First thing first, i will give a small update on my life.
I work in IT and make good salary. Been working out. Recently broke up with my ex because sex was terrible and not improving.
So since the break up, ive been dating girls. Thing is, i now aim higher than before and so ive had a lot of fails.
Recently, i meet a girl i essentially consider almost perfect. Sex is omg amazing. Physically she's really nice for me (small tits but i don't care. Super slim. Nice face). Her personality is perfect. She laughs at everything i say. She does everything i say. She cooks great. She does massages. She smiles, etc.
Now your gonna ask what's the problem... well its simple. She's from burkina Faso and she's "visiting" here. She has to leave in 2 months. She's gonna try to extend it for 6 months.
So i guess this mostly leaves 2 options:
1) Keep enjoying my time with her for as long as she's there, and then find another girl.
2) Start talking about "mariage", which is only way i can think of which means she stays.
The problem with #2 is obvious. First of all its obviously possible she's doing this just to get out of her shit hole country. I don't really doubt she likes me at least a little (she could pick any guys here), but its obvious her country is horrible. Secondly, here in canada, if you do this marry thing, there is like a 12 months delay before she can come here, and then you are responsible for her for 3 years....
Quite obviously, i expect people on a poker forum to laugh at me of even considering #2. But its hard for me to totally forget it. I do feel like i love her and she loves me, and in my mind, worst case scenario is she quits me after 2 years and i gotta pay for her for 1 year, and i personally think she would most likely work anyways.
I guess if i just go with #1, i'm probably just gonna find another girl, but for some reasons i feel its really hard to find a combination of a girl where she looks great, does great sex, and has great personality, on the internets!
Edit: I guess there exist #3, which is hide her at my home, but this is illegal and i could go to jail... so yea.
It has been a while since I have been to Vegas. I think the last time was 2008 for New Year's Eve. Besides Aria and city center stuff and name changes and upgrades it has not changed much. It is funny how little details and memories creep in. I am actually staying in the same hotel I stayed in the first time I was here in 2006. It is the same table I was grinding out $2/4 on Ket's laptop and sweated crazy insane $3/6 games with Ket, Mez, Vaesolis. It was in this hotel I created my FullTilt Poker name. I ate at the same Chipotle today that I did when we debated whether or not TJBentham could eat 2 or 3 Chipotle burritos in a sitting. Oh, the tilting $17 gym charge. The pho place is no longer around. Right across the street is the first live casino poker I ever played at the Venetian. I was drinking red bulls and treating it like the big game. I miss that enthusiasm. I played a bit today and just nothing. I thought I would get a bit of the rush but just nothing. I have not played live poker in ages and there is a reason for it. I just laugh at that kid excited to play a marathon session but oh do I miss it. Getting dealt aces, flopping top set, missing your draw and a good bluff river card hitting, cutting out the chips but it just was not happening tonight. I quickly was wishing the Venetian had Baccarat where I can peel the cards to destruction. I would walk to the Wynn but it is freezing cold out with the wind chill. The wind is gusting like Gus Hanson's machismo after winning a poker tourney.
If I am not playing poker for an income there is nothing there. Since I have kind of gotten to the point of not playing poker for an income it is the reason I never play poker. I was just rusty. Made some pretty poor weak tight plays which pissed me off. Made some noob live plays. There was money to be made but I felt silly sitting there grinding out a live 1/2 game if there is no entertainment value and then boom, like I said, I instantly wanted to get dealt a face card and then get to sweat a 4 across. That might be my favorite gambling situation now.
There are definitely a lot of attractive women around. This has jolted my libido. There are parts of me that want to be inside a women. There are also parts of me that wished I could drink. I am in just a weird celibacy mode where the prospects of having sex are slim even though I am in Vegas for a wedding. Another thing I noticed is that the attractiveness in the Bellagio is quite a lot higher than in Treasure Island. Vegas has always been a great city for sexy. It has also always been a great city for spending a lot of money. Room service wants $30 for some pancakes and a pot of coffee. That is the first thing that jumped out at me. I will not go on. I just thought it was weird for me to write about the spending a lot of money thing and then just leave it disjointed.
Jordan Peterson says writing helps with the thought processes. I am working on his future authoring project that he talked about on the Joe Rogan Podcast. I would say it has helped out tremendously for me. I may or may not be more lost than anyone else. I had some epiphany like moments where some stuff just became clear to me. Some stuff I did not necessarily know or ever know.
Fuck, I have like 2 hours until my brother and sister get into town. Everyone else is on a bar crawl that I thought about going on but what am I going to do on a bar crawl sober with a bunch of 21-24 yr old party animals? Time to google: "Where can I play baccarat and destroy cards?" or just deal with it and get some blackjack in. If I do not watch out I am going to be throwing my own pity party if it has not already begun. Food is my solace. I just had the thought to Uber out to Naked Fish or try out Firefly or go back to Fix. Mmmmmm, mac n cheese, Bobby Baldwin burger, and lobster tacos. I can not wait to get to Bouchon for brunch on Sunday. I have had thoughts of checking out to see if I can get a croissant for breakfast at the bakery.
So, a bunch of people are staying in TI. We need stuff within walking distance. Bouchon is closed (some of us will be going for Sunday brunch). Carnevino may be too expensive and non-casual. We are mostly looking for casual. Something I can wear some jeans to.
Transfer of $ from 5dimes to Skrill. by bubsoner, December 14
Hi guys I need to transfer $654.88 from 5dimes do Skrill/PS. I'll send first to some reputable member. If anyone is willing to help for some small fee, please PM me.
I'm struggling with this game. Maybe it's because I've been playing since I was 12 years old and have developed a bunch of bad habits since then. I'm not sure, but I know that I'm a losing poker player as of currently. I've really started putting in time, and concentrating about 3-4 months ago, and I cannot figure this game out. I "know" what to do, but I truly don't know what to do. I don't truly understand the actions in which I am taking, and could not explain them all of them effectively, and cogently to another person. My view of the game is quite incoherent, and thus this is extremely frustrating because I don't know what I am doing wrong, other than the obvious face that I know I am doing something wrong. I feel like I'm lost in the abyss trying to formulate a constructive point of view, but with utterly no success.
One thing I am not going to do is give up. I can't. I have the unwavering urge to improve, but I feel like I need some guidance/help.
Some study out of Harvard came up with 4 things that will lead to happiness and contentment:
- Time spent with people one cares about
- Helping others
- Exercise
- Being grateful
I know a guy who denigrated that and said who needs Harvard, his grandmother knew that. Maybe he is right. Maybe he resents education because he does not have any formal education and has illusions that everything can be learned "on the streets."
I bring it up because yesterday reminded me of it. I spent time with family and moved furniture all day. I had some toast and almond butter and bananas and coffee for breakfast. I had a nice shit. I had a panera salad for lunch. I ate some amazing chaana masala for dinner. I watched "The Green Room" and then went to sleep. That was it.
Nothing too exciting. Nothing too euphoric. I did not bang any dimes while doing cocaine and viagra but the day brought me serenity and contentment. The Amish might get it to some extent. In many ways no but getting together and building a barn and having a good meal that is a great day.
Now, I just sit in an empty house typing up a blog looking to fill up the hours. The existential spectre haunts me. I am not specifically thinking about death or the emptiness of the universe but I realize it is there, standing over me like the ghost of Christmas future. Well, at least I have groceries to get. Well, I can perhaps meet with those people there. I can take a shower and do my hair. A little bit of vanity can pass the time. It is so quiet. I long for the days of figuring out how to get that huge couch upstairs and breaking a sweat. Words of encouragement and high fives. Oh, I have a left over samosa. Nice. I need some more coffee.
Ahhh, coffee. A shit and some coffee this feels like a blank new page. I hit the reset button. Wrath of God, Armageddon. "Jesus will save us." Nope. Now, Jesus was a good man... decent mythology... No, I do not want to go down that road right now.
*RiKD plays another Armageddon*
I typically only have 1 shit in me and have a full coffee so what is a man supposed to do?
Magic was a great game. It probably still is. I really loved X-Men comics. I was not the biggest fan of the most recent X-Men movie. Sometimes I do not like to let my nerd side show so much but it is a part of me. I delivered pizzas to a games shop that were playing some sort of tabletop miniature wargame. The nerd was strong in there. More power to them it is probably time better spent than writing a bunch of shit in a blog but I remember thinking I am like a fake nerd to these guys. "X-Men LOL." "Magic LOL." Although I did briefly play Warhammer and painted all my guys but we built lands and played in my friend's basement. That game was expensive.
While writing this it did not feel like the house was empty. I was not thinking about the house. I was not thinking about anything except for what I was thinking. Thinking and writing. Thinking and writing.
Brag post: won $132k winning HPT STL vs BodogAriby matdon460, November 14
I won a Heartland Poker Tour $1650 in a suburb of St. Louis for $132k. I ran really hot and was overall satisfied with my play even though I got it in bad on the last hand against Ari. Even though I don't visit here much anymore, I want to give a shoutout to LP for helping my game a ton when I played a lot.
There's a live stream of the entire ft up at twitch.tv/hptpoker. It might air in edited form on some small regional sports stations eventually. Unfortunately, the live stream doesn't have hole cards because of Missouri gaming restrictions.
I figured firing off a blog would be more fun than going to a shitty 12-step abstinence based recovery meeting or watching New Girl. If anyone has any must watch TV Shows I might be interested. I am talking like The Wire good, Game of Thrones good. That is pretty good. I may have just opened up a can of worms. I do not really want to be overwhelmed with tv shows. What about Stranger Things? I hear good things.
On 12-step abstinence based recovery:
I am still a little surprised I went through with it. I really was that desperate. That broken. It is undeniable I have had a psychic change. The folks in the fellowship get testy if I say it was not God. It can be if I can define God. The loophole in the steps is that it is "God as you understand him." The literature is from 1939. It is based on the Oxford Group which was a Christian fellowship. Thank GOD that Carl Jung was involved. I would totally be down to experiment with shrooms plus therapy. Have a guided trip every 6 months or so and be good. Although I would still have to learn how to live. I am unsure if there can be as profound a psychic change on shrooms alone. Therapy guided MDMA. I would totally be down for that too. That might be able to solve anything.
On Trentemoller:
Trentemoller is great. Take me into your skin. The last resort.
I think about immigrating to Denmark a lot. Norway, Sweden, Germany, France, Canada, New Zealand. I think about it more now.
We will see though. I have been in a rut as they say. Things are looking up. I got some work. I have some renewed vigor in a more focused job search that makes more sense for me. This could all crash down like anything can crash down. I will always be drifting whether I am occupied in endeavors that distract me from that or not.
No You Girls - Trentemoller remix is another great song.
On (no you) girls:
I maintain having a great haircut and shoes is crucial... Crucial is a total exaggeration. It is weird how different things work for different people in different settings though. I would say those 2 things are universal though. Having a cool job, cool life, and cool place is obviously way more important (doh). It is all about being right sized though. Finding a good fit in some social spheres and matching up with some good fits. I have always found it is good to be a little different. Never conform to a social sphere. Just be who you are and sort of drift into that social sphere. Being in the right one is crucial. That is not an exaggeration.
On exercise:
I need to get some more exercise in. I feel so good. Endrophins: Feels Good Man. I been going to some muay thai. That is all well and good buy I am not the biggest fan of holding pads. I got front kicked in the nuts the other day and that was horrible. I think I might stick with it though. It is good training and some of the combo opportunities are pretty sweet. I am also eating too much. Like ton of pizza and 2 lbs of grapes. Overload on hummus and chips.
How awesome is Thom Yorke?
The White Flash ft. Thom Yorke - Trentemoller remix - Modeselektor
On LP Archives:
I got caught browsing through old posts on here. It was fun.
Aba joins CR!
Old school discussions on Jimmy Johns!
vino y verde y daft punk
That was revolutionary for me. Still probably my 3 favorite drugs. I can at least still use one of them.
The drama of the New Years 2008 thread.
The exceptionalness of the Looks or Game thread. What an odyssey. What a masterpiece.
Looking through there in some ways I have changed tremendously in many ways not that much at all. We were just a bunch of nerdy kids man just having a blast. At least I was. I think in many ways I still am that nerdy kid. I love coming here for distraction. My life is probably going better if I am not on here as much but that is subjective. It is hard to even judge when my life is going better or not. From my experience, it certainly can not be judged externally. It is also difficult to judge in the moment or looking back. Minds have a way of playing tricks. One day's truth is another day's delusion.
Trentemoller - Vamp
Oh my goodness. Rose McGowan in cat woman latex. Where to go from there? You be the judge.
Now, I can't get sultry images out of my mind. Biological urge to procreate + the nature of thought. Those themes seem to always make it into my blogs.
Fuck God, fuck government, fuck bitches, get money...
Fuck God, fuck government, fuck women, help people.
Just my thoughts. Not right now because that already happened. Right now.... damn. RIGHT NOW.... nope.
Just my thoughts at the time. Just my thoughts. Are they my thoughts?
Their are likely my brains thoughts. Ugh. Why did I start this. The brain fires, I have a thought. What makes the brain fire? What makes the brain fire in the way that it does to produce the thoughts that it produces?
I will end with Trentemoller - Miss You. Last resort.
Thank you if you are awesome. You lucky piece of... If you are not awesome I am here to help. Not sure how much help I can offer but I am here to help.
Important note if you have received an invite: Once you have invites to give out yourself, only give them to people you trust. Never sell or trade them. Your account can be disabled permanently otherwise.
Have a body? Wear clothes. Lots of clothes. Accessorize. Color coordinate. Go shopping. Whet your appetite.
Have a place to live? Fill it up with stuff! Home furnishings! Take a trip through the IKEA maze! Are there hayrides and pumpkins? Not yet.
Am I an untruth living hypocrite if I take money to further this cause?
I am not even meditating any more. I won't even go too much in depth into the thoughts because Sam Harris and buddhists and others have that shit down. I will say it was amazing in meditation to literally catch when a thought arises and watch it dissipate. So many times in life I have a thought and then like a flood of thoughts and I forget that they just happen and then they disappear. Many times thoughts are not real. They are perhaps based in some sense of reality but that does not make them true. How do we know if they are real and true? That is something I hope to work on. Maybe some of ya'll can help.
Contact Users: 878 Active, 0 Logged in - Time: 09:21
,
,
,
,