Poker has been rough, and I hadn't really taken great care of myself or had a good day-to-day life this month. I had enough on Monday, and I am going to set myself on the path of life-heater. So I'm going to get that gym membership I have been putting off renewing, and keeping myself to a more disciplined day-to-day life. The biggest thing, imo, is that today I got myself a poker coach who I am really excited to work with on the regular basis. He's a very strong midstakes guy who has been playing for years, and our way of thinking about poker clicks well.
I think the last thing is the most important. Being an aggressive player and having an aggressive game plan is what makes me feel good about poker, it stirs my old passion and excitement for the game back up again. That feeling that you own the game and you are calling the shots each hand. Its the most important ingredient for poker I've been missing this year.
of HoN... it's so weird, felt like I played it for no more than 4hrs.. My sleep schedule is so messed up, I can barely remember what happend through out my days and it sorta feels like im losing the feeling of time. idk im tired lol -_-
can someone reccomend me a good horror movie? good horror movies are so rare
Hi guys I am bored at work on my new droid2. I currently am 23 yrs old and am working as a civil engineer. Fwiw I suck at typing on this phone. I am a breakeven 25 nl reg on ftp.
busto @ poker/life - apology to my friendsby AgentIce, August 18
I've been too ashamed and embarrassed to talk to my friends for a while now. I'm on a big downswing at life, I made promises I couldn't keep and lost the respect of some close friends. I'm not sure they even want to hear it, but I owe them an explanation so that's what I'm setting out to do with this.
First off brief background, I've been playing poker for about 8 years now. I'm a winning player (DoctaBluff pokertableratings) and I've made about 300k from poker. Nothing spectacular. My highpoint was living in scotland with steve and iain, I had about 30k online at that point and was playing the 400$ games. I have a background in starcraft and used to play a lot with tillerman and maynard and his gang. I used the handle IceGod back then.
So here is my current situation. I have about a 500$ online roll right now. Last month I was in a similar situation with about 580$ when I decided to really try to apply myself and turn it around. I actually fell to 340$ at one point playing the 25$ games, but made it back to 1100$ after about 40 hours of play. That wasn't quite enough to cover rent and pay for food so I was planning to really push the last few days of the month when I got sick. I was really in a rock and a hard place, I had already burned too many bridges with my friends to even think about borrowing any more money, but I couldn't play because my body wasn't allowing it. I asked family and friends for money and all of them were broke. I ended up finding the number of my scientologist dad who isn't supposed to talk to me and he was able to loan me 700$. That was a funny phone call actually, he didn't recognize me because we haven't talked in 8 years. Problem is, that money was supposed to get to me on the 2nd, but the check got lost in the mail and I didn't get it until the 14th. Getting the money onto full tilt has also been a problem, I'm having a friend deposit for me but that also is not instant so as of this month I have not been able to play at all. So as of right now 550$ rent is due by the end of the month which I am going to sell off the rest of my possessions to cover (tv, couch, ps3). This is the last month I'm going to stay here because after this I'm going to either stay with my sister or move in with my girlfriends family. Neither option is ideal to put it mildly. I have no car (it was repossessed a while ago). I have no work experience. I owe money to my friends which I can't pay back and has strained if not completely broken any relationship we had.
So what happened? How does a winning player who should know better end up in this situation? Well, I actually got what I believe is a big part of the answer when I got sick last month. I ended up going to the hospital because I found out they can't turn you away even if you don't have insurance/money and I was just fed up with the pain. The doctor quickly told me I had migraines and he had a similar story to mine where he put up with pain and was desperate to the point of getting surgery on his sinuses to fix the problem before he found out it was migraines.
I did some research, and it looks like I've had migraines all my life. I've been in bad debilitating chronic pain for about 4 years now. I've had headaches, sensitivity to light, and nausea my entire life but not usually to a debilitating level. I have many strange afflictions that suddenly make sense from my past now that I know its migraines. Basically at it's worst the pain in my face/head was excruciating to the point where all I could do was go lay down in a dark room somewhere. I couldn't play games, watch movies, anything, the pain was too much of a distraction. Even when it wasn't blinding pain, I found it very difficult to relax and enjoy the things I used to. It NEVER goes away. I would sometimes hurt myself in other parts of my body just so I could feel some different pain. I can't remember what it feels like to not be in pain. I don't remember exactly when it first started getting really bad, but I know it steadily got worse, until it was an every day all day thing. Up until a couple weeks ago I thought it was sinus infections maybe related to my deviated septum, then ear infections, then TMJ. When I got back from scotland I went so far as to pay 2.5k out of pocket to get my wisdom teeth removed in the hopes the pain would go away. I was desperate, and it didnt. After I did that the only solution seemed to be to go to specialists which I couldn't afford. That was iffy though, did I need jaw surgery? Face surgery? Change in diet etc? It would obviously not be some quick fix.
The messed up part of all this is I wasn't able to really tell anyone about it so I suffered in silence and didn't ask for the help I needed. I could spend a while talking about why that is and a lot of it has to do with how I was raised but to put it succinctly A) I viewed talking about pain as a sign of weakness, and might make people not like me or view me in a bad way, so I hid it B) I was told repeatedly growing up that I was evil at my core and so a lot of the time I thought I deserved the pain and viewed it as something for me to conquer to prove I was good and C) I was taught that 90% of pain is mental so I thought a lot of it was being caused by something I was doing in my mind. Then just overall I wanted to have friends and be liked and who wants to be around someone who always complaining about pain. So I'm pretty sure most of my friends had little idea of exactly what I was going through, although I did tell them bits and pieces.
Needless to say, all that pain made it difficult to work. In fact, poker became a sort of trigger for migraines. I could just think about playing poker and instantly I would be hit with a lot of pain (more than the normal every day pain) that wouldn't go away for sometimes days. I saw my friends pulling 30 hour sessions and making all this money at poker and I just thought they were stronger than me and I was just lazy/weak. The fact that me thinking about poker made it turn on made me think poker was the cause. I truly believed it was my fault and that if I could just change how I thought I could fix it. I was blind to the fact that it was not something I could get over with just the power of my mind.
On top of the physical aspects, when I got out of scientology at 24 I was a very anxiety prone person with a lot of self confidence issues. I made poker 1000x more stressful than it needed to be, because I was a very easily stressed out person. It's truly a miracle I somehow managed to break through and become successful at poker. After 6 months of 160+ hour months at 5$ an hour I had to make a choice to quit or to fully devote myself regardless of pain. Quitting would have been horrible (hello mcdonalds) so I just forced myself through the pain. I didn't know it at the time but I was struggling with migraines back then too, just they weren't chronic and they weren't debilitating. I had a breakthrough and finally made it to the 100$ games and onwards. The last few years when everything in my life has been falling apart I devoted myself to studying when I wasn't playing and that has done a lot for my game and also my mental game while playing. I find myself more relaxed and calm and with a more positive attitude about myself and the game in general. Unfortunately as you can guess this didn't make the migraines go away.
After I got back from scotland I was only doing about 30-40 hours a month. This was still about 3k a month 12 tabling the 1/2 games and I was probably running decent too so I managed to skate by. I knew something had to be done though and my friends were telling me the same. I knew they were right and that I was heading for disaster but at the same time every time I would play I was in a lot of pain. It actually got to where I was getting sick about twice a month. I thought it was this weird head cold thing but looking back it was definitely migraines. 2 years ago I discovered weed and it actually gave me some much needed relief from the pain. Actually the first time I smoked I was so excited to actually feel good I think the high made that excitement even more so it was pretty intense. As you can imagine I started smoking a LOT. I also got a girlfriend so I started spending more money too and working even less. Sure enough I hit a 4k downswing and had to move down to the 100$ games. From then on my life has steadily been falling apart.
So where does that leave me? Well I owe my friend Kaj 5000$. He staked me for the 100$ games about 6 months ago. I thought it was a motivational issue/mental issue that I wasn't playing and when I asked him to stake me and I definitely felt motivated to play and that I had improved a lot at poker and was pretty confident. Unfortunately I fell into the same cycle which has been plaguing me this last 4 years again. Play for maybe 5 days until I wake up one day too exhausted and in pain to play or just feeling like I deserve a day off for going through what I did. That day off would turn into me putting off playing until the last second because I was trying to avoid pain. Eventually I would feel so guilty for not playing and so disgusted at myself that I would again force myself to play, which would again result in me getting sick and unable to play and so on.
Well, I suppose that's not the explanation my friends want to hear, but it's the truth. In hindsight, there are so many things I could have done to avoid all this, but if I could go back in time and do things over again only knowing what I knew back then I'd do the same thing, because I didn't know any better. I never meant to steal or lie or hurt any of them, and I am terribly sorry for any pain I have caused. I don't know when I can pay you guys back, but I do plan to and I look forward to the day we can all be friends again.
May have gotten a SSer banned!!by thumbz555, August 18
Emailed Stars in mid-July to let them know I thought odissit (Russian, I'm guessing) was a bot for a variety of reasons. He hasn't played since! Win?! I think so.
Next, and probably what I've looked forward to the MOST, the continuation of the Luv (sic.) series. Presenting, part four performed live at the Nujabes tribute show, Eternal Soul.
#t=6m13s
If anyone has any other news or tracks related to Nujabes please feel free to share in here. It would be a good thing for the world to be exposed to his music , and sit back and enjoy his legacy.
close to fixing my PTR resultsby whamm!, August 17
-fucked me up in the head seeing it turn to shit last year, had a tough time mentally recovering
-went on limbo after losing 5k to a 3k milestone chase last december, been adrift since
-got coaching from runslikegods(ftp) aka killsaids(stars), fixed a ton of preflop things and 3bet pots
- ran quite terribly since coaching but still kept on
- felt hopeless and depressed, then wife gives birth to baby boy - luckbox activated
-60bi last month on 50nl plus 1200rb
-55bi this month so far overall on all sites :D
-moving up when i get to exactly breakeven on PTR
-getting help from steal city at 100nl, which is awesome
-i wish everyone luck, and ppl not to lose hope, with the right mindset, things CAN turn around http://img294.imageshack.us/img294/1906/18393766.jpg
25/50 in swedish crowns is like something between 3/6 and 5/10$ and 85kSEK is ~11500$
nice to say the least! mostly its been 2-3 tabling some SH and HU when the bumhunters leave the tables and stuff, standard, alot of 3 handed.
its all played 200bb deep as its a standard buy in on the site i play at so the dynamic switches alot too like in all other deep games, like 200bb is the new 100bb standard AK vs JJ flips pre and stuff (even if there is no ante) the games play very aggro.
overall the month ive played like 15k hands or something, kinda breakevenish on the lower stakes 10/20 most played, kinda like 1/2-2/4$) and dumped alot on omaha
but feels good, last month shot on 25/50 didnt end to well, ran alot under EV and ended down like 10 buy ins on the shot, so it feels very good to have been crushing so far.
the games dont run to often but i try to play them as often as they run since its a small network. but mostly there is like 1-4 games running 24/7 so its np.
still up a decent amount on the month, and as i had a monstermonth last month aswell im feeling very good atm overall!
have been playing alot alot of sc2, have cleared the whole campaign in brutalmode for the sweet kerrigan avatar, but mostly grinding 1on1 diamond league. getting better and better but since i didnt play much in the beta im behind the topplayers by far still.
but overall, very happy dude overall, just got single for the first time since i was 16 (22 now) and it feels good, started training again and playing sc2 + moving up stakes catching heaters is always nice.
no more 24 tabling depression whine from me.
longple = happy
gl dudes msg me on EU RataN//713 to play some sc2 games
Platinum for August and an all-nighterby vltava, August 17
So, ~1000 points away from Platinum yesterday morning, I hit the $15+1 SNG's hard, getting in eight sets of twenty-four between 10 AM and 9 PM, posting a loss of $61. I had about 45 points to go as I finished my last session and Carol walked in the door, and I wanted to catch the first episode of the new season of Weeds at 10:00, so I set down the laptop in front of the TV, fired up a dozen or so PLO tables, and hit Platinum as the show was starting. Woot! After the show we watched a little WSOP, but my would-be short little PLO session had some unintended consequences, and while Carol turned in for the night, my session blossomed into a compulsion to continue playing until I couldn't keep my eyes open. I ended up packing it in at 5 AM, up one buy-in, which was nice, since I had been down most of the night, reaching a low point of minus six buy-ins. Some good learning experiences. I mostly played better than I had in my previous session, although apparently I needed an object lesson that there's no good reason for flip for stacks with junk aces when you're three buy-ins deep - who knew?
In addition to my various other adventures, I'm hitting the 11:15 AM 3R every weekday on Stars. First is always over 10k; go go Rail Heaven someday soon!
Well it has been about 2 weeks since I decided that I was going to try and grind online poker again like I used to do in college years ago, but this time do it for real. My roll started about 2 months ago actually, I left my job with Greenpeace and was sick of working really medial jobs for the past few years and felt no desire to go out into the job market and look for a boring $10 / hr job.
I talked to my girlfriend and I told her about poker, and my best friend vouched for me and told her that I did make a decent amount of money when we were in college playing. So, one night I went out to my friends 21st birthday and a few drinks and ran home. Immediately I put $100 on FTP to mess around with. I decided that the $100 didn't matter much to me and I would play 100NL 6-max rush. I know bad bankroll management but it's ok I was taking a shot. I ran that up in 3 hours to $400 and decided to quit and take out the $100 I originally put on.
That left me with $300 to play 10nl 6-max rush with. I started grinding a few hours a day but I had a lot of things to do with DHS and applying for community college classes and other things that I wasn't putting in great volume. I also had one of my roommates standing over my shoulder while I played asking questions which was extremely annoying and caused some absolutely terrible play. I ended up down $100 after those couple weeks.
At $200 I took that friend to the airport and he told me that he wanted $100 transfered on FTP and he would give me $100 cash. I took the offer and contemplated playing 5NL since I wasn't rolled but I took a chance and continued 10NL. So, Aug 1st I decided that every hour my girlfriend worked at subway I would play poker in starbucks right across the parking lot. I have put in about ~50K hands so far and my BR is at $497 with some rakeback coming on Friday.
So, I'm extremely excited about this, and am looking to move up to 25NL in June if a downswing doesn't occur. I have pokertracker, but I have no idea how to upload the stats and graphs on Liquidpoker because even though I am doing well, I know I have a lot of leaks that I can improve on. Especially with 3 bet calling 3 betting and 2nd and 3rd barreling.
But other than that so far so good I can't really complain. Goodluck at the tables everyone!
Past week i have done some test coaching with JSquids and Haivan to see if it was something i enjoyed and whether i have something to offer to SSNL player's.
It was very cool to do this. I observed very different playstyles from my own and tried to offer them some advice that fits well within their own styles. I was quite impressed with the level of play. That JSquids was quite good wasn't that surprising as he is playing 100nl already (was still impressed though).
But Haivan was doing well too. It is very cool to see how everyone is developing and thinking about their game. I think this coaching also gives me better insight in how many villains are approaching the game, so i have to thank my voluntary students for that It is a pleasure to help thinking players like them ahead.
I haven't done the coaching with Fuddyan yet but since he is dutch we are trying to set it up so he comes over to my office here in Amterdam.
All in all i think i definitely have a lot to offer if you play 50nl or lower. 100nl players that want to make a transition to playing Headsup could also learn a lot from me. That has always been my specialty and ill be happy to give coaching in that area.
There was a lot of demand for free coaching on my last blog. I can't give away free hours to everyone as i have stuff to do as well. So i'm going to start teaching for $30/hour.
But i figured i wanted to give everyone at SSNL a chance to see how much they can get out of 1on1 coaching. Therefore i'm giving away 1 hour of coaching per person at an introduction rate of $15 to everyone that applies before august 20!
I played 1 million hands breakeven and no one believed in me, but i never gave up the fight. Yeah, now I'm on top and moneys falling from the sky.
I look up to the sky and now the world is mine, I've known it all my life - I made it, I made it. I used to dream about the life I'm living now.
See I don't live for glamour, and I don't care for fame. I'm in this for the love of the game, funny how things can change. They didn't believe in me back then now they calling my name, look who cashed in.
Everything turned around, and now the sky is falling downnnnnn.
I came from the gutter, looking like my mother
Made it to the goal line straight out the huddle
Cash money gold mine fenner stay loyal
Boy I'm making money like I just found oil
Staring at you from the top of the game man
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