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What is my incentive to try?

I mean I understand I need to cover my expenses but beyond that what is my incentive to try? I have no desire to get married and have a family. I could attempt to get to a point to fuck a bunch of hoes but there is no real endgame there. There is not that much difference between that and celibacy. What I am saying is that maybe it is not worth it. The headaches, the STDs, and having a kid on accident are not good outcomes.

I do believe that existence precedes essence (Sartre). We are free to be our "authentic" selves to a point. Sartre was 5 foot nothing and ugly and seemed to live a hell of a life but he was also a celebrity intellectual. "Looks maxxing" and "game" are tricky subjects. I am not blackpilled quite yet because I believe those things can make a difference. I know I am a lot more confident losing 60 lbs. and gaining muscle. A woman even approached me in the gym the other day. I ignored her because I am an incel loser dependant on my parents. I have to fix that first before anything. I think a lot of game is how much money one makes plus the job one has. I mean mids don't even want to fuck engineers or accountants that's how fucked up the market is so I have to be really fucking funny or have some cool ass hobbies to stand a chance. That's why I am asking is it even worth it?

Which is the wrong question to ask. It's pretty clear I should not put much thought into the hoes at this point. I have too many leaks in my game. I have a libido and an imagination though. If only I could create something. I think LP/Discord/YouTube/Netflix are all hinderances in creating something. I complained of mid creative output in my time of solitude. I will in part blame Discord/YouTube/Netflix but the reality is that maybe I am just a mid kind of guy. I'm certainly no Rennaissance polymath kind of guy even if you take the Discord/YouTube/Netflix completely away.

My highest potential is mid. I just have to learn to accept this. Any expectations above mid will only lead to resentment.

One goal 4 me is to make a better place in this world so that’s why I do but there is no try do or do not as there is no try as yoda said

For my next solitude I might drop off LP/Discord/YouTube/Netflix and masturbation. I am going to have to have some ideas of projects to work on going in or else that could get rough.

It’s a big task to drop off social media n other thing but gl

Social media was not that bad. The next dropoff will be more difficult. I will be in solitude again this month so I can attempt the next drop off but why? If I had some projects on my mind it would not be too bad but what am I going to do?

I had a small measure of peace and then it drifted away.

I imagine that LP will be more.

On September 02 2025 01:46 RiKD wrote: Social media was not that bad. The next dropoff will be more difficult. I will be in solitude again this month so I can attempt the next drop off but why? If I had some projects on my mind it would not be too bad but what am I going to do?

y not? social media is good if use wisely.

On September 03 2025 01:55 RiKD wrote: I had a small measure of peace and then it drifted away. I imagine that LP will be more.

peace should be a given right when ur 40+ in this world but sadly that isn't the case.

On September 04 2025 08:52 lostaccount wrote: Show nested quote + On September 02 2025 01:46 RiKD wrote: Social media was not that bad. The next dropoff will be more difficult. I will be in solitude again this month so I can attempt the next drop off but why? If I had some projects on my mind it would not be too bad but what am I going to do? y not? social media is good if use wisely.

What social media is good and how do you use it wisely?

On September 04 2025 08:53 lostaccount wrote: Show nested quote + On September 03 2025 01:55 RiKD wrote: I had a small measure of peace and then it drifted away. I imagine that LP will be more. peace should be a given right when ur 40+ in this world but sadly that isn't the case.

Life is strange and a blur. I remember myself happy 10+ years ago in another city but then again I was just thoroughly happy reading a novel just 20 min. ago.

Stoner by John Williams is a stellar novel.

On September 04 2025 19:36 RiKD wrote: Show nested quote + On September 04 2025 08:52 lostaccount wrote:   On September 02 2025 01:46 RiKD wrote: Social media was not that bad. The next dropoff will be more difficult. I will be in solitude again this month so I can attempt the next drop off but why? If I had some projects on my mind it would not be too bad but what am I going to do? y not? social media is good if use wisely. What social media is good and how do you use it wisely?

its a way to connect with friends, and lots of good information on social media. dont get me wrong lots of bad information on social media too but use discernment to weed out the bad

On September 04 2025 19:41 RiKD wrote: Show nested quote + On September 04 2025 08:53 lostaccount wrote:   On September 03 2025 01:55 RiKD wrote: I had a small measure of peace and then it drifted away. I imagine that LP will be more. peace should be a given right when ur 40+ in this world but sadly that isn't the case. Life is strange and a blur. I remember myself happy 10+ years ago in another city but then again I was just thoroughly happy reading a novel just 20 min. ago.

happiness comes from the mindset, work on the good mindset and you will be happy more. I am happy as can be lol I have everything i want or need. I aint missing anything in my life anymore so if u still have missing pieces of ur life fix it rikd!!! you aren't old but not young anymore yet still have time to find them missing pieces.
my puzzle is complete but im working on making it better per se. life is full of wonderful things like PR said I will explore more when I get bored hence I won't get bored anymore

On September 05 2025 23:33 RiKD wrote: Stoner by John Williams is a stellar novel.

cool ill check it out, John is one of the best English names u can have imo am I bias maybe but I dont think so

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/JYSvcqoPUYw

u read these books yet rikd?

I have read 4

Brave New World is excellent
Fahrenheit 451 is excellent
1984 is good

I would suggest anyone to read those books

The Gulag Archipelegio I have not read
Sovereign Individual is mostly tech bro wet dream shit
The other book looks like a bitcoin book
A new translation of the Bible I don't really care about

***

I still adore listening to music but I haven't touch a musical instrument in a while. No Ableton. It actually feels kind of good. No music theory. I'll regret not playing my guitar but I'll live.

***

I have the idea of starting a new story. I have some ideas swirling around in my brain but nothing that has amassed that brings me the gumption to go to war with the blank page.

***

The Solitude is incoming. I need to have some plans for what I am going to do with the dropoff of LP/Discord/YouTube/Netflix. I do have the intention of dropping at least 2 of those things to make it more realistic and see how it goes.

***

I have found out who I am not:

Einstein
Newton
Galileo
Da Vinci
Michelangelo
Tesla
Beethoven
Van Gogh
Cezzanne
Matisse
Picasso

But I have to figure out who I am.

***

I would prefer to not need anything or anyone.

I need water, I need food, I need shelter, I need health insurance, etc.

I don't need hightops in the summer babe, you could be my summer lover babe (Lana Del Rey)
Anything by RICK OWENS...
Man, I really hope I've tossed that whole segment of myself away...

I walk my dog the same path everyday. I can see myself change through the seasons but I still make the same old mistakes.

I just re-read a 30,000 word story that I wrote. I don't love it but I think I had to get 30,000 words out on that story. It had to be done. I'm not going to try and "fix" it or publish it but I'm glad I wrote it.

I've said most of what I would like to say. I have been having some job interviews and been on call lately. It frazzles the nerves. I'm use to escaping with great novels most of the day. Giving the dog a walk. What doesn't kill me makes me stronger. The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen is an excellent novel. My body has just been carrying more stress than it is used to. Had an all-around spectacular day in the gym and I'm still carrying the tension. Hopefully, I get some sleep and blast away at the gym again tomorrow and that will do me some good.

There is no rest when employed or flirting with employment. God is it awful. It's also awful being broke. At least I don't care about a bass guitar anymore. What will be next? Right now I don't think I want anything materially. I just want to write my next story. That is where I feel alive.