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The first time I ever went to a Vegas club we paid some shady guy to get us past the line but we did not know to get bottle service at a table. I almost got kicked out for dancing on a table with the go go dancers. I probably could have done with less Vegas club attendance in my life but if I'm honest there were definitely some good times.

There is this notion that marijuana just makes people lazy. That's not my experience. There are different kinds for different activities. Was it a good thing that I was high for months at a time? Probably not. In my experiences marijuana could be great for putting in volume but not the best for developing ones' game. Different alchemies that we were working on definitely produced some good outcomes at the tables and away from the tables.

I can't sleep yet I feel too tired to read.

We only went out to the famed clubs in Vallarta one night. There were some German cokeheads that wanted coke and orgy. We did not find any coke so there was no orgy. We went to a strip club and found out that these women were trafficked from Russia. [CENSORED] was telling them we'd break them out. This strip club was mafia owned. It got a little scary but we made it out alive.

I don't remember much else about that night besides sharing some joints overlooking the ocean and talking about whatever for hours as the sunrose.

That's what I really miss. Sitting on a patio and shooting the shit. Not chatter. Some real conversation. I saw a friend about 2 weeks ago and spent the afternoon on a patio but it would be nice to have that 2 times a week at least with different audiences. A girlfriend is asking too much at the moment. I need my shit together and independence first.

And, it's the same damn problems. I can't drive to a lot of these venues yet and I have no way of meeting people yet.

You are right though lostaccount. Experiences are typically more valuable than consumer goods. I have some stuff that I like. A watch that I've never worn. What sucks is that we are coerced into toiling away for 8 or more hours in a day and then the time we have left we are coerced to consume, rinse, repeat. That is what I got out of Debord. The less than 1/3 we have to ourselves is in a world that capitalism created. We don't escape capitalism in our leisure time. Some may even call it a hellscape. It does not have to be that way but as Han says it is not leisure time. It's rest for work. We have to make ourselves immune to the imagination of desire and want that comes with the void. There are sharp ways to go about things.

Shit. Look at all this slop. But, I have nothing to do and I can't sleep yet so let's accelerate. Get this mo fucker to page 2! Part 2!

Part 2

RiKD has not really been relevant since 2009. I should have disappeared and never came back. This is still true of today. My best move everytime I open up the site would be to close the page and never come back again.

Or, this blog is the only vestige of a ritual I have left... (I just like the word vestige)

What am I going to become a Catholic?

At least I am not looking under rocks for Meaning.

I need to rethink my life. I get off all social media but Discord now creeps up and I am spending too much time there. This server is filled up with too many analytic nerds and wannabe Kant scholars. When it is good it is good though. Story of The Digital. When it is good it is good though but is it really good though?

So, I come back here for some semblance of something. There is no semblance of something. I am just writing to myself.

"His arid years in suburbia." Story of my life.

Page 2. Fresh page. Now it's time to really get cooking....

If we are in a simulation how would we live differently? I don't think anyone knows enough about the nature of simulation to answer that question. The nature of death could be different. It starts getting into the realm of science fiction.

I beat another exposure therapy level today. It was gratifying. I'm still so far away from where I want to be but I have to take my battles where I can get them.

I know I was making fun of the analytic nerds and the wannabe Kant scholars down at the philosophy server. First of all, not everyone there fits into those 2 categories neatly or at all. Second of all, I'm probably just jealous. They are all smart and very well read and communicate well. Some of them are getting paid to do philosophy for a living. I am just jealous.

It is freeing to read Baudrillard and know that authenticity is impossible. Just as meaning has disappeared. Even reality has disappeared. That is not to say that it can not reappear. It is like the chances we are in a simulation. How does one even solve an equation like that?

There were reasons I bought all the clothes that are in my closet and dresser drawers. I am currently wearing charcoal shorts from China I bought off of Amazon, a floral print shirt I got at Target, a turqoise hoody from Gildan, bread and boxer black boxer briefs, and raspberry socks I got from Nike. I'm not exactly sure what that says about me but my appearances do tell a story. I am also wearing Yves Saint Laurent la nuit de l'homme. I have a short buzzcut and neat, short beard. This is what people are basing their reads on me. I walk slow. I am quiet. I could over-perform an attempt to be someone else but it will likely falter. It is best to not lie. Sometimes we wear masks to survive. They are apart of us but obviously are not us. You could say that authenticity is determined. I don't even want to say the words vibe, cooking, slop, etc. but out they come in context. My personality is a fad. I can't help it and neither can you.

My current outfit was about $50. Not bad.

Any plans for the summer?

Yeah, I'm taking the private jet to the South of France in August.