Que Sera, Sera

Digital communities vs Actual communities

We'll probably need lostaccount to go on another run to have any sort of discussion on this.

But, talking on MSN and Skype and Discord and going to live in large houses in Las Vegas and eat kobe beef and sushi and go to the SPEARMINT RHINO has to amount to something no?

On the other side "Actual communities" I don't even get a whiff of "Actual communities." I live mostly an isolated life and have a handful of friends. No community.

Lol let it be let it be, u lived a good life rikd made good friends had good experiences now it's time to live a different chapter in life.

I don't know maybe it's time to just chill n enjoy the rest of what life has to offer. I don't know what else u want to experience but I have experience a lot of life except a kid. I wonder when I will have a kid like other LPers. Time for you to find peace first? Are u at peace?

I was reading some Byung-Chul Han today and he was talking about inactiveness. He was talking about sleep being the best form of mental relaxing and boredom being the 2nd best form or mental relaxation. I was very inactive today besides taking a 30 min. walk in nature. It was a luxorious walk. I could choose to just walk rather than run. There was no compulsion to work, perform, or produce. I had some semblance of peace most of the day. I don't think it's possible to ACHIEVE peace just as the sun does not always shine in the middle of the USA in spring. We can easier pin down the location of the sun than to try and pin down the feeling of peace. Peace is ephemeral. At least for me. We may need war to find peace. Break free of our slave / labor / production chains. Weak play begets weak results. I do not wish to rest in order to work but that is my fate. My master is a faceless / unknown entity. These days that's the whole point. I can't kill my master if I can't find it. So, I toil in order to survive and forget peace. Nihilism is my enemy, not boredom. Nothing lasts for ever, not even trees, rivers, or mountains. I laugh at names on gravestones. Yet, I'm terrified of death. Authenticity... there is no such thing. Very few of us are not scared animals. You want to win big you have to gamble big but that means you can and will lose big too. Fuck it, I'll take my medications and watch The Sopranos until I fall asleep. It's like I have surrendered.

I hope everyone is enjoying the Sabbath or day of rest. If God can rest then you can rest.

Hey Y'all,

Let's engage in some Digital Communication. It's cheap, it's easy, it's fun! I had a good day of being inactive. Now it's time to get more active faster and even faster than that! Let's get so fast and active to the point of hyperactivity and burnout and the end of the Earth!

I finished my novel... now what?

Will my novel grant me immortality OR is it just a piece of shit art piece that should be thrown in the trash?

There are also other options.

In all my days, I am vying for attention. There is no satisfaction or saiety. How many omakase and blow job is enough? True, there is satisfaction and saiety for a time. I would not like to be bothered while running errands or eating a meal.

My novel, my novel, my novel is finished. I just wanted to see if I could do it and I did it and I have a craving to write and I don't know where to put that craving as of yet so I am putting it here. In my blog on a dead website. Which curiously has 70 something views.

My life is very boring. I take care of my mother's plants. She lives at the local garden stores. There is a lot to take care of. I play my guitar. I do not know to what end. Hopefully, an end to itself but it is the type of thing that is good for me. To discipline myself and play at least a little bit everyday. I read a fair amount. I try to embrace inactivity. It's actually pretty difficult to be inactive all day. There are urges to be active like writing this now but there is some contemplativeness that goes into it too. Or I'm just fooling myself. Maybe, I should start my second novel (Oh God).

My novel is bordering on not sucking and sucking but I like it so that is all that matters.

I have been considering conforming to Christianity. I have had certain profound spiritual experiences in my past that I more or less took for granted while working with a mostly Christian program in the form of Alcoholics Anonymous 12 Step Program. I have not felt any Spiritual Experience since although it would not be fair to say there has not been spiritual progress just barren mostly recently. I should probably read some Nietzsche and see if I can really see this effort through. If I had to pick I think it would be Catholicism. My great uncle was a hero and a Catholic Priest. Although the local Catholic Church threw a party when Roe v Wade was overturned... These are just thoughts. It feels like spirituality is missing in my life. I am not as good of a writer as Nietzsche and don't have a pension to live off of or else I'd experiment with that path. In reality, it seems like the only answers for Nietzsche were writing and walking. He lived an incredibly alone existance and I like to see friends every now and again. It looks like a midlife crisis but in reality I have seasonal life crisis.

Haha don’t be a Christian, you aren’t capable of it but be spiritual more suitable for u n better. We are all one and one is all. Good luck rikd

Ur problem is you not being productive to some capacity, be productive also there isn’t climate change from us, it’s from the sun if u actually do some research. Dont listen to their hidden agenda

On April 11 2024 12:21 lostaccount wrote: Haha don’t be a Christian, you aren’t capable of it but be spiritual more suitable for u n better. We are all one and one is all. Good luck rikd

We are all sinners. Just confess my sins and I will be ok. Easy game.

On April 11 2024 12:23 lostaccount wrote: Ur problem is you not being productive to some capacity, be productive also there isn’t climate change from us, it’s from the sun if u actually do some research. Dont listen to their hidden agenda

What does productive even mean in your view?

You want to be on an assembly line making cars or something?

I did research on climate change. Not sure if you have. Who is "they" and what is the "hidden agenda?"

production is when u r happy doing things with ur time.
they the government hidden agenda forget it I don't get to get into it.

On April 11 2024 20:24 RiKD wrote: Show nested quote + On April 11 2024 12:21 lostaccount wrote: Haha don’t be a Christian, you aren’t capable of it but be spiritual more suitable for u n better. We are all one and one is all. Good luck rikd We are all sinners. Just confess my sins and I will be ok. Easy game.

yep im a sinner too

On April 11 2024 23:02 lostaccount wrote: production is when u r happy doing things with ur time. they the government hidden agenda forget it I don't get to get into it.

Your definition of production sounds more like some sort of flow state or a definition of fulfillment. Top definitions of production are more like production of raw materials into something or producing a movie / play / music.

On April 11 2024 23:02 lostaccount wrote: Show nested quote + On April 11 2024 20:24 RiKD wrote:   On April 11 2024 12:21 lostaccount wrote: Haha don’t be a Christian, you aren’t capable of it but be spiritual more suitable for u n better. We are all one and one is all. Good luck rikd We are all sinners. Just confess my sins and I will be ok. Easy game. yep im a sinner too

I wish that I had somewhere to confess my sins. I did my original AA 5th Step with a Catholic Priest and had a Spiritual Experience. I don't know if I actually would like to go to Mass. I am pro-choice, I am not against the gays getting married, I believe people should be allowed to commit suicide, I think people should be allowed to be divorced, what else is there? I question the merits of prayor. Mathematically I am agnostic because my brain cannot fully grasp the Universe. I question Papal authority and the authority of the Catholic Church.

I just want to feel liberated, I, I, I,

I like Churches. I like the architechture. I like the stained glass windows. God-like.

I like Jesus. I like the story of Jesus. Especially, when he realizes his fate. Thy Will Be Done. God-like.

Man, if only I could pray "Thy Will Be Done" and get on with it no matter what. No matter what!

But, here I sit alone and atomized. Agnostic. What do I know? What do I believe?

We are human, all too human. Crazy world.

---

You know Byung-Chul Han fucking did it. He survives capitalism. He beat it. That is fucking legendary man! He beats it on a daily basis. I just have to figure out my way to beat capitalism but that is like the hardest thing anyone will ever do. Part of my reason for wanting to be Catholic is that Byung-Chul Han is Catholic. My Great Uncle the Hero of the family was a Catholic Priest. That's what happens man. Something is missing. Maybe I can find this thing to deal with this something that is missing. The antidote could be something completely else. I don't like that word antidote. Despite specific situations I don't think there really are reliable antidotes.

---

Unfortunately, I don't think that writing novels is what is going to get me out of capitalism. In ways, it's natural being lonely, isolated, and observational. I don't know what is going to get me out of capitalism. I think I just have to grin and bear it and jump into work, production, and performance and hope it doesn't shred me up.

I think the only examples I can think of of someone "beating" capitalism is the story of the man who makes pottery down by the river, probably Budhist monks, maybe Catholic priests, and maybe our very own LP alumnus Mr. "Loco." He has the knowledge and the wherewithal to avoid the compulsion of work, performance, production and live a good life. I salute all of these people.

A lot of people actually hate capitalism because it doesn't allow them to be productive. myself being one.

I want to be a historian on economic thought but capitalism doesn't allow people to do that. Instead I have opted to do bullshit code related jobs that are not productive. If you wanna do something about the environment, a lot of the money related jobs in that area are greenwashing. That's anti-productivity. Not even neutral but actively undermining productivity.

On April 12 2024 02:31 RiKD wrote: Show nested quote + On April 11 2024 23:02 lostaccount wrote: production is when u r happy doing things with ur time. they the government hidden agenda forget it I don't get to get into it. Your definition of production sounds more like some sort of flow state or a definition of fulfillment. Top definitions of production are more like production of raw materials into something or producing a movie / play / music.

That's my definition n the correct one. Fulfillment n production go hand n hand

Stroggoz,

Preach.

I went in to the local Goodwill to say hi to a friend who just became Assistant Store Manager at the store. That store is definitely hiring. I felt that it would cheapen the interaction between my friend and I if I just cut in with anything regarding hiring at the store. Also, being in there it is most definitely retail and I had flashbacks and mixed feelings. The store is definitely pseudo anti-capitalist at least compared to a store like Nieman and Marcus. The highest price tag in the store is like $10 and they have shelves of stuff that isn't going to sell. There was not that much thought put into merchandising and marketing. I don't know. I'll probably just continue to think about it until it's too late. It's not time yet for me to kill myself.

I come on here for something surprising, something different, something lively, something human. I am addicted to the opposite of boredom. If it weren't for boredom the opposite of boredom would not be so stimulating.

In Radiohead's Nude the singer Thom Yorke tells us, "Don't get any big ideas, they are not going to happen."

My big idea is beating capitalism. I don't think I've done it even though I have been unemployed for the last 6 months. Being unemployed with no income has led me to be too lonely, isolated, atomised. It's hard to have a social life when you are trying to live on such a small amount of money. It's not really a big deal to eat meals at $3 / meal. It is a big deal to just sit in my room and waste away.

Going back to work. Well, it's going to be work. The key is monitoring the level of compulsion for performance and efficiency. If that is what the job requires there are times I will lose myself at work. There is no way around it. Then I am kind of fucked. The active life takes over and there is no room for the contemplative. Shaky from the day's work I will look for quick fixes in recreation and "rest." I will have not beaten capitalism.

"Don't get any big ideas, they are not going to happen."

I still have not figured it out but I am getting closer.

I am like an experiment. A speed runner. I push it to the limit in regards to unemployment and idleness. I will be stronger. My spirit will be stronger. But what if I had the Fender Stratocaster, all of the pedals, the synthesizer, the whole nine.... NO! It's not about that. Consumption is the enemy! What about the girlfriend and the omakase and the blow jobs? Again, it's not about that. This is about running experiments on how to beat capitalism. Que sera, sera. What will be, WILL BE! Thy WILL BE done! And it WILL BE no other way.

Jesus realizes he will be betrayed and tortured. Gets down on his knees and prays Thy Will Be Done and has the strength to live out his life. I would pray for that strength but I do not know who I would be praying to. Although, I don't have all the answers. I can't really suss out infinity. Something is missing in my life. Well, a lot is "missing" in my life but I am ok with that but something deep in my core is missing. My spirit is strong but something is just a bit off. I have anxiety and panic issues that my psychiatrist and therapist don't know how to treat. That is fucking frustrating. The easiest answer is that I don't go to AA anymore. AA had something that helped with what I am missing and I am being stubborn but also my anxiety and panic issues make AA annoying. But, I am listening to "All I Need" by Radiohead and everything feels ok.

Anyone else think Jesus was kinda lacking in humility when he claimed to be the messiah?

On April 13 2024 12:06 Stroggoz wrote: Anyone else think Jesus was kinda lacking in humility when he claimed to be the messiah?

when its fact its facts lol

Spring time it is. Jesus has ascended and sundresses start to make an appearance.

He had a nice head of hair/beard, I'll give him that.

You know a Church is probably a hint of fascist if they have blonde Jesus all over the place. I wonder how many Churches have marketing departments.

My dog is such a great walking companion because he walks the same speed as me and he is silent.

So, I am sitting here brainstorming... How am I going to do it? How am I going to beat Neoliberalism? First and foremost, I like this idea that we humans are backwards. Our relationship with Nature is a destructive one. So, we have to live backwards.

When I go to the grocery store I try to go when there are no cars out on the roads and no people in the stores.

I try not to be a total rube consumer. By that I don't necessarily mean I'm a smart consumer. I try to not be a consumer at all but I need food to eat and clothes to wear.

The master is capital. How do I kill capital? How do I walk away from capital? Capital owns me. It compells me to work / perform / produce. I can kill myself. I am trying to find other ways. There might not be other ways. Is there a world that I can work / perform / produce at a decent enough level where I gain some freedom and don't exploit myself to the point of burnout and depression and anxiety?

The Other can heal depresssion.

Burnout and anxiety are 2 separate beasts.

If I am an idiot that lives backwards it may be difficult to seduce The Other.

But, anyways, I think that will conclude another read through of Byung-Chul Han. It's time for some Simone Weil.

If I am an idiot that lives backwards I seduce the correct Other if one is out there. Or not. Que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be.

Fuck Protestants!

Go Catholics! (I'm going to be one soon)

Fuck Protestants and their obsession with work. I have to work and produce though or else I will run out of capital. New breaks and tires in order to get to work is not cheap but the start of all of this is needing a car and money to go grocery shopping and buying food. That is the start of it all. It's got me going to this job interview tomorrow and everything just keeps on going.

Lostaccount,

We need a good run from you buddy.

Simone Weil says when you become a slave you lose half of your soul. I am a slave to capital whether I am employed or not employed so I guess half my soul is gone. Getting a job is almost like becoming a slave twice. Maybe I will have a quarter of my soul left.

I don't know if there is such a thing as the Sovereign Individual. That means that someone beat society completely by themselves which seems impossible. That does not mean that being sovereign is something not to strive for. It is just that under most definitions it is unlikely that any of us will become a supreme ruler. I would not mind possessing supreme and ultimate power to tend to my garden or play the guitar but I think what most people are thinking about is something like Elon Musk and I don't even think he has a good life. For starters, working 16+ hour days every day of the week is the opposite of what I would be interested in.