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Long fucking life update. Wont delete

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SIG1   United States. Dec 17 2013 19:31. Posts 651
So I posted an update a couple weeks back but ended up deleting it thinking LP was completely dead. I just didnt want a bit of my life story lingering on the interwebz. Apparently, a lot of you guys are still around and quite interested in my story. So here I go again.

Like most of you, I was absolutely devastated from BF, foolishly thinking I'm making a sick return leaving all my money on Absolute Poker's 10% interest bearing account. I was making around 4-6k a month grinding literally ALL the turbo sngs(6max,HU,FR)on Absolute, and I was also spending like I had an income of 4-6k. Then boom, 20k evaporated and I'm down to $800 in my bank account. Being hopeful like everyone else, I thought I'd get at least 50% within a couple months. I mean a huge company like FT or AP cant just run away with that kind of money and get away with it right? Wrong...

So, with that $800, I went straight to the Borgata and decided to play a circuit event and a Borgata event, which was pretty much my entire roll. I bust half of that on the circuit. Then I find myself MTT4ROLLZ in a Borgata event. I ended up getting 8th for $8.4k. Damn this is ez money I thought.

Couple days later, I decided to try out Parx's new tourney series and tried my luck at a $330 tourney which brought in almost 600 people. Boom I get 2nd for $20k. Now, this win has caused more harm than good in the long run. At this point, I'm delusional to the point where I will take on Ivey in a heads up match. I felt like a poker god and I decided im going to become a MTT grinder. I mean, ez fucking money right? Back to back final table, what a joke.

Oh how fucking wrong I was. Live MTT is probably the most brutal form of poker known to existence, and only the real live MTT grinders understand what I mean. Honestly, I still don't know what it means to be a true grinder because I only grinded for about 2 years but I have no intention to find out what it's really like grinding tourneys for the rest of your life. The swings are just comical and you truly find out if you're a winning player, maybe after 1k tourneys? Which probably would take a life time for me.

Well, rather than bitching for the next hour about the swings of live tourneys, lets just say I had the most BRUTAL swings testing my luck in events like WPT and other big series, and shit did not go my way. I was completely broke and owed a ton of money to my cousin, who also grinded poker with me but has wisely given up as well. I was depressed, and smoking weed to the point where my brain was incapacitated. It was my escape from the truth. And it also passed time. I would beg my parents for a $100 a week, which went straight to weed. And I even stole food from various super market so I can use that money for weed. I'm completely fucking ashamed of doing this but those were desperate times.

While all this was going on, I decided to look for jobs. Anything. Tutoring, banking, insurance, so I can grind 1/2 at least. But no one wanted me. I was either severely overqualified or underqualfied. I graduated from a top school in USA, Carnegie Mellon, with a BS in Economics and Statistics, but none of the big companies wanted me with no experience. Nor did restaurants or entry level jobs as I was too qualified. Things couldn't have been worse.

After almost 100 applications, 20 phone interviews, 3 final interviews, I finally landed a job. Probably the best job I can ask for. A successful UK company that specializes in online gambling who also has big plans for launching online poker in the US, starting with NJ, and they thought I was a great fit considering the fact that I was a poker "pro" with a mathematical background. I trained in London, had the best days of my life there, and now working in NJ. The newfound security of knowing that there is almost no way of going broke next week, and being rewarded for doing a good job for once, was eye awakening. Being trapped in the poker world has been preventing what I could truly be doing with my life, and I am now so fucking thankful my company has pulled me out of the hell I've been stuck in for so long.

Now, why the fuck am I making poker look awful and bragging about my new job? Well, it's because I want to help some of you guys who have no idea wtf theyre doing with their life. Maybe you are destined for greatness, but like me, maybe you're not. And you g2 know when to throw in the towel when poker has defeated you. Poker should be a means of enjoyment, not your life revolving around it. When coinflips are constantly changing your life, you're probably living life wrong. So, if poker has been making you depressed, you should highly consider trying other options. Start small. Maybe start a hobby. Not you having to depend on a game with endless variance. You may not land the dream job of yours or launch a super successful business, but you might be heading towards the right step. Where as in poker, in MOST cases, is the wrong way to go, IMO.

With my life being pretty stable at this point, I've been casually playing poker and never had so much fun playing poker. Ever. Knowing that losing this buy in will have little to no effect on me felt good. And that's how you g2 approach poker. Online poker is also back in NJ so maybe i'll start posting graphs again like the good old days. I did grind a session of 1/2 and made a buyin.

Props to the people who are still in the grind. Some of you guys like whoosel and players999 were my fucking idols when I was an aspiring poker player. You guys have allowed me to become successful enough to understand how hard being a poker player is. And I just dont have it in me like you pros. I truly envy you winners.

Well, if you like these life posts, I'll throw in a couple updates here and there as I'm finally out of my depression shell =D

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 Last edit: 17/12/2013 20:33

YoMeR   United States. Dec 17 2013 20:02. Posts 12435

Gratz on getting out. Good thing u had that degree to fall back on and to break out of the delusions of grandeur.

eZ Life. 

K40Cheddar   United States. Dec 17 2013 20:12. Posts 2202

Congrats

GG 

SIG1   United States. Dec 17 2013 20:15. Posts 651


  On December 17 2013 19:02 YoMeR wrote:
Gratz on getting out. Good thing u had that degree to fall back on and to break out of the delusions of grandeur.



G2 thank my asian parents for giving up on me AFTER i got into college


SolarM   Germany. Dec 17 2013 21:27. Posts 533

Thanks for sharing!


PuertoRican   United States. Dec 17 2013 22:37. Posts 13030

Welcome back, and congrats on the job~

Rekrul is a newb 

Jamie217   Canada. Dec 17 2013 22:52. Posts 4351

Glad things are turning around, good luck in the future!


bigredhoss   Cook Islands. Dec 17 2013 23:10. Posts 8646

great post

Truck-Crash Life 

NewbSaibot   United States. Dec 17 2013 23:33. Posts 4943

Yeah poker is a fascinating addiction. Whenever I'm not playing, I daydream about playing. I fantasize about sitting at the table, or at the computer, and the fun of making the cards work in my favor and winning money for it, enough money that I can relax at the end of the day knowing my future is secure, pondering what vacation I'll take next, what I'll spend money on next. Then when I actually sit down my stomach is in knots. I am in complete panic, my heart is racing, my palms are sweaty, I breath heavily, and feel like at any moment I could just beat the shit out of someone if things dont go my way. Every single time I feel like this, and at any limit. Thats right, I get just as stressed playing NL2 as NL200. I dont know why, I just really really really hate losing. It's like a pride thing. I get down on myself for making mistakes, and get angry if I feel someone wronged me when their bad play is rewarded. I hate every single moment of poker while I play, and love every single moment of poker when I'm away. So why the hell do I keep playing? Because before I actually sit down, it feels good, so of course I'm going to play. By the time I realize "this sucks" it's too late, I already have money on the table.

Thing is I value my professional life outside of poker too greatly to make any serious investment in it. I rarely get stressed out at work. I definitely enjoy the lifestyle of working 8 hours a day and getting a guaranteed paycheck twice per month regardless of how well or poor I do. It's consistent, it's reliable. There's no fear of mistakes. I mean I would have to reeaaaaalllly fuck up bad, continuously, before I'd have to worry about losing my job.

I think poker definitely requires a particular mindset. Even if I wont the 600 million dollar lotto I think I'd always be stressed out playing poker. It's certainly not for everybody. I dont know how other people play it without the stress killing them on some level. Just the fear of knowing that you might not win back what you lost. I dont think it's because they are natural risk takers or simply numb to anxiety. Probably just has to do with how they were raised. Everyone has certain fears, certain things that set them off. Some people are afraid of spiders and others will let one crawl in their mouth. Not everyone can be conditioned to something. You're just wired that way.

bye now 

dnagardi   Hungary. Dec 18 2013 04:15. Posts 1776

good read, thank you for sharing


patmcgroin   Afghanistan. Dec 18 2013 05:23. Posts 830

Good job, hope you don't get sacked


QuirkyEric   Slovakia. Dec 18 2013 05:26. Posts 308

cliffs:

-Black Friday sucks
-LOL donkaments

kidding obv ... nice story, thanks for sharing

Je ti 31 let a umíš akorát klikat myší, vzpamatuj se -Daniel Havlík 

whamm!   Albania. Dec 18 2013 11:17. Posts 11625

Im the old3st here aside from thor so listen to me. Poker will get you nowhere. If money is the only thing important to you then good, keep playing. But it will steal your youth in exchange for cash you wont bother to keep. It was never meant to be played for a living


thewh00sel    United States. Dec 18 2013 11:21. Posts 2734

Good post, glad you found your calling, and thanks for the un-delete lol.

A government is the most dangerous threat to man’s rights: it holds a legal monopoly on the use of physical force against legally disarmed victims. - Ayn Rand 

Royal_Rumble   Germany. Dec 18 2013 13:52. Posts 1760

I pulled out of Poker long time ago actually, might have been 2008, with some small unsuccessful shots in 2009 and 2010. I am glad about it.

money won is twice as sweet as money earned.  

LemOn[5thF]   Czech Republic. Dec 18 2013 16:55. Posts 15163


  On December 17 2013 22:33 NewbSaibot wrote:
Yeah poker is a fascinating addiction. Whenever I'm not playing, I daydream about playing.


What?

93% Sure!  

LemOn[5thF]   Czech Republic. Dec 18 2013 17:14. Posts 15163


  On December 18 2013 10:17 whamm! wrote:
Im the old3st here aside from thor so listen to me. Poker will get you nowhere. If money is the only thing important to you then good, keep playing. But it will steal your youth in exchange for cash you wont bother to keep. It was never meant to be played for a living


Man I love playing poker and I make barely average (Czech) salary grinding what people call the sewers.
Poker gives you total freedom, the problem is what most people do with it that makes it a bad profession and their lives turn to worse.

I always had the creeping feeling like uni, getting a serious GF 2nd month there and office jobs is what stole my youth and now I'm finally re-living it.*
*Sales was fun tho, just takes over your life way more than poker does. And uni and finishing it was fun too I guess. Probably cause poker paid for my food lol. And I ended with studying behavioral economics that kinda naturally lead to poker.

But that's online poker where you can play high volumes whenever the hell you want and use poker as a tool for a great life.
Live MTT without sponsorship probably doesn't work that way because of less freedom and because it's pretty much gambling cause long run never comes. Maybe should have moved to Canada Seobombisgay? :D

93% Sure! Last edit: 18/12/2013 17:20

Romm3l   Germany. Dec 18 2013 18:48. Posts 285

lemon how long do you think you'll play poker for, what age do you think you might be when it's time to move on and how much do you hope to have saved by then?


Romm3l   Germany. Dec 18 2013 18:50. Posts 285

thanks for the post op. keep updating. sounds like poker definitely was not for you. as a profession i don't think it's really for anyone except the really solid winners who know they're winners (and even then in the long term it's not for most of them either). was happy to read the ending


LemOn[5thF]   Czech Republic. Dec 18 2013 19:38. Posts 15163


  On December 18 2013 17:48 Romm3l wrote:
lemon how long do you think you'll play poker for, what age do you think you might be when it's time to move on and how much do you hope to have saved by then?


I have goals spanning max 1 year and not going beyond that as the industry is so turbulent.

There's hardly any opportunity cost being attached as with poker I'm getting back into shape, can maintain a sports career and actively work every day on a personal effectiveness, and is one of the few jobs that allows me to stay close to my family so anything saved will be a nice bonus.

Poker is kinda bad if you want to build a "standard" career where progressing to higher levels takes years and years. Tried those, didn't like them so alternatives for me are sales or trading, and in both it's easy to get in, and ability to deliver is way more important than a long CV. I also dont' want my own family until late 30s. So as long as I feel I am moving forward in poker, but also in personal effectiveness I probably won't feel the need to quit.

But I dunno man, I was the oldest 21 year old in the world , had a serious relationship, instead of partying read Financial times daily, Gentlemen Quarterly every month, mostly talked with professors and 35y+old coworkers in my 9-6 about food and auditing and life stories. Call it 26y old midlife crisis but right now pokering, competitive sports, gym, amateur psychology studies and going out with buddies and hanging out with family and watching family guy seems like living the dream to me.


P.S. Also, don't underestimate the variance of the "real world" in poker at the tables you have certainty, It's 52 cards finite number of combinations. Dealing with variance is part of the game. That's not how most of real life works. For me accepting a job in Czech Republic after living for 7 years in the UK would be gambling compared to the steady poker job at micros that I have xD

93% Sure! Last edit: 18/12/2013 19:56

 
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