If i wouldnt have been forced to cash out so much earlier this month, maybe everything would be so different right now. I coulda continued to play NL50 with a solid roll, in a good mindset and all and maybe would have a good month now and ready to be at that point where I never have to cash out more than my BR can handle. Sigh..... unable to describe how bad i feel atm.
I really curse the fact that I once made so much money(for me at least, nothing compared with some of you guys) from it, because deep down inside me I probably think that I could get back up there 1 day, but every time Im close to coming back SOMETHING horrible goes wrong. I cant believe it. Looking back I would prefer to NEVER have won at that game at ALL then I would at least not waste all the fucking time Im doing now to try to have success.
Played 4 tables NL25 the last few days to try to concentrate better and it worked good, then sometimes I spewed a lot in unnecessary spots which tilted me afterwards and also looking at my cashier keeps tilting the shit out of me. Also got my fair share of coolers and running bad as usual, so overall I ended down again.
Sooo..... I hate myself right now, feeling like the biggest loser alive and I really think I should quit.
edit : I mean Im a big winner on NL25 and everything BUT i dont have the BR for it anymore and I dont have the power to go back again to NL5 and grind a br back... ahhhh im just pissed.
Im basically back to zero, feels like i wasted 1 fucking month of pokering.
Something very bad happened in real life, so I had to cash out about 1K(which was about 40% of my roll) few days ago, of course this implied that I had to move down to that shithole of NL25 again, but instead, with a bit more than half of my roll left, I decided to continue playing NL50 but was tilted all the time when I thought about my crippled BR and looked at my cashier.
As a result of that, I quickly blew all of my profits for the month, and didnt play for a few days. Today I sat home and was bored so I played again with a tilted mind and blew another 150 or so on NL25. I dont even have 1K anymore. I had so great goals for this month and the upcoming ones and now Im back to zero. I played really well as well and had myself under control but I just made a huge step backward ONCE AGAIN.
Feels so fucking bad... Im so fucking stupid to play in a tilted mood, really hate myself for doing that. Deep inside I know that i should REALLY grind now to get back my br and to not lose anymore time but I got NO fucking motivation left at all and it feels so tilting to HAVE to move back down to this stupid motherfucking fish limit NL25. Everything there tilts me fuckkkkkk i hate this fucking game my timing is the fucking worst ever I always have to cash out just when Im about to move up so I can make enough to cover life expenses PLUS HAVE a constantly growing br. FUCKING SHIT FUCK MOTHERFUCKING aoiwehfauwefiauwefliawefuaiwefluaiwefiuawef
Heres monthly graph. Rationally thinking, this shouldnt even look bad because I can easily turn this into a good winning month, but just looking at my cashier makes me go apetilt because I had like 1500$ more in there a few days ago and it feels like that money just vanished.
I just hope I can regain a good state of mind again soon....
NL50 is kinda tilting me so far. At the start I had the feeling that everyone was just playing back at me and as a result of that I saw myself doing ridicolously stupid plays.
Started off going well this month but I'm not feeling really confident playing atm, even though I know the competition is a joke. And confidence seems to be so crucial for my game because whenever I play full of confidence and am really focused on the game I crush it, but I didn't feel like that today. Annoying..
Maybe its the bigger money that scares me but this is ridicolous because I used to play so much higher and I got a 40+ buyin br too.
Meh, I hopefully will get used to it and destroy it.
Today's session almost brought me down to the red numbers for the month though.
Gonna continue playing tomorrow, I will also try to rethink about my game, and try to make it better. Maybe going to cut down the tables to 8-6 or something also.
But I need 4137VPP more this month to get Platinum. Only playing NL25, that means I need about 40k hands more in about 3-4 days because I can't play on one day of the weekend at least. Seems impossible hmm. Can i do it?????????????
Im finally running good after a long time of running bad, this feels awesome. Go heater!!!!!! Friend paid back half of my borrowed money also, very good, now I'll build a huge fucking bankroll for higher limits and won't cash out.
Currently rebuilding... going very good I'm in 14+ table robot mode on NL5 and if I continue doing this a few days I should have a semi solid roll for NL25 again. Hope I can run good 1 time there then. Also when my friend gives me back my money I will deposit that on my poker acc, even though I have a strict rule of never depositing my own money and I never did it in my entire life so far, but I gave him the money on PS and thats why I can cash it in again as soon as I receive it.
Won't cashout a shit during the next few months either.
borrowed a friend 350$(he lost it all, now he has to pay me back in real life,) after i cashed out majority of my roll + running bad once again on nl25 got my bankroll down to 200$ lol. now i have to grind nl 5.
feels so crappy to be back again where i started in february. but its all my own fault.
i need to get a fucking job so i can fucking quit cashing out and get somewhere. sooooooo dissapointing though, i can only run bad on NL25 its like this shit is cursed, and yes i know how soft this limit is supposed to be.
this month is very disappointing so far..... didnt reach any of my goal and probably won't. apart from my nice 1k tourney win everything is going quite shitty. I think I will have to re-evaluate my poker career if this doesn't change in the upcoming 2 months.
Cashed out too much as well, but I needed the money.....
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