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k2o4 United States. Feb 18 2008 12:58. Posts 4803 | | |
February has been a bad month and I've wanted to just give up at so many things at so many different times in so many different ways... heh. It started with about 10 really hard days of moving into a new place with my GF. What made it especially hard was that we'd been crashing at the rents place since coming here from India, so we basically had clothes and a bed to move into a 2 bedroom apartment, which meant there was a lot of stuff we had to buy. Of course we had a very small budget and therefore spent a lot of time on Craigslist hunting for bargains. They were long days and I didn't play any poker, and the stress of moving caused a few fights which just compounded the misery.
Then we finally get pretty much settled and I start playing poker again and go into the worst downswing of my career. I've had 2 winning sessions this month out of 20,000 hands played. The losing sessions are getting smaller but I think that's more because of the help I've been getting from LP members on hands that has enabled me to plug some leaks in my game. The luck definitely hasn't turned around though.
And to top it all, off, I got deathly sick with what feels like strep throat. Fever, runny nose, a horrible cough and a sore throat that completely immobilizes me at times. Last night after losing another session and then running to the bathroom cause I was coughing so hard that I started to puke, I felt like giving up. I just wanted to throw in the towel. But then I caught myself being a bitch and decided I'd use all of this BS being thrown my way as a reason to keep going, cause I wasn't going to let it beat me. So I went and posted more hands, reviewed my losses, and studied a bit more poker, and then hung out with the GF and had a good time (wink wink).
But seriously, it's easy to be positive and happy during the good times, but the real skill is to enjoy life during the bad times. I've honestly been getting spoiled lately cause my health has been good, I've had a great relationship, I've been doing the work I wanna do, kicking ass at poker, and everything else was basically going well. Yet I wasn't as happy as I should be, and any little thing going wrong and I'd get upset. I was chasing happiness always thinking "once I do this I will be happy" rather than just being happy in the moment and appreciating what I had. Losing a big chunk of my BR, my health and so much of my usual peace of mind has reminded me how good I had it, and how good I STILL have it.
About a year ago I was so good about taking a bad situation and finding the silver linining. I was great at seeing something go bad and laughing at it and moving on to a solution quickly. I really believed that when one door is closed on you, another door is opened, but most of us spend too much time staring at the door that closed to see the one that opened. I've been staring at closed doors lately and missing all the new paths and great things that have opened up to me. It's really bad and I'm sad to see how much joy I've given up over the last few months.
So I'm not giving up at poker. This is without a doubt the hardest downswing I've ever faced and has tested my confidence to the bone, but I am not giving up. I am not going to tilt it all away. I am going keep opening up the tables and making the best decisions I possibly can, and eventually it's all gonna turn around in my favor again. I know it will. And even though I'm losing left and right, I'm going to enjoy my life. Cause things WILL work out. And things WILL get better. And things aren't really that bad anyways - I've got a lot of things to be happy about.
I know I keep doing this, but I really don't think I could do it enough: BIG THANKS to everyone who has helped me in hands that I post or who has posted encouragement in this blog. You guys have all helped me fight through this downswing and I think I'd be in a much worse place right now without the LP.net support. Sorry I haven't been helping you guys so much or posting in your blogs, but I will and I'll try to be there for you when you hit a downswing too. <3
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| InnovativeYogis.com | Last edit: 18/02/2008 13:03 |
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ReSpOnSe United States. Feb 18 2008 13:14. Posts 405 | | |
eh determination is good and everything but if you've been consistently losing for a long time maybe you should change up limits you're playing/or the style of your play before you end up totally bust-o...just a thought GL in your future endeavors whatever they may be |
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YoMeR United States. Feb 18 2008 13:20. Posts 12438 | | |
a downswing ain't nuthin to a boss yo. |
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AcroN Norway. Feb 18 2008 13:21. Posts 568 | | |
Know how you feel, iv been feeling like cashing out and giving up lately. As luck just can't seem to go my way. Hang in there, im trying my best too >_> |
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Silver_nz New Zealand. Feb 18 2008 13:30. Posts 5647 | | |
Good read, very insirational |
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k2o4 United States. Feb 18 2008 14:05. Posts 4803 | | |
| | On February 18 2008 12:14 ReSpOnSe wrote:
eh determination is good and everything but if you've been consistently losing for a long time maybe you should change up limits you're playing/or the style of your play before you end up totally bust-o...just a thought GL in your future endeavors whatever they may be |
Of course if I get underolled for NL100 I'll drop down. Still got a solid roll for my stakes so no need to go anywhere. And if I ever start running hot but keep losing then I'll know I'm really in a bad situation, but I keep up with my results really closely and I know I'm losing at about 80% bad luck and 20% bad plays or so. Definitely more bad luck than bad plays at work here, though there's no doubt that I can play better.
And I have decided to fall back onto TAG play cause it's easier to limit my own mistakes when playing TAG rather than LAG. |
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buffalo78 Canada. Feb 18 2008 14:24. Posts 229 | | |
I'm basically in the exact same situation as you. I've had A BK on PS for 3 years and slowly moved from NL25 to NL200 and had one bad downswing in that time period that really tested my strength. But the past 3 weeks have been the worse by far in my poker life. I've lost 7k off my 28k roll in 3 weeks. I've just felt like giving up because it seemed I couldn't stand another bad beat or cooler. I've heard about losing 35 BI's from other posters but I guess I never believed it until it happened to me. How many times in a row can you lose with top set ? Apparently it's alot more than you'd think !!!
I kinda lost the love of the game over this little while so I decided to take a week off. I moved back down to NL100 even though I'm way overolled and it's allowed me to get some confidence back and just enjoy playing the game. The funny thing is that I'm still running bad but I'm playing well and and enjoying myself. I've also decided to take at least monday and tuesday's to stay away from poker as a break during the week.
So here's hoping things fall back into place and I admire your attitude. GL
PS: standard over and over, enjoy
http://www.liquidpoker.net/mytlnet/myhand.php?view=item&id=385822
http://www.liquidpoker.net/mytlnet/myhand.php?view=item&id=387013 |
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dronebabo United States. Feb 18 2008 14:45. Posts 736 | | |
good luck man, you can do it |
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k2o4 United States. Feb 18 2008 14:51. Posts 4803 | | |
| | On February 18 2008 13:24 buffalo78 wrote:
I'm basically in the exact same situation as you. I've had A BK on PS for 3 years and slowly moved from NL25 to NL200 and had one bad downswing in that time period that really tested my strength. But the past 3 weeks have been the worse by far in my poker life. I've lost 7k off my 28k roll in 3 weeks. I've just felt like giving up because it seemed I couldn't stand another bad beat or cooler. I've heard about losing 35 BI's from other posters but I guess I never believed it until it happened to me. How many times in a row can you lose with top set ? Apparently it's alot more than you'd think !!!
I kinda lost the love of the game over this little while so I decided to take a week off. I moved back down to NL100 even though I'm way overolled and it's allowed me to get some confidence back and just enjoy playing the game. The funny thing is that I'm still running bad but I'm playing well and and enjoying myself. I've also decided to take at least monday and tuesday's to stay away from poker as a break during the week.
So here's hoping things fall back into place and I admire your attitude. GL
PS: standard over and over, enjoy
http://www.liquidpoker.net/mytlnet/myhand.php?view=item&id=385822
http://www.liquidpoker.net/mytlnet/myhand.php?view=item&id=387013 |
Rofl!
I know man, I've gotten to the point where whenever I get it in with a set or AA preflop, I am ready to lose. And when it happens I don't get upset at all, just say "totally standard" and move on. It's weird when that type of thing starts to feel standard! I totally feel your pain ^^
Yeah I'm not even sure how far down I am, though I could figure it out in a second if I wanted to. I just know my BR is big enough for NL100 so I'll stay here for now. I've realized that counting exactly how bad I'm losing just makes me MORE depressed and I play worse, so I try to avoid looking at the cashier when I'm losing. |
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JoeDeertay United States. Feb 18 2008 14:55. Posts 1730 | | |
God I love this blog. Another great read. Hope everything works out for you! |
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| Variance has a big brother named doomswitch. - edzwoo | |
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A great read. I love you and I know you will make it there eventually. GL, I am by your side at all times. |
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lebowski Greece. Feb 22 2008 14:27. Posts 9205 | | |
best attitude you could have |
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| new shit has come to light... a-and... shit! man... | |
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failsafe United States. Feb 23 2008 13:44. Posts 1045 | | |
Ball on these suckas cuz losin's not an option |
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eelnosaj Canada. Mar 09 2008 02:41. Posts 96 | | |
world class attitude.
but satisfaction > happiness |
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