Suicide + Grand Opening + Desire Fulfillment - Page 2

Thanks Rikd and Loco, very interesting read.

Do either of you go on walks? Outdoors, moderately active, you get to think about stuff and appreciate your surroundings. I've noticed i have a whole new perspective on light and how light interacts with objects after having educated myself on photography. This also lead to noticing subtle changes in seasons, weather, observations how urban spaces evolve etc. There's something to be said for exercising and i'm of the belief it doesn't have to be vigorous, or overly managed via pulse readings, what you eat etc. Just being active goes a long way.

I bought a road bike from a stranger who turned out to be a prison warden for cheap years and years ago and still use it to this day. I take care of it and it takes me places.

Rikd mentioned walks on the beach with his dog(s) many times. I used to go on walks/jogs regularly when I had a dog as well, when I had a forest or fields nearby. I live in the middle of the city now and there's no such thing, so I ride my bike instead. I do absolutely believe in vigorous exercise too, though. Not the type that's combined with obsessing over numbers like heart rate and food macros, or competing with other people, but something that works the entire body and the cardiovascular system with a purpose (enough so as to trigger beneficial adaptations). It makes me feel better physically and mentally and I notice it improves my focus elsewhere too. Frequent periods of exercise also provide me with a lot of time to think, away from distractions, or just enjoy music. I wouldn't be without it now that it's been a constant part of my life for the past 6 months. But yeah, the benefits of just being active on a daily basis with whatever activity you enjoy cannot be overstated, regardless of intensity level.

I miss my walks in forests. There was an extensive park where I used to live that offered many differing, beautiful trails, butterfly fields, waterfalls, deep forests. It was like entering a different world. To just bathe in the glory of the forest. The sights and the sounds. I am not the most well versed in photography but I know what you mean. I have an eye for it and catching these shots in my mind enriches the soul.

I walk on the beach now. The free flow of the ocean is very soothing. Walking as the waves course over my feet and ankles feels good. There is some people watching to behold. Maybe not behold, much of it is very simple watching people do very simple things on the beach. Sometimes my libido reminds me that I am a man if I see a certain woman in a certain bikini. Sometimes the people can just feel like distraction. I long for the solitary forests and the sounds of nature.

On August 06 2017 12:37 Loco wrote: Like I said, right genetics, right environment --> can get away with moderating drugs. For the others, it's an illusion of control over whatever substance. Like the guy at the casino who thinks he knows which slot machine is going to give out. I also think it's possible for some psychedelics to have long lasting positive effects, but that's what, less than 1% of drug users. They're the exception to the rule. I was speaking generally, and with the fact that you're an addict in mind. Prescribed drugs are tricky. For some, they clearly seem to help. For others, they have severe side effects that aren't worth the trade off. Even for those that they are helping with whatever condition, sometimes it takes a while before undesirable side effects show up. So we'd have to monitor them in the long term to know, and the studies that do that tend to come out with pretty bad results (I'm thinking of the ones on anti-depressants). The person can even acclimate to undesirable side effects and believe that those effects are just the normal 'me'. Caffeine is also tricky. I'm a person who doesn't tolerate caffeine well. But I've never needed it. Certainly, I don't believe that the Monster you drink every morning (if that's what you do) is part of a successful routine, even though you might feel very good doing it. You'd probably feel better if exercise was your drug instead (coupled with good sleep), and I'm sure there are some clinical trials on that. Caffeine use is way overdone in the US. Its negative effects might be negligible but I feel like it's a quick shortcut that can deplete the brain of feel good chemicals it should be able to get normally.

Perhaps it is obvious but in my case if I am not on the right medications I tend to end up in psych wards. I drive dangerously, I end up in ridiculous sexual situations, and then I ramp up to full blown psychosis. The depressive side I just crawl into a ball and want to die. The lithium gives me hand tremors. They are annoying but I can deal with that. There probably is long term side effects that I don't really know about. Same with the risperdal. The main side effect for me with the risperdal is that it is a bitch to try and manage my weight. I have struggled with it ever since going on the drug. Every doctor has said it is possible to get off all of the drugs at some point. I have just been for the most part so stable on this current drug cocktail that I kind of have to take whatever side effects come. If my kidneys are a little fucked when I am 55 I think that is just something I am going to have to deal with.

I have 1 cup of strong coffee with breakfast and then 1 Monster energy drink after that. It used to be worse. I start to have negative consequences after 400mg. I think I used to not be able to feel good unless I had 1 gram. That was a bad habit. 1 gram of caffeine and other speed AND training. Now we are talking! I used to think that was the pinnacle of life. Absurd pre-workout cocktail and deadlifting. I have written on here before I have no cares in the world if a samurai were to behead me after completing a 2 rep max in the deadlift. That is actually how I wish to go. With all that said I agree with you that some sort of strongman training is probably the best thing to do about 3 hours after waking up. A mix of the explosive and vigorous stuff and the long hikes and bike rides. I always enjoyed finding the optimal pre-workout supp for each endeavor but that is probably the drug addict in me. I like to create the cocktails myself. If I could just increase the half life for green tea for hikes that would be perfect. Mix that with cordycep mushrooms. That would be one of my favorite cocktails for a lot of activities. Now, I am just going on about a different sort of alchemy.

So real quick on work:

My direct manager is awesome. The general manager is pretty cool too. He is on top of his shit which is of course a good thing. I don't know about the owner. He is kind of a douche. I try to give him the benefit of the doubt because he is trying and works hard and I don't think he has much managerial experience. He just annoys me sometime but I think that is probably natural. I think starting any new job is stressful and tiring and even debilitating in relation to doing things I want to do in my time off. That does not mean it is not frustrating.

On learning:

I don't know exactly how I wanted to label it but I guess I can go anywhere in regards to learning. What comes to mind is I remember having a discussion on 2+2 one time about how in mathematics people peak pretty early. A lot of the great work is done in the late teens to early 20s. I think that is true for economics and related fields as well. I remember for something like history (and most humanities) the most prolific time is from 30-40. There has to be a certain level of wisdom and sheer volume attained to really churn out great stuff. I was always just very good at math with no delusions of grandeur but for some reason I always thought I would produce some great work in the humanities from 30-40. That's even when I was in the thick of poker. There were only times when I thought I would be playing poker for the rest of my life. Times like when I went on $100k upswings in a couple of months but then I had illusions of retiring early. Now, I have thoughts that I might want to be a chef. A chef or a philosophy professor. Hmmm.

I am envious of people who are basically multilingual from a young age. It is the cheat codes man. Russians with French and English governesses. That is the time to learn. If I tried to learn advanced calculus or theoretical nuclear physics now it would be a shit show. I am afraid that the same will be true for French. It is harder to learn after working a tough 9 hr shift. I don't want to read dense philosophy or even beautiful literature I just want to veg out on bullshit, maybe look at some tits and have a wank, ideally just pass out and do it all over again the next day. It is only going to get worse too. Probably in many facets. I am 33 and feel a decent amount worse than I did at 28. I can only imagine at 40, at 50, at 60 holy fuck. I was tailing some older gentleman on the road the other day. Turn signals are going the wrong way he is making illegal turns it was a complete disaster. What are we doing? He worked his whole life for that Mercedes just to drive it like a complete buffoon. Shit, I don't want to have to urinate like every hour, not hear anything, aching all over. If someone can't even drive right what else are they completely fucked in? Theoretical physics and speaking 4 languages at 80? Get the fuck out of here. Not that math and physics or languages are even that important for most in the USA. It is just the state of this existence and aging that I am talking about. I guess it is about enjoying what you have while you have it but I am not even that thrilled with today.

What sounds real nice? A personally tailored pre-workout cocktail, flipping a tire, pulling something heavy, pull some other heavy stuff, some black bean dish with berries. The brain would be feeling good. I would be feeling good. Maybe that is the most important learning. What makes me feel good that is good for me in the short term and the long term? Rich literature, philosophy on a topic that is feeling exciting and stimulating, a walk with the dog, of course there is some connection too which I am lacking in. I will end the list there. Yeah, I should take the dog out for a walk and go to the meeting that I like. I do talk about taking my dog out for walks a lot.

So, I went for a walk with the dog but did not go to the meeting. As Loco says, "fuck 'em." I chose walking the dog and eating over the Christian cult. I cut a watermelon how we learned at work and felt like a pro. Ate about half of it. It was delicious. Then I had some left over Ikarian stew and then about 1 lb. of cherries. That's how I roll. We were talking about feeling good. On my walk I observe couples holding hands or arms around each other and I think to myself I am probably lacking in that area. That is like top shelf connection. Not to say that Louie XIII cognac is going to be that much better than Hennessy at getting me to that rosy, happy place. I just need to find my Hennessy. I was having flashbacks in the car when I would load up on different speeds and go train. Deadmau5's album 4x4=12 was one of my favorites. I think that is the highest I have ever gotten training. I was on the verge of blacking out and then when the training was over it was like a cool down on any dizziness or seeing spots. It just continued to cool down as a more smoother burn of endorphins kicked in. I really should figure out a way to train before I go into work. I would be much more relaxed and my mood would certainly be better. One thing I am missing. It would be so nice to come home from a strenuous, tensed up day and have a woman's body that I could use for a hard fuck. I mostly like keeping it gentle and let's try and cum together. Give yourself the right clitoral stimulation if you like or I will just eat you out later anyways if you want but sometimes I am just looking at the body as an object to release some stress. Sometimes a good porn is great for this. Faye Reagan, Penny Flame, and Tera Patrick are all good drugs. It's reliable. If you want a wank a wank is great. Sometimes I want more and it is not even about the sex. I don't need Tera Patrick's body. I see all shapes and sizes at the beach. I need a mind. There are much less instances of really needing a vagina than needing a mind and a personality. We are going to fuck and then we are going to figure out the ways we like to fuck and then we will likely have sex less. It really is not a big deal. I like good, reliable drugs just like anyone else. It does not always have to be mind blowing. I seem to always go off on a girlfriend tangent every now and again. It is an undeniable aspect of connection on this earth. I was in a nice reverie but now I look at the clock and Game of Thrones is about to be on. I want to get to what some "perfect" days might look like. Reasonable things I should be doing in a day.

My current schedule:

12:30pm - Wake up
12:40pm - Take care of the pets, brush my teeth, shower
1:10pm - Get the mail, eat, water garden
1:50pm - Dick around on the internet
2:30 pm - Drive to work
3:00 pm - 12:00am - Work
12:30am - Take care of pets, eat
1am - I don't feel like doing shit typically. I just want to veg out on a mix between liquidpoker, facebook, and youtube
2am-3am - Go to sleep

What if?:

10am - Wake up + Stuff (break the fast)
11am - Dick around on the internet
12pm - Lift heavy stuff or take the dog on a walk or even go to an AA meeting
1:40pm - Some food before work
3pm-12am - Work (Some food at work)
1am-2am - Unwind (I wish I had a girlfriend or I could smoke weed)

That seems a lot better. Then it would just come down to discipline in waking up early plus not staying up too late. I am ok but not too happy typically on 6 hours of sleep, 7 is doable but not every night, 8-10 hours of good sleep and I am feeling as good as I can. My days off I can sleep in if I need to.

6am - Wake up + Stuff
7am - Dick around on the internet
8am-4pm - Work
4:30pm-10pm - Now I have a big block of time where I can do stuff when other people are typically doing stuff.

This might be optimal. I still may have that debilitated feeling although I am sure that lessens to some degree. I could fit in physical activity, AA meetings, stuff to meet people, all sorts of stuff I suppose.

Something to think about for sure.

If you're going to have a girlfriend then your schedule changes =D

why do people like Nietzsche so much? whenever i try, I can't get through his work; he doesn't even logic, seems pretty irrational-anti science to me and i'm not a big fan of his values either

As with all famous philosophers, his thought was important and valuable within its historical context. To better understand Nietzsche one must understand who his contemporaries were and what kind of thinking was prevalent at the time and which solutions were being proposed by other philosophers. Nietzsche's thought was, like Dostoevsky, in some ways prophetic and highly original. Above all, he was an incredible stylist, and was the first to do away with systematic philosophy. If your only exposition to philosophy comes from systematic thinkers, his antisystematic philosophy will definitely rub you the wrong way. It's up to you to try to open up to this world or stay comfortable with what you're used to. He was also the greatest opponent of philosophical pessimism, outgrowing his mentor Schopenhauer, who had been the most influential philosopher in Germany for many decades (from 1860 until the First World War). The unique thing about him is that, in some important way, he remained a philosophical pessimist, but opposed the anti-life pessimism that Schopenhauer was famous for defending.

Another thing with Nietzsche is that it is not a good idea to start with "Thus Spake Zarathustra." Nietszche really hams it up in that one. It takes some getting used to and I quite like it once I got over the this guy is fucking ridiculous hurdle. He is pretty fucking ridiculous but he is also brilliant. I would start with "Human All Too Human" and then go to "The Dawn" or "The Gay Science" after that if you like it. Like Loco said, Nietzsche is very important historically. He is like a bridge from some of the old Greek philosophers and Schopenhauer to modern day existentialism who brought original thought and original style to the mix. You have to understand Nietzsche to understand most modern day (1900 - now) philosophers. They are all influenced by his work.

What don't you like about his values?

Loco,

What is your method to your madness in the gym these days? What are you doing and why?

I think what I am looking for in a workout today is something that shocks the system into me feeling good. Maybe add some cuts in the muscle. Strong deltoids, delineation in the triceps and biceps with aesthetic symmetry. Chasing after the perfect calves is just not something I am interested in these days. A strong back built by deadlifts, pull ups, and various rows. Since I am one of the only men in the kitchen I find myself taking out the garbage a lot. It is in these scenarios in which I wish I was stronger. Taking out the garbage and helping someone move. I am slightly overweight though so I should really be looking to diet down to something more reasonable. It is not reasonable for me to lose weight by lifting weights. I am going to want to add muscle and even more weight. Going back to the start my biggest goal is to just feel good. I can't outrun all these calories I am consuming. Probably going back to BJJ and long hikes is what I should be doing. Tennis and bike rides. Maybe number 1 priority should be to eat less. Eat less and feel good. I never like entering a weight room when I am eating less and not making any gains. Eat less and go on hikes. Maybe just eat less and prepare food and see what happens. The hurdle is as long as my shorts, jeans, and pants fit I don't really care.

I'm doing the Greyskull LP with arms plug-in and the frequency method plug-in. Some cardio thrown in there for good measure. I haven't modified anything except I no longer alternate between chinups and rows, I just do rows. Been doing this program for 4 months with really good results. I did a lot of research before choosing this program. It suits me best at 3 days/week. I'll keep doing it until I plateau for a while, then I'll switch to 5/3/1 by Jim Wendler. Both of the programs can be downloaded on Myanonymouse, but Greyskull LP can be started very quickly with just a little bit of reading online. Reddit is a good place to learn and get advice. Greyskull is one of the most popular recommendations for novices.

Most people start with this: http://i.imgur.com/0uiw7qW.png
More variants here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Fitness/comments/5w483n/greyskull_lp_variants/

You don't have to eat a caloric excess in order to gain muscle. There's no reason why you can't eat at maintenance and hit the gym 3 days a week. You'll be doing body recomp; you'll see a huge difference in a few months time. Eating at a surplus only matters for intermediate and advanced lifters.

right i read some of dostoevskys works which i remember enjoying.

I read the following:

notes from underground 10/10
humiliated and insulted 5/10
crime and punishment 6/10
white nights 9/10
the chapter on grand inquisitor 10/10
the gambler 8/10

dostoevsky seemed like a psychologist to me, but hiding within a literay man's clothing. also found his writings quite funny

On August 07 2017 16:19 Loco wrote: As with all famous philosophers, his thought was important and valuable within its historical context. To better understand Nietzsche one must understand who his contemporaries were and what kind of thinking was prevalent at the time and which solutions were being proposed by other philosophers. Nietzsche's thought was, like Dostoevsky, in some ways prophetic and highly original. Above all, he was an incredible stylist, and was the first to do away with systematic philosophy. If your only exposition to philosophy comes from systematic thinkers, his antisystematic philosophy will definitely rub you the wrong way. It's up to you to try to open up to this world or stay comfortable with what you're used to. He was also the greatest opponent of philosophical pessimism, outgrowing his mentor Schopenhauer, who had been the most influential philosopher in Germany for many decades (from 1860 until the First World War). The unique thing about him is that, in some important way, he remained a philosophical pessimist, but opposed the anti-life pessimism that Schopenhauer was famous for defending.

well i looked at the wiki page. its too brief to make an assessment, why does he think socratic philosophy is a form of taking refuge form the harshness of reality. In my view it is the opposite. It is just a way of going around asking questions and not caring what the answers will be, and the founder of that philosophy stuck to those answers even if it meant drinking hemlock. Not only that but it is a good methodology that is still used in the humanities today.

I agree that we should question old moral values and reassess them constantly, that's basically what normative ethics is doing, so i agree with neitszche on that point.

On August 07 2017 21:58 Loco wrote: I'm doing the Greyskull LP with arms plug-in and the frequency method plug-in. Some cardio thrown in there for good measure. I haven't modified anything except I no longer alternate between chinups and rows, I just do rows. Been doing this program for 4 months with really good results. I did a lot of research before choosing this program. It suits me best at 3 days/week. I'll keep doing it until I plateau for a while, then I'll switch to 5/3/1 by Jim Wendler. Both of the programs can be downloaded on Myanonymouse, but Greyskull LP can be started very quickly with just a little bit of reading online. Reddit is a good place to learn and get advice. Greyskull is one of the most popular recommendations for novices. Most people start with this: http://i.imgur.com/0uiw7qW.png More variants here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Fitness/comments/5w483n/greyskull_lp_variants/

That is a really good starting program and will certainly get the feel good going. Jim Wendler is the man. I used to be a T-Nation and Westside Barbells guy and have learned a lot from Wendler.

On August 07 2017 23:17 Loco wrote: You don't have to eat a caloric excess in order to gain muscle. There's no reason why you can't eat at maintenance and hit the gym 3 days a week. You'll be doing body recomp; you'll see a huge difference in a few months time. Eating at a surplus only matters for intermediate and advanced lifters.

Yeah, I know. I just loved to eat at surplus and go crazy in the gym. I am hardwired that that is what is done. Especially when I was powerlifting. I think if I go in there for a mix of feel good and reasonable improvements in functional strength/well-being with some aesthetics I could be ok. I just have Ray Cronise in my head saying starve myself on a WFPB diet before I get involved in anything at the gym. It is like I have Jim Wendler and Dave Tate in one ear and Ray Cronise in another.

On August 07 2017 23:32 Stroggoz wrote: right i read some of dostoevskys works which i remember enjoying. I read the following: notes from underground 10/10 humiliated and insulted 5/10 crime and punishment 6/10 white nights 9/10 the chapter on grand inquisitor 10/10 the gambler 8/10 dostoevsky seemed like a psychologist to me, but hiding within a literay man's clothing. also found his writings quite funny

Notes is great. That is what I recommend to people if they want to try a Dostoevsky.

Dostoevsky is a supreme psychologist. Great playwright and very funny. He is at his best when he is writing these psychological and philosophical thrillers.