Eeking it out - Page 2

I think Patrul Rinpoche says it better:

"You are fooling me and I am fooling you; it's pointless! Get out, go away, do something useful with your life! Go away, get married, do business, have children! What's the point of not being a practitioner and not being a worldly person? Go be a worldly person, just remember to have a good heart!"

I am by no means a spiritual teacher and hiems has no interest in taking refuge I just thought the quote was appropriate.

On September 01 2018 03:37 RiKD wrote: When I quit poker in 2010 I read so many books and autobiographies and blogs and tweets from/about big shots in the corporate world. That's not entirely accurate. Eh, actually it pretty much is.

No offense but I really can't stand your writing style. Take this small excerpt for example. The last 2 sentences just cancel each other out. They're pointless Instead of writing the 3rd sentence just delete the 2nd sentence and you have the same meaning. All of your blogs read exactly like this, you're seemingly typing whatever comes into your head as soon as it comes into your head. But whatever, it's your blog so do as you please.

One thing about meditation is that it is not necessarily a reprieve from suffering. I suffer a lot when I meditate. Especially today. There was no one on the schedule for this morning so I have just been anticipating a call all morning and it has been Suffering. I have plans today and can't work so I should not really be fretting over it but I am. My meditation today was not pleasant but I do feel like I am a bit more calm and clear headed and understand reality a bit better. There were points of the meditation that were pleasant. Once I was mindful of it they faded away but at least I didn't cling like I have in the past. If I found a blissful state or a happy state I would cling to that motherfucker for as long as it would last. Basically, using meditation as a drug and not medicine. There were a lot of "drowsy," "bored," "frustrated," "disliking," "stressed," "worried," etc. but I got through it.

sell the fucking lamp already asshole

Yeah, you are right. I should probably sell everything in that basement. I'm a hoarder and I'm using my brother's space to hoard! Serious asshole behavior. Then I come on here and talk shit about how he is excited about his new keyboard. Ok. Time to minimize some more. Thank you for the tip.

Now, I am looking at the room I'm in. I have a huge stack of comic books probably not worth a lot because I didn't take care of them. Except the Uncanny X-Men #266 (Gambit debut) which looks like I can get $100-$200 and I have some other ones I kept care of. I think I'll leave all my furniture to my parents even my bed which I loved. I think that was about $3,000 too. It's also probably in the category of "high and luxurious." I used to be deeply attached to it but I am less so. Not less so enough to sleep on the floor but I think I could with no issues. I should probably just ordain but that seems far away. Living in a hut and begging for alms anywhere in my current city is a ridiculous idea. Living with my parents and only spending on bare necessities while studying the Dhamma and meditating is really the only viable option for me right now.

Actually, does anyone have experience with selling comic books?

This is kind of overwhelming me right now.

For example, I have X-Men 2099 #2 and #3 (not #1). #1 I saw was $30 somewhere. Cover price is $1.25. I saw a market price of $3.00. They are not near mint. They have been sitting in a box away from light and heat for like 25 years. Some of them actually have been kept in cases.

Except I am not a hippie.

What else is there to do? I am not skilled enough in meditation to ordain as a monk and I want no part of the worldly life. I don't want more. I want less. I want to give up more. It's not even that I want to give it up it's just old, boring, unneeded. It has no benefit. It is not useful.

It wasn't a serious point, I just read that sentence and immediately pictured it on that meme and started laughing. Carry on.

On September 03 2018 17:11 RiKD wrote: Actually, does anyone have experience with selling comic books? This is kind of overwhelming me right now. For example, I have X-Men 2099 #2 and #3 (not #1). #1 I saw was $30 somewhere. Cover price is $1.25. I saw a market price of $3.00. They are not near mint. They have been sitting in a box away from light and heat for like 25 years. Some of them actually have been kept in cases.

Put them all on ebay as an auction. Let people take care of the valuing for you.

On September 03 2018 19:59 RiKD wrote: What else is there to do? I am not skilled enough in meditation to ordain as a monk and I want no part of the worldly life. I don't want more. I want less. I want to give up more. It's not even that I want to give it up it's just old, boring, unneeded. It has no benefit. It is not useful.

"I don't want more" and "I want less" is also not useful. Asking others what there is to do is also not useful; you shouldn't need others to validate your lifestyle choices. And you do want part in the worldly life or else you would have renounced it and its pleasures entirely, including LP.

On September 02 2018 14:25 RiKD wrote: Just get that money right hiems. Just get that conglomeration of material things right hiems. Then maybe that "hot" bartender will look your way. Man, if I could just get to $80,000/yr+ my life would be so great. Man, if I could just get to $120,000/yr+ my life would be so great. Go listen to some rap music and get the fuck out of here.

Isn't that basically what you were about. You made a blog post about buying expensive shoes just for the status symbol. I don't think many people on LP are obsessing over money for status apart from you, but you seem to be wanting to give up the 'worldly life' at the same time, i guess you want a different environment where that materialistic drive can't manifest itself?

A man lives in a moldy house. He doesn't want to move out of this house, but he keeps getting sick. He doesn't want to get sick either, but he's not at the point where his sickness is enough for him to make the choice to move out.

Rik is dealing with such a situation of competing interests. The way that he chooses to deal with it is by talking about it (repeatedly) and by trying to help people (the "spirit of the sponsor" that was beaten into him in AA over many years). I believe it is through this process that he validates himself into making decisions and that which helps most in maintaining those that he has made in the past and which matter a whole lot to him, e.g. not drinking; not buying stupid fashion shit. I've said in the past that this turned him into a freakshow, and of course he will get the usual comments from passerbys that make this evident, but he needs it for lack of a better alternative.

On September 03 2018 22:41 Loco wrote: Show nested quote + On September 03 2018 17:11 RiKD wrote: Actually, does anyone have experience with selling comic books? This is kind of overwhelming me right now. For example, I have X-Men 2099 #2 and #3 (not #1). #1 I saw was $30 somewhere. Cover price is $1.25. I saw a market price of $3.00. They are not near mint. They have been sitting in a box away from light and heat for like 25 years. Some of them actually have been kept in cases. Put them all on ebay as an auction. Let people take care of the valuing for you.   On September 03 2018 19:59 RiKD wrote: What else is there to do? I am not skilled enough in meditation to ordain as a monk and I want no part of the worldly life. I don't want more. I want less. I want to give up more. It's not even that I want to give it up it's just old, boring, unneeded. It has no benefit. It is not useful. "I don't want more" and "I want less" is also not useful. Asking others what there is to do is also not useful; you shouldn't need others to validate your lifestyle choices. And you do want part in the worldly life or else you would have renounced it and its pleasures entirely, including LP.

Ebay is a good idea. Thank you. That option might appear obvious but I've never used Ebay in my life. Either way these things have been sitting around for over 25 years and I could use the cash.


Ok. So, there are parts of worldly life I am still attached to. It takes time. It hasn't made sense for me to drop LP yet even if most signs are screaming that it should have been dropped a long time ago. I am addicted. I should be more mindful when using this site. It's not easy to renounce the worldly life and all its pleasures entirely like the snap of a finger. It doesn't work that way. I will either get bored of LP or I won't. I would imagine doing something useful like auctioning all my comic books will be more interesting but maybe not. "What else is there to do?" was rhetorical more than anything. I am also curious what some of these guys think is a useful life.

You know, I've said I've taken refuge in the 3 jewels but I haven't exactly. I question the Buddha's teachings in a lot of areas. I question the Dhamma and I don't have a Sangha. Does it hurt my practice and learning? Most certainly but that's the way it is right now.

On September 04 2018 00:41 Stroggoz wrote: Show nested quote + On September 02 2018 14:25 RiKD wrote: Just get that money right hiems. Just get that conglomeration of material things right hiems. Then maybe that "hot" bartender will look your way. Man, if I could just get to $80,000/yr+ my life would be so great. Man, if I could just get to $120,000/yr+ my life would be so great. Go listen to some rap music and get the fuck out of here. Isn't that basically what you were about. You made a blog post about buying expensive shoes just for the status symbol. I don't think many people on LP are obsessing over money for status apart from you, but you seem to be wanting to give up the 'worldly life' at the same time, i guess you want a different environment where that materialistic drive can't manifest itself?

Yes, post quoted was exactly what I was about. It is almost as if I was writing it to 2005 me or 2010 me. I actually think I got dumber. 2005 me wanted freedom and experiences. 2010 me wanted the material things and status.

I don't think I've really been obsessing about status on here for a while. I am for the most part content to live with my parents, learn, meditate, and not have sex with any women. I don't think I am endearing myself to the "popular" crowd with those sentiments. I am trying to make the least amount and work the least amount possible to cover bare necessities. The materialistic drive hasn't been there. I can drive down Consumer Avenue as if it were a country road albeit I could be slightly annoyed and agitated by it all. I have a dream of living in a hut in a small Himalayan village but that is kind of ridiculous for a number of reasons. I don't think there is anywhere in the USA I could really go. Well, there are some better places. I am really not in a bad spot to be honest. I dislike the fact that I am still entwined with a corporation and other worldly things (like LP among many other).

On September 04 2018 01:47 Loco wrote: A man lives a moldy house. He doesn't want to move out of this house, but he keeps getting sick. He doesn't want to get sick either, but he's not at the point where his sickness is enough for him to make the choice to move out. Rik is dealing with such a situation of competing interests. The way that he chooses to deal with it is by talking about it (repeatedly) and by trying to help people (the "spirit of the sponsor" that was beaten into him in AA over many years). I believe it is through this process that he validates himself into making decisions and that which helps most in maintaining those that he has made in the past and which matter a whole lot to him, e.g. not drinking; not buying stupid fashion shit. I've said in the past that this turned him into a freakshow, and of course he will get the usual comments from passerbys that make this evident, but he needs it for lack of a better alternative.

Well, so, I am a bit of a freakshow. *shrug*

On September 04 2018 02:39 RiKD wrote: Show nested quote + On September 04 2018 01:47 Loco wrote: A man lives a moldy house. He doesn't want to move out of this house, but he keeps getting sick. He doesn't want to get sick either, but he's not at the point where his sickness is enough for him to make the choice to move out. Rik is dealing with such a situation of competing interests. The way that he chooses to deal with it is by talking about it (repeatedly) and by trying to help people (the "spirit of the sponsor" that was beaten into him in AA over many years). I believe it is through this process that he validates himself into making decisions and that which helps most in maintaining those that he has made in the past and which matter a whole lot to him, e.g. not drinking; not buying stupid fashion shit. I've said in the past that this turned him into a freakshow, and of course he will get the usual comments from passerbys that make this evident, but he needs it for lack of a better alternative. Well, so, I am a bit of a freakshow. *shrug*

I think I've said this before but I think this is nonsense.

On September 04 2018 01:47 Loco wrote: A man lives in a moldy house. He doesn't want to move out of this house, but he keeps getting sick. He doesn't want to get sick either, but he's not at the point where his sickness is enough for him to make the choice to move out. Rik is dealing with such a situation of competing interests. The way that he chooses to deal with it is by talking about it (repeatedly) and by trying to help people (the "spirit of the sponsor" that was beaten into him in AA over many years). I believe it is through this process that he validates himself into making decisions and that which helps most in maintaining those that he has made in the past and which matter a whole lot to him, e.g. not drinking; not buying stupid fashion shit. I've said in the past that this turned him into a freakshow, and of course he will get the usual comments from passerbys that make this evident, but he needs it for lack of a better alternative.

You are a freakshow too you just don't take selfies and advertise (wisely).

You are also selfish wanting enlightenment only for yourself.

"The spirit of the sponsor" (L'esprit de vieux crocodile) still whispers to me that is for sure but it is drifting away like many things. "The Way of the Bodhisattva" and altruism is still with me however.

On September 04 2018 07:30 hiems wrote: Show nested quote + On September 04 2018 02:39 RiKD wrote:   On September 04 2018 01:47 Loco wrote: A man lives a moldy house. He doesn't want to move out of this house, but he keeps getting sick. He doesn't want to get sick either, but he's not at the point where his sickness is enough for him to make the choice to move out. Rik is dealing with such a situation of competing interests. The way that he chooses to deal with it is by talking about it (repeatedly) and by trying to help people (the "spirit of the sponsor" that was beaten into him in AA over many years). I believe it is through this process that he validates himself into making decisions and that which helps most in maintaining those that he has made in the past and which matter a whole lot to him, e.g. not drinking; not buying stupid fashion shit. I've said in the past that this turned him into a freakshow, and of course he will get the usual comments from passerbys that make this evident, but he needs it for lack of a better alternative. Well, so, I am a bit of a freakshow. *shrug* I think I've said this before but I think this is nonsense.

I don't think you've ever said that before. Why is that nonsense?

On September 05 2018 00:17 RiKD wrote: Show nested quote + On September 04 2018 01:47 Loco wrote: A man lives in a moldy house. He doesn't want to move out of this house, but he keeps getting sick. He doesn't want to get sick either, but he's not at the point where his sickness is enough for him to make the choice to move out. Rik is dealing with such a situation of competing interests. The way that he chooses to deal with it is by talking about it (repeatedly) and by trying to help people (the "spirit of the sponsor" that was beaten into him in AA over many years). I believe it is through this process that he validates himself into making decisions and that which helps most in maintaining those that he has made in the past and which matter a whole lot to him, e.g. not drinking; not buying stupid fashion shit. I've said in the past that this turned him into a freakshow, and of course he will get the usual comments from passerbys that make this evident, but he needs it for lack of a better alternative. You are a freakshow too you just don't take selfies and advertise (wisely). You are also selfish wanting enlightenment only for yourself. "The spirit of the sponsor" (L'esprit de vieux crocodile) still whispers to me that is for sure but it is drifting away like many things. "The Way of the Bodhisattva" and altruism is still with me however.

That's contradictory... A freakshow is by definition public.

This is an old, arrogant criticism from Mahayana Buddhists that has no credence whatsoever. It doesn't even make sense at face value. You can't help others become enlightened without having had the experience yourself. It's the blind leading the blind. And the only way to believe in the Mahayana Bodhissatva ideal is to have a firm, unshakeable belief in rebirth. This is not a consistent position for a secular novice to hold.

2:50 in this video: https://youtu.be/Exb-9vO1FF8

On September 05 2018 01:58 Loco wrote: Show nested quote + On September 05 2018 00:17 RiKD wrote:   On September 04 2018 01:47 Loco wrote: A man lives in a moldy house. He doesn't want to move out of this house, but he keeps getting sick. He doesn't want to get sick either, but he's not at the point where his sickness is enough for him to make the choice to move out. Rik is dealing with such a situation of competing interests. The way that he chooses to deal with it is by talking about it (repeatedly) and by trying to help people (the "spirit of the sponsor" that was beaten into him in AA over many years). I believe it is through this process that he validates himself into making decisions and that which helps most in maintaining those that he has made in the past and which matter a whole lot to him, e.g. not drinking; not buying stupid fashion shit. I've said in the past that this turned him into a freakshow, and of course he will get the usual comments from passerbys that make this evident, but he needs it for lack of a better alternative. You are a freakshow too you just don't take selfies and advertise (wisely). You are also selfish wanting enlightenment only for yourself. "The spirit of the sponsor" (L'esprit de vieux crocodile) still whispers to me that is for sure but it is drifting away like many things. "The Way of the Bodhisattva" and altruism is still with me however. That's contradictory... A freakshow is by definition public. This is an old, arrogant criticism from Mahayana Buddhists that has no credence whatsoever. It doesn't even make sense at face value. You can't help others become enlightened without having had the experience yourself. It's the blind leading the blind. And the only way to believe in the Mahayana Bodhissatva ideal is to have a firm, unshakeable belief in rebirth. This is not a consistent position for a secular novice to hold. 2:50 in this video: https://youtu.be/Exb-9vO1FF8

True. So, you are not a show but you are a freak.

I can believe that the ultimate goal is to reach enlightenment to enlighten others. I don't believe I can enlighten others currently. I can help others in certain situations. I no longer drive down to treatment centers and detoxes to find new AA recruits but I heard my friend was moving and I can offer to help him move. Do you believe in loving-kindness meditation or Tonglen meditation?

That was a good video. Thank you.