Fuck

You're going to need to find your own motivation man. Others can only talk you down from the ledge so many times.

You're not a slave at all, except to yourself or perhaps a mental illness. We live in a time where someone as intelligent as you can live anywhere in the world you want. Work at a coffee shop on the beach somewhere and flirt with bikini clad young ladies all day. Then go paddle boarding and kayaking in your free time or whatever else you want. Play poker in the nearby casinos for some extra dough.

I would say come up with a cool plan and work towards it. It will probably involve staying at your job and maybe taking on another job to save some money.

I used to live in the Midwest. I didn't love my job, I was in a relationship but I wasn't that happy. I moved to California near Los Angeles almost two years ago. I saved up 10k, packed all my shit in a van and drove out here. A new location isn't automatically going to make you happy, but my life is much better here. It's always sunny, the beaches and women are beautiful, and there's a lot more to do here.

Seeing a therapist could only help. There are places where you can see interns for very reasonable prices. Talking to someone about this stuff who's trained in the way that brains work could benefit you a lot.

Quit these dumb blogs. They will make you feel better for a short period of time but none of it is real.

Channel the energy you put into this bullshit and go work on the areas of your life that is giving you problems.

I just like writing on things. It helps me formulate my thoughts. I don't write specifically for the feedback but the feedback can help. The banality of it all is evaporating as I am further into my days off. Sometimes the urge to quit is like a large thorn in my side. That is gone now. Completely gone but I don't wish to go back. The days will pass and I will have to get up and do the routine and drive in there and see what I am faced with and I just don't want to do that whole thing again but then again I think maybe I will give it a shot. Don't be hasty and call just yet. I don't wish to job search again although I should probably be doing that anyway.

I will likely have a therapist set up after my next psychiatrist appointment. That will help. 1 hour to just talk about whatever is on my mind with someone who is trained to listen and comment. It can't come soon enough.


hiems,

Things get clearer with these blogs. They help me with knowing what I have to do next. What is important. What to prioritize. I am fighting because that is what I was thrown into with birth. I only remember my child years as if it were a dream. The fight seemed to start in 7th grade. That is where this existence becomes real. The survival was a bit muted as I was lucky to have parents who were strong providers. Even up to college it was covered by them. I had to pay a little bit towards the end and then I lived the dream of poker. It wasn't until I went broke playing the big stakes that I truly first felt what surviving in poverty was like. I still don't feel it fully. I live with my parents. Maybe that is the problem. I am not sure what else there was to do with me ending up in that psych ward the first time and then the second time jobless. I have barely any money. Enough to cover meager expenses. I thought perhaps that maybe this job could be my way out. Every job I have will be looked at as a way out. A way out of surviving to living.

The area of my life that is giving me problems is my lack of money and job satisfaction. My best efforts at finding job satisfaction are half-assed searches through Indeed.com and getting excited about going back to school but never feeling right about it. I don't have friends and can only do things on my days off. Oh well, I don't want to go through it all I should be actively doing things to solve these problems right?

life is hard. just accept it and embrace it.

even if your job sucks, it could be much worse.

Hey RiK,

There is a pretty simple saying that I think makes sense here. You either have to like your job, or like your life when you aren't working. It sounds like you don't look forward to your off hours. It sounds like you need something to get fired up about to do every day. Maybe use meetup.com and find something there. Crossfit is all the craze if you like working out at all. Best Wishes Rik

Agree with BigRob.

I got a plan for you. Work your min wage shit job and save 7k. During this time, go car shopping and familiarize yourself with car prices. Buy a GOOD used prius for UBER. This will give you roughly $20 an hour in the right city. You can choose your own hours too, and deduct a lot off of taxes if you track your mileage. Now you have freedom and a decent paying job. Now you save and buy a book on investing. Save 10k, while reading about how to make money during this time. Keep driving for a couple years and and grow your investment.

In 5 years, you will be better off than most Americans.

And some words of motivation: Bottom line is you were spoiled by your parents. Poker screwed up your value system by giving you fast money. And now you're crying because you don't want to work for things like 99% of other people. You look to escape instead of addressing the problem. Don't worry I'm the same way.

This is your 5 year plan, your vision. Then you need to find a cheap hobby like jogging, calisthenics, getting your body in shape. Since you got meditation down, philosophy and reading, your mind should be good. Make a somewhat bearable routine that's cheap and just follow it. Follow the plan and don't think too much. If your map leads you to good places, you just need to do the walking.

When you arrive at your milestone in 5 years, you will have some money, you will be jacked, you will be smart. Your desperation will be gone. People will be attracted to you. You can choose your choice of women since you will have all those positive qualities plus you're single. Then re-evaluate your life from that point to see what you want to do. Give it a go. What do you have to lose?

On August 21 2017 15:47 Nitewin wrote:

Not to nitpick but I think you're putting too much focus on learning about investing. For most people with less than 500k (and probably most worth less than 1M), time is better spent investing in themselves by learning more valuable skills, networking, etc. If someone isn't making enough to max out their Roth IRA/401k/etc. they shouldn't be spending their time reading about tax loss harvesting. Unless you're investing in something like real estate where learning the market in your specific area will take more time and you might have a more complicated tax situation, you can probably learn everything you need to know in a day or two of reading and asking questions in the Bogleheads forums, or even the 2+2 BFI forum.

Sure. Let's broaden investing to investing in anything including yourself, anything that is "+EV."

On August 21 2017 06:31 Big_Rob_isback wrote: Hey RiK, There is a pretty simple saying that I think makes sense here. You either have to like your job, or like your life when you aren't working. It sounds like you don't look forward to your off hours. It sounds like you need something to get fired up about to do every day. Maybe use meetup.com and find something there. Crossfit is all the craze if you like working out at all. Best Wishes Rik

I look forward to my off hours but there is not much there. I keep saying I need to go on day shift but nothing happens. I am becoming quite the film connoisseur as I watch 1 or 2 films a night. Sometimes shorts. Don't we all want something to be fired up about? That is when life becomes a breeze. I want good addictions. When an addiction more or less controls your life but doesn't effect it in too bad of a way that is what I am looking for.

Has anyone here even used meetup.com? It is a go to suggestion but I never hear anecdotes or experiences.

Crossfit is a soft cult which means it might be something worthwhile to join. I am sure as long as I can do 50 burpees in x amount of time I will be popular. I prefer to train differently though.

I appreciate the thoughts.

On August 21 2017 15:47 Nitewin wrote: Agree with BigRob. I got a plan for you. Work your min wage shit job and save 7k. During this time, go car shopping and familiarize yourself with car prices. Buy a GOOD used prius for UBER. This will give you roughly $20 an hour in the right city. You can choose your own hours too, and deduct a lot off of taxes if you track your mileage. Now you have freedom and a decent paying job. Now you save and buy a book on investing. Save 10k, while reading about how to make money during this time. Keep driving for a couple years and and grow your investment. In 5 years, you will be better off than most Americans. And some words of motivation: Bottom line is you were spoiled by your parents. Poker screwed up your value system by giving you fast money. And now you're crying because you don't want to work for things like 99% of other people. You look to escape instead of addressing the problem. Don't worry I'm the same way. This is your 5 year plan, your vision. Then you need to find a cheap hobby like jogging, calisthenics, getting your body in shape. Since you got meditation down, philosophy and reading, your mind should be good. Make a somewhat bearable routine that's cheap and just follow it. Follow the plan and don't think too much. If your map leads you to good places, you just need to do the walking. When you arrive at your milestone in 5 years, you will have some money, you will be jacked, you will be smart. Your desperation will be gone. People will be attracted to you. You can choose your choice of women since you will have all those positive qualities plus you're single. Then re-evaluate your life from that point to see what you want to do. Give it a go. What do you have to lose?

I already have a nice Subaru Forester. I have driven Uber in the past and I consider it here. I didn't like trying to find places to pee. I would usually go out back of the recovery club there. Doing a bunch of small trips is the worst too but I mean if I am really having a hard time finding a good job here I really should consider going back. I just don't know how good the city I am in is. Another thing is I really should be avoiding 2nd shift and 3rd shift and there is not a lot of money on day shift.

I reached phases of despair in poker and when I had a good job in the steel industry. I think it might just be part of my DNA.

I really should look back into Uber though even if I have to work a semi-graveyard shift to get the people leaving the bars and clubs. I really just want to work at Trader Joe's.

I just went to a Trader Joe's for the first time in my life yesterday, place is legit and the staff seemed legitimately happy. You could definitely do worse.

I'd rather invest in an apartment and tattoos. When I run out of money I'll just kill myself. I probably won't though. It's so weird for me to think about what I am going to be doing at 50. I have to turn some things around now or I could be leading a real miserable life. I have an uncle in England who just lives off the dole and stays in my grandmother's attic more or less. He spends most of his time on the internet, doing drugs or sometimes gets out of the house and goes fishing. He is kind of a strange guy. Has some mental illness. I could be describing me minus the drugs. My uncle could be me at 50. What do I even want to be doing at 50? Many are proud in their corporation's grip on them. "I am a District Manager!" It is when people are expected to make most of their money. 401ks and big matches it is quite a deal. I used to have Roth IRAs and all that noise but I drew out of it so I could live like a bum for an extra year or 2. Life is expensive. Not everyone is willing to be doing things that are cheap or free. I should be hanging out down at the coffee shop with all the other broke pseudo-intellectuals. But I can be hanging out at LP. Sometimes LP seems like a dwindling place. Many times there is enough for me. Even if that means crowding the blog forum or the general forum.

Get a large pee bottle and find good rest spots. Pack your lunch boxes. It'll make the job easier.

Back when I was driving Uber people would tell me stories of being horrified by finding a pee bottle in the car. I just don't know where one would hide it. You never know when a customer is going to want to sit in the front seat. Under the front seat might not fit or roll back into the back part of the car or bust open which is a disaster.

Packing a lunch is a good suggestion. I remember taking long dinners with friends because I did not really like being out on the road. It greatly improved my day though. I could still get the after bar/club surge. I just had to learn which bars/clubs the suburbanites frequented so I could get the $20 trip x 4x surge and not the minimum trip. There was one area you just always get the shit trips that were made even worse by people being belligerent and/or vomiting in your car. The strategies of Uber are actually quite interesting.