Eeking it out - Page 3

freak

informal

behave or cause to behave in a wild and irrational way, typically because of the effects of extreme emotion, mental illness, or drugs.

eh, that's very far from describing my behavior accurately. I'm a marginal type but I've always been very grounded/emotionally stable.

That's not the definition I was thinking of.

someone with something strikingly unusual about their appearance or behavior

Your appearance is not unusual. Your behavior is unordinary. Perhaps I have misspoken as your "freakness" may just be unusual and not unusually unusual. I have never known of anyone like you in my life so that is quite rare or unusual. Unusually unusual may be appropriate. So, freak may apply.

The definition you pulled up looks more common as a verb. To freak out. To freak.

Even as a noun I don't think I've posted anything on here or really done anything due to extreme emotion in a while. I haven't had any manic episodes while living in my current city. I haven't done drugs for 4 years.

I prefer the word deviant myself. Non-conformist works as well. When I think of a freak, I think of someone who stands out. I don't stand out, I'm very self-effacing/reclusive. It's only when someone gets to know how I see things that they realize I'm quite unusual. Hopefully in a good way.

These blogs are kind of outpourings. They're extreme in themselves. Even though you may try to show restraint, there are strong emotions associated with the compulsion to say the things you say, especially with the frequency that you have been saying them. Of course what makes it qualify as a freakshow is the social environment surrounding it (a gambling website). If this was a recovery from addiction website, you wouldn't be standing out at all (or not much).

Yes, of course, those are better words. I was just trying to throw an igualmente back at you when you called me a freak.

I would say you are unusual in a good way. I just pictured you having some tea with some hypocritical Christian, Southern frat boy from the local college. LOL.

I didn't call you a freak. I'm using "freakshow" as a metaphor. And it's as much about you as it is about the people who follow/criticize/mock you. It's a dynamic that reminds me of a freakshow; someone who stands out and appears bizarre or troubled, and a crowd that simply cannot help themselves but look closely and judge. The best example of that is actually hiems, who once criticized you for having a blog here that is simply too tempting to ignore, putting forth an analogy like "you're like a heckler in a public park" (which I think is a fairly bad analogy). He was essentially saying that you are an attraction that perturbs him and if you could only just disappear then the environment would be much more tranquil. Obviously the difference is that people paid money for freakshows and took considerably more pleasure in their aversions to the freaks. Here it seems like you mostly just annoy the passerbys. Like they aren't getting their money's worth. But you can be sure there are people who visit your blog and find pleasure in being seemingly better off than you are (schadenfreude) and that's probably their main motivation to visit it (next to escaping boredom).