Interstellar ya'll - Page 2

I have not proof read my own rant here so it may be filled with typo's and other grammatical errors. Just too pissed

1. The design of the ship is all wrong. Artificial gravity be means of centrifugal force would require a ship 100x that size to properly implement. In order to achieve earth-like gravity you need to rotate at about 1 rpm. The mass of the ship would be something akin to the ring in Elysium to be able to rotate at 1 rpm without making you sick. If you were to subject humans to 15rpm’s or whatever that ship was spinning at everyone would be puking their brains out. Not to mention the fact that with such a tight radius from the center of the ship, gravity would be exponentially worse with every foot you were away from the surface. This means that their feet would experience earth gravity while their heads were feeling maybe 50% of the effect. It would be intolerable. To top it off, the fucking cockpit is rotating with them dead fucking center of the ship. This would mean the pilots experience almost no gravity at all, and of course would just be getting dizzy as fuck. If you’re going to put the cockpit in the center then it should be attached to some kind of wheel so it can spin freely, and thus maintain a stable straight position, since you don’t need gravity while piloting the fucking ship.

2. OMFG with that speaking robot Tars. Was this Nolan’s Jar Jar Binks? Totally unnecessary and incredibly annoying. Aside from the ridiculous design which I’ll give a pass on since maybe NASA has considered a walking rover like this, it has personality? COME ON. We do not need a goofy fucking side-kick cracking one-liners in a drama in order to bring humor to the intensity of it all. Especially once that has mastered all the language and mannerisms of human comedy that he’s indistinguishable from a standup comic. Just completely fucking annoying and pointless.

3. A wormhole placed by aliens or humans from the future, but placed near Saturn? WHY? WHY PLACE IT SO FUCKING FAR AWAY? I’m still not sure who the whole “they” are supposed to be, but at the end it sounds like since Mathew is communicating with himself from the future that humans more or less are responsible for creating this gateway to warn themselves in the past about their demise. Even if I’m completely wrong here, it still makes no sense to place a wormhole in an arbitrary location like right behind Saturn. This is one of those plot devices I speak of, to do nothing other than make it somewhat difficult for humans to get to it and thus introduce struggle.

4. We finally make it to the first planet and they spend all of 15 minutes of movie time there. But before we got to that, this whole preposterous idea of an entire planet being stuck in time dilation. I’m sorry Nolan but that’s not how it fucking works. There’s no such thing as a planet or any other object that just because it orbits a black hole is therefore experiencing time in slow motion. The only potential possibility for this would be a planet traveling at or near lightspeed, which of course would make it impossible to land on, nevermind the fact that any such physical body would basically be destroyed long before reaching that speed. Nevertheless, the crew lands there and fucks up and gets caught in a tidal wave, fine whatever. But then he cant start because “the engines are flooded”?!?! LOL WTF! What is this spacecraft of theirs, a goddamn 60’s drag racer? Ok maybe it has some kind of hybrid atmosphere combusting engine that is more efficient than burning pure rocket fuel. The whole setup is still stupid. And our hero Tars comes to the rescue, if he can fucking cartwheel 30mph across the water then why the fuck didn’t he just do that immediately to save them? In fact why don’t they just ride him around like a fucking go kart wherever they need to go?

5. Matt Damon – I’ll give this a pass because it was kind of exciting, but still a total copout to put a villain in a movie like this. The struggle of making it to the new world and exploring was challenging enough, no need to put a psychopath on board who wants to kill everyone to save himself. Kinda reminds me of the movie “sunshine”. Really mysterious and interesting attempt to reignite the sun, crew stumbles upon old ship which they though was lost from a previous mission, only to discover a ravenous freddy Krueger like badguy trying to kill them all. Just UNNECESSARY.

6. The black hole. For starters, any black hole that you could possible orbit around would have to be at such a great distance to avoid being sucked into it that you couldn’t even see it with the naked eye. You cant just orbit a black hole fucking 100 miles out and look at it every day from your bedroom window. You’d have to orbit it from like a fucking lightyear away or some shit. Whatever, he goes to travel inside of it. Now this is another one of these annoying “zomg what is on the other side?!” questions people think science hasn’t answered. It has. A black hole isn’t a fucking hole. It’s just a goddamn body of mass who’s gravity is so strong light cant escape, hence it looks black. If you were to plunge into it you would be crushed, that’s it. If the gravity were just weak enough to let light escape then it would look like any other spherical body out there. Perhaps it would look like a planet, or maybe a scorching hot bright light. Point is that it doesn’t do anything special. You would be crushed like a pancake and die, that’s it. The only theory behind them is that what if the gravity is so strong that it bends space or time and thus you really could experience something besides death if you traveled into it? Well that’s fine and dandy, but you certainly couldn’t get out of it, so you’re still fucked if you ever go into one.

7. But he dives in and what in the fuck happened next is beyond me. Just some emotional time-rift bullshit communicating with his daughter blah blah fucking blah. Whats wrong with just saying maybe aliens really did send us the message about the wormhole?

You know what a far better wormhole discovery movie is? CONTACT. Which is hilarious because it also stars McConaughey. Humans receive a message from aliens in a very believable fashion, returned via the same source it was sent in through a method that we might figure out, by an aliens species who returns all messages like this whether the recipient gets it or not. We construct a device that we have no comprehension about using their instructions, we visit them, and we come back. Even that movie got the time dilation effect backwards with Jodie experiencing 4 hours and earth experiencing 4 seconds, but besides that one fuckup the movie was great. No badguys (besides the suicide bomber but he didn’t affect anything since they already had a backup portal, plus he only represented about 5 minutes worth of the movie) and a mystery from the perspective of the scientists on ground. The movie made as much sense as can be made when dealing with sci-fi.

Thing is if you cant get the science right then don’t make a sci-fi film that tries so hard to be realistic. Make fucking star trek or star wars or something where it’s the characters and action that drive it forward. If you want to be Kubrick and make the next 2001 then you better know your shit. Reminds me of Gravity which I also hated. “Oh it’s so realistic, there’s no sound in outer space!” Shit that movie actually begins with that reminder on screen for all the dipshits who don’t understand this concept, so that they wont be all confused when all the explosions are silent. But even then the movie is absurd with the whole satellite debris from a botched demolition and then jetpacking around in space and finding the Chinese space station etc etc.

/RANT OVER

A lot of the science was made up to fit the movie I mean just look at the robots lol. And afaik anything nearing the event horizon of a black hole will be shredded under intense heat and gravitational forces. Even landing on a planet moving so fast it warps time to the point one hour = 20 earth years and so near a black hole is implausible. I'm not sure advanced data on black holes could effectively be transferred via ticks on a watch or morse code.

A lot of the science was provocative and good though. The movie was based on a controversial and widely discussed causality paradox. The images of the black hole were based on an astrophysicists equations on the behavior of a black hole modeled on supercomputers; the most advanced of it's kind. Relativity was explained clearly and simply and fairly well represented in the movie. Dimension representation was good (they explained a wormhole would actually appear as a sphere) and the tessaract was cool and IMO well done.

The movie was ambitious and stretched and made up some things but as fiction I am ok with that and clearly effort was made to accurately portray the science.

this movie is a total throwback to 2001. The robots are a nod to the obsidian statues. Matt Damon trying to kill the crew to save himself and his own view of the mission was like the robot ship computer Hal in 2001 trying to kill the crew. Mcconaghey dropping into the black hole and moving through the lights was like the guy going into the portal in 2001 and once through they both realize what's going on.