LP is my shoulder to cry on, again. Thx

I'm prob not that bad socially as I make myself out to be. I'm just an introvert that's all.

I'd recommend getting a job. Ever since I started working, I appreciate my time off once again. Plus the social aspect is great, you'll meet all kinds of people. Since I'm always going out, I pick up new groceries from time to time and try new things to eat.

It'll get you out anyway.

What kind of job? Do I move to the city to get a job? I'm approved for UBER, the smartphone taxi service, you work your own hours and it's sort of like poker, about $20 an hour pretax, pre-expenses in the city. Does that count? I currently live in a small ass town but I'm kinda scared to move because I'm not good at making friends. New place is scary you know. I'm really close to pulling the trigger though. I have many side projects going on in my life, my mind is a mess.

start doing something else as a hobby enter a course do crossfit or something - thats a beginning you need to get out and do something

If you're in a place that you were born in, I'd say the best would be to move (judging from your post). It seems you've outgrown your old self but did not do via the regular channels like meeting new people IRL, you did it thru poker and LP/2p2/skype. I think moving into a new place makes self discovery very easy, being close to your folks seems comfortable but it does hold you back by a lot.

My girlfriend is seeing old rich men for money. It makes me want to tear my heart out. Yeah... I don't know what there is for me here.

Yeah a job isn't going to be "the change" or whatever. I mean it's still really important so your probably going to have to work on that (making a living) with most of your time and will probably have bearing on your mind and identity. Things like relocating or exercise might help but i would guess aren't going to be some magic solution.

Imo consciously allocate some effort in working on your personal philosophy as the ultimate gto. To start you can draw inspiration from whatever source.. doesn't really have to be big hitters of hardcore philosophy like sartre Dostoevsky or Buddha or some crazy shit it can be in the form of literature (claasic or.modern), film, tv, news, music, or everyday life whatever floats your boat and you don't have to exactly be like Loco on this board not to mention that the content does not have to be especially well reviewed or some fancy art house shit (though theres nothing wrong with that) and the people you draw inspiration from do not have to be especially successful...Also, feel free to disagree with the writer/author/thesis, have your own opinions. Cliffnotes, Audiobooks, Wikipedia are all ok. And you know, just make an effort to meditate I guess to build on your findings and find a way to implement them don't have to be dhalsim style but perhaps can be when you wake up, are driving, doing dishes, whatever.

What you decide to do with all that is going to be up to you ultimately..whether you are optimist existentialist pragmatist etc how your outlook on women/relationships will look like in the future, etc. you are you.

Also op should know im def not perfect either while saying all of this but I do believe this is the best longterm baseline approach. Just try your best and work on it over time.

On June 07 2015 02:59 CamilaPunt wrote: start doing something else as a hobby enter a course do crossfit or something - thats a beginning you need to get out and do something

This. My girlfriend just made friends with a new hire who relocated from out of state to take this job. She went online to some board games forum or something and found local couples in our area that like playing monopoly or whatever. Sounded silly but apparently she made a bunch of new friends through that and now she's set. Join crossfit, join ultimate frisbee club, look for local home poker games, etc. Just chill and hang out with new people.

no one thing will end your depression or funk. but here are some tips:

-start exercising and if you aren't already, eating healthy.
-drive your uber a few hours a week, don't force conversation with the people you drive, but try and let it flow naturally and ask them questions about themselves and don't talk about yourself unless they ask. try and be interested in getting to know different people even if only for a few minutes and it will improve any awkwardness you feel. and you will make extra money on the side
-download the app "Headspace". Meditation is really useful and will allow you to deal with stressful thoughts and feelings much better.
-once you start feeling a little more confident about yourself, start online dating. important for you to meet people and try to find someone new who isn't going to make you feel awful

and +1 to others who said join a club of some sort. will help you meet people and you'll be doing something other than sitting at home with your parents

This podcast
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/menprovement-podcast-self/id914595630?mt=2
+ Paul McKenna is probably all you need.

(to know where to direct your efforts towards)

Especially 19 - the one on build confidence and crush social anxiety - I've heard it some 10 times

This year I've spent countless hours on being just okay with who I am, feeling through emotion (see Myblog) in life and poker and also with women some of those podcasts are a good start.

Thanks for the advice LP!! You guys never let me down. My spirits are lifted a bit, it's time to get started!

Sounds like you just need a job.

I don't think you'll join clubs/do crossfit/start excercising/eating healthy. They are great tips, but when you are depressed it's not good advice because you won't do all that stuff. Getting a job however is something you can focus on. Don't try to call it demeaning because it's 'entry-level' or focus at all on salary. Just focus on improving your skillset (work-related and personal, like communicating with peers). Did you study anything? Try finding a job in that. The taxi thing doesn't sound great at all to me.

Getting a job gives purpose to what you're doing with your time and it makes free time more valuable/exciting. It also makes sure that you actually have incentive to go (because your job/boss requires you to go). That'll eat at your free-time but that's probably a good thing for you. Sounds like you need structure/standard rythm and a job gives you that.

I really got out of my depression when I started getting into self development. If you give yourself a new range of tools and hopes for yourself you will have something else to do other than worry about stuff. Meditation helps a lot too.

I actually did crossfit on my own for about 4 months. Then I went traveling for my (ex) girlfriend and stopped. I'm pretty in shape and I eat healthy too. I don't like the idea of an entry level job because it's very low EV. You're trading your time for structure and low pay in hope for meaning in life. I think meaning can be found elsewhere, like doing independent reading or a hobby. I think change is the first thing I need so I've decided to move out of my parents home and into the city. Then we'll see what happens. I'll update you guys with my blog when it happens.


Cloud, what kind of self-development? I'd like to know more about the range of tools you use. I've heard good things about meditation and always wanted to try it. It's hard to start. But I downloaded the app Daut suggested and I'll be sure to use it.

if i'm stressed i lay down, close my eyes and listen to this, usually feel like a million bucks afterwards, ymmv:



listened to a few of his other videos but for whatever reason they didn't do much for me

woman is just an accessory...

im going to say this as nicely as possible without trying to hurt your feelings, your a bitch. Your in the prime of your youth and you got money without any obligations anymore. the world is yours.

some advice, don't force anything that isnt natural. get another girl friend or play around with more girls, just don't get all clingy like you did with your ex.
Being clingy is a sign of insecurity and a huge turn off, have some confidence in yourself ffs. girls want a man that will pay for all their shit and bang the crap out of them that is all.

you have too much money? go buy a nice ass car and house. that will keep you busy while you try to make more money.

you have a second chance or a fresh start, a new beginning. many people would kill for this.

Here's my tips

Make sure you make your own food and get a shit ton more vegetables, fruit than you think example: spinach, rocket, cucumber, lemon, pepper huge bowl and way easier to eat than it looks... pepper because it helps your body get more nutrients out of it.

Drink clean water a lot of brands in america are very acidic and essentially just tap water do some research

I have never tried to meditate but here is my opinion on it. People think they can just start meditating and it will solve everything, the new age movement is very shallow mostly a self love movement. I think instead of just jumping into meditation just start reading philosophy I really like western philosophy this is the part of the world I am from and there has always been a different mindset of east vs west.The act of reading a very difficult book and understanding it is just as good as meditation if not better. When I read or hear a the new age stuff it's just garbage and very simplistic.
The act of thinking is not a bad thing, thinking can actually be a form of meditation. I'm not saying meditation is entirely bad but I think you need to develop your mental state first to a very high level before just meditating and there are ways of meditating with thoughts. I am also wary of anyone trying to control my meditation you are very suggestible in such a state.

Stop masturbating. I don't care if mainstream science says it is healthy. The act of masturbating to pornography where you are watching another man fuck a woman and becoming some cuckold can't be good not to mention the increasing perversion required to get off. Not masturbating is one the the most difficult acts of self control and therefore beneficial since it teaches you self control. I know you guys will pull up that study about prostate cancer but my body naturally gets rid of it in my sleep. It's good motivation for getting a girlfriend too.

Start working out.

Get outside more. Get a hobby like bushcraft or whatever and get away from the computer more often.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself, life is supposed to be a challenge and you should see everything this way you are way more fortunate than you think.

you're*

I agree Johnny and no feelings hurt. I never said I had too much money though. I'm actually low on funds right now. Also, me being natural is being on the computer not talking to anyone all day. I've got a ways to go.

You sound like you are obsessed with you ex-gf. Move on, start getting involved in hobbies which will improve your quality of life. Use that fuel to work out.

Poker can make you feel really depressed if you are not progressing at the same rate you anticipate yourself to be. If you are not actively trying super hard to improve in poker you should try to use that time to do something that will make your days feel meaningful, if you work out for example you will feel like you've done something good and this will give you a good sense of meaning in life.

On June 07 2015 04:23 Nitewin wrote: My girlfriend is seeing old rich men for money. It makes me want to tear my heart out. Yeah... I don't know what there is for me here.

you've dodged a bullet then be happy and move on
just stop wasting your time, use it efficiently, if you re unsure what to do then try something new that you've always wanted

exercise and join a club is a pretty solid way to start off. once you get your shit together a bit more try online dating

On June 07 2015 21:36 Spitfiree wrote: Show nested quote + On June 07 2015 04:23 Nitewin wrote: My girlfriend is seeing old rich men for money. It makes me want to tear my heart out. Yeah... I don't know what there is for me here. you've dodged a bullet then be happy and move on just stop wasting your time, use it efficiently, if you re unsure what to do then try something new that you've always wanted

why do you believe shes indeed seeing him for money? maybe she just enjoys company of a cofindent, independent man for a change

Sugar baby, google it. She got paid 2500 for going to dinner with him. He's worth 30+ million.

that doesnt contradict what i said thou

She's seeing him for money. She told me straight up. But you have a point that I'm not the greatest man I could be.

dude... fuck her. she can do whatever she wants and with whoever she wants. you have to accept that
and should try to not care about that. i know that its very hard at the start but best thing you can do to forget about her is getting to know new people / girls

People saying you need to get over her and move on are being unfair; it is not an easy process and takes time. In the past 18 months I've gone on dates with over 30 girls, have not dated one for more than a couple months, and had emotional or physical connections with quite a few of them; yet I still think and agonize about a couple that got away. Yesterday a girl who I went on one date with and never kissed told me she would have to "pass on a second date because she did not feel a romantic connection", and that put me in a funk for a couple hours. I won't even check the facebook or instagram of another I dated for 2 months because the pain of seeing a reality without me in it hurts too much. Being actually in love with one girl over a period of time orders of magnitude longer is much tougher to get over.

That said, while I was never fully in love with the girl who hurt me, she was not a literal whore. It is clear that your ex is not the girl for you. That realization will make the moving on transition easier. But besides that, you need to expand your life to include more friends, hobbies, and passions. Anyway, GL

dude i have been in some realtionsships that lasted way longer and i can tell you to get over her you have to met new awesome girls that you will be interested in

On June 08 2015 04:01 Nitewin wrote: Sugar baby, google it. She got paid 2500 for going to dinner with him. He's worth 30+ million.

pics??

This isn't about her. Not gonna put her on the internet. This is about me trying to get back to a good place in life. Thanks all for your responses. I was feeling really down when I made the post. I'm feeling much better now. Thanks all!

I'm in a similar situation as you, and reading this thread was helpful, thanks.

you shouldnt feel better coz you actually havent done anything to become a better person yet

if youre actually depressed, therapy. Doesn't sound like you have any close friends to talk to, and that sucks. Most people I know don't have even one close friend to talk to about important stuff, so make that a priority I guess. The way to do that imo is to be super honest with everyone who you think you're friends with. Tell them the stuff they're doing that you think is incorrect and ask their opinions on things that you're doing/have done. Don't just gloss over important topics just because you have different opinions. If you think someone is making a mistake in their personal relationships bring it up. You will find out if your friends are real or you will become closer friends with the ones you have.

Have some deeper conversations with your parents about things you have in common. Your childhood is a start, you both know what happened there, bring up things that bothered you and things that you loved. As a parent, I know I love if my daughter tells me the things that I did that she loved and what we should work on each day. She's obv much younger, but I can't see that bond disappearing with age. If your parents deny certain things that you went through that they neglected to help you with, try to find out why. If they still deny their involvement in your childhood pain, move on. A new city might work, but I would try all of these ideas on a smaller scale (your own hometown) first. Hope some of that helps.

On June 09 2015 03:46 dogmeat wrote: you shouldnt feel better coz you actually havent done anything to become a better person yet

If a sailor is lost a sea, he's gonna be scared not knowing if his crew is going to make it. He's only got a certain amount of rations to live on. Let's say he remembers that he can use the stars to guide him. He hasn't traveled anywhere yet but he's going to feel better knowing where he is and where he's going.

On June 09 2015 03:46 dogmeat wrote: you shouldnt feel better coz you actually havent done anything to become a better person yet

he made this thread and opened up about his feelings and vulnerabilities which in turn made other people open up with their feelings and own vulnerabilities and part of his problem was feeling lonely but now he sees that other people feel or have been feeling similarly in the past, he no longer feels like his problems are only his own etc etc

anyway, personal growth can be achieved through conversation and contemplation. not always, but sometimes, and it's totally fine to feel better about yourself and your life.

besides emotions are kinda cyclical anyway. you might as well have said you shouldn't feel worse about yourself coz you didn't do anything to become a worse person as an original response to his depression.

this world is full of ppl trying to achieve personal growth ' through conversation and contemplation' aka complaing about their fucked up life and doing nothing about it

You are wrong on this one Dogmeat. While certainly he has work to do in order to improve his overall happiness in life a little commiseration and understanding, even hopeful advice, from this board has lifted his spirits and given him some hope. Why knock that. He didn't say all is well just that he felt a little better hearing from others about similar circumstances and issues.

First and most important thing is to move past your ex, half of the problem with the breakup I suspect is the hit you took to your self esteem when she left you. Not just that you miss the girl. I've been there, more so when I was younger in earlier relationships, and the best remedy (if shallow) is to just have another girl want you again. Try tinder. If you really did love her and she was a good girl then it is a little harder, took me over a year to get over my last girl which was very unusual but she was great and I fucked it up on my own. Ur girl sounds like she's whoring which should allow you to place her beneath you in your mind and get over it faster.

fuck the past, you can change instantly if you want to...
i suggest reading philosophy

On June 09 2015 19:36 dogmeat wrote: this world is full of ppl trying to achieve personal growth ' through conversation and contemplation' aka complaing about their fucked up life and doing nothing about it

just posting here and asking is an action in itself tho no?

I think being unhappy is a far more complicated (and forgiveable) issue than being fat as fuck

There are plenty of people that have the EQ of a retarded donkey that think they re all great but actually project their inner suffering to others

Guess which one is worse


Also i don't suggest reading philosophy, but psychology instead, its much more helpful

Very interesting just as a reply to all of the calls for meditation

damn too late for this blog entry
dogmeat has some good points
you have to feel good for yourself and not hide your weaknesses behind a relationship
First you have to find a way to enjoy living alone, the fact that when you do people will be more attracted to your personality should be just a side effect
(simply faking confidence and individuality is dumb)