"Relaxed Strategy and Management" is how Jack Dorsey spends 16 hours of his Sundays on Twitter and Square. Strategy is a great word. I have always enjoyed strategy in regards to games. Strategy is also important in regards to war. Like how many weapons Raytheon can sell, how many construction jobs can Bechtel pick up, and how many military bases Halliburton can build and service. Strategy is important in business too of course. Management, however, can basically be boiled down to a manager hiring as many underlings as the higher ups will allow them to so that they can feel special and powerful, protecting themselves with politics and bureaucracy, and then maybe or maybe not doing any work that is valuable. There is management that is important. "Managing one's affairs" is important. Everyone should put some time, effort, and energy into "managing their affairs."
I am unfortunately back on facebook. Someone that i made friends with in the psych ward only has facebook and i am worried about him. Now, i can't just sit here and put all of my self worth and validation into trying to help someone i only know to a certain degree but he is a good dude. I am worried that he will go straight back to selling drugs and end up back in prison. He had some job lined up where he would be making tacos for some local taco joint. I didn't really know what to say. If i had his skills, knowledge, and connections selling drugs i probably wouldn't be bothering to make tacos for no money at some shitty taco joint even if selling drugs is a game of russian roulette. It's a tough spot. I do my best to avoid law enforcement these days so i would probably be in there grinding out the shitty taco job but if someone offered me a tempting drug smuggling job it might be hard to say no. The problem with that is that then the next one is tempting too and the next one and the next one and the next one and the risk of violence or imprisonment keeps going up and up and up.
So, nowadays, i use facebook solely as a messenger platform BUT i tend to notice the top post and notifications. I am getting a shit ton of friend suggestions from attractive women. The algorithm knows i am thirsty for THOTs. I know maybe half of them but i am not adding ANY of them. I have to hold true to something and right now that is not giving a fuck about facebook and only using it as a messenger platform. Maybe it would be good for me if my psych ward buddy messages me that he caught another charge and is in prison again. I've already exchanged messages with old friends that i probably won't talk to in a while. I would much prefer to just cut myself off completely from facebook once again but i gave this guy my word that i would check up on him.
Anyways, the top post this morning was one of my Northerner friend's view of a beach nearby me from her patio. Sometimes with time things become pretty clear. The immediate memory was one night the meeting was kind of small and i always use to sit off in the corner so i could see the entire meeting in front of me. Jasmine strolled in and sat down right next to me. She usually wore sweatpants and hoodies but today she was wearing perfume and makeup (the perfect amount). She was wearing short shorts and i don't know if i ever saw or paid attention to her legs before. She kept provocatively crossing her legs and it was hypnotizing. Talking to her after the meeting it was clear that she was horny for me but i had a rule that i would never sleep with any of the women from the meeting. I did not continue the tit for tat with her even though she had set me up the ultimate ball to spike. She probably just assumed i was an asexual nerd, did not give any fucks, and promptly found the first guy that was more than happy to have sex with her while i went home and sadly masturbated by myself once again.
Being a White Knight is stupid. No one gives a fuck. One of my best friends cheated on one of the most well liked women in the meeting (Lexi) with some random he was treating in rehab (Abby). It went sour with Abby and she overdosed on Fentanyl and died. Lexi found out and it went sour there too. Lexi started drinking and sleeping around like an absolute maniac. I rejected her because she was drunk which i'm still fine with that decision but a lot of the men in the meeting got some good fucks in and most people in the meeting didn't care. It was all too much for my friend who hit the streets and started hitting the heroin heavy again. We got him back 4 months later and no one gave any fucks and we were just happy to see him back and alive.
One of my other best friends (AJ) was vetted by pretty much all of the women in the meeting that mattered and he could pretty much sleep with whoever he wanted. That was interesting to observe. He was attractive, tall, and had a gift of gab so i don't know if anyone could have pulled this off but he did. He did not own a car so i gave him a ride home most nights but it was pretty obvious what was going on if he preferred Daniela or whoever to give him a ride home instead of me.
At one point i was also vetted by pretty much all of the women in the meeting. It is easy to be a White Knight if there are virtually 0 options... Eventually, i would get horny enough to forget my "heroic standards" and rationalize and then at that point almost all standards start to break down. I mean there are still standards of being consenting adults and having fun but what i mean is that even that shining newcomer that just walked through the door becomes fair game. I never reached AJ status. Not even close. He was just much more practiced and experienced. He was also more in the moment. I was always worried about what was going to happen and also more susceptible to catch feelings. I was always worried something would get messy but thankfully it never did. If both parties are adults and discrete the outcomes are far better. Even if something erupts into some drama that just means some of the people will latch onto that for a while and then forget and most people will not care to begin with.
I started volunteering at a church to help serve the people in need yesterday.
Haven’t work in such a long time was exhausting but rewarding seeing the smiles on their faces when u help them. Good times but gonna need a 2 week break till I’m ready again.
God bless u all, hope u guys have a happy life
I've tried it a bit, like try not to think about anything at all. I can feel my brain relax, its pretty cool tbh. But usually a couple minutes later I realise im once again thinking about something. Or sometimes I take all the thought out of my mind and imagine to put them onto a shelf, not to touch them.
It's pretty cool, also good to actually come up with good ideas especially if you're caught in a thought circle when you keep circling around the same thoughts without any productivity
Sometimes i get a little bit good feeling to write some words. I become bored and lonely through out Covid and through out life. I was reminiscing about a time that was probably about spot on the nose in regards to my physical peak. I was so busy that i just didn't think to eat a lot of calories. I mostly ate plants and not too many of them. With my job i was running around steel mills and up and down stairs between the tundish yard and continuous caster. I swam for about 25 min. 3x / week. I remember one time I was getting everything set to go for another swim and this gorgeous latina went out of her way to walk the entire length of the pool to flirt aggressively with me. I was 6'2'', visible abs, and the right shape sculpted by the swimming. The right posture. I was 28. I was flattered by the whole situation but all i really wanted to do was get a reprieve from life through movement and breathing through the water. This is partly why i never bother women in the gym. Even if they are wearing makeup and showing off their breasts. Having an attitude of abundance is a good thing in the dating world and the truth is there is an abundance of women who will look good in a cocktail dress and it is truth that there is even an abundance of women who will look good in a cocktail dress and are also funny, sharp, kind, etc. It is not however wise to just play fast with the Next button in every situation. One will end up alone shaking their heads at what happened at age 40 and beyond. I can never get that 28 year old's swimmer body back. Those 10 years have already emptied out into the bottom of the hourglass. It is true that Brad Pitt was 40 years old as Achilles in Troy but ole Brad is gifted in symmetry, was being paid millions of dollars to get into comic book shape. I have no desire to eat chicken and broccoli and train 3+ hours a day for a year. I do have a desire for a partner beyond mutual orgasm. She could pull her panties on and fix her hair in the mirror and then we could go and grab some french toast instead of parting ways. Or i could cook up some vegan pancakes or make some eggs benedict.
My first kiss was arguably the most attractive girl in my grade. The kiss played tricks on me a little bit. On one hand it was a spin the bottle game peck at a friend's party but on the other hand there was eye contact, she smelled good, and her lips were legitimately wonderful. I remember some time in high school i asked her if she liked me pretending to be my younger sister on AIM... pretty cringe. She responded that she liked me as a friend but not in THAT way. I never brought it up again and kind of deluded myself that it never happened and that she would believe that it was my younger sister and not me. I always sort of knew that she knew it was me... She was probably dealing with simps on the daily at that age anyway but i guess i always sort of had that skill to distort reality in my favor. For me, even at that young age i was not optimistic that i could ever overcome the "friend's zone" and for the most part was cool with it. She was a smart person that was fun to be around and it is never wise to try and fit a square peg into a round hole but i was secretly envious of the guys that would date her... even the friends of mine. Then i was collectively chosen to be her Homecoming Court escort. I was never a fan of spectacles like that but at the same time it was nice to have that arm candy for the night or maybe i was her arm candy... She went to university out of state, got married, and we never kept in touch. I was curious this morning so i looked her up on facebook... She is just as gorgeous as ever as well as her mom who must be in her 60s by now. Good genes.
So, i learned in Psychology that the second most important indicator of attraction is symmetry. I think the textbook literally used a picture of Halle Berry. The #1 indicator is proximity. I was thinking about this. I would wager that the city that i currently reside in has more 24-44 yr old women with a pleasing symmetry than i could reasonably date in 1 year. So, this idea of abundance is real. Some downside? Maybe more than half are a stan of Donald Trump. Then i can break it down further and the fact is that i am unemployed, in-debt, i live with my parents and i have no desire to get dressed up and grab drinks @ the in chic sexy lounge downtown. The champagne, expensive tequila shots, or volcano with good green no longer exists "back at the apartment." What do i have now? I guess i have some paintings and The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. That is probably more inline with the type of woman i am interested in these days anyway. Which includes many of these Twitch women i poked some fun at for vying for our attention. I currently only go outside to go on walks for the most part so i have access to these uncommon and rare birds thanks to the trusted internet.
The first time i ever went to a strip club i had probably just turned 18. It was a full nude club which of course if you are a perv like me is clearly better than non-full nude. I just find vagina beautiful is a nicer way to say it. I was a Mega-virgin at the time so my friends bought me a lap dance. The DJ was in on it and made some comment about not busting in my pants which was a legitimate concern. I did not bust in pants but i do still remember her warm breathing and whispering in my ears. She was not classically beautiful but brought me hard ons for weeks afterwards.
The first time i ever went to The Spearmint Rhino i was probably 22. I am not at liberty of going too much in detail here but EklY basically hosted all of our first times at this legendary establishment. That was the first time i had met EklY. I was definitely a stan and he flew by any expectations i may have had. There is no chance in hell at trying to get that first EklY @ The Rhino experience back. The beauty mixed with the hypnotizé provocateur professional aspect of it all makes it a difficult place to hold on to cash. I remember one time on first entering that place there was a group of 3 hypnotizérs and one of them grabbed me by my tie and pulled me in close to her face and stared deep into my eyes until i broke the spell because getting set up at a table with unlimited alcohol was always more important to me at that time than even a rare bird encounter. I was still a virgin at this time. I also did not have a lot of cash on me. A friend bought me a lap dance. I was being pretty stingy with the offerings because i only had 1 bullet for the VIP lounge. XTINA won me over. She had that Christina Aguillera archetypal look going on but was actually more attractive and more interesting. She knew what she was doing. She took me to an area that was more or less unsurveillable unless the bouncers were to actually enter that area and pay attention which was basically never happening. The reality distortion kicks in masking the fact that i am paying this women to seduce me into paying her more. In my whole life i mostly just didn't pay attention to rules or disregard rules in strip clubs. She would move my hand and scold me if i tried to enter her with my fingers but she didn't mind subtle clitoral stimulation and i enjoyed the warmth and wetness (?) of that area. I guess it is not impossible that she was wet but probably not likely. She was sweating which i enjoyed but it was hot in there. I remember thinking about the possibilities of picking her up which is not impossible but more or less impossible for a Mega-virgin. ElkY was likely fucking Rhino strippers at the time but this is ElkY we are talking about. Btw, I never paid that friend back for the lap dance and perhaps even more shameful was when ElkY was making it rain some guy was gathering all the One Dollar Bills up and then divvied it up between him and me and i accepted the wad of cash and put it in my pocket instead of scolding this random guy and moving the pile of cash towards the performing stripper. I have carried that shame with me for 15 years. Btw, i still remember the posture and maniacal look on ElkY's face when he was making it rain. On one hand it was an iconic image of Monster Free Roll Life but from my viewpoint at some point it crossed over into a robotic or compelled maneuver. I always wondered how much of it was enjoyable. Surely, an impromptu hard kiss with a beautiful woman on stage is likely to be enjoyable but what about thrown dollar number 2,555 after the climax of song 3?
Damn, man. I was a virgin until 23. And there is not really any other type of virgin than Mega-virgin. Mega-virgin is a ssstttrrruuugggllleee. Especially, junior and senior year of high school and 4 years of university. Prom was a lot of fun but cringe. The best play was clearly to get drunk and fuck. I remember this one time in university an attractive young lady was trying to get me to get out with her that night and i was annoyed because i was trying to beat my high score on missionred.com so i could micro better @ warcraft III... She even feigned interest in missionred.com... Then, i remember meeting up with some women from my high school and one of them point blank asked me "how come you were never interested in me in high school?" and basically followed that up with "how come you never fucked any of the women who were interested in you?" I didn't really know what to say. She then went on to basically say "i had a crush on you in high school (and still do?) and left it open ended tete a tete that if i looked into her eyes and then her lips and then her eyes and then went 90% of the way for a winning kiss i would have been another number in her body count. Which, btw, a beautiful woman with a strong body count are a great start in attractive attributes. "That just means she knows what she wants out of life..." - André 3000. What did i actually do? "It was nice seeing you tonight... *hug*" Then, i probably went home and frustratingly rubbed one out to bad pornography...
So, anyways, then i find myself in a strip club in Buenos Aires quite drunk. I have been told that most if not all of strip clubs in Buenos Aires are fronts for brothels. My friend discovers a rare bird. She is almost comically Argie. She kind of reminds me of Pampita but more curvaceous. I am thinking to myself, "Damn, that is a nice find." Her friend is interested in me. At first glance i am thinking i am getting the short end of the stick. She is not strikingly beautiful in any way. But then she kisses me. I have never been kissed like THAT. Hypnotizér la Séductrice and i am paying for a motel room and more. Try as i might i will never get that experience back either. Nor may that idea even be a healthy one. Sex work is real work but it is nicer to consent to the magic in the air rather than making sex transactional. No matter how strong the reality distortion may be it is tough to get the thought out of the mind that she is only there because i gave her cash to be there. Believe me, i have tried many times to make the stripper i just gave x amount of cash to wet but don't believe i ever accomplished it. Compare that to the woman dripping wet through her yoga pants after a let's fuck kiss and there is no comparison.
I was talking about swaps in MTTs in another thread and it reminded me of something:
Mig.com was notoriously nitty with swaps. I found it hilarious. He would swap with Blair and probably Tom but would refuse to swap with some big name players. They would naturally get offended and it might have even caused some drama but mig didn't give a FUCK and I greatly respected him for that.
I could potentially share some other stories but I am going to keep those close to the vest and fast forward.
I think it was a year later or maybe 2 years later and I was between Malta and Buenos Aires but decided to drop into Vegas for the WSOP.
Actually, there is one story before this that ties in that I am remembering.
It was 2008. I was getting some grinding in at the WSOP and I remember telling mig about a trick I figured out. Anytime you are playing with someone that you don't know and it is a good 3-bet spot. Put in your 3-bet and pretend that you get a jolt of adrenaline like you have Aces. It works crazy well and mig and others thought it was cool and that made me happy. I remember Tom sharing a trick that you should always swap your ante chips with a nit or a fish since every time a new player comes to the table or you get sent to a new table it looks like you are a fish that never steals a pot. Oh man, I am sharing all the secrets! It is a poker website after all!
So, the next year in 2009, I am staying at the Rio. I don't think I'm even playing any WSOP events at this point. I'm just sort of bummin' around. I remember one night my friend and I decided to chill, drink some free red wine, and play blackjack. I don't know if he would want to be mentioned so I will just call him Adam. It was sort of a pastime to just chill and play some blackjack but we usually had a cappuccino at the Bellagio. We got fucking hammered. All I remember is that it was absolute madness. Adam kept busting his stack so I kept giving him chips to go on a run but it never happened but I was winning every hand so I didn't care. It was absurd. Then they cut us off. Then I got belligerent so they kicked us off the table. Then I got the spins. Then I somehow got back to the room. Then I vomited everywhere. The cleaning lady was LIVID the next day. I was hungover and felt like shit. Then I opened my suit case and it looked like I had moved all-in into my suitcase with black chips the night before. What the fuck? Ok, I'll take it.
The problem with the Rio is that I hate the Rio. Tom had an extra bedroom at his house and was kind enough to let me stay there so that's where I went. I remember one day I just casually sat down at his dining room table overlooking the pool and the blue sky and I was playing "Beach on Hawaii" by Ziggy Marley on repeat and just had one of those good feelings grinding the whole day. I was playing more tables than I liked to on that laptop but I was in the zone. I remember Ket coming in to sweat. I still remember this hand. Third spade comes in on the river. I have a K high flush. I bet. Villain shoves. I have a bad feeling. I am tanking a bit and Ket is like, "you aren't actually going to fold that hand right?" And, now, I am distracted and playing too many tables. "He could easily have the A of spades blocker." And, I am thinking, "yeah, I know. I know but this guy never bluffs here..." Decisions are piling up... "Grrrr" *Call* He shows the nuts. I actually get a bit tilted. It seems like I'm throwing shade at Ket and maybe at the time my expression was not pleased but who knows? Ket could easily be correct in that spot. Even if he was not he is still a Legend. A "resplendent gentleman" of the highest degree. That's a Corwin Special. Man, I am missing these people in my life.
Bro. 2006. Ket wins a seat to the Main Event. I am sleeping on the floor of the hotel room. We get housekeeping to bring me at least a pillow and a blanket. I tell my sister I will give her all of my PokerStars FPP points if she let's me take her piece of shit MacBook to Vegas. Fucking dullard play. You can't even get PokerStars on a Mac at that point in time. So, I am like 2 tabling on Full Tilt Poker. The whole thing is fucking stupid. Ket let's me play on his laptop. He introduces me to some new metal that he likes. I am lit up with the sonic experiences and I am going HAM vs VaeSolis and the bunch. Ket obviously is trying to findagrind as well so I am back to playing 1 HU SNG Table on Full Tilt Poker on possibly the first MacBook ever made. I want to throw it out the window but that is impossible in Vegas hotels and it isn't my laptop. So, then I start putting in marathon sessions at the Venetian. I gotta say that's a great setup they got down there at the Venetian besides the perfumed air. We find out that RainKhan also won a seat to the Main Event and has an extra bed that I can crash there. Hevad is one of the most unique people I have ever met. It is fun spending time with Hevad.
Ok, where was I?
I get coolered or make a bad call in a big pot and I am a little bit tilted and worn out at this point so I call it a day and book a $23,000 win. I am still feeling pretty good. I decided that I wanted to play the WSOP Main Event. The problem was it started the next day. I had maybe $2,000 in cash on me. I ask Tom what he thinks I should do?
He says something to the extent of, "What is wrong with you, you money burning moron? How could you not be prepared to play the fucking Main Event?!?!?!
That is classic Tom and he wasn't afraid to berate me earlier in my career too. I was winning crazy amounts of money for 2/4 and 3/6 in 2006 but the problem was I wasn't all-in on poker. My parents expected me to get a job after college. I had agreed to take a job as a manager at a start-up golf course before I went to Vegas. While in Vegas it became clear that agreeing to that job was a fucking dullard play but I agreed to work at least the rest of the year when I got back from Vegas. I would work from 6am-6pm and then come home and try to play 5/10 against Samo, BlDSwTTrS, Gogol's Nose, et al. until past midnight, rinse, repeat, ad infinitum.
Quick side note on Gogol's Nose. I remember the day he told me he just bought a shit ton of acres and a mansion in Montana and he was over the moon. I was like, damn, man, I am happy for you but secretly thinking fuck, I need to get my shit together. That is actually kind of the story of my poker career.
So, back to Fall and Winter of 2006. By January I am free from my manager job at the golf course start-up but my bankroll is decimated. I think I am playing 1/2 or even .5/1 and more or less surviving on those $1,500 checks from the PokerStars FPP store. Every time I talk to Tom he berates me for burning money. He strongly suggests that I get more aggressive with my bankroll especially since I had a 10+ptbb/100 at 2/4 in the spring and summer of 2006. I listen to his wise advice. Love you Tom. By the Spring and Summer of 2007 I am crushing 2/4 again. Straate asks me if I want to move to a house in Buenos Aires, Argentina. It does not take me long to say yes and I book the flight. I don't tell anyone anything until the day before I sheepishly ask my mom if she can give me a ride to the airport. But, that is another story.
Back to 2009. I have decided I want to play in the WSOP Main Event the night before it starts with only $2,000 on hand. After Tom finishes berating me he advises that I talk to mig. I go to mig's house and he is in his office at his desk looking like a boss. I sheepishly tell him my predicament. He basically says that that is unfortunate but everything is already budgeted out. No funds bro. That could have been the nice way to say "Get out of here fish!" or it was truthful and he was also thinking "Get out of here you money burning moron! You don't deserve any cash!"
So, the Earth kept spinning and eventually Tom went back to England but he let me stay in his house for an extra day. There was another mutual friend that stayed as well. That morning I woke up and walked in on the mutual friend fucking his girlfriend. I don't think they knew I was even in the house. I didn't think they saw me but I went into fight or flight mode. I remember standing at the front door panicked because my original plan was to just walk out the front door and walk to mig's house to see what they were up to. I remember just standing there frozen. "Ok, ok, ok. ok. ok. All I have to do is open this door and I am free BUT then they might hear me and know I am here...." Then I heard movement and I dove behind a bed in another room. I hid there until they left the house. To this day, I don't know if they knew I was there or not.
Then, later that day I packed up my stuff and travelled back to Buenos Aires, Argentina.
If you were not mentioned in this story it doesn't mean that I do not Love you.
GameStop to the moon!! [rocket emoji]!!by RiKD, January 27
I have been a member of r/wallstreetbets for quite some time now. I don't often actually go to the sub-reddit but I do always pay attention to threads that show up on my home feed. I remember seeing GME quite a bit here and there and my first instinct was always really? Brick and mortar retail that sells packaged gaming discs? So, I never paid too much attention. But, shit is getting crazy. I didn't know hedge funds were collectively attempting to short GME into bankruptcy (some say at least sketchily or illegally). Sharps like Michael Burry (Christian Bale in The Big Short) and the founder and former CEO of Chewy.com Ryan Cohen (phenomenal service - happy customer for years - he sold the company for $3.5 billion) started betting on GME. I will link some r/wallstreetbets threads that can probably give a better summary than I can. I've actually been trying to stay away from investing stuff lately but I find this fascinating. I am not getting any bets down at this point since I don't entirely understand what is going on and I specifically don't know what the endgame is. I also don't really have any available capital at this point and would have to divest from studied plays. It would be nice to get some bets down just to have skin in the game and some increased pay attention juices flowing but yeah, I don't really know what's going to happen I'm just passing along some info. Maybe some diamond hands on here can make some piles of cash and bust some pieces of shit hedge fund douchebags.
So, I am salvaging a desktop setup that I pulled out of my ass. Everything works except the keyboard. The connection piece is busted beyond repair and it's a shitty keyboard anyways so I am going to toss it.
I am looking for a legit mechanical (gaming) keyboard with blue switches at a reasonable price unless mechanical keyboards and blue switches are all a marketing sham in which case I'll go with the $10 keyboard at Amazon.
Also, what's the deal with back lit keyboards? Why the hell would I care about that?
I have had a lot of thoughts floating around in my head and I want to get some of them down on paper.
I have been fascinated by Twitch lately. I had never really looked into it until recently. It reminds me of cam shows probably because it is cam shows. I remember one time I had to find a place to live out East to cover my sales territory. I heard this one place was kind of good so I got a hotel to scope it out. Somehow I came across these live online sex shows and did that all day. I wasn't even jerking it I was just really interested in how it all worked. By the end of the day I hadn't even checked out any apartments so I ended up not moving there. To this day that's the only time I ever watched live online sex shows. Fast forward maybe 3 years and I am helping this guy out in Alcoholics Anonymous. Turns out he used to fill himself up with meth to do cam sex shows all day so he could fill himself up with meth to party all night so he could fill himself up with good dick into the morning, rinse, repeat, ad infinitum. It's great until it isn't.
So, that is kind of like my first inkling of a feeling in regards to Twitch. There are some good channels though. I watched RaSZi make a run at winning a $5,200 tourney the other day. I thought he made some mistakes but what the fuck do I know? I haven't been profitable in a $5,000 tourney since a live WSOP NLHE event in 2008. Overall, he played great and it was pretty fun to watch. I remember RaSZi and I didn't always see eye to eye but when I met him in Vegas he was friendly and chill. I remember I did an MS Paint of RaSZi tilting which is probably somewhere on this website. Those were the days. Other than that that MS Paint file is long gone. Ironically, one night my friends went out to my favorite sushi restaurant and invited me along but I declined because "games are too good." It was one of those PLO sessions where you literally lose every pot for like 4 hours culminating in Guy Laliberte busto'ing my account. I re-bought for like $1,774. It felt like Harrington10 was laughing at me. I remember yelling "Fuck" so loud I scared my neighbor and then for good measure I punched a hole in my laptop screen. This is partly why I no longer play poker and RaSZi is still around. He has a good attitude about it all.
I have also been watching a lot of Grubby. He was the King of Warcraft III when I was putting the most volume in. These guys have gotten really fucking good. I remember my goal was to go to South Korea. Then I heard that Tillerman wasn't going to play in WCG that year because he was grinding poker. I was like what? Really? Then I looked around the dorms and it seemed like I was surrounded by loads of poker crazed jabronis. Then I look into it more and ElkY is seemingly doing well and Phil Ivey is on the TV. I start winning in the local games and throw some money on Stars and Warcraft III and going to South Korea has vanished from my mind.
It's also crazy to me that someone like Infi can play Warcraft III as well as he does and only have lifetime tournament winnings of ~$400,000. RaSZi probably makes more than that in a year through Twitch streaming, PokerStars sponsorship, and poker winnings and he probably is unprofitable in most of the tougher tourneys these days. Then there is my hero Alberto who plays a Mario Kart 8 Deluxe course literally perfectly and only gets 2,000 views on YouTube.
Shit, I still have all these thoughts floating around. I have to get a walk in before the sun goes down though so maybe I will be back at some point. Tschüss.
For example, here's my buddy Harry posing for the 'Majestic Aura' aura card in the game. I mostly used stock photography in the same way to get some 'art' for the cards. It's tough sometimes because you need to find something that's for sale and/or has explicitly abandoned its copyright claims, so you don't have an infinite choice of images to work with, but for your first game I think it's a fine option compared to pouring money into an art studio.
Next, I tried some existing games on the app store to see what I'm up against. This can be pretty disheartening because the popular games on the app store are made by actual companies (not by 1 dude in a basement), use powerful game engines like Unity to get a head start on the tech, and invest on getting great looking visuals with cool animations.
I knew that none of these I can possibly compete with - but I did notice some imperfections I thought I actually could improve.
Idea 1: screen sizing
A lot of the games I saw seemed to be designed for PC (where games can actually make money) and ported to iPhone later. Something that commonly bothered me was how tiny the assets looked on my screen, probably exacerbated by my terrible grandpa-level eyesight.
Plenty of games were 'borrowing', from the HOMM series like me, so they had 8x8 tile battle maps on the screen like in the classic games. I decided really early on that I wanted to have tiny maps.
The smallest battle maps in my game ended up having only 4x4 tiles, and the largest (which starts getting too small for the screen to my taste) are 7x7
Idea 2: complexity ramp
One leading game I tried had me start out with 4 different troop types, a hero, a city with 3 building types, and some resources to acquire even more stuff. It all looked great and pretty much like what I wanted to play, but introducing all that stuff at the same time made it feel like studying instead of playing.
On top of that, because of the complexity, they had me go through a tutorial where I didn't have any options (I just had to tap next-next-next to indicate I understood the lesson). This experience seemed to me to take away from their otherwise sweet game.
This gave me the idea to have the player start with 0 cards instead of some kind of 'beginner deck'. Even then, after asking some of my friends to test it, they commented that it became too complex too quickly, so I slowed it down even more.
Idea 3: a harsh game
So another game I really enjoyed as a kid was Diablo II. The game had a 'hardcore' mode where, if you die, you're actually dead and lose the countless hours 'invested' in your character.
Another thing about Diablo II was that even though the game itself was pretty difficult, the final end-boss, you know, the one that the game was named for, was a total pansy. What the hell? I always remember feeling disappointed when contemptuously wiping the floor with him. No such nonsense in my game! The hardest fight is the boss fight.
Idea 5: Secrets
Another easy thing I could do is add secrets everywhere. This doesn't take any great programming skill, so I thought it would be a great fit for my 1-man mission. I tried to mimic the classic 1993 game 'Doom', where players get rewarded for pushing walls randomly until they discover some secret bonus.
Idea 6: Boomer references
So if you read this far, you probably noticed that nostalgia was a pretty big motivational factor for me. During the design, at one point I noticed I had the cards 'Doom' and 'Earthquake'. If I just renamed the 2nd card to 'Quake', it'd become a reference that some boomer gamers out there would appreciate.
I did, and I started renaming cards everywhere in this manner. I even had a card named 'Craft Star' at one point, but I think that was taking it a little bit too far, so I ended up cutting it
I still have a lot of things to be disappointed about.
- I don't understand anything about how networking happens, so my game is single-player only. That's really a shame, because it would probably lend itself pretty well to multiplayer.
- Because I'm all alone, the content is pretty sparse (there are only 8 levels to go through for now).
- I'm good at AI, but I had so much trouble making the basic game and it took me so much longer than I expected that I didn't end up actually making a proper AI. The computer follows some basic rules while playing and that seems to give a reasonable enough result most of the time.
And I could list a lot of other disappointments. But at the end of day, I'm stoked because I actually released a game. That's pretty crazy!
I think about Collapse a lot. The new Republican prototype has a Law Degree from Harvard or Yale yet are capable of being any level of disingenuous if it will pump up their grift. USA Democracy is already dead. It died years ago if it was ever alive to begin with. Corrupt Corporate Oligarchy is all that remains.
I would like to buy a shit ton of acres in Upstate Canada with access to water but Wall Street and billionaires have already accomplished this. I would like to design and build a house I can live in. Yeah, it's a melting ice cube in the form of taxes and maintenance costs but it seems to be a decent enough (yet constantly decaying) store of value and protection against inflation and provides shelter.
I think a lot about investing in guns and ammo. I would love to have access to a 3d printer that could provide Shanzhai AK-47s, iPhones, and Model S electric vehicles. On the other hand acquiring even just one AR-14, whether that's through legal or illegal means, is a big responsibility. "Live by the gun, die by the gun" as they say.
I spent the holidays with my sister and brother-in-law in Radford, Massachusetts. It was peaceful and pleasant. I would take daily walks through a cemetery established in 1714. It was nice to walk through the farms and to behold the mountains and the sky. Many of the tombstones were crying out to be relevant. Many of the tombstones had weathered beyond recognition. Sadly or rationally the people who had died and were buried there are all worm food just the same. I looked at the trees, the mountains, and the Sun. Truly amazing. We are nothing but daisies doing our best to flourish before we wither away.
I hearkened back to one of the most terrifying nightmares of my life. I was in a Psych Ward psychotic to the gills. I could not tell dream from reality. I was in a space pod not too different from something like a SpaceX Dragon yet smaller. I guess something more like what Darth Vader ejected from his Tie Fighter yet I was many, many galaxies away. There was not much to this area in space. It was more or less nothing. Pitch black besides the lighting in the pod. I wondered how or if I could get back to civilization. Then my life flashed before my eyes as if I was approaching infinity. Like the movie Gravity except infinity away versus being within the same solar system. There was no hope. Still to this day I have no idea how long I was in that Psych Ward. To my mind it was eternity. I travelled down the 9 layers of Hell and back 999 times if not more. This is probably the fundamental reason I talk to a Psychiatrist and take my medications religiously.
Related to this was a time I dove deep into a float tank and felt like how I felt in the pod in infinite galaxies or universes away. I started hallucinating this image of what felt like a mixture of the grim reaper and some sort of knight or specter that I could summon in Magic the Gathering for maybe 2 colorless mana and 2 black mana. More serious than a Black Knight or Hypnotic Specter but not quite as terrifying as a Juzam Djinn or Satan himself. At first, I was freaking out a little bit like what the fuck is this? Then I continued to meditate and it just became an image and there was no longer any fear. It felt as if there was a heightened feeling of impermanence and as if I had had some sort of mini-Samsara experience. That is kind of a weird Buddhist way to explain it. Another way to explain it might be, "Whoa, I don't have to fear it. It is just there. That's kind of trippy." Then eventually it vanished and eventually the birds starting chirping to alert me that my float tank trip was coming to an end. I do not have to fear death but this consciousness will also likely come to an end. The limited in-scent is running out. The sand does not stop falling in the hourglass. Slowly, my bones get weaker, my teeth get more tea stained, as my face gets more wrinkled. We likely only get one life. Live it wisely.
If I'm playing poker in PA but still have residency in another state, which state do I pay taxes to? Technically, I'm just here temporarily. I don't have a bank account in PA or a license. Do I pay to my origin state or PA or am I responsible for both?
I know people travel to legalized states to play tournaments. If they win, do they pay taxes to the legalized state or just their home state?
Covid fuckin sux. I was in a car on Monday 14th 2020 with a friend for a minute, he hit my vaporizer....
that Night I went DOWN. mid poker session, i went to bed... woke up with the worst fever.... feeling weak, shaky.... kept waking up every few hours.... hallucinating.... seeing memories of what happened wherever i looked throughout the year...
This was a sweaty...... powerless shaky weird feeling I never felt like this in my life b4 and never experienced anything like it.
I'd say it was like a flu without the bathroom symptoms with the worst fever of your life..
Honestly feel I got lucky to overcome it like I did...... I've heard so much worse...
I got to the fridge and drank a 52 oz Tropicana, that really got things going in the right direction.
I didn't smoke any pot during that or eat or drink a thing, covid just put me down and unable to get up or do anything.....
So that went on 14th 15th and on the 16th I woke up happy feeling about 90%..
Today I feel normal.
What a fucking week.
bout 50 other things happened this week too, just explaining what covid is like.......
It worries me if covid gets any stronger it would take down a 40 yr old man quite ez.
I felt like i was 99%/1% the entire battle, my main worry after the experience is i feel if i was around 70, it may have been 60/40ish, and if I was 75-80... or older, def not a 50/50, 75 mb 40/60....
I knew it was going on, but stayed locked in all year, now that it hit me and im in lockdown..... Its fucked and honestly whatever you believe, protect yourselves and be patient.