do it

It seems to be not very profitable in the long run to play those kind of hands. - Gus Hansen 

PoorUser    United States. Mar 22 2020 18:06. Posts 7440

all my classes got moved online so im still keeping busy. mostly reading and playing a small amount of overwatch/hs battlegrounds

Gambler Emeritus 

RiKD    United States. Mar 23 2020 02:43. Posts 6314

  On March 22 2020 16:47 Santafairy wrote:
well i was going to complain about my life endlessly in replies to my own blog but i thought fuck it i know what i need to do let's just do it

What did you do?

RiKD    United States. Mar 23 2020 02:47. Posts 6314

  On March 22 2020 17:06 PoorUser wrote:
all my classes got moved online so im still keeping busy. mostly reading and playing a small amount of overwatch/hs battlegrounds

Nice. I should probably take up video games. Or go back to school. More on this later.

RiKD    United States. Mar 23 2020 03:37. Posts 6314

Stimmung is atmosphere (mood) in Deutsch. Such a cool word. I am re-reading Byung-Chul Han "Pschychopolitcs: Neoliberalism and New Technologies of Power." I am also taking the Yale Coursera course on Well-Being. One thing that stands out from the Yale course so far is that "awesome stuff" not only doesn't effect happiness but seeking "awesome stuff has a negative effect." Good job. Nope. Money. Nope. Perfect body. Nope. True love. Nope. I thought I knew these things but I have fallen under the spell that some of these things would make me happy. I think that even in these times I fall prey to being an "entrepreneur of the self." Trying to be a limitless optimization project. For why? There are always limits. I was talking to Drone that I should read some fiction and take a nap. Why not play some video games? I am taking myself too seriously. Where is the oddball levity that is needed to get through these times? It just feels like I have the chance to elude capitalism to a point and I am trying to make the most of it. I don't want to go back to the way things were. I don't particularly like being quarantined but it is better than the way things were. I want to come out of this with things being better than the way they were.

But again I have too many interests and I lack focus. When reading Byung-Chul Han I dream of going to Berlin to study under him at the Berlin School of Arts.

There has got to be something for me out there more useful than being a valet at a hotel. I have found through volunteer work that there is but volunteer work doesn't get me bread in the near future.

So, I sit. I think. I contemplate. I linger. Some may say this is a sickness. I don't know any other way of living.

5 things I am grateful for:

- my family
- my friends
- Byung-Chul Han
- Mark Fisher
- Yale course on Well-Being

That is my homework for this week. To savor experiences and to write a gratitude list every day. i always think these things are kind of bullshit but I will do it because it takes less than 5 min and why not?

And I don't think a women can fill the hole inside of me. Unless she is wearing a dildo and I feel like getting pegged. Then maaayyyybbbeeee maaayyybbeeee. Neither can a job. Money. Perfect body. Any of these things. Well, money they said up to $75k and you don't see much increase in happiness after that. This isn't new we've been over this before. I could use some more money but other than that I it seems like I just need this course to tell me what will actually make me happy. It may really be just that simple.

Ahhhh, but the magic of a kiss. How alluring.

What motivates us to do anything?

I think I am just like a cat who plays with shiny toys.

Asking me to focus on one thing is a tall order. What if psychiatry and therapy is all a hoax?

I love these German music producers though. Stimming, Apparat, Moderat, Modeselector, Booka Shade, and now I'm forgetting. I could really see myself living in Berlin studying philosophy or rather interdisciplinary cultural theory. My German would have to improve but it would surely improve under those circumstances. I gotta do SOMETHING. I think I am getting a little stir crazy again.

Oh well. TTYL.

RiKD    United States. Mar 23 2020 18:11. Posts 6314

Just finished "Psychopolitics: Neoliberalism and the New Technologies of Power." 5 stars. Do I have the balls to drop everything (which admittedly isn't much) and go nach Deutschland to follow my dreams? Will Germany even allow me to do that? Byung-Chul Han did that. He was a metallurgy major in South Korea and was like fuck this I'm following my dreams. Surely, he would respect such a daring play. Or the option is find some interdisciplinary cultural theory education in the USA. LOL. Yeah right. What would I even DO with that education besides be a well informed unemployed person? I need my bread. So, it's looking like the same ole same ole. Degrade myself for tips and read books. Proletariat autodidact. And Food Not Bombs grows to bigger and bigger things yet Covid-19 is putting a halt to that progression. My social connections are through text messages, telephone, and Zoom. I crave more. God, I could use a hug right now. A pat on the back. Real eye contact and smiles and laughs. It's almost as if I am toiling away on here and that's not what it should be. This should be for .... I don't know. Sometimes I want to be a solitary idiot but that doesn't actually relieve me of my problems. Idiot more in line with heretic. The herd may think I am a stupid person but I would rather kill myself than be informed by the herd or networked with the herd. Such is life. Then it is the biggest joke that I am subjected to take these peoples' money in order to procure bread. But in talking with these people they are just in life as well. They are just doing what they think to be wise choices. I can't hate the herd for being the herd. The bourgeois herd and their bourgeois THINGS. Always unhappy and seeking. I am unhappy and seeking. But I do not seek THINGS. If I really sat around and thought about it I probably already have everything I need. The overthrow of neoliberal capitalism is a pretty tall order. I as just a solitary idiot... what can I do? I CAN SHOUT! HEY EVERYONE, THE SYSTEM IS EXPLOITING YOU. YOU ARE EXPLOITING YOURSELVES. FOR WHY?

Do you make $75k a year? Do you want more? Why?

I made $18,829.02 last year. Last year wasn't so bad. Of course the medical bills kind of crushed me. That's part of the strategy. Put me in debt and make me feel guilty. I don't feel guilty though. Fuck the system. Fuck the herd. I had bread. I had shelter. I had clothing. Yeah, I live with my parents. So, fucking what. Fuck you. I had time for LUXURY. Reading, painting, going for walks. Writing these very blog posts that I am still unsure of the value of. Probably much better to be silent then share for all of the digital panopticon to see. I just hope I am in the right corner of the interwebz. Fuck facebook. Fuck instagram. Fuck twitter. Fuck it all to hell. But there is just a place in my heart for LP. <3 For better or for worse.

Ok. Time for my daily walk where I can feel the breeze and breathe a little bit.

RiKD    United States. Mar 24 2020 00:01. Posts 6314

What will the pace of the future be? The age of the pilgrimage and of marching are definitely over. Will the human being, after a short period of whizzing, return to the earth as a walker. Or will the human being leave behind the weightiness of the earth and of work altogether, and discover the lightness of hovering, of a hovering wandering with leisure, in other words, the scent of hovering time?

- Byung-Chul Han "The Scent of Time"

Stroggoz   New Zealand. Mar 24 2020 00:44. Posts 4725

elite academics and their flowery language.

I'm staying at home, university is in lock down. I have the flu

supposed to have greenstar not bracelet 

RiKD    United States. Mar 24 2020 03:14. Posts 6314

  On March 23 2020 23:44 Stroggoz wrote:
elite academics and their flowery language.

I'm staying at home, university is in lock down. I have the flu

I am glad to see you are attempting to interact with university in some way. TT on the flu though.

RiKD    United States. Mar 24 2020 03:21. Posts 6314

I don't know Stroggoz well enough to know if academia suits him but certainly being involved with Political Economy in some way makes me happy.

Stroggoz   New Zealand. Mar 24 2020 03:28. Posts 4725

I got a love/hate relationship with universities. The education system sucks man! it is one big scam, student debt and corporate beuracracy with their comically socially retarded marketing, and employing people to be diversity coaches to justify their salary. Exploiting grad students with poverty wages. It is a special kind of torture. On the other hand it is a place where you have relative freedom...

Shoshona zuboff had a good piece on surveillence capitalism in the new york times if you wanna read more about it.

supposed to have greenstar not bracelet 

RiKD    United States. Mar 24 2020 03:53. Posts 6314

I myself am not cut out for academia. Maaayyyybbbbeeee maaaaayyybbbbbeee if I was studying under Byung-Chul Han but I should cut that dream off and focus on something else. I think the most realistic is starting my own non-profit honestly but first I will need to learn how to do that. My sister works at a non-profit actually. She called my mom today crying that the non-profit may have to fire her and shut down after all the hard work she has put in. Non-profits are like the perhaps kinder, gentler sisters of for-profits but this is still capitalism we live in.

Fuck man. I'm just lingering. I wanted to find a nice calm and relaxing high. Ich mochte ein gut Stimmung. I am just lingering until this Zoom meeting gets going. A handful of people say I need to check it out. Charleston AA LOL. They are just trying to look out for me. My natural state is self-isolation. I have found myself quite comfortable this past week.

Slow moving, calm. Lack of haste, franticness, restlessness, nervousness. Let us hover in luxury. Not Benzes and Hennessy. Although I love me some Hennessy. Drink a bottle of Hennessy and crash a Benz. I am able to just sit here and listen to music and think about things. That is a luxury. I am not tired, I am not undead from all the toiling. I am fucking good man. This is how we should feel all the time. I'm ready.

RiKD    United States. Mar 24 2020 16:43. Posts 6314

  On March 24 2020 02:28 Stroggoz wrote:
I got a love/hate relationship with universities. The education system sucks man! it is one big scam, student debt and corporate beuracracy with their comically socially retarded marketing, and employing people to be diversity coaches to justify their salary. Exploiting grad students with poverty wages. It is a special kind of torture. On the other hand it is a place where you have relative freedom...

Shoshona zuboff had a good piece on surveillence capitalism in the new york times if you wanna read more about it.

Yes, indeed. I am likely proletariat autodidact until I die but I definitely miss the motivated professors and motivated socratic roundtable discussions. Writing a paper with something on the line and getting good feedback. I applaud people who can make it to the other side.

"“We are learning how to write the music,” one scientist said, “and then we let the music make them dance.”

This new power “to make them dance” does not employ soldiers to threaten terror and murder. It arrives carrying a cappuccino, not a gun. It is a new “instrumentarian” power that works its will through the medium of ubiquitous digital instrumentation to manipulate subliminal cues, psychologically target communications, impose default choice architectures, trigger social comparison dynamics and levy rewards and punishments — all of it aimed at remotely tuning, herding and modifying human behavior in the direction of profitable outcomes and always engineered to preserve users’ ignorance."

I usually tend to stay away from NYT but I enjoyed this article. A good subsidiary or rather complement to Byung-Chul Han's writing on the subject. It's frightening what people can do with this data now a days and what facebook has already done. I am thankful I have been off facebook for like 4 years now? Unfortunately, I am way too addicted and habituated to Google to quit. It feels like the knowledge is endless and beneficial but the knowledge they receive is likely more damaging. Thanks for the article.

Loco   Canada. Mar 24 2020 19:44. Posts 20429

You should read "In the Swarm: Digital Prospects" too. It's on (and mobilism too I think)

Those who make a peaceful revolution impossible, will make a violent revolution inevitable.Last edit: 24/03/2020 19:44

RiKD    United States. Mar 24 2020 22:13. Posts 6314

The more I think the better off I am. Think at my rhythm. There is no franticness in my days today. Just a calm, relaxed gait that can morph into a smooth dance that is joy or creativity. Byung-Chul Han is correct when he says profound boredom is only found along the line of vita activa. Animal laborans. Embrace the vita contemplativa and boredom is an opportunity to linger. There really is no current "solution" to my employment "problems." The solution doesn't exist yet. I would like to work 25 hours a week.... Well, I would prefer to not work at all and volunteer say 25 hours a week. Under capitalism I would certainly prefer to work 3 ~8 hr shifts 3 days in a row and have 4 days completely off. I think under anarcho-communism I wouldn't really care. I wouldn't have a preference. 2 ~12 hour shifts 2 days in a row might be a lot or it might not be depending on what I was doing. Things obviously have to be organized in some way typically. Food Not Bombs is every Sunday for 5 hours starting at 11am. That is fair. I wouldn't want to do Food Not Bombs for 25 hours a week. I want more. There are other projects I am involved in that subjectively offer more. It is about usefulness. Educating children on nature and organic farming and ecology using Montessori principles is one way. Organizing a food and beverage union is another. It's all subjective though. Certainly providing a troubled community one healthy meal per week with the comrades is better than not. I'd rather be informed and networked with leftists than the herd. I feel like I have until about Memorial Day to figure out and take action on what I want to do or else I will be trapped in vita activa animal laborans indefinitely once again. On Memorial Day 2020 the virile and alive becomes the undead unless Hero focuses and takes decisive action. Am I up to the challenge?

In some ways it's a lot of pressure to figure things out in 2 months. I am unsure if it is even reasonable. I may never have things figured out. And also I overestimate the intensity or duration of any 1 of my choices. Bad outcomes will not be as bad as I think just as good outcomes will not be as good as I think. There is no perfect job. A sexual relationship with A will only make me slightly happier before I go back to baseline. Similarly to eating some good dark chocolate. I was going to make a joke about eating out a dark skinned black woman but as you can see gave up on that. They are mutilating clits in Africa! Makes me want to 3d print some AKs and take matters into my own hands. I am not a killer though. I don't know what to do about that situation. I don't know what to do about so many situations. So I sit. I think. I read. I write.

RiKD    United States. Mar 24 2020 22:14. Posts 6314

  On March 24 2020 18:44 Loco wrote:
You should read "In the Swarm: Digital Prospects" too. It's on (and mobilism too I think)

Reading that next.

RiKD    United States. Mar 25 2020 02:37. Posts 6314

"Life dominated by work is a vita activa which is entirely cut off from the vita contemplativa. If the human being loses all capacity for contemplation, it degenerates into an animal laborans. The life which adjusts itself to the mechanical work process knows only breaks, work-free interim periods in which the regeneration from work takes place in order to be fully available again for the process of work. Thus, "relaxation" and "switching off" do not constitute a counterbalance to work. They are integrated into the work process, in the sense that they primarily serve the purpose of re-establishing the ability to work."

"Work is totalized to such a degree that outside of working hours the only time that remains is that which is to be "killed." The totalization of labour pushes out all other forms of life and life projects."

"Because all energy is fully absorbed by work, the only thing that can fill the time outside of work is a passive entertainment or recreation that serves only to make the worker able to work again with his full strength."

- Byung-Chul Han "The Scent of Time"

"... andante... the tempo of passionate and slow spirit - ..."

- Frederich Nietzsche

"From lack of rest, our civilization is ending in a new barbarism. Never have the active, which is to say the restless, people been prized more. Therefore, one of the necessary correctives that must be applied to the character of humanity is a massive strengthening of the contemplative element."

- Frederich Nietzsche

RiKD    United States. Mar 25 2020 05:03. Posts 6314

If anything take in the quotes I recently posted.

I am not quite ready for bed.

I did another AA meeting tonight. I am in one of those phases where God is dead. There is no will of God and I certainly can't pray myself to be inline with it. It makes AA more difficult when I am explicit about it. Everyone in AA is a lost, scaredy cat and/or delusional. What this quarantine has made me realize which is something I already knew is that I don't like AA meetings. I like some of the people in AA meetings. I think I like the people in Food Not Bombs more if I'm being honest. I am just trying to contemplate the truth. I know this topic comes up periodically. It seems like every season I wrestle with this. It's a major part of my life and a major part of my life that feels incongruent at the moment.

Right now I am aching to take action but action in what?

I am a moral skeptic and an existential nihilist.

When I am working full time and escaping to AA meetings I don't really have time or energy to think about it or question it but now that I do the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous is horse shit. Such a pile of trash text and philosophy. It has been a big part of my life for a handful of years now. I miss going out to dinner though. Helping another alcoholic. This might just be a season where I ease off of AA a bit and get a bit closer to the truth.

RiKD    United States. Mar 25 2020 05:19. Posts 6314

RiKD    United States. Mar 25 2020 05:28. Posts 6314

RiKD    United States. Mar 25 2020 05:33. Posts 6314

I'm probably going for a German season too. All German producers and all German philosophers. Maybe I'll hit up Duolingo again and knock off some rust. I'm going to wear all black and never go outside (unless it's a walk of Kantian proportions).

RiKD    United States. Mar 25 2020 05:36. Posts 6314

RiKD    United States. Mar 25 2020 05:38. Posts 6314

RiKD    United States. Mar 25 2020 05:42. Posts 6314

modeselektor + apparat = moderat

RiKD    United States. Mar 25 2020 05:44. Posts 6314

Man, that whole Moderat album ist gut.

RiKD    United States. Mar 25 2020 06:04. Posts 6314

Gregory writes:

Be aware while a good plan for life requires that one moves from the active to the contemplative life, it is often useful if the soul returns from the contemplative to the active life, in such a way that the flame of the contemplation which has been lit in the heart passes on all its perfections to activity. Thus, active life must lead us to contemplation, but contemplation must set out from what we inwardly considered and call us back to activity.

"A vita contemplativa without acting is blind, a vita activa without contemplation is empty"

- Byung-Chul Han

I want to act. I am compelled to act but I am stuck in quarantine and my city is in lockdown.

RiKD    United States. Mar 25 2020 16:25. Posts 6314

Another day. Another day.

Good morning.

How many blogs am I going to write today?

Contemplation of truth. Truth in lowercase letters because how can we know the Truth. But it is so important to maybe denote it as Truth with a capital T. Someone said contemplation of truth is divine. One of the highest forms of living. Whoever said that must have been a philosopher. Probably Aristotle or someone like that.

RiKD    United States. Mar 25 2020 23:02. Posts 6314

Just woke up from a siesta and had a contemplative apple. Listening to Stimming the Stimmung ist richtig.

I don't know what the truth is but I know it's different from information. I seek truth not information. There is a compulsive nature to information just as there is a compulsive nature to work. I remember when I was heavily addicted to Twitter. The information was too much. It was overbearing. There was no discernment for truth or Truth but rather the next click. The next piece of information. Byung-Chul Han says to let it ripen my friend. Let it ripen my friend. I want my truths like a nice, plump, vividly red apple plucked from the tree. It takes time to eat an apple. Not only let it ripen but savor the experience. Take a bite. Take one's time. Wander. Wonder. God is dead and we killed him.

All we have in this life are our social beings, nature, and ecology. Cherish it. I miss eye contact, smiles, and laughter. The digital isn't real. I am more virile than ever but stuck in a house with my parents. Masturbation is fun sometimes but always at least a little bit degrading due to the pornographic being pornographic. The exaggerated moans, the exaggerated starlettes, the exaggerated positions to make it look good for the camera. It's literally a whole production. I don't even need sex right now. Just give me a nice conversation with a nice girl over some nice tea. And that normally sounds boring but I am trying to get my expectations right. I don't need double d's and a penchant for Bakunin.

I want to ACT on something but no one is hiring and I just have to sit. So I write these blogs. LOL. I am a bit nuts I know.

RiKD    United States. Mar 25 2020 23:40. Posts 6314

Compulsion is the opposite of freedom.

RiKD    United States. Mar 26 2020 06:26. Posts 6314

Another Byung-Chul Han down.

I can't sleep, I'm losing my mind, insomnia in quarantine is not a good thing!

Man, so Google definitely has me pegged (in more ways than one). They probably know me better than I know me. I am unsure if the digital panopticon reaches to these parts. I shouldn't be so illuminating with my posting though regardless. I miss in person discourse. I miss people. I miss sleep. I was thinking over an apple that whatever I read next is not going to be as stimulating as Byung-Chul Han so I will likely be disappointed. I could re-read "The Agony of Eros" which is relevant and I love but I was thinking I could switch to fiction as I can't just read Byung-Chul Han perpetually. I was thinking that I have some unread Kafka in my Kindle ("The Hunger Artist," "The Castle". What do Vladimir Nabokov, David Foster Wallace, Byung-Chul Han, Mark FIsher, and myself all have in common? Well, one thing is that we all love Franz Kafka. I was also thinking of reading "The Brothers Karamazov" by Dostoevsky as that is unread in my Kindle too. I don't know if I can really go wrong to be honest.

RiKD    United States. Mar 26 2020 15:33. Posts 6314

Is flow a delusion?

Everyone seems to praise flow as this holy grail of experience. It's one thing if I am driving 130mph weaving in and of traffic on the highway. That is a high I can't get back nor should I be engaging in that behavior but the flow was real. Friday night at the pizza shop come dinner time just seems like auto-exploitative achievement subject makes double the pizzas for the benefit of employer. The compulsion to do it better, faster, stronger is along the same lines. Limitless optimization may work for automation but not for humans. But flow does hold true for painting. If I just paint a canvas and paint a straight line that is going to be comically silly but if I try to recreate a cubist Picasso I may find myself in despair. On a side note there are monks who meditate for long periods of time and put their expression into one brush stroke. I find that really cool.

There are studies on the subject. One study says that people at work in a flow state are more happy and confident and when they are at home figuring out what to watch on Netflix they are bored and apathetic. Well, duh. But there was an incongruence in that people at work wanted to get out of there asap and people at home wanted to continue scrolling through Netflix. I think this may have something to do with what Byung-Chul Han talks about when he talks about how rest is only rest to work. One goes from compulsion to compulsion. There is no rest. There is no contemplation.

Maybe I a wrong though. There is the anecdote of the factory worker who tries to "best" his time in the assembly line on each part as if he were stoned out of his mind doing Mario Kart time trials. Even stoned Mario Kart gets stale. I think that guy is delusional. There was one day at the pizza shop that I was in the zone. I got 3 pizzas in the oven at the same time which I had never done before. I was so happy. But doing that for 8 hours without a break is fucking stupid. The shift stayed with me. I needed a long nap and still couldn't really shake it off. I couldn't make pizzas at an optimal level especially a challenging "limitless" attempt and even think about reading Byung-Chul Han at an acceptable comprehension. Then it is depressing to read Byung-Chul Han and then have to go back to the pizza shop and exploit myself even if I know that I am doing it.

Flow states at work are better than no flow states at work or are they? Maybe it is more like no work is better than work. At least in terms of late stage capitalism. Let me volunteer 25 hours a week. I'll even clean toilets for 5 hours a week if others are doing so too. I'll spend it on what matters: Ecology, organic farming, food, shelter, clothing, helping others.

I'll chase a flow state like I chased drugs like I can chase anything. Why drive 130mph if you can drive 140mph? But then why the fuck am I killing myself for the benefit of some greedy, douchebag CEO? Why the fuck am I killing myself for a pat on the back and a nice dinner when the CEO is running off with $10 milly in bonuses? And honestly I value a sincere pat on the back (versus a manipulative pat on the back) and a nice dinner more than money but you know how much good can be done with $10 milly? These fucking CEOs are blackholes. Before this quarantine I would go on walks at the beach. The beach is lined with these multimillion dollar houses. You know how many of these fucking houses are empty for 50 weeks out of the year?????? It's sickening. These people are fucking sick. It makes me sick.

"Let us hope that behind the virus comes a human revolution. The virus will not defeat capitalism. The solidarity that consists of keeping our distance from each other is not a solidarity that allows us to dream of a different, more peaceful, more just society. We cannot leave the revolution in the hands of the virus. Let us hope that behind the virus comes a human revolution. It is WE, PEOPLE gifted with REASON, who have to rethink and radically restrict destructive capitalism, and also our unlimited and destructive mobility, to save ourselves, to save the climate and our beautiful planet."

- Byung-Chul Han

Let us unite. There is more to life than a flow state at work and a Netflix binge before doing it all over again.

RiKD    United States. Mar 28 2020 04:32. Posts 6314

I've exhausted all of my other options.

I am sitting here listening to loneliness r&b zapping through twitter and came to the conclusion that i must write. I am going to start writing "I" as "i" like the Germans do and every other language that isn't individualist, oppressive English.

I painted all sorts of shit today it was fun. That is true leisure.

FKA Twigs is the atopic Other that capitalism has convinced me is my atopic Other.

Grey matter. Did you know that you can increase grey matter through meditation?

Pink matter. IT'S MORE THAN THE PINK MATTER! Damn, like i've said i could just use some eye contact and a smile at this point.

Purple matter. What if some motherfucking aliens dropped in at this point? 2020 helluva year.

I'm currently really into the archetype of black beauty. Probably cuz i'm listening to SZA and Lion Babe.and FKA Twigs. I'm a manipulated, exploited, beat up cow that gets reincarnated as a manipulated, exploited, beat up cow.

Kate Upton, Heidi Klum, Bar Rafaelli. It always comes in threes.

I am just looking for my atopic Other. I may or may not know it when i see it. She won't be a super model. She won't use Snapchat filters. Who the fuck knows?

I want love. I want a lover. I want to think. I want to wander. I want to live.

- Kindness
- Social connection
- Time affluence
- Meditation
- Exersize
- Sleep

These are the things that actually lead to well-being.

I suppose if we HAVE to work we are better off in a flow state doing something in line with our signature strengths.

I am blind, i am blind, i am going blind! All thought and no play makes RiKD a dully boy...

I am losing my mind a bit in quarantine. Some would argue it was already lost...

Frank Ocean's "Pyramids" always brings me back to Vegas 2008. Not that I didn't work hard but damn it was just like you played some hands and money just piled up. I never even ever played many hands... well, that's not true. I mean we'd just smoke some good trees and finda grind and party. It wasn't all empty though. Some of the conversations about life. We thought we all had it figured it out. And when you are easily making $75k+ and can do pretty much whatever you want that is kind of having it all figured out.

Double Ds and a penchant for Bakunin. Where is she?

I could get down with some BANKS too.

I think 100% of the herd wanted my life in my early 20s and 0% want my life now. #mylaugh

I honestly think i have the capacity to be happier now. My life in my early 20s was pretty awesome though. I am mostly happy with my eternal reoccurrence so far but it gets really fucking rough in my late 20s. Just gotta make sure the eternal reoccurrence is brackin' going into my 40s and beyond.

I had a dream that i made a lasting impression on human/social Revolution but they decapitated me and cut out my heart and auctioned it off. My heart kept beating and beating. The Spirit will never die.

We need heart and reason to make a difference. We need a We. ¡Solidaridad y Dignidad!


Anarchist Movement with Love

RiKD    United States. Mar 29 2020 17:54. Posts 6314

I am awake man. Feeling really good. Had some waffles with blueberries and 100% maple syrup from Vermont and some coffee. Now what to use this energy on? This human potential?

I go for a walk. I see a flower. It makes me hard. I jerk off to the flower. I lose myself to the flower. I have conquered infinity.

Do we want Kate Upton selling Hardees burgers, climate activism, or none of the above?

Mary Cassatt. Very underrated artist. I miss the beach.


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