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Heres some marriage humour:

Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Golfing 3.6.
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 . Please help!

Thanks,
Troubled User.....
_____________________________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance . Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 .
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!

Best of luck,

Tech Support


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I had a good day today...lost a couple times with overpairs to sets to 1/2 stacks....I just can't/refuse to fold overpairs for $25 at NL50. Make my goal of 1,000 UB pts. with 45 mins. to spare.

Jan. 18th Results:

Hands Played: 1164
Profit: $63.3
Bonus: $16.55
Rakeback: $14.7

PTS-->Cash $50

Current Bankroll: $1534

http://photos.pe.facebook.com/v59/63/84/123700076/n123700076_30280238_3550.jpg


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It's kinda trendy to have a blog, so why couldn't I have one too?

Hi,
My name is Kapol, I play poker since March 2k5. Recently i am making money on PokerStars, NL100 FR. My total roll is 3k$. My PT database has just crashed and there was no way to recover it . I decided to create a blog and post here all of my sessions, so I can see if there is any progress in my game.
OK, so let's play my first session. I'll drop a few lines just after I finish.

C ya.


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This time while peddling for the nuts, I decided to focus on one idea and see what paint allows me to put while pokerstars jump and block my view.
While drawing this, I folded approximatly 2 quads, 1 straigh flush and called down with what I though to be my first suited pocket rockets.

Anyway enough talking, here is the masterpiece.
Like the previous artwork, this one feature color (yellow :O!!)
Notice also how this pict is about omaha hi/lo and since SS2 contains some insight on the game.
Also dont ask me why the guy is dressed like a monk and probably has no internet. Thats how his life is.
http://ircing.org/~kimo/pict/scrapbook2.gif


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I know several of you are planning searching for new ways to withdraw and deposit funds into your online, and I jus twant to say... DO NOT USE CLICK2PAY. IT FUCKING SUCKS. THEIR CUSTOMER SERVICE IS TERRIBLE AND SLOW. EPASSPORTE HAS BEEN MUCH MORE HELPFUL.


CLIFF NOTES : EPASSPORTE > Checks > ANYTHING > > > > > CLICK2PAY.


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Today i had a great session after a few break evens.
here are ze results of 4h gaming & 1600 hands & a couple of badbeats
http://www.yoeri.net/zion/25nl.jpg
http://www.yoeri.net/zion/25nlgraf.jpg



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I get bored too easily sometimes and become a tilting donk bitch...but on the brightside I won 3 5.50s today which is helpful for my menial bankroll.


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yap, I finished up today! I woke up at 8am and played a long session as planned and I played really well today specially at the begining.Then I had some collers. (KK vs AA twice and some dumb cooler hands) I even tilted around $300 in the middle of the session but it all turned out good as I managed to finish up could have finished much higher but I think its kinda all right after 6 days of running terrible and playing poorly!

I made some great calls like
http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/133655 &
http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/133743

There is also this hand that kinda bothers me so I would appriciate some feed backs on this.
http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/133711


Graph of the day
http://i98.photobucket.com/albums/l273/capaneo/good7.jpg

VPP=39.2K!


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I just played a short 500 hand session, still not feeling very comfortable but I'm forcing myself to just keep focused and keep grinding.

I was down about 3/5 a buyin, then this hand happened:

http://www.pokerhand.org/?749506

Needless to say I was pretty pissed off but then a king flopped and I was thinking about how it must be some kind of divine retribution XD.

Next hand on the same table, this happens:

http://www.pokerhand.org/?749519

I ended my session up about 1.5 buyins. Needless to say, poker seems sooooooo easy when you play the set-up situations and suck out.

Both of those hands are pretty mundane, so I will post this one I played yesterday: I felt proud of myself.

http://www.pokerhand.org/?747698

Being so used to nitting it up at 25nl and 50nl fr, making calls like this is still a 'big deal' for me (even though it is pretty straight forward).


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Well, here I am with a brand new blog. I figured I'd use it to try and keep track of my progress in poker as I ride the ups and downs of bankroll swings.

I've been trying to get it through my brain that I will make a full switch to 50nl sh, but I still don't feel comfortable there even after 5k+ hands. Whether this is because I'm used to 12tabling 25nl fr or because I've lost over 10 buyins at 50nl sh, who knows.

I always tell myself that many of the losses were due to sickening bad beats (which they were) but it's still hard to have mental fortitude to accept it and keep grinding on. Especially now that the money is actually worth something: Every time I lose a $100 pot, even though it is a buyin, I think about what sick things I could have spent that cash on. Losing a buyin at 10nl or even 25nl doesn't feel the same.


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Ok, so I'm up like 6 buyins or something the last 3 days or so. Havn't played much but I've played kinda good. I think I'm a better player now then before my little downswing. I mentioned that I'd probably post something like; “Downswing ends, Dusty becomes really happy and makes out with ugly girl” soon so now I'll only need a ugly girl. The problem is that I'll be at my parents' house this weeked so I'll either have to dig up some old girlfriend or something or make out with one of my roommates. I don't think the one with big boobies would like that since she has put up a limit on how much I can play with her boobies lately. The other one might be up for it, but she's really ugly! I'd give her sexuall favours if she cleaned and made me food or if I was really drunk, but still!

Anyway, I've got a lot of shit to do tomorrow so I'll just get some sleep now.


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This is incredible. Im not going to whine cause Im sick of doing even that.

Im now dropping down to 100nl. My goal is to grind out atleast 3k hands/day and rebuild my roll. Im going to power through this and I will come out better and stronger.


Goodnight.


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Decent session, lost a couple hands against shortstacks, including a couple 1-outers. Came back at the end of the session though to make a decent profit.

http://img487.imageshack.us/img487/1309/000np0.jpg


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After my failed 100nl attempt, with my br split on ub and stars, I decided I'll try and take some free money from 25nl donks. This of course, didnt work either. Not only can I not hit for the life of me, I managed to get it in with the best against 2 or 3 outters, they will always always hit.

I swear, time to move to UB


Next entry = no poker whine


http://img510.imageshack.us/img510/2559/catsexhv3.jpg


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I thought that today I will write topic "day 2" about how much money on nl10 i easily grinded BUT ! my school said NO poker for you Peter, more in depth. I must read book "Veronika decides to die" from Paulo Coelho and I must make a speech about this book TOMMOROW !!!1!.

But since I like Paulo Coelho (I've read alchemist from him) I thought I could handle it. So I've began with 150 pages of this novel.
I must say, I'm impressed (like I was while reading alchemist). If I could read books only from one author, it would be surely Paulo Coelho. His writing skills and particulary depths of "self-monologues" are reeealy deep. I can't properly describe my feelings during reading of this book but, seriously guys, when you want some book, look for Paulo Coelho's one.


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Stakes: NL50
VPiP: 16.59
PFR: 11.66
Hands: 892

Amount Won: $27.30
PTbb/100: 3.06
Hours: 1.83
MT: 5.14

This is getting really annoying, tables are changing into fucking nit-garden. Most time you sit with four 12/9 players and one fish, who hit everything in every way.
Guess it will be only worse now ;(

Update:
Ok this is getting too sick , i fucking quit poker for few days.
Just look at this hands:
http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/133880 hit under set $31.90
http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/133875 tied by 7 outer
http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/133871 made a good read and called all-in PF with 55 just to lose to 33 hitting set. $19.80
http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/133860 made a good read and lost to 3 outer $9.50
http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/133458 lost to 4 outer $22.40
http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/133844 made a good read, but should just call river not push $54.50

And many, many hands where I c-bet with nothing and i'm raised or i have good hand and it's folded to mee etc.

So basically even tho i made good decisions i ended up loosing 3 buyins.

Stakes: NL50
VPiP: 16.62
PFR: 11.72
Hands: 1,937

Amount Won: $150.65
PTbb/100: 7.78
Hours: 4.08
MT: 5.16

This is abnormal fucking annoying, because it's not first time, when I'm cold decked on NL50. Overall it's sth like 10th attempt to move from NL25 to NL50 and every time I'm running good for sometime and then i'm fucked up by luck or when i have decent roll to play it I cashout some money and then cold decking strikes again and I need to move down.
It's so fucking annoying...

I think that after weekend (maybe sunday), I will try again NL50 and if i will lose ~3 buyins i will go down to NL25.


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Uhh I just finished another incredible rollecoaster session. Im way to tired to post any hands right now, all I can say is that I obviously had upset lady luck in some way. She properly fucked me over in the beginning of the session. -900$ in like 500 hands, wtf??

Its all good though. We had some sweet sweet make up sex and I made it all back, ending the session almost break even. Somehow it feels like a big win.


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So I decided to be lame and start a blog like everyone else.

This is mostly just for myself so I can keep track of my progress, so I wont feel totally suicidal if no one really reads it.

Seeing as I am down to my last 50$ and I need money to eat, I have decided to take poker seriously from now on. I started on the 3 dollar SNGs, but after a few rounds I switched to the 6.50 SNGs. I cashed in 9 of my tournies today, mostly first and second, and walked away with a net total of 72$

Stats for the day
Hands played : ??
Tournies played : ??
Starting Bankroll : $50
Ending Bankroll : $122
Net Profit/Loss : +$72

So far so good. Although I'm not sure how I am going to cash anything out when Neteller goes out for us US players...

And I'm feeling less emphatic now about my micro stakes group than I was when I made that topic last last night so we will see how things work out before I commit to anything like that.

[On a side note, my good friend recently got 2nd place in a 10+1 dollar tourny a few days back, raking in close to 2k! Needless to say, there will be celebration this upcomming weekened]


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So, I have played a couple of short sessions since my last entry and Im doing pretty well. Not really generating crazy profit but Im playing really well and grinding in decent dough. Still not running my best but I manage to pull of some sick suckouts once in a while to compensate for that.


Pretty awsome 1 outer. I smelled something fishy with his minraise on turn. Cant really fold AA to a good card for me HU though. And he does the same with draws and some random hands, the guy was an A+ fish.
http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/132906

This one was really weird. I decided to check behind that flop cause alot of turns gives my hand good potential and I think villian calls a c-bet on flop with alot of overpairs, inflating the pot.

I put him on a big pair after he though for a while and then just called the turn, my gincard comes on river and the guy instapushes. Pretty funny.


http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/133407


I made a pretty good read this session. Not for alot of money so not really HOTW material but I felt really good about it. His turn frontbet felt really weird so I didnt give him credit for a flush there, no point in raising though. Betting 20$ on the river again I realized he was full of shit. Ship it.

http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/133423

Hopefully I will be able to play alot the following weeks though school starts next week so that might be a problem. 1 term left after that ill take a break for a year playing poker. God that will be sweet.

Fo shizzle


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First of all, my name is Caleb Gunter, I live in the United States of America, and I am 18 years old.

Poker for me, thus far into my career of it has been basically a way for me to buy beer on the weekends and to pay off a few fines that I have unfortunately recieved. My bankroll has never exceeded 1k, however, I have made well over 1k profits from poker. I would consider myself an all-around balanced poker player including tournaments, ring play, and sng. Coming from my starcraft background I can multitable pretty well, and have played as many as 27 $6 9 man turbo sng at once, granted i had ~1% ROI in that session .

My style in poker is almost fearless, even when im underrolled i find myself playing as if I have 100buyins for my limit, which is a good and bad thing because it causes me to have a pretty swingy bankroll. I would consider myself a risk taker, playing NL50 on occasion with 6 buyins and moving down to nl25 when hitting $250 until I had $300 again but I would really like to quit doing that, quit cashing out every week, and really bare down and start grinding my way up the stakes because im pretty sure I could do really well.

To be honest, at this point in my career as a poker player, lowstakes bore me and i am playing almost purely tournaments hoping for a big cash to stake me for at least Nl100 and skip out on all the petty bullshit. I have on occasion came very close to this very glory only to be cut short on a terrible beat, or playing like a jackass(This hand almost made me want to quit poker, I know, I'm a faggot http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/125095) First prize in that tournament was 6.5k and i was the chipleader at that point in the tournament, 18 people left, and the villain was 3rd in chips, whatever im done bitching about it) I've never finished better then 6th in a big MTT and I think my biggest cash is something like $420.

As of right now, however, my bankroll is barely big enough to be playing anything other then the $1.50 18 man turbo sng and whenever my internet gets turned back on(we had a terrible ice storm this past weekend) I intend on grinding those back up to the 3's and the 3's back to the 6's where I can fund my tournament play safely.

This has became a bit longer then intended, however, I hope it interested you.


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