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Day 18 - HU, 6M, FR + favor by Oxy, July 19


Hey all,

So after a slight hiatus from posting, I'm back, and I've got some more updates.

First, I'm glad everyone enjoyed pictures of my setup. Penguin has been doing well, but his luckbox abilities are kind of shot at the moment. I haven't taken down a tournament yet except the one on day 3, but I'm going to re-double my efforts (yet again!). I'm planning on mixing up HU, 6M and FR at 50NL while playing tournaments for the rest of the week (starting Sunday). Additionally, I'm going to try and play HU high most of the time. I want to see how that goes. I find I am nearly tiltless and completely focused, making some sick reads when I play high recently. I had some brownies on Thursday and my session was pretty cool.

Given that I'm going to be playing cash a significant amount, and that my laptop still hasn't come back, would anybody be willing to purchase PT3 for me? I could pay you via Stars, but I don't have a CC. I believe there is an offer for PT3+PAHud for the price of PT3 only, so if anybody could arrange this for me, I'd very much appreciate it. I could even get you an autographed picture of Pengee (my luckboxing penguin).

Cheers.


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LP.net Shark by 0x64, July 19


For those who missed my first try making the Lp.net logo
+ Show Spoiler +



My little sister wanted one too but she is more of a shark person so here is the progress, didn't have a camera with me for the earlier stages.
Slightly inspired by
http://www.liquidpoker.net/images/avatars/lpps_shark.jpg and http://www.liquidpoker.net/images/avatars/lpps_shipit2.jpg

Painting
+ Show Spoiler +



Removing the masktape
http://ircing.org/~kimo/kuvat/P1010142.JPG
+ Show Spoiler +




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Help me pick new image! by jase, July 19


Narrowed it down to these:
http://www.liquidpoker.net/user_pictures/8de69c71084297e5229e7038f00c2b1d.jpg
http://www.liquidpoker.net/user_pictures/9e2b01a8463a2e0ad9c23f1d5e543cba.jpg
http://www.liquidpoker.net/user_pictures/62246a56752f7b9d319beb691f35de41.jpg
http://www.liquidpoker.net/user_pictures/e9ecc83a35894c85e40b1801e89c76e4.jpg
http://www.liquidpoker.net/user_pictures/c009f7734ad54a20fb40a47cc6bec735.jpg


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WSOP Summery by franchise, July 19


Back from Vegas, and wow lemme tell u Vegas sucks if ur there for over 96 hours. So many distractions!! Well, predictably, I was the illest for all of that 96 hours before degeneracy and what not got ahold of me, and the other 40 days in Vegas were basically a waste. Lots of fun, but by the end I was way too excited to go back to VA and rehab.

WSOP is my least favorite thing other than people like livb. I had one stake for the whole thing, and some other guys who could only come for short intervals. Well, my star stake had 2 small cashes and I had a solid 0, so I ended down at least 120k from staking. I swear I've never run worse than in these tournaments. For example, the HU event I am playing a total jopke donkament player 1st round who shoves turn drawing dead for all the chips, then I get a solid high-stakes cash player 2nd round who decimates me because I can't make a hand. Ugh I'm supposed to win this and its honestly very frustrating when I don't make a splash. Whatever, I ended up playing like 11 tournies total and bubbling 3; I was CL of one near the bubble but obv I cannot win a hand when it matters. I started off on a torrid pace, up like 60k in cash after the first 3 days, but after that I basically didn't do anything poker-wise. Live cash is so boring and when I get bored I generally raise and reraise for fun. Bad things could happen. Whatever.

Also adding insult to injury, I went on the Plomaha downswing over 3 days, the last 3 I was in Vegas. As usual, moving up was accompanied by running impeccably bad. Like epic. So I think it constitutes the second "shot" I've taken that ended like this. Frankly I'm tired of this so I'm focusing on making money only for the next couple of months. I'm moving into a new balla apartment next week and have to decide whether I want to persue this poker thing fulltime, or finish school. I dunno which to do because there are merits to both but also accompanying are pressures from both sides. I read this interesting article on Hoss's blog, this goes on the pro-poker side, a good read none the less: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/26/science/26tier.html?_r=2&pagewanted=1&ref=science&oref=slogin&oref=slogin

Basically this is a time of change in my life so I'm trying to finally grow up a lil bit. As you may have noticed, I am pretty immature; its ok but I could stand to gain some perspective and act reasonably. All responsible people create lists, so I'm going to create a to-do list of stuff that I need to get done over the next few months, and try to adhere to it. Also, I threw this idea out to a few people in Vegas: Since I know I should be a lil (lot) healthier, I want to make some sort of fitness-related bet, for a lot of $$. I think the only way I can motivate myself to get really fit again is to place a significant amount of money on it. Unfortunately my friends at home can't bet this much. So anyone who thinks they have a similar goal, holla at me with some ideas. I don't want it to be a strictly weight-loss bet, because at my peak physical condition I was basically the same weight (all muscle obv), and I'm not grossly overweight or anything, so I think if I work out and all that stuff I'll be maybe 10lbs less but in fantastic shape. Maybe something to do with body-fat %?? I've been looking to book like 50k on this but I'll do anything 20k+ I just think it would be extremely beneficial to have monetary incentive to do what I should be doing anyway.
GL,
Franchise


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sicker comeback by F4Zi, July 19





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Ahhh weekend's here. by eightfourO, July 18


First off, i was def not kidding. I <3 the word "spunk". Put away the point i can't tell the difference between british and australian accents. I am sorry. But "spunk" is here to stay.

This week went by really fast...Poker wise, nothing big. I broke even...again. which is what i've been doing since june. I'm going to start playing 6max bc it plays into my tight-aggressive game...Hands get much better, and i can play drawing hands (i.e. suited connectors) much more aggressively than i could at full ring. I feel like i have an edge at this level (obv there are a bunch of tards playing) and so i want to be involved in more pots. We'll see how this lil experiment goes. As everyone knows and hates, my goal is a boomstick by january (i figure if i call it something somewhat silly, you may be more accepting of it). But im not going to get into that b/c i like everyone on here, and i really dont want to bother w/ politics on a poker website...Unless it's trying to get the fuckin gov't to give us freedom and play online poker or w/e.

Anyway today i decided that since it's friday, i'm gunna go play golf. I shot a 93... could have easily been an 85 if i make decent shots instead of shit shots. I was only +1 after the 4th hole and i thought i was having the game of my life when out of nowhere the golf god smited me.

At work i had to break up a fight between two twelve year olds... I am an umpire for the great YMCA. Seriously, 12?? wtf.

This weekend i am waking up in 4 hours to go to my uncles lease and set up feeders for deer season in December. My cousin got a 4-wheeler for his 12th birthday so we are going to ride it when we're done. It's going to be a pretty badass weekend. I have 2 viruses on my computer that i'm deleting right now, might play some poker while it's scanning... or get ready for my trip in a lil bit.

Other than that...lifes good. I'm getting an apartment with 2 of my teammates right next to my school, i figure it will cost me 700 +/- to sustain life (food gas electric etc) I'm not ballin out of control or anything, but i think i can handle this load... I have 2 jobs, so i should be able to pay for everything. Two jobs, 12 hrs at school, and baseball... it's tough.

Basically all my free time is going to be A) Working out B) Playing Racquetball C) Playing poker D) Playing NHL 08 (GO STARS!) E) Beerpong. Duh.

Well, thats it. I'll let you know about my lil experiment on the 6max tables (already good, i doubled up on like the 4th hand...) And i'll let you know how this weekends tourney at Oklahoma State University goes, along with some more golf scores and some ballin out of control poker hands and what not.

GL everyone =)


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I hate it when I do this by kimseongchan, July 18





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Ahhh that's nice by k2o4, July 18


Back into NL50 with a winning session. Been so long it's funny to see people actually show some aggression in slightly tricky ways. But just kept to the strategy I'd been practicing and everything went well despite running cold as hell, and I took a 2.5 buyin win. I am much more motivated to keep playing poker right now cause NL50 feels close to where I wanna be and a good day feels like some money, not spare change. I guess the fact that I make very little money at my real job makes this look pretty good, haha!

So yeah, quick brag, but too lazy to post graphs and things, especially cause there's not much to show off. I do want to thank everyone who gave positive comments on my last post - it helped to have that show of support =)


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comebackaments by F4Zi, July 18


so i was supposed to sleep but..

http://www.liquidpoker.net/user_pictures/cb8883717fa7a6c39f9a04d1de73f909.jpg


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masturbation story by Day[9], July 18


So there was a thread on teamliquid entitled "have you ever been caught masturbating."

i spent a while writing a story, so i figured i'd post it here since some might enjoy:

-------------------------

WTF i get caught jacking off all the time

i'm not unlucky, its just standard probability. i beat off alot. seriously, i beat off like if i keep doing it, i'm gonna win something. its only natural people will stumble in eventually

FOR EXAMPLE

so i'm on this direct flight from claremont (my college town) back to kansas city (my home town) for winter break. since its a direct 3 hour flight, its too short for them to have "in flight entertainment," but its so long that i'm gonna be bored out of my god damn mind. so, of course, i'm like "i guess i'm beating off like 5 times during this flight."

its one of those small sized slingshot airplanes that goes really fast but is really unstable and has one tiny ass cramped aisle. so i'm sitting in my anorexic bucket seat w/ my shitty peanuts waiting for the plane to hit a high enough altitude when i finally hear: *ding* "this is your captain speaking, we have reached a cruising altitude of 30,000 feet, you are now free to move about the cabin." "bink success!" i think to myself, "the time is right." of course i don't rush to the bathroom, no need for that. why not give myself a little tease. i gently, slowly unbuckle my seatbelt. I stand up, and stretch a little bit. I take a nice slow, leisurely walk to the bathroom at the back of the plane. masturbation this good deserves foreplay of its own.

i get to the bathroom, close the door, and sliiiiiide my pants on down and start working myself. oh holy LORD it's amazing. i mean, i don't know if you know this or not, but i am REALLY good at masturbating. I'm in a 2 square foot, dimly lit bathroom, but i feel so good my back is arching and my foot is cramping and i'm nearly ready to start screaming my own name.

then suddenly, TURBULENCE. AGH SHIT. I HATE turbulence. It's not that it makes me feel sick or nauseated. turbulence makes me feel like i'm about to die. So i'm trying to jack off, and suddenly the jerk in the plane floods my body w/ adrenaline and i grab the handle in the bathroom and i'm like "OH SHIT."

do you know how hard it is to cum when you feel like you're about to die??? I mean seriously, imagine jacking off while there's a guy w/ a loaded gun to your head and he's screaming "C'MON CUM YOU PUSSY, DO IT CUM." You'd be shivering w/ eyes closed, tears streaming down your face as you sputter through little snot bubbles just BEGGING your dick to come. "please cum!!!" you'd weep "i wanna cum soooo bad!!!!!"

so there i am trying to think of every dirty thing possible so i can finally orgasm, but all that's going through my mind is "god i need to reconcile with my dad and tell my brother i love him" etc etc and while i'm distracted in a mess of standard pre-death thoughts, i don't realize that i'm about to cum.

HOLY FUCK i say as i fumble and try to grab some kleenex from the box on the counter. however, in my stuttered panic, i just knock the kleenex box over, hit the "stewardess help button," and i cum directly onto the floor. still in a state of panic i'm like FUCKFUCKFUCK I NEED TO TURN THIS BUTTON OFF so of course i (geniusly) press it like 5 more times trying to turn this off. Naturally, the button just goes *ding ding ding ding*, making my situation seem all the more urgent, and i can hear the stewardess rushing to the door since i appear to be in desperate need of help.

"FOCUS SEAN FOCUS," i think, "I NEED TO HIDE MY DICK." so, (this is genius) i pick up the kleenex box from the floor, pull out 5 pieces of tissue, and i just lay them on top of my erection... so it looks kinda like a little dick tent. so, the stewardess, responding to my urgent spams of the "stewardess help button" proceeds to open the bathroom door just like i knew she was going to. She looks on the ground to see my epic protein stain, looks up at my glorious dicktent, and then you know what happens?? we make eye contact.

so she's looking at me, and i'm looking at her and in general i dislike awkward silences. however, this was an all KINDS of awkward silence, so i figured it was necessary to say something. so, i did the best i could. i look her right in the eye and say "... it is what it is..."

???? why did i say that???? what a stupid thing to say... well... i guess it's hard in that situation to "play it off cool." i can't be like "hey i know smoking isn't allowed on the plane, so do you have a stick of gum??"

so she shuts the door, and i clean myself up and spend another 3 minutes trying to clean up the mass of cum on the floor. even though i did a pretty good job, its damn hard to get that shine out of the laminate flooring. i'm finally done, so i open up the bathroom door to see a line of 10 or so people that's been building up since i went into the bathroom like 20 minutes ago (again, it took my a while since its difficult to cum when you think you're about to die). I get to look across the line of all of em, and say the only sensible thing i can think of:

"for those of you going to use the bathroom, i'd make sure you're wearing shoes."


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help upload files? by Stim_Abuser, July 18


i wanted to upload some of my HH files because im going to reformatt my comp and dont want to lose them.

can anyone recommend a site or anything? i dont have any blank cds and this would be much easier.


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cant get unstuck by F4Zi, July 18


give up!

http://www.liquidpoker.net/user_pictures/1cd1df8458282a50da55b0a4ed9d1ff6.jpg

lots of coolers, barely anything won with aa/kk

nite


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Quick daily review by TianYuan, July 18


Gonna try to do one of these everyday, even though I didn't play much.

http://img242.imageshack.us/img242/7601/07182008omahaef2.png
The W$WSF looks pretty ugly.. Hope it was variance :D I still didn't, as far as I can remember, do much 3betting preflop which is too bad. Next session I play I'll force myself to 3bet some hands and see how it plays. I'm really unsure about if 3betting hands like ATJK double suited or AJ9T double/single suited is a good idea or not and what to do if 4bet..

http://img255.imageshack.us/img255/6746/07182008omahagraphqt8.png

General:
http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/487342 - Double gutted to the nuts /w possible 2 pair outs vs a halfpot bet.. I think call is ok?

http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/487339 - I check turn because I feel that card has to be pretty good if he wants to bluff me off aces with his draw or turn some kind of hand into a bluff. I don't think he has better all that often. I'm a little surprised he didn't take a shot at the pot after getting checked to on the turn, on the river.. On the river I guess betting would be overrepping my hand as AAXX.. Nuros said in comments he liked the river check, but I wonder if there's any value in sort of depolarizing my range here (ie can someone go "well, he's either got AA here or he has complete airball, I call")?

http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/487337 - c/r or lead in these spots? I tend to always lead and almost never get raised, then I get a semi-small pot on the turn where I have to pot again and get into awkward river spots etc.. Will people bet the flop enough for c/r to be better?

http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/487322 - I think on this turn I have enough equity to call.. Just ran it through propokertools.com and vs a range of all sets + KJ I STILL have equity to call here (33.39% equity, getting 2:1). So add in some weird draws and maybe some other weird 2 pairs and I think call is good.

http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/487321 - 3 handed, NFD + gutshot.. Probably fine.

http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/487319 - Hmm, I should probably just pot river if I bet turn here? Like, either go all the way repping my hand or just give up. I guess it might have helped me get paid here tho: http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/487326

http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/487318 - Turn is sort of not awesome.. If he decides to stick it in here are we happy?

http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/487314 - I was really torn between a 3bet and a flat here preflop, if I 3bet I get to put in a decent chunk of our effective stacks (assuming nobody coldcalls) but not enough to just happily stack off on any flop. I am suited once but /w no connectivity at all I decided to flat.. Is check ok here or too many people?

http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/487313 - Hm, I think I should probably check this river just because my hand really doesn't look like a fullhouse all that much and he might still ship in a flush or bluff (because he thinks I have AA or something like that). I feel I should bet this flop because I raised oop and people might stack off really light.

http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/487310 - I'm not sure if I made a mistake not betting here. On the one hand, I have likely 11 outs on a board where people are gonna give me a ton of respect and there's really not that many draws (and I have one of them), on the other hand - the ace of spades it not on the board and I'm never getting the NFD to fold unless I barrel 3 streets.

http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/487561 - Early on in the session (in fact it might have been the first hand lol), I thought this flop would be ok to bluff raise.. When he just flats, should I fire turn to try to get him off a set or flushdraw? I considered betting river because I felt like the best hand he could have here is some kind of low straight BUT there's a draw that missed and with my turn check behind I would rep like... nothing. Maybe like, flushdraw with some kind of cards that rivered a higher straight. And I do beat a flushdraw, well, some flushdraws.
Folds:
http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/487340 - I think turn fold is sort of standard, it feels weird not being able to play this hand aggressively. Bejamin1 suggested I fold on the flop which I guess is best if I have to fold this turn/will run into a boat too often if I don't.. I guess with a more aggressive dynamic/image I could make raise/stack off here?

Ok so I guess this was it for todays session, there might have been a few others but its late and they were probably in small pots.


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I bet you didn\'t know by k2o4, July 18


My friend just sent me one of those chain emails with scary shit about Obama, this time focusing on taxes. It's a topic important to my friend cause he's a businessman making plenty of money. I checked it out and of course it was a BS email, but it lead me to some cool info. Check out how income tax will be under each candidate in 2009:

http://premium1.uploadit.org/IAElitesquad//Taxes.jpg


So if you make over 603K a year, then you probably wont' be a big fan of Obama's tax policy. Otherwise there's not much to bitch about when it comes to income tax.

Here's my reply to my friends email, with a link to the snopes article on taxes. I suggest you read it cause it's easy, clear and full of great info. I'll put the smear email in a spoiler so you can refer to that if you want...

+ Show Spoiler +




  Overall it rates as false. So mostly BS. And I'm glad you got me looking into it, cause it turns out that I was right that your taxes would go up under Obama, but not by close to as much as I originally thought. For example, income tax will go up a whopping… $12.00 for you under Obama… omg! (this is assuming you’re still making between 227k and 603k).

Check this snopes article for the full breakdown: http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/taxes.asp

Key highlights:

1) Capital gains WOULD go up under Obama, but not to 28%, but more likely to around %15. Also, this isn’t on “ALL HOME SALES” like they say – only when you profit over 500K in the sale does this kick in.

2) Obama wants to keep the dividend tax the same as capital gains, so that means %15, which is where it is now.

3) Like I already said, your income taxes would barely go up while everyone below you would get a tax break. Everyone underneath 112k would get a bigger tax break from Obama than McCain. So obama is definitely my man for cutting taxes.

4) All the death tax shit is totally off (inheritance tax). McCain wants to give people a bigger break on the inheritance tax than Obama, but Obama wants to give people a break from what it is right now. This section is kinda confusing so you gotta read it yourself, too hard to make it a short note.

5) 3 of the 5 “new taxes” by obama are complete lies and he never proposed any of them (2,400 sq ft homes, gas tax, retirement tax)

6) The “Natural resource consumption tax” is referring to the cap and trade proposal for reducing carbon emissions – making polluters pay more if they pollute more, encouraging em to go green.

7) The supposed tax for socialized 3rd world medicine is total BS – obama wants to use the money that comes by letting bushes tax cuts to the people making more than 603k a year expire. So it’s really semantics here.

Read the entire thing though, it’s pretty easy reading and clearer than my highlights.

Honestly, 95% of the email’s like this are full of shit from both sides, liberal and conservative. That’s why they’re sent out in emails like this. As soon as you get something like this in the mail, automatically assume it’s BS and you’re almost certain to be right. Then go to a place like snopes and check. On the rare occasion the email will be true, but you can probably go your entire life without ever receiving a true one, hehe.



Sorry, I can't help myself with politics.


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1st blog entry by cesetothemonz, July 18


Ok well finally after playing numerous freerolls and $1 90 man mtts I finally decided to move up to $5 mtts. I have somewhere around 30 buyins. I have been expecting better play but the play is no different if not worse. If I lose a few more I might have to move back down to the $1 mtts which would suck.
Hand of the day
http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/487477


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Izz a conspiracy! by SfydjkLm, July 18


I've had quiet a few coolers today flipping lower sets/full houses three times in a 1 and a half hour time 10 tabling. I mean, im to lazy to calculate the exact numbers but the probability of that happening oughta be insane isnt it?

Maybe its my paranoid conspiracy theorist nature but i always believed that online casinos rig the dealer slightly so more big hands would be dealt- effectively enticing all the fish who are laik "OMG ROYAL FLUSHZOR." To reinforce that belief i also got a QKTJQ flop for my AT v QQ. YEAH! RIGHT! THAT HAPPENS!)

I think i'm becoming immune to coolers too. Which is in my opinion the goal of playing low stakes.

Placed ITM in another .1 buyin tournament. With quiet a bit of luck tho!


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Batman by k_law, July 18


Went and saw The Dark Knight and it was unreal. If you get a chance, go check it out.


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Neteller merchants by voodoouser, July 18


Hello,

i'm looking for a Neteller merchant list. After a good 1 hour search on google i found NOTHING!
So you are my last hope i think.

Thank you.


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Writing Good Bad Beat Stories (FYI) by killThemDonks, July 18


im tired of people bitching about their AA vs J 5 or straight vs runner runner flush....here is how to write a really good bad beat story:

How To Write Bad Beat Stories
by Doron Singer
( http://www.parttimepoker.com/poker-humor/essays/howto-badbeatstories.htm )

Bad beat stories serve two purposes. A really good bad beat story serves to show both what a great player you are, and what a complete retard everybody else is. Moreover, because all poker players are hardcore gamblers who’d shoot you in the back for a pretty penny, the community as a whole is fairly distant, and the stories help draw people together, because nobody ever tires of hearing about aces getting cracked.
This article will help you master the fine art of writing bad beat stories, as there is nothing sadder than cracked aces going untold about.

The stakes have to be high.
Nobody is interested in what happens in penny ante games, and rightfully so. How much anguish can one derive from losing 37 cents? And if you don’t care, why should your audience?

No, the right way of going about things is to tell about astronomical stakes, preferably so high none of your readers has ever played in them.
“I was playing in the $50-$100 pot limit in the Belagio…” – Good.
“I was playing in the $5000 ante tables in Texas with a bunch of oil tycoons” – Better.
“I was playing for fun…” – Terrible.

The odds against you have to be irrationally slim.
Losing as a 70% favourite happens all the time (it can be proven mathematically; however, this is a subject for another article altogether). Nobody’s impressed by that. What you want to do is make sure your story features odds so amazing, anyone who hears it will immediately petition the Supreme Court to reverse that stroke of bad luck, as it offends both man and God in its hideous unfairness.
“I went all-in with kings, got called with jacks and lost to a rivered jack” – Good.
“I went all-in with Ace-King suited on the flop with a made nut flush, and got called by a bottom pair who proceeded to hit runner runner quads” – Better.
“I made a small bet with a top pair and lost to someone with a better kicker” – No.

The people you’re playing against have to be despicable.
Every story needs a good guy and a bad guy. Seeing as the position of “good guy” is currently being occupied by you, the other guy will have to settle for the less desirable role of “the bad guy”. What this means is you have to make the audience really despise the other guy, usually accomplished by making sure his move was so grossly inept and mathematically incorrect, the only reason he won was through sheer evil, and nothing more.

“I went all-in under the gun with pocket aces in the first hand in the game, got called with 57 suited and lost to two pair” – Not bad.
“I went all-in on the flop with aces, the board was AKQ rainbow, got called by 57 suited who also called my huge raise preflop, and lost to runner runner flush” – A lot better.
“I kept going all-in because those idiots kept folding to me, and then when I got kings I got called by Ace-Jack and lost because he flopped an ace. PP sucks” – Not as good.

Use as many poker terms as possible.
We earlier explained a part of the point of a bad beat story was to illustrate what a great player you are, in contrast to everybody else on earth except for Phil Helmuth. This is further strengthened if you make sure to use the obscure poker terms and names for anything and everything. Remember, if nobody has any clue what the hell you’re on about, there’s less chance anyone will doubt your story.

“I went in with bullets and lost to big slick on a rivered broadway” – Pretty good.
“I chiseled with hooks only to be double-trapped by wild billy and eat a spaz, of all things, on the jump. Those fish, I tell you” – Pretty damned good.
“I had two cards with the same funny picture on them, so I put some of the chips from my pile in the middle, then the other guy did the same” – Could use some work.

Those are the basic concepts. To help you understand them and put them to good use, I’ve included one of my own bad beat stories. Enjoy.

I was playing heads up in the final table at WSoP, which also happened to decide for US presidency that year. Because the dealer is a Sh’akr’a of mine, I knew my Ace-King suited would hit a royal flush, and I could tell from there my opponent’s got golden boys. So we went all-in, when suddenly one of the spectators took a break from molesting children, and said “sure, I’ll play. Will this trust fund for cancer research money do?”. The perplexed dealer dealt the turn and river cards, which gave me the absolute pure nuts. As I started grabbing the pot, the spectator, who in the meantime chain-smoked two packets of cigarettes and annihilated a tribe of Native Americans, revealed two Magic: the Gathering cards, yelled “I attack you for 20!”, hit me on the head with a hammer and ran away. When I came to, I was laying face-down in a ditch in Mexico with a large scar on my side, and scribbled on my forehead were the words “welcome to the AIDS club”. Damned fish.




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Agent Smith by ggplz, July 18





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