I realized I had some strawberries in the refridgerator. They were from a local farm and quite magical but I had forgotten about them and they had seen better days. Still edible and quite good but strawberries go pretty quickly. Easily perceivable over the course of a week. What about us humans? Not so perceivable over a course of a week or even years. It is still a reminder that for most of us we are further and further away from our peak in many areas and we do not have forever to live with the absence of debilitating ailments. My parents are on a cruise in Italy and Greece. That is pretty sweet. They can still enjoy these things but they do lack an energy of 21 year olds. It is good to know many things are still enjoyable at 70 if we take care of ourselves. I wanted to play guitar in a band in the 5th grade and pretty much every grade therafter. My parents always said no. I am pretty sure if they would have said yes in the 5th grade many permutations would have me way better at the guitar than I am today at 40. I was driving around today and I realize I have not listened to a metallica record in a long time. Perhaps, since high school. I chose the Black Album as that is what I listened to the most of when I was younger. Not a bad record but I think the feelings of nostalgia outweighed any other feelings. I am not the biggest James Hetfield fan although Kirk Hammett kills it on the guitar. What I found interesting is that I knew most of the lyrics and every guitar riff on the record even though I hadn't listened to it since being in my teens. Repetition and a likely more elastic brain is amazing. I will never be as good at the guitar as someone who is talented and diligent from age 12. I can probably still get to a decent level or at least a more enjoyable level than I am at today though. That's all that really matters. I have to do something as I decay it might as well be guitar. My uncle still gets much joy from the guitar at age 67. It's a good life hobby/habit.
I think it was haralabob who said this but I'm sure someone else said this as well. A good idea is to look 10 years ahead and picture where you want to be and work towards that. In 10 years I will be 50... Hard to picture it. I always said I'll probably commit suicide by 55 but I think if I do things right over the next 5 or so years I won't have to resort to killing myself. I had such a rough trip from 30 to 40 it feels like I am getting a bit of a breather at least this year. A slight repreive. Although there were great times in those years. Primarily, the first year I got sober and was getting long term disability. That was a magical year. After that capitalism kept me occupied. I've lived in this current city for like 7 years and have no friends. The problem is if you are killing yourself to make like $30,000 in a year there may just not be a whole lot left over. Not a whole lot left to give. I will make more this year but my new job probably takes more of a toll on me. We will see what I can do with my situation. It's certainly better than 2020 or 2021. 2022 was a grind man. 2023 has been a sick grind as well but with the last year and a half I might have put myself in a freer position. I hope so. I'm still decaying rapidly or not so rapidly relative to what you want to choose. Compared to a strawberry I have all the time in the world given most runouts. I do not need a stone with my name on it. Just feed me to the dogs. I'd rather be dog shit than worm shit.
I've been thinking about a lot of things. We are trapped by capitalism. We are drilled to win just a little bit more, just a little bit more. Forced to self-manage. Forced to be entreprenuers of the self. The self-achievement subject. There is no time for silence or contemplation.
It seems to me that you are living a contradiction. You have inklings that the spiritual is the right path yet you chase hedonism. That feeling of escape outside of capitalism. Whether that is the NBA Playoff game, the slot machine, or hell a good novel (probably not in your case). It's all just a chase for some flow state to get away from capitalism. Yet, apart from the good novel it is capitalism. Where to turn is some form of spirituality or getting away from self-absorption. It's tricky. Are my blogs entirely self-absorption or is there value in reflection?
It's hard for me to be the judge of my self-centeredness. I crave something. I am not immune to falling into the trap of the slot machine allure. Trying to find The Entertainment. It seems benign but it has teeth. Especially, when people are unemployed/under-employed. I don't ever want to be living in a closet eating cat food or homeless eating out of dumpsters. Yet, living with my parents eating pizzas and frozen dinners spending all my time supporting retail is acceptable?
It's acceptable because that's the best thing I have going at the moment. And, like I said, I actually have the most freedom I have had in a long time. Going back 9 years ago when I first got sober and had money coming in from long-term disability. Nothing lasts though. It will be interesting to see what I do with this season.
The elite would prefer you to be in jail and have and will and would support Nazis. Let that sink in. Of course, the car and gas elite love a long commute and as many trips to the store as possible. A house is nice to live in but it also must be filled with (replacable) stuff. At Whole Foods we constantly had a full locked dumpster. Compost had their own locked dumpster but there were far more food that included meat and dairy that we would break the rules and eat from before it would be tossed. For public relations purposes we filled about 1 cart full of food that was soon to be past due to give to charity.
What does "freedom" mean in 2023?
That we don't have total surveillance yet?
Freedom is not an opiate pill high, a slot machine binge, or anything like it. Where is the freedom?
Of course, I have my ideas. Philosophers like to contemplate. Fishermen like to fish. Surfers like to surf, and on and on and on.
But for the most part I work, I consume, I age, and I die. It is difficult to break the cycle. Even shinrin-yoku (forest-bathing) is sparsely more than rest in order to work again. Reading anti-capitalist left books is sparsely more than rest in order to work again!
On May 14 2023 06:00 PuertoRican wrote:
Everyone starts to decay after they're born.
Rosebud > rose > dying rose > a stem without a rose.
Yeah, most people would say there is a peak rose. I am one of those people but picking a peak for humans is different. Some might say 18, some might say 24-28, some might say 35. Mathematically my peak was probably 18-20. Athletically 24-28. Sexually probably 35. In a field like philosophy I think many would say 40s and above. Same with a field like history. I still have virility but it's likely facts that that is diminishing. There is no doubt that I am decaying. Just have to accept it all and go with it. If I want to play basketball with a bunch of college kids I'm beyond fucked but if I want to read and comprehend a Byung-Chul Han there is no better time than now.
I just want to be liberated, i i i, just want to be liberated.
There is no liberation from neo-liberalism. I am tired. I am exhausted. I am over thinking there is a solution. I just want salvation. I am so self-absorbed that I am going to write a blog about being self-absorbed.
I probably could have used an AA meeting today but I lifted weights and took a nap instead.
All day with myself and now I have to spend the night with myself. I don't really mind silence, stillness, senseless but my addict brain wants to find a slot machine in anyway I can find it. Now, Sun Ra comes on the Spotify stream and I am delighted. I think I will call a friend. They did not answer. That is a bummer. Maybe I will watch the Celtics vs Sixers game 7 even though I already know who wins. Existance man. Existance. I'm willing to try out being an aimless wanderer with no dwelling but that seems like a bad idea with my bipolar I.
On May 14 2023 06:00 PuertoRican wrote:
Everyone starts to decay after they're born.
Rosebud > rose > dying rose > a stem without a rose.
Yeah, most people would say there is a peak rose. I am one of those people but picking a peak for humans is different. Some might say 18, some might say 24-28, some might say 35. Mathematically my peak was probably 18-20. Athletically 24-28. Sexually probably 35. In a field like philosophy I think many would say 40s and above. Same with a field like history. I still have virility but it's likely facts that that is diminishing. There is no doubt that I am decaying. Just have to accept it all and go with it. If I want to play basketball with a bunch of college kids I'm beyond fucked but if I want to read and comprehend a Byung-Chul Han there is no better time than now.
I would suggest reading the Burnout Society to everyone but Puerto Rican seemingly has like 20 weeks vacation and enough money to enjoy it so I doubt it would apply to him.
3
PuertoRican United States. May 16 2023 05:40. Posts 13184
On May 16 2023 02:35 RiKD wrote:
I would suggest reading the Burnout Society to everyone but Puerto Rican seemingly has like 20 weeks vacation and enough money to enjoy it so I doubt it would apply to him.
Byung Chul-Han is a teacher who is single and has no kids. He uses his free time more productively though.
fuck I should just sell some of my Pokemon cards, if no one stakes that is what I will have to do - lostaccount
1
Stroggoz New Zealand. May 18 2023 20:40. Posts 5365
philosophy peak age is around 7 imo. After around that age, people tend to become more dogmatic. Eighteen and above is usually at the mental retardation levels of dogma. The curse is that while 7-year-olds are genius philosophers capable of questioning the world around them, they are still ignorant and don't have the knowledge to use those questions.
One of 3 non decent human beings on a site of 5 people with between 2-3 decent human beings
Philosophers think about stuff. I don't see why it is impossible for someone who is 50+ to remain curious and open-minded about the world. Western thought specifically German thought gets put on a pedestal. It's hard to shake because I grew up on it. I am saturated with it but just as it is possible to learn how to eat food with chopsticks I can read and comprehend Far Eastern thought or Middle Eastern thought or any type of thought. I did not eat, breathe, live the stuff for 10,000 days but I can read and comprehend it. Kant wrote Groundwork for the Metaphysics of Morals but he also thought that soup broth and water was debilitating. Most people get caught in their dogma but there has to be people that refuse to get stuck in dogma and while maybe not ever-changing are questioning dogma consistently. The knowledge a 60 year old has if they are contemplating and lingering is immense and while their curiousity may not equal a 7 year old as you said the 7 yr old has 0 knowledge. Also, the 7 year old can't ask certain questions about knowledge, reality, existence, thinking, etc. that philosophy entails. You may say that is for the better. Kids go to college and get profs who suck Kant, Hegel, Heidegger off and now they can discuss these topics with academic rigor but if they are not careful have found themselves in a German thought dogma. I have never liked authority and I am mostly an autodidact so hopefully I am entering my philosopher golden age until I die. I think it is possible to remain sharp up to 70 or maybe even above that so while giants like Byung-Chul Han and Edgar Morin will tower above me just mabye I can carve out a life of my own that is not too shabby.
3
PuertoRican United States. May 19 2023 02:17. Posts 13184
On May 16 2023 21:36 Loco wrote:
Byung Chul-Han is a teacher who is single and has no kids. He uses his free time more productively though.
We all enjoy ourselves in different ways, and I am happy with my life thus far.
On May 16 2023 21:36 Loco wrote:
Byung Chul-Han is a teacher who is single and has no kids. He uses his free time more productively though.
Is productive the right word?
When I think of productive I think of the giant steel mills I used to frequent running 24/7 churning out low carbon exposed automotive grades for Ford, GM, and Toyota. ArcelorMittal has orders to fullfill and capitalism needs to hum along faster and faster. Lying in bed, staring out the window at trees contemplating a Zhuangzi story feels like something completely different. Semantics. I know what you are saying but there is a point where it is like what is the point asking what is the good life if you are sitting on a patio on the Italian Coast eating good food with friends. Asking what is the good life for the 1,000th time sitting alone at my computer. I would disapear completely from LP and wander aimlessly with no dwelling but I need my meds and stability. Not that I would have to aimlessly wander to quit LP. I am truly trying to learn but by clicking "submit post" I inherently pull the lever to another round of slot machine purgatory. And in writing these blogs I tend to feel better. Isn't everyone trying to fell better? I don't care if I win the jackpot just let me feel better.
On May 16 2023 21:36 Loco wrote:
Byung Chul-Han is a teacher who is single and has no kids. He uses his free time more productively though.
We all enjoy ourselves in different ways, and I am happy with my life thus far.
Life isn't all about enjoyment. Some people have built our world. They leave a mark. They die, and they are still relevant. Most people are not, because they mostly care about just enjoying themselves. I think it's probably fair to say that you are addicted to gambling (sports betting), and since this is a compulsive activity for you, it's not truly enjoyable, since it comes with ups and downs and a lack of self-control.
fuck I should just sell some of my Pokemon cards, if no one stakes that is what I will have to do - lostaccount
On May 16 2023 21:36 Loco wrote:
Byung Chul-Han is a teacher who is single and has no kids. He uses his free time more productively though.
Is productive the right word?
When I think of productive I think of the giant steel mills I used to frequent running 24/7 churning out low carbon exposed automotive grades for Ford, GM, and Toyota. ArcelorMittal has orders to fullfill and capitalism needs to hum along faster and faster. Lying in bed, staring out the window at trees contemplating a Zhuangzi story feels like something completely different. Semantics. I know what you are saying but there is a point where it is like what is the point asking what is the good life if you are sitting on a patio on the Italian Coast eating good food with friends. Asking what is the good life for the 1,000th time sitting alone at my computer. I would disapear completely from LP and wander aimlessly with no dwelling but I need my meds and stability. Not that I would have to aimlessly wander to quit LP. I am truly trying to learn but by clicking "submit post" I inherently pull the lever to another round of slot machine purgatory. And in writing these blogs I tend to feel better. Isn't everyone trying to fell better? I don't care if I win the jackpot just let me feel better.
Yes. He has an output. He carries tasks to the end. Someone who has released this many books in so few years can only be called productive. It is the kind of creative productivity, versus the one that has become an end in itself in capitalism, with no regard for how damaging what gets produced is.
I understand what you're saying, we are all victims to FOMO if we have a web presence at all. The only way to get rid of it is to do radical things which you are not prepared to do, so complaining is the 2nd best option. Well, to put things in perspective, you are still sober. You've still improved your life and the quality of your thinking over the years. That's worth something. So, it's not the most damaging thing to do to waste some time on here, you can cut yourself some slack since it was part of the whole process.
fuck I should just sell some of my Pokemon cards, if no one stakes that is what I will have to do - lostaccount
Last edit: 20/05/2023 06:02
1
failsafe United States. May 20 2023 20:47. Posts 1044
ya fukin metallica vs those zombies in the netflix show is like the new tool album vs jambi
criticizing capitalism is like criticizing gravity. also you are again going on about your suicide. what will you do when your parents die and you get the loot? not mocking you even though you make us mentally ill folk look like shit. Genuinely curious what you would do with a cash injection?
On May 16 2023 21:36 Loco wrote:
Byung Chul-Han is a teacher who is single and has no kids. He uses his free time more productively though.
Is productive the right word?
When I think of productive I think of the giant steel mills I used to frequent running 24/7 churning out low carbon exposed automotive grades for Ford, GM, and Toyota. ArcelorMittal has orders to fullfill and capitalism needs to hum along faster and faster. Lying in bed, staring out the window at trees contemplating a Zhuangzi story feels like something completely different. Semantics. I know what you are saying but there is a point where it is like what is the point asking what is the good life if you are sitting on a patio on the Italian Coast eating good food with friends. Asking what is the good life for the 1,000th time sitting alone at my computer. I would disapear completely from LP and wander aimlessly with no dwelling but I need my meds and stability. Not that I would have to aimlessly wander to quit LP. I am truly trying to learn but by clicking "submit post" I inherently pull the lever to another round of slot machine purgatory. And in writing these blogs I tend to feel better. Isn't everyone trying to fell better? I don't care if I win the jackpot just let me feel better.
Yes. He has an output. He carries tasks to the end. Someone who has released this many books in so few years can only be called productive. It is the kind of creative productivity, versus the one that has become an end in itself in capitalism, with no regard for how damaging what gets produced is.
I understand what you're saying, we are all victims to FOMO if we have a web presence at all. The only way to get rid of it is to do radical things which you are not prepared to do, so complaining is the 2nd best option. Well, to put things in perspective, you are still sober. You've still improved your life and the quality of your thinking over the years. That's worth something. So, it's not the most damaging thing to do to waste some time on here, you can cut yourself some slack since it was part of the whole process.
Radical things like cutting off all internet and cuddling with sex workers?
On May 20 2023 19:47 failsafe wrote:
ya fukin metallica vs those zombies in the netflix show is like the new tool album vs jambi
I think I remember you failsafe. Weird that you would show up at this point.
I have no idea what you are talking about in the first part of the metaphor....
I like some of the new Tool songs to a point. Jambi is pretty good though. Jones with the probable Cry Baby and some other effects on the solo is the clincher for me.
On May 20 2023 20:39 CurbStomp2 wrote:
criticizing capitalism is like criticizing gravity. also you are again going on about your suicide. what will you do when your parents die and you get the loot? not mocking you even though you make us mentally ill folk look like shit. Genuinely curious what you would do with a cash injection?
My parents are pretty healthy and it is not something I really ever think about. Not sure how I make you look like shit. You make yourself look like shit.
If I got a cash injection I would probably move to the city that my siblings are in. Does that mean I should seek out doing that now?
With the rest of it I would get a decent return while looking for opportunities. Probably ETH and AK-47s.
I don't know man. Maybe I'd travel. Maybe I wouldn't. Money this year is not holding me back like it has in the past but that is only because of the job I have now which I have to give 45 hours to a week (including commute). If I had a lot of cash I would consider not working but I probably couldn't retire so that is a problem. It would just come down to math problems. I mean I could decide to tour Asia for 3 months and fly first class and stay at nice hotels or I could decide to try and retire and live in a closet and beg for food. I think the wise path is somewhere in between.
If inflation weren't a thing I'd actually be making enough money where I'd be at the inflection point of money not mattering (to a degree). Thanks to inflation I'm probably still in poverty but the fact that I live with my parents and don't spend a lot it feels like I'm still in that better range although if I were truly in that better range I wouldn't have to live with my parents and not spend anything.
I also can't really afford vacations. I am building up a nice amount of Paid Time Off but I can't really afford to go anywhere. I could take 2 weeks off and go to Japan but the flight alone would chunk off too much money. But, it is not really about these grand trips to Asia. I have to develop some friendships where I am at.
3
PuertoRican United States. May 24 2023 03:23. Posts 13184
On May 16 2023 21:36 Loco wrote:
Byung Chul-Han is a teacher who is single and has no kids. He uses his free time more productively though.
We all enjoy ourselves in different ways, and I am happy with my life thus far.
Life isn't all about enjoyment. Some people have built our world. They leave a mark. They die, and they are still relevant. Most people are not, because they mostly care about just enjoying themselves. I think it's probably fair to say that you are addicted to gambling (sports betting), and since this is a compulsive activity for you, it's not truly enjoyable, since it comes with ups and downs and a lack of self-control.
The only reason why I still do sports gambling is because I have good self control. I couldn't afford to travel as much as I do and buy an apartment if I had poor self control, because I most likely wouldn't have any money right now if I couldn't control myself.
Why does it matter if one is still relevant after they die?
I do admit I would rather have lasting positive change than a fancy tombstone but would I rather be uncomfortable or comfortable while I'm living?
If I told people that my goal was to build the world they might ask if I was taking my bipolar meds.
Although, it does remind me of this interview:
I don't disagree but I would hope to use my powers for something more profound than smart devices. While their products are "beautiful" and "easy to use" I don't think Apple has made quite the positive change that Steve Jobs would assume.
It doesn't matter on its own. It matters as a sign that one made a difference, and can still make a difference without being alive, simply because of their labor and creativity. It's a sign you have lived a good life when people still refer to things that you did that improve life in some way. There is no evidence that tech gadgets improve people's lives.
There's no reason to believe that you can build the world. People don't usually set out to do that. They dont feel as important as their contributions are eventually considered to be. Often the most important people are dismissed or overlooked during their lifetime. There will always only be a small amount of people who can build the world and it's not going to be you or me but that doesn't mean there isn't something to aspire to in terms of trying to make a difference. Even if that difference is just being more self-aware and influencing some people in that direction.
fuck I should just sell some of my Pokemon cards, if no one stakes that is what I will have to do - lostaccount
Contact Users: 485 Active, 0 Logged in - Time: 23:55
United States. May 09 2023 01:26. Posts 9276
,
,
,
,
,
,
,