Memoirs From A Mousehole

I literally just posted a psychological test where it showed I am 80% chance to be a highly emotional female. It is what it is.

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Today at the AA meeting the chairperson asked me to take the meeting prayer. I blanked for like I don't know how long but it felt like a long time. Just silence. Then, I told the chairperson that I didn't know the Lord's Prayer and he started it. I felt embarrassed. I started making stories up in my head that I would be a pariah at the meeting. I went to help clean up. No one talked to me. Some guy came up to me and said, "I used to not know the Lord's Prayer either... I'm Jewish." I used to know it. It just shows how many meetings I haven't been to in the last 5 years. Then, the women that was sitting next to me and held my hand during the prayer came up to me, "What's up dude?" and shook my hand and winked at me. No tellin' what the wink was for or if it was even done consciously.

Then, I went to lift some weights. My Viking Princess was there again. She's always there when I'm there. She is pretty intense with the lifting. I am pretty intense with the lifting. I don't really think there is a good time to say "Hey." Just a nice part of the lift to be there among the Viking Elite. I rubbed shoulders with her today. She was walking down the tight staircase while I was walking up. I had a pretty hard workout and was sweating pretty hard. Hopefully, she enjoyed my stank, my aura, etc. She didn't smell like anything. I think physiologically, subconsiously smell is very important. It's like a binary thing, yay or nay on something I can't even control besides using good body wash and scent but I don't wear cologne to the gym because that is not cool. I don't wear cologne to work. I don't wear cologne to AA. I have good body wash though. I have gotten compliments for how I smell. I am not a pariah. My Viking Princess is tall but I am taller. There was like 3 Viking Princesses in there today. They are all tall but I am taller. I don't think I'm fucked. I mean sure I am a bit. Specifically, in regards to getting some sort of occupation at Anthropic and marrying some Viking Princess and having Viking children and living happily ever after but IN REALITY I don't actually think I'm that fucked. I'm pretty content right now. I could use a cigar and Numbers On The Board by Pusha T. It was a good Saturday.

On August 01 2026 16:32 newgeinnings wrote: but ur a dick Devon no one likes being a dick peace

lol true that.

In all honesty, I hope the best for rikd (and you as well for that matter!). It's just irritating seeing the exact same complaints/arguments made from intelligent people. It's like a hamster wheel of silliness. I feel like he could accomplish really good things if he just smartened up.

The resume for example, it's hurting. Gotta start at the beginning basically, no one is going to hand you something out of the blue - you gotta work for it.

Anyways. GL rikd, rooting for ya homey (and yes, I will likely call you out again in the future - no fucking doubt).

xo

I keep saying I'm going to take a break from the manuscript yet there goes another 6 hours. Sometimes it feels like I am getting close but another scene pops up or something obvious appears that I need to edit. It is true to say that I am getting closer but I don't think it is true to say that I am close. The atmosphere is so fucking good though: Super low lighting, late night chill music, drenched in Creed Aventus, white tea, and discovery. Although, at the moment I'm not pure discovery writer. I have been plotting / outlining some things. The skeleton of the book is there it's just about filling it out in a way that serves the story / vibes.

It's midnight and I know looking at the damn manuscript is not a good idea but it's all I got right now. A novella on desire, addiction, obsession, escape....

I sent a way past version to a friend who basically inspired it. "Just write about fried chicken and Waffle House" - he said. I sent it in the mail so who knows when it will get there or even if he will read it.

So, I do want some people to read it but I have to try to stay in some mode that I am writing for the sake of writing it. Like the vibes of the thing are more important to me than anything maybe. I just want to create the best piece of art. Something honest. Something that I like.

On August 02 2026 11:31 devon06atX wrote: Show nested quote + On August 01 2026 16:32 newgeinnings wrote: but ur a dick Devon no one likes being a dick peace lol true that. In all honesty, I hope the best for rikd (and you as well for that matter!). It's just irritating seeing the exact same complaints/arguments made from intelligent people. It's like a hamster wheel of silliness. I feel like he could accomplish really good things if he just smartened up. The resume for example, it's hurting. Gotta start at the beginning basically, no one is going to hand you something out of the blue - you gotta work for it. Anyways. GL rikd, rooting for ya homey (and yes, I will likely call you out again in the future - no fucking doubt). xo

cool

I'm posting here perhaps because I need to. I have been doing a lot of work on my novella. It's really amazing how time elapses when I'm working on it. But, right now I hate it.

I went to a book sale this morning with a friend. I found Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger, Light of August by William Faulkner, and Absalom, Absalom! by William Faulkner. I wanted to jump right in to Absalom, Absalom! but I got a list of movies to watch from a friend. I didn't want to let her down so I watched Once because that was a lighter hearted musical more or less versus some of the heavier, existential films she suggested. I don't want to start Absalom, Absalom! because I am tired but I also can't sleep yet. I was thinking about how great The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner is. How great Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace is. Then, there is my novella which still needs more revisions and probably 3-5 more great scenes. Writing is hard work!

New obsession is Absalom, Absalom! I can quit writing now. Game over. The end.

Those books are classics, but not a great read

Ever read Shogun, James Clavell? Now that's a read. Big-ass book, but check it out, it's (imo) the best book ever

I'm not really up to a whole lot. My parents are out of town. It's nice being able to masturbate whenever I want. I also don't have to overhear my dad consuming right-wing propaghanda on the television. The house is empty and quiet. I sent my friend the story manuscript. He liked it a lot. He read it in one sitting and he hated the ending. Pretty good feedback for a first reader. I am thinking about sending to my sister. I'm pretty burnt out on thinking about it too much or trying to make more revisions at this point. I either send it to my sister or other beta readers or just let it sit for 1-3 weeks probably. I don't know if I ever publish it to be honest. I have the physical copy designed in my head. It would be cool to have it in a physical form but it's not necessary. I don't really feel like paying beta readers or paying to self-publish.

I'm backlogged as it is books wise but I'll give Shogun a look at some point.

Consciossness is such a trip dudes.

I got some sleep; I woke up; I lifted some weights; I went grocery shopping; I ate some food; I read some Faulkner. I love just loungin' listening to Faulkner tell a story on an ole porch in the South. I have the whole house to myself. Meaning I could sing some songs. Meaning I could masturbate whenever I want. In reality I just feel a bit bored, a bit empty. It's too late to call a friend out to lunch. It's 96 degrees outside. Too hot for a walk. I'm just sittin' here listenin' to Daft Punk with a burn on my hand from making a pizza the other day. My conscioussness seems to go to the garish oven burn on my hand. It doesn't hurt so much that it is there, ridged like a small Appalachian hill. I'm waiting on a call from a friend. That will pass some time. He wants to start a podcast. I said "sure." That will pass some time. That will pass some time. That will pass some time.

This will pass some time. I don't really have much. No objects for people to covet. I have a soul and a heart and a brain. Maybe some would covet those things. They are not for sale. They cannot be stolen. Well, someone could cut out my beating heart but it wouldn't last long. The soul is a little trickier to locate. If you want my brain, just talk to me. I am a pretty friendly guy. Let's sit in the back screened in porch and tell stories.

Here is an update on the "novella":

First of all, it's not a novella. It's sitting at 12,000 words at the moment which would make it a novellette. It is currently "finished." "Finished" means that it is "finished." The bottleneck being not that the manuscript needs more work from me but that if I intend to get it published I need probably 3-5 beta readers at least to take a look at it. I feel like there are scenes that I could completely re-work if I wanted to but it might take away from the story rather than add to it. The problem with beta readers is that this is literary fiction or experimental fiction. No mainstream publisher is going to touch a strange experimental novellette with explicit content. There are publishers out there that would be a better fit but if I intend to publish I intend to get some beta reader feedback. I intend to get beta reader feedback from beta readers who actually read literary and experimental fiction versus romance, fantasy, or thrillers. Does anyone know anyone or anywhere that would beta read my novellette?

I also could just never publish the thing but my first beta reader said I should absolutely publish it without me even asking him about publishing. I have the cover design all figured out and think it would be cool to have some version of a physical thing in the world but I don't necessarily want to jump through publishing hoops (and it's not a guaruntee I would pass) and I don't want to self-publish either.

If nothing else, it's nice to have a manuscript at this stage. A manuscript I feel pretty good about. My life is full of "unfinished." Fully finished would be getting it published by some small indy publisher that excels in that sort of thing but that is probably more of a crapshoot than creating a piece of art for the sake of creating it and being happy with it. I think I'm too close to it at the moment to give it another pass with fresher eyes. You gotta call it quits at some point and now would be a good time to put it on the shelf until I can find some credible beta readers.

I'm back from vacation.

How you been?

Where did you go? How was it? When do you go back to school?

I thought you might have been gone for good.

Also: I figured out the beta reading thing. I have some friends who want to read it and if I want to get serious about it I can just hire some on fiverr.

By the way: Absalom, Absalom is heavy as fuck! I'm greiving over what Faulkner did in that book on multiple levels.

Not a whole lot to report. I'm feeling a bit empty, hungry, lonely at the moment. Just grindin' it out in general. I'm taking care of the house while my parents are gone which keeps me occupied. The manuscript is still on the shelf at the moment. 2 of 2 beta readers so far have loved it and wanted more and told me to publish it. I don't know if I want to pay for beta readers on fiverr. I don't know if I'll publish it. Anyways, that should be enough said about that. I'm trying to stay away from it for a while.

A friend gave me a copy of The Road by Cormac McCarthy and told me I had to read it so I'm reading that. Seems kind of cool so far. I like the voice. Very different from Faulkner. In fact, it's like the opposite so interesting to read aktually. Seems like an easy enough, quick enough read.

I've been tired and sad lately; sad and tired lately so I've been obsessed with these 2 songs lately:

-p7XJc&start_radio=1

-9dIA_5EqcQ&start_radio=1

On August 15 2026 13:21 RiKD wrote: Where did you go? How was it? When do you go back to school? I thought you might have been gone for good.

I was in the Philippines for 40 days. It was cool, but I've been there several times before.

My school started again this past Monday, so now I'm busy as fuck. Grinding until my next vacation.

I got my girl pregnant a month ago, so that's what is new with me...

On August 21 2026 04:10 PuertoRican wrote: Show nested quote + On August 15 2026 13:21 RiKD wrote: Where did you go? How was it? When do you go back to school? I thought you might have been gone for good. I was in the Philippines for 40 days. It was cool, but I've been there several times before. My school started again this past Monday, so now I'm busy as fuck. Grinding until my next vacation. I got my girl pregnant a month ago, so that's what is new with me...

congrats PR

On August 21 2026 16:02 newgeinnings wrote: Show nested quote + On August 21 2026 04:10 PuertoRican wrote:   On August 15 2026 13:21 RiKD wrote: Where did you go? How was it? When do you go back to school? I thought you might have been gone for good. I was in the Philippines for 40 days. It was cool, but I've been there several times before. My school started again this past Monday, so now I'm busy as fuck. Grinding until my next vacation. I got my girl pregnant a month ago, so that's what is new with me... congrats PR

Thanks.

She's pregnant with twins, so that makes things even more stressful...

Time for some serious adulting.