To make other people feel great about their days and have awesome lives wearing fancy clothes with all of the money they receive from me and eating nice meals.
I hope everyone appreciates it.
On a side note, almost every single person (like 14/15) who has sat vs me heads up since August has left a much richer man. I'm talking about people who have never played poker before who are sitting down to give this poker thing a shot walk away feeling like champions.
I decided I'm going to play nl50 for 10bi, evaluate how I'm feeling and what my BR is doing and then either move back to nl100 or play nl50 for another 10bi. I'm not sure what my goal from there is going to be, yet. Spending time at nl50 seems like it'll suck, and I'm am pretty sure I could just jump right into nl100 again but I don't want to risk my mental state, so that's why I'm chillin at nl50 building confidence for a little bit.
I'll be playing on the deep tables because I still can't take a ten dollar shortstack very seriously..
As a start to getting back on track my first poker session was today! I spent an hour and I think I won a couple of buyins (got spewed at hard this session). So that's good.
Hopefully I can post a nice nl50 graph in a week or 2
'n every other song I can get a hold of. Probably going to buy nearly all of their albums over the next couple of days.
Bone thugs entertain me on a number of different levels.. And they're sick good at what they do.
And Ronald Jenkees, which I'm sure nearly everyone has heard one of his youtubes.
His stuff is a pure, visceral experience for me. It just feels good listening to it.
I picked up both of his albums the other day, you can torrent them if you'd like (he said himself that he prefers you buy them, but for those who can't.. he'd rather they be able to hear his music than not.). I torrented them both and 2 days later I bought both off of his website
I'm either going to play poker today or tomorrow. Still working on getting my head screwed on right and such, feeling a lot better though. I'm fixing to make getting back in shape my #1 priority, because I think it will put the rest of my life into place since I'll have to regulate my sleep schedule, I'll be more confident and will rejuvenate my energy levels, force me to fix my sleep schedule, etc. Just need something really regular like that. Just gotta take the 1st step
Enjoy.
I withdrew half of my roll and I'm going to try to get myself to grind nl100
Every fuckin session I've played has been nothing but adversity for the last 2-3 weeks loll
I'm super depressed/constantly upset and obviously this is horrible for poker and for the rest of my life.. which really doesn't even seem to exist atm, as my life is all poker-fail all the time lately. meh.. Dunno why I can't leave this horrible funk and mindset.
Probably at one of the lower points of the last 15 months..... really disappointed in myself, which compounds with everything.
So my roll is going to be split between ftp and gutshot poker now, and I'm going to have a measly and pathetic $2500-3000 on each site.. hopefully I can still win at nl100.
Playing bad not sure where I'm going wrong tbh. My redline is 100x worse than usual I guess I'm giving up on pots a ton without realizing I shouldn't.. I felt like I was playing well through this session (the last 2k hands) and apparently I wasn't.
I guess I am not 100% following my thoughts when I play and a lot of people are disagreeing with my hands so.. guess I have to figure out how to fix it. Check my hand history for a couple of hands with a lot of posts/discussion if you're interested. Wouldn't mind more thoughts or deeper explanations.
It looks like I'm over valuing hands a ton and it looks to be a consistent theme for as long as I've played (I remember in nl25 people were telling me I was overvaluing 2pair and stuff) but I seem to be terrible at understanding why.. whenever I see value I go for it but apparently I'm seeing value where there isn't any too often....
Losing consistently graph for your sick pleasure.. ;(
I'm going to 4 table 1/2 and pray tomorrow and sunday (unless I lose 5more bi). Supposed to go party with my good friend who's in town tonight.. going now and hopefully my life outlook improves eh..
Feel like no matter what I do its going to be the wrong decision and so far everything I've done has turned out to be the wrong decision.
Its so fucking stressful, I've won 2 days out of the last 10, in which I've lost $4000 and have an EV of -$2000. I've enhanced the downswing with sucking balls ofc......
...
I'm getting a session with a coach to see wtf I lose money every hand I pick up and why I am so bad at what is supposed to be my job.
I'm b/e for the month now... except for the glorious rakeback from 23 thousand whoooole hands of poker playing......
I realized again the difference between good players, bad players, 'n the whole essence of why a play is good or not; regardless of result. My life 'n win-tilt was obscuring it amazingly well for being such a core game concept..
Thanks Palak and Gororoorororokork, and even Loco initiated step 1.!
I woke up 2 days ago feeling like I was on tilt and since then i've tilted all the time and palyeedd like shit and i feel really awful about everything. I lost most of my winnings for the month and its mostly my fault, some standard downward variance as well but mostly my fault
I don't know why I feel like this, maybe I'm going crazy
And I felel ike I should learn HU but I played today and its like always where I just don't seem ot have any patience when playing HU and I lose my mind and they always have the nuts
God I really feel like the worst and like I probably cna't even beat nl10 at my current skill level tbh
wtf is wrong with me
here's HU graph for your entertainment
god damn wtf I'm like hyper emotional atm
anyway that's -2.5k in 2 days, probably 1800 of it being my fault
look at me I can't even bring myself to type anywhere close to properly and leave typos etc wtf I have to get a handle on myself.. sigh.
month graph
I'll get over it. I self excluded for the first time ever (this feels pathetic and is something I never thought I should have to do).. only 24 hours tho.`
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