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RiKD    United States. Aug 23 2022 01:42. Posts 8445
ooooooooooooooo

*Tumble weed rolling along*

I wish I had something sensational to write to maybe lively up LP a little bit. Give us some entertainment. Bad entertainment. The fact is my life is not very sensational whatsoever. I drink tea. I contemplate. I listen to Boris Brejcha.

The expanse of space creeps into my spirit and dissipates until a new tide rolls in. I want to burn like the rave at xx/yy/2008. Will you burn with me?

Synthetic spirit. I am looking for the real thing. Paralyzed by the emptiness a tear rolls down my cheek. oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. The ghosts they are a calling. Fill me up and give me a little piece of your spirit please. It is a séance here tonight. A session of sitting. The ghosts they will call.

You know to get personal I am still seeing Luna and we are still just friends united by our love for Indian food and collapse. Not that we love collapse. It is just rare to find people that understand and can laugh about it and maybe cry about it and get good Indian food in the midst of it all. Maybe sometimes it is simply about some simple pleasures. The world is crumbling around us and there is likely nothing we can do. I don't have heaven to hope for. What do I do?

Luna always tells me to find myself spiritually. Center myself spiritually. And prepare. Prepare for the Kingdom of God. I believe something of the sort if I did that the Kingdom of God is within me. That is Tolstoy rubbing off on me. I do believe something of the sort though. Peace with the imperfect present. We would all do much better if we could find peace within the imperfect present.

I suppose it is probably also for the best of us to reduce screens. For LP to diminish and disappear. HA, these are becoming my private journals now.

Peace Tschuss Schluss

R i K D

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dnagardi   Hungary. Aug 23 2022 21:30. Posts 1776

peace


Loco   Canada. Aug 24 2022 01:40. Posts 20963

I'm taking a week off soon. It's my first vacation since I started this job. Timing is nice: Sept 9 Knocked Loose, then weekend, then camping for 4 days up in the Laurentians, come back, Kublai Khan show next day, then weekend, then start work again. Sick of the screens.

fuck I should just sell some of my Pokemon cards, if no one stakes that is what I will have to do - lostaccount 

RiKD    United States. Aug 25 2022 00:34. Posts 8445

I am afraid of being sick and/or dying. Banana bread and hot tea can soothe that fear. I can escape it through sleep. But, it's always just kind of there. I recently went for my annual physical. I am down weight which is good but I still need to lose more. It's crazy how much I let myself go originally. I will have to go through it again but the main point was that something was high (maybe calcium) which means my bone density is lower than it is supposed to be or something like that. My doctor recommended I get a bone scan. So, now, of course, I need to call and ask how much this damn thing is going to cost. How do I have low bone density? I am 38.

Me being cynical I figure they get this new Dexa Scan 500 machine in there and they want to get profit out of it. The goal being they seduce me into agreeing to even more medications.


RiKD    United States. Aug 25 2022 00:38. Posts 8445


  On August 24 2022 00:40 Loco wrote:
I'm taking a week off soon. It's my first vacation since I started this job. Timing is nice: Sept 9 Knocked Loose, then weekend, then camping for 4 days up in the Laurentians, come back, Kublai Khan show next day, then weekend, then start work again. Sick of the screens.



Bonnes vacances!

That sounds too good to be true.


PuertoRican   United States. Aug 25 2022 05:46. Posts 13030

Maybe we should rename the website to RikdBlogs.com

Rekrul is a newb 

PuertoRican   United States. Aug 25 2022 05:46. Posts 13030


  On August 24 2022 00:40 Loco wrote:
I'm taking a week off soon. It's my first vacation since I started this job. Timing is nice: Sept 9 Knocked Loose, then weekend, then camping for 4 days up in the Laurentians, come back, Kublai Khan show next day, then weekend, then start work again. Sick of the screens.


Enjoy your vacation

Rekrul is a newb 

Loco   Canada. Aug 25 2022 08:02. Posts 20963


  On August 24 2022 23:38 RiKD wrote:
Show nested quote +



Bonnes vacances!

That sounds too good to be true.


I know. Something ought to go terribly wrong. If I don't report back it means I've been eaten by a bear or died in a car accident.

fuck I should just sell some of my Pokemon cards, if no one stakes that is what I will have to do - lostaccountLast edit: 25/08/2022 08:04

RiKD    United States. Aug 26 2022 05:26. Posts 8445


  On August 25 2022 04:46 PuertoRican wrote:
Maybe we should rename the website to RikdBlogs.com



Please God no.


RiKD    United States. Aug 26 2022 05:29. Posts 8445

song for tonight:


RiKD    United States. Aug 26 2022 05:43. Posts 8445

ok, one more:


Baalim   Mexico. Aug 26 2022 07:55. Posts 34246


  On August 25 2022 04:46 PuertoRican wrote:
Maybe we should rename the website to RikdBlogs.com



LP.net has gone from poker strategy forum, to dating help site, to MMA discussion to RikD blog

Ex-PokerStars Team Pro Online 

Loco   Canada. Aug 27 2022 07:56. Posts 20963

fuck I should just sell some of my Pokemon cards, if no one stakes that is what I will have to do - lostaccount 

RiKD    United States. Aug 28 2022 04:01. Posts 8445

((( G H ooo S T W ooo R L D )))


RiKD    United States. Aug 28 2022 04:06. Posts 8445

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Halloween in coming...

So, is goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood music:


RiKD    United States. Aug 28 2022 04:12. Posts 8445

séance


RiKD    United States. Aug 28 2022 04:13. Posts 8445

Can you feel the ghosts coming in to share their spirit???


RiKD    United States. Aug 28 2022 05:35. Posts 8445

They are strengthening me. The ghosts.

I have so many spinning plates in the air right now it's not even funny. Hard to relax. Especially, when work has me going at frantic paces or confronts me with people I don't want to confront. Absolute animals some of these so called humans are. The only thing that can save me seemingly are the guitar and the ghosts. I don't want to write too much here and now but I can't sleep. The terrors! THE TERRORS! They might be waiting for me outside or in sleep. I had a jolly good dream last night about basketball. I'll take those any day. Not the nightmare of me at work sorting clothes. It's not quite a nightmare but a re-occurring dream of annoying-ness.

We are the dollars and scents, We are the pounds and pence, We're going to CRACK your little soul! (Radiohead)

That's all I really want in life. A little soul. Some spirit to keep me human. Keep me alive. Anti-dead set eyes behind a mask of learned smiles. I refuse to be an actor. Get it together Sartre. Sisyphus was not always happy. Get it together Camus.

I am a bird that wishes to sing outside of this gilded cage. Or, am I too afraid to leave?


Loco   Canada. Aug 28 2022 06:01. Posts 20963

I'll never understand how someone who had a wife, amazing friends, fans and talent could write something so devastatingly sad and lonesome as Ghost Tropic

fuck I should just sell some of my Pokemon cards, if no one stakes that is what I will have to do - lostaccount 

RiKD    United States. Aug 29 2022 03:13. Posts 8445

It is a mystery. The art is magical. There is still magic and mystery in the world.


RiKD    United States. Aug 29 2022 04:22. Posts 8445

There is still magic and mystery in this world. Not much but it exists.

Except in my world things continue to pile up. There is not enough time in the day. "This too shall pass" and yeah, it probably will but it could also just be adult human life. This is what burnout and depression look like and it feels like I am in a stage of numbness to it all. I let myself get carried away as this performance machine or else I don't have a job. I can't "quiet quit" because I am looking for a promotion. So, I go from one thing to the next thing more or less numb. The only thing that let's me feel something is food and music. The numbness comes from a shell I build around me to protect me from the challenges of daily life. It's too real to fully face the fact that I sort clothes for 8 hours a day and that I can't even escape that from entering my dreams at night. From one appointment to the next to seemingly keep me going but in turn to branch out and give me even more shit to do...

Ok. I've got to stop complaining.

On the bright side, I have the guitar. I am practicing new strumming patterns which can get kind of old. It's why my teacher said to shit and get out but it doesn't feel like I am practicing that much this week.

We'll go with this for song of the night:



Yeah.


RiKD    United States. Aug 29 2022 22:18. Posts 8445

This is a pretty good start...


Loco   Canada. Aug 30 2022 01:33. Posts 20963

Don't remember if I ever mentioned this but when I saw her live for this album she had a bad cold and pushed through while on cold medicine and shit - she had to take a break at some point because of coughing but she resumed and even did an encore - a true warrior

fuck I should just sell some of my Pokemon cards, if no one stakes that is what I will have to do - lostaccountLast edit: 30/08/2022 01:34

RiKD    United States. Aug 30 2022 03:57. Posts 8445

Legend.

I am taking a page out of your book and finally putting together a vacation. I don't think you experience burnout or depression to the degree that I do but it is time. It will give me something to look forward to and maybe I get to experience some rest from work rather than for work (1 week isn't really enough to escape for work territory but it will still be nice). I plan on hiking a shit ton and chilling with my siblings who I rarely get to see anymore.

- - -

I will do 2 songs for tonight:





It's a bit silly to ask what made me choose these 2 songs but there is an answer but that answer is probably not guessable.

Anyways, these aren't really diggin' in the crates territory but perhaps miss-able for someone. No one reads this blog anymore anyways I'm just trying to cope with a difficult portion of my life.

One more:



ok I am on a roll





Heavy before I knew what heavy was (ahhhh, brings back memories):











ok, ok, ok, ok,

Here it is...

Song of the night:



RiKD    United States. Aug 31 2022 04:34. Posts 8445

Song of the night:



I don't have much to say. I struggle through a day of work so I can get to music and food. Do my best to pick reasonable meal choices and not to overeat. Buy hiking stuff for when the temp. lowers here and when I go on vacation. I realized I'd rather visit national parks than work. Maybe I can figure something out. I will still have to work at some point.


RiKD    United States. Sep 01 2022 05:12. Posts 8445







Song of the night:


RiKD    United States. Sep 01 2022 20:39. Posts 8445

I have some time to sit and think.

I have decided that I will mostly be wearing "hiking stuff" for wardrobe going into the future. Not that I am throwing away all my other clothes. Just that I am looking to hike a lot this Fall/Winter and I can wear the clothes just everyday casual style.

I have been in a rut jumping around everywhere like some fucking squirrel. I don't know what I am going for. A promotion at work? A promotion somewhere else? Fuck promotions let's live?

Food and music is my reprieve. Sleep is my escape. Yet, I am trying to lose weight and I have sleep paralysis, sleep apnea, and I dream about my damn job all the time. There is no escape... Death but I am unsure about it being the finale and of course I am afraid of death. Music is my only solace.

Connections with people is a must but I forgo that simple fact of life. I'm a bit of a loner. People ask why don't you just come out with us?

I don't know. Most of the time by myself seems fine. With people things get complicated. I use LP to reach out to people but that is a bit of a fool's errand. The communication isn't quite real. DIGITAL COMMUNICATION. There is no gaze, sound, facial expression, intonation. No touch. DIGITAL COMMUNICATION is lacking in a number of ways. I suppose it can get someone by but it is not the real thing. Fuck, I want to get away from screens but I've already played the guitar for 2 hours today and it's raining outside.

Oh well, I'll figure out something else to do.


CurbStomp2   Finland. Sep 02 2022 13:38. Posts 261

The only way I can imagine death not being the finale is the simulation theory on a loop. All these spiritual theories are so retarded that I have hard time believing you take them seriously.


RiKD    United States. Sep 03 2022 04:16. Posts 8445

I do not take religious theories regarding death and the after life seriously but how can I know if death is annihilation or something else? I am not talking judgement and heaven or hell or reincarnation... what else is there?

I like using spirit and soul metaphorically but most of that could just be attributed to how the brain fires and consciousness and genetics and environment. It's like trying to explain how/why someone dances.


PuertoRican   United States. Sep 03 2022 04:59. Posts 13030




You should check out Lynyrd Skynyrd. They have a bunch of good songs.

Rekrul is a newb 

RiKD    United States. Sep 03 2022 06:21. Posts 8445

Lynyrd Skynyrd is ok.

This is the way I am feeling tonight which perhaps is worrisome. I am on early Radiohead bender and practicing 2 of their songs High and Dry and Creep on guitar and vocals. I wailed away for an hour over and over again and the song I find to listen to is more hopeless wailing away. I actually feel content for a second before tomorrow where I face The Store with Labor Day Sales bringing the bombarding masses, whirling dervishes of Chaos. I know that Radiohead and my guitar and my voice will likely still be here tomorrow to comfort me. It is the only thing I have.


RiKD    United States. Sep 04 2022 05:02. Posts 8445

There is no song tonight. I think I might be over the wailings of Thom Yorke for now. Back to Chelsea Wolfe but I never left. One more damn day at the office before I get a day off. No tellin'.


RiKD    United States. Sep 05 2022 04:30. Posts 8445

I wish eudaimonia to all people. A flourishing. The good life. I was there playing music tonight. A Rausch. A transcendence. I am hitting the notes. I am hitting the notes. This is my identity because I don't know what else my identity would be? This is what makes me feel. This is what makes me feel alive. I know that the Devil will always have the last laugh and I am doomed which is what makes the music beautiful. I must wail because if I do not wail I will be face to face with the void. It's a struggle if I am not wailin'. It's a struggle if I overdo the wailin'. It's like how do you get high with out overcooking the secret sauce? A nice flush. A nice intoxication. That is what I am looking for. The comedown is real. I don't ever want to comedown. Bring the paints. Bring the mania.... no. Not That....


NewbSaibot   United States. Sep 05 2022 10:01. Posts 4943

I'm about to take another shot, maybe I can add some much needed drama

bye now 

lostaccount   Canada. Sep 05 2022 19:10. Posts 5739

nuclear launch detected i wonder who is gonna get ban next

-_-;; 

lostaccount   Canada. Sep 05 2022 19:12. Posts 5739


Poll: unban hiems?
(Vote): yes
(Vote): no
(Vote): dont care
(Vote): oui

-_-;; 

RiKD    United States. Sep 06 2022 02:22. Posts 8445

It's funny. If I opened up a new blog maybe some people would think it may have something new and exciting or maybe it's at least worth a click. I'm glad LP at least doesn't have some "like" feature. I was thinking the other day I am boycotting the "like" and in reality I already have for a long time.

I spent over an hour today in deep National Forest. I wish I could spend about an hour in deep forest every day.


RiKD    United States. Sep 06 2022 03:10. Posts 8445

LP is a bore. I am a bore. You are a bore.

I am not ready to go into that good night yet. Pretty pathetic way of raging against it though. One day I will die. It is getting closer and closer. I am already seeing effects of older age. Death is getting closer and closer.

Here is a question for you. Where do you stand on algorithms?

Let's keep it simple and use Spotify as example. I think I can rage against the "if you like this you might like this" crowd. I remember my buddy would come into school with a cassette and be like "yo, you need to listen to this." Or, for my birthday he would just get me a ton of cassettes. He let me borrow the first 10 issues of Spawn comics without hesitation. That dude was a really cool dude. I don't think we see this as much anymore. We sit behind screens enamored with algorithms. "If you like this you might REALLY like this." *Notification notificationnotificationnotification NOTIFICATION NOTIFICATION NOTIFICATION*

It feels like I have discovered some great music on Spotify that I otherwise might not have discovered but that is just a feeling. In reality, the way I have found most of the music I like was because of a friend or looking into who my favorite artists like or who influenced them. I kind of want to go back to having stuff. I still have pages and pages of cds. I miss going down to the record store. The minimalist says that is accumulating STUFF but I like that STUFF. Spotify is incredibly easy to use though. That UX and UI though bro!

We are all doomed. Most likely on a faster timeline than many would like to admit. I already played an hour of guitar and singing today. It's why I come on here. I have housemates and neighbors. I don't think they would want me primal screaming at midnight. It feels like sometimes I am numb to it all and others I am a bull in captivity. I don't know how to get ahead of it all. Life. Being an adult. I don't know if anyone does. Some seem better at it than others but I guess it is unlikely to ever share someone's consciousness so no one knows. That's why it is wise to come together and share the burden. I am drastically grabbing at music straws in hopes that one will heal my woes. I am a frustrated and mundane composer. I am an artist without a studio. I need help.

 Last edit: 06/09/2022 03:37

CurbStomp2   Finland. Sep 06 2022 06:24. Posts 261

I miss going to store to browse DVDs on sale and shit. My dad still buys CDs and is not into streaming music at all. I hate that Youtube makes these retarded playlists that are a mix of gangsta rap and metal.

Also, you are not even forty.


RiKD    United States. Sep 07 2022 03:40. Posts 8445

40 is still approaching older age. The doctor wants me to get a bone density scan. Which I no call, no showed for the appointment because they wouldn't tell me how much it would cost. Still a shitty move by me but I called the wrong number to cancel. I have too much going on in my life. Every problem seems to branch out. This is adult life.


RiKD    United States. Sep 07 2022 04:18. Posts 8445

On the other hand, I love the guitar. I love to sing. I think my brother is gifting me his Epiphone SG but maybe we have to work something out. He said he would give it to Goodwill if I don't want it but he could probably sell it for a decent clip so I don't want to steal it from him. Music is becoming my full identity + my work identity I suppose but I don't do anything other than music and work. It's probably not healthy. But, I got a tip from Thom Yorke. If the music isn't working you haven't found the right music or the right music hasn't found you.

Artist of the night: DJ Koze

Definitely look him up.

I would say I like my DJs how I like my philosophers: German but I'll be spending quite some time with a maestro of the pen Mr. Marcel Proust.

I've had my hour or so of guitar playing and singing. I think it's time I get back to some Proust. I think that the idea of the lacked in Sartre's work for me in regards to posting on LP would be 0. The existing time spent on this site is far too much greater than the lacked of 0 time on this website. I just wanted to give a shout out to Sartre as Being and Nothingness was the first very long and difficult philosophical text I got through and while I don't respect his thought as much as quite a few other philosophers he is a legend in his own right. Not even for being this great philosopher which is debatable but for being Sartre. This is kind of how I feel about a lot of French philosophers. I think the Germans are just a cut above. Foucault was Foucault. Derrida was Derrida. They were these characters of philosophy perhaps more than powerful great thinkers. Although, I do love Baudrillard. Just calling it as I see it.

 Last edit: 07/09/2022 16:02

lostaccount   Canada. Sep 07 2022 04:31. Posts 5739

-_-;;Last edit: 12/09/2022 05:40

RiKD    United States. Sep 07 2022 04:49. Posts 8445

Immerse your soul with love,

It may be our only hope.

The devil still gets the last laugh, always,

or maybe he doesn't.


lostaccount   Canada. Sep 07 2022 06:25. Posts 5739

he doesnt

-_-;; 

RiKD    United States. Sep 07 2022 16:23. Posts 8445

The Existing + The Lacking = The Lacked

So, in this case:

10 hrs on LP + (- 10 hrs on LP) = 0 hrs on LP

Another case would be:

Let's say my girlfriend would like me to have a thick 8 inch dick:

Normal size penis + x penis volume = thick 8 inch dick

It is possible that I can achieve the first example but unless surgeries get much better I cannot achieve the second. Pretty clear cases.

Another notorious case for me was setting Brad Pitt in Troy or male supermodels as the lacked. It feels like I could get there but the lacking genetics, my body or my face are not going to morph. I can get close but maybe my abs look different or any body part is going to look a bit different. I think it is fucked up to set an ideal that cannot really be achieved. But, maybe, it is still a good exercise to be honest about the existing, the lacking, and the lacked.


RiKD    United States. Sep 08 2022 01:52. Posts 8445

I tuned my electric today to Drop D and kicked some major ass. It feels powerful. It feels good man. This Rausch has got me feeling so aroused. Got me feelin' so arausched.

I cut off all my beard hairs today. I was just no longer feelin' it. I am thinking about letting it grow a little bit and keeping it at about a guard #2. Simplify.

New Energy. Who is feelin' it?

New Season. Who is feelin' it?

I got some new hiking boots today. I plan on hiking every day in Wyoming. There seems to be some debate in hiking circles these days if a hiking boot is even needed? It appears the hiking shoe is the new thing. I never minded a little bit extra weight in return for a bit more ankle support. My "boots" almost fit like basketball shoes rather than what one would think of a boot. New hiking aesthetic. I am going to have total crossover in what I wear to work, what I hike in, and what I wear in social situations.


lostaccount   Canada. Sep 09 2022 02:40. Posts 5739

-_-;;Last edit: 12/09/2022 05:40

RiKD    United States. Sep 09 2022 05:10. Posts 8445

It will still be a bore which is a little different than just boring. Your content is typically questionable at best. Mine too but I acknowledge that I am a crazy person yelling into a well as Loco said ages ago. Yelling into a well can be cathartic if nothing else. It is a personal diary except surely modified somewhat as there is at least some audience. It would be best if I just kept an actual journal and got on with my life except I would miss some interaction on here and I have had a hard time getting on with my life.

Most of my good friends are already married but today I realized that there is no one in this town who would invite me to a wedding. Some of my good friends put up with my isolation but I think that is mostly because they are AA friends and that is their way. I just realized the past month I have been totally isolated beyond work and spending time with my parents. I don't think it is cool to be a loner. I don't think I am some Sigma male. It's just the way things happened to go.

Today was a bleh day. It went by fast. I'm not sure what happened to it. Mundane day of work. Sneaky busy. I thought I was going to get a remarkable deal on a suit but they did not have my size. I couldn't even button a 46 L. And, this is after losing 20 lbs. Sad. Seriously, I mean that is really sad. My mind wanting to self-destruct. Masturbation in search of relief. Found some then lost it although I lacked any gumption on the guitar. I was playing it like a joyless pissant. Yesterday, I must have played for an inspired 2 hours or more. I suppose I just did not have anything left. It is a pretty interesting lick and plenty of opportunity to solo too.

I shaved off my beard. Maybe the beard held some sort of spirit or power. My plan is to let it grow a bit but keep it shorter.

My friend got me onto John Lee Hooker. I think it saved me today.



That is the song of the day.


RiKD    United States. Sep 09 2022 05:46. Posts 8445

Fuck. I have to share this one more because it's just too good.


lostaccount   Canada. Sep 09 2022 12:17. Posts 5739

u

-_-;;Last edit: 09/09/2022 19:18

lostaccount   Canada. Sep 09 2022 12:32. Posts 5739

-_-;;Last edit: 12/09/2022 05:40

RiKD    United States. Sep 10 2022 03:32. Posts 8445

I don't think LP cares much about a back and forth between you and i. Nothing is going to save it. If I self-destruct there may be a blip. I think a lot of LP secretly wants me to self-destruct.

Song of the night:



I am just attempting to spread love or truth...

Difficult to do these days.

Another good track from Balam Acab:



Work is grinding me down. We have some insane deals. I bought a pair of pants that were originally $995 for $15. I'm not the only one buying. It's crazy in there.

Here is one. Diggin' in the crates a little bit. Chrono Trigger fans may enjoy it. Cool Party - Groundislava:



I'm tired. Bye.


lostaccount   Canada. Sep 10 2022 04:23. Posts 5739

-_-;;Last edit: 12/09/2022 05:41

lostaccount   Canada. Sep 10 2022 04:38. Posts 5739

-_-;;Last edit: 12/09/2022 05:40

lostaccount   Canada. Sep 10 2022 04:39. Posts 5739

-_-;;Last edit: 12/09/2022 05:39

lostaccount   Canada. Sep 10 2022 04:50. Posts 5739

-_-;;Last edit: 12/09/2022 05:39

Loco   Canada. Sep 10 2022 10:51. Posts 20963

fuck I should just sell some of my Pokemon cards, if no one stakes that is what I will have to do - lostaccount 

lostaccount   Canada. Sep 10 2022 20:25. Posts 5739

-_-;;Last edit: 12/09/2022 05:39

lostaccount   Canada. Sep 10 2022 20:29. Posts 5739

And loco u didn’t answer my question why u dodging it

-_-;; 

lostaccount   Canada. Sep 10 2022 21:36. Posts 5739

-_-;;Last edit: 11/09/2022 01:48

lostaccount   Canada. Sep 10 2022 21:39. Posts 5739

-_-;;Last edit: 12/09/2022 05:37

Loco   Canada. Sep 10 2022 23:43. Posts 20963

fuck I should just sell some of my Pokemon cards, if no one stakes that is what I will have to do - lostaccount 

RiKD    United States. Sep 11 2022 04:01. Posts 8445


  On September 10 2022 09:51 Loco wrote:



This is great so I am bumping it to the 4th page.


RiKD    United States. Sep 11 2022 05:22. Posts 8445

I've been spending so much time with my guitar I think I am burning out a little bit and craving new stuff. As much as I love Spun by Chelsea Wolfe the lick isn't so difficult and it is repetitive. I can only solo it so much before I get tired of it. Both of my guitars are back to standard tuning and the Radiohead was fun to go back to but only for a little while. I don't know what I am going to play tomorrow. I almost considered getting Abelton again on my computer but I am not Squarepusher or Aphex-Twin.










lostaccount   Canada. Sep 11 2022 11:55. Posts 5739

-_-;;Last edit: 12/09/2022 05:38

lostaccount   Canada. Sep 11 2022 11:57. Posts 5739

?

-_-;;Last edit: 12/09/2022 05:38

lostaccount   Canada. Sep 11 2022 12:09. Posts 5739

-_-;;Last edit: 12/09/2022 05:37

RiKD    United States. Sep 12 2022 02:42. Posts 8445


  On September 11 2022 10:55 lostaccount wrote:
Show nested quote +



Why is it great?



It's a great meme. You don't find the humor in it?


RiKD    United States. Sep 12 2022 02:47. Posts 8445


  On September 11 2022 10:57 lostaccount wrote:
Show nested quote +



This is great, loco maybe u should get a btc wallet first before using btc images. if its great why doesnt loco use it rikd?


Whether or not Loco uses BTC as nothing to do with the humor in the meme. Furthermore, he has stated on here that he likes ETH. He is not clueless on the subject. In fact, there is probably a good chance he is more informed than you. If you can't laugh at that meme you are taking yourself too seriously. In fact, there is probably a lot of introspection that could be taking place. Firstly, why do you keep posting this archangel crap in my blog?


RiKD    United States. Sep 12 2022 04:10. Posts 8445

Why do we do the things we do?


RiKD    United States. Sep 12 2022 04:21. Posts 8445

comfort, libido, self-absorption, convenience -- we humans are a complicated lot


lostaccount   Canada. Sep 12 2022 05:28. Posts 5739

Lol loco is that a meme?

-_-;; 

lostaccount   Canada. Sep 12 2022 05:28. Posts 5739

R u being facetious?

-_-;; 

lostaccount   Canada. Sep 12 2022 05:29. Posts 5739

Lol rikd… rasputin like hiems says

-_-;; 

lostaccount   Canada. Sep 12 2022 05:31. Posts 5739


  On September 09 2022 04:10 RiKD wrote:
It will still be a bore which is a little different than just boring. Your content is typically questionable at best. Mine too but I acknowledge that I am a crazy person yelling into a well as Loco said ages ago. Yelling into a well can be cathartic if nothing else. It is a personal diary except surely modified somewhat as there is at least some audience. It would be best if I just kept an actual journal and got on with my life except I would miss some interaction on here and I have had a hard time getting on with my life.

Most of my good friends are already married but today I realized that there is no one in this town who would invite me to a wedding. Some of my good friends put up with my isolation but I think that is mostly because they are AA friends and that is their way. I just realized the past month I have been totally isolated beyond work and spending time with my parents. I don't think it is cool to be a loner. I don't think I am some Sigma male. It's just the way things happened to go.

Today was a bleh day. It went by fast. I'm not sure what happened to it. Mundane day of work. Sneaky busy. I thought I was going to get a remarkable deal on a suit but they did not have my size. I couldn't even button a 46 L. And, this is after losing 20 lbs. Sad. Seriously, I mean that is really sad. My mind wanting to self-destruct. Masturbation in search of relief. Found some then lost it although I lacked any gumption on the guitar. I was playing it like a joyless pissant. Yesterday, I must have played for an inspired 2 hours or more. I suppose I just did not have anything left. It is a pretty interesting lick and plenty of opportunity to solo too.

I shaved off my beard. Maybe the beard held some sort of spirit or power. My plan is to let it grow a bit but keep it shorter.

My friend got me onto John Lee Hooker. I think it saved me today.



That is the song of the day.




Maybe u shouldn’t be so sad…

-_-;; 

lostaccount   Canada. Sep 12 2022 05:33. Posts 5739

W/e rikd, u do u I’m gonna stop posting in ur blog cuz im wasting my time.

-_-;; 

lostaccount   Canada. Sep 12 2022 05:35. Posts 5739

U defending loco I know which side u on now

-_-;; 

Loco   Canada. Sep 12 2022 06:47. Posts 20963

fuck I should just sell some of my Pokemon cards, if no one stakes that is what I will have to do - lostaccountLast edit: 12/09/2022 08:46

RiKD    United States. Sep 13 2022 02:28. Posts 8445

lol now it is truly a Major Ghost Town, Earth. I still keep a home and have access to water and a meagre garden. Oh, and of course a well to yell into.

I had a day off today and got some stuff done. Not sure though if I have any less amount of spinning plates. At least I made strides to get a little more order in my life. Even if it was mostly just paying bills on time.

I played quite a bit of guitar. I'm already through with the lesson. Spun by Chelsea Wolfe is kind of like fast food to me. That lick is great but repetitive. Pretty easily learned instantly with some nuance in making sure it rings properly. Then there is the solo'ing aspect to it which is fun but come on let's move on already. I learned some IDLES licks and it is kind of the same. I crave MORE MORE MORE but only see my teacher once a week and don't / won't / will not figure out songs on my own entirely. Then there is a part of me that wants to rebel from the guitar and get into electronic music. Except for I am not the best with DAWs. It takes a lot of patience to learn and re-learn all this stuff so I have just been focusing on scales and chord progressions on the guitar. At least if I make my fundamentals better I will be getting better and then just sort of play any song I know on a whim.

Song of the day:



You know what I am a little sick of?

I'm just burnt out on Eric Clapton, Jimmy Page, Jimmy Hendricks, etc. Like we have to be them to be worth a shit with a guitar. Like their voices are the end all be all only way. Fuck that. Fuck that for Rock n' Roll and fuck that for music in general.


PuertoRican   United States. Sep 15 2022 05:06. Posts 13030


  On September 07 2022 02:40 RiKD wrote:
40 is still approaching older age. The doctor wants me to get a bone density scan. Which I no call, no showed for the appointment because they wouldn't tell me how much it would cost. Still a shitty move by me but I called the wrong number to cancel. I have too much going on in my life. Every problem seems to branch out. This is adult life.


I turned 40 in August of this year.

I still look and feel young, but I am starting to get a few gray hairs, which sucks.

Rekrul is a newb 

RiKD    United States. Sep 15 2022 05:31. Posts 8445

It seems like PuertoRican and my self will be here 'til the bitter end.

I am really craving something more.

A life.

It goes deeper than that.

What I really want is a deeper profound spiritual experience and/or psychic change. This is the most difficult thing in the world. For me, it happens more gradually with jumps and dips and everything in between.

A friend suggested I check out some of the philosophy and spirituality from Persia so I am reading Haraz. We'll see how that goes.


RiKD    United States. Sep 16 2022 00:54. Posts 8445

You know it's funny. I post these "song of the day" things and all this music like I am the illest DJ. Or, just the fact that I post about my life. It's no different to lostaccount posting his archangel crap. I'd like to think it's a bit different. Honestly, it probably is a bit different. I posted a lot of great music. Although in the greater scheme of things it blurs and it's funny to me.

PuertoRican and myself might be lifers. To the bitter end!

The sad thing is I so wish I had a life but I am not willing to put in the effort. Work has been a struggle. It's almost as if a smooth sailing day is impossible. But, here I go again about myself... At the end of the day I'll be ok. Is that all that matters?


RiKD    United States. Sep 17 2022 03:46. Posts 8445

I have a feeling of loneliness. A feeling of wanting to be somewhere else. A feeling of wanting to be someone else. Nothing drastic happened it's just where I find myself.

My guitar teacher gave me a tip today and it might be working. Practice tedious things with an action movie going on in the background. I had the Matrix going on in the background and just a guitar lying around. It's kind of nice to just hit some scales and practice striking the notes with a movie going in the background. Then if a good part comes on I can watch it and then mindless action I can play some guitar. It combats overthinking or over-focusing and I can get more reps in.


Stroggoz   New Zealand. Sep 18 2022 01:59. Posts 5291


  On September 06 2022 02:10 RiKD wrote:
LP is a bore. I am a bore. You are a bore.

I am not ready to go into that good night yet. Pretty pathetic way of raging against it though. One day I will die. It is getting closer and closer. I am already seeing effects of older age. Death is getting closer and closer.

Here is a question for you. Where do you stand on algorithms?

Let's keep it simple and use Spotify as example. I think I can rage against the "if you like this you might like this" crowd. I remember my buddy would come into school with a cassette and be like "yo, you need to listen to this." Or, for my birthday he would just get me a ton of cassettes. He let me borrow the first 10 issues of Spawn comics without hesitation. That dude was a really cool dude. I don't think we see this as much anymore. We sit behind screens enamored with algorithms. "If you like this you might REALLY like this." *Notification notificationnotificationnotification NOTIFICATION NOTIFICATION NOTIFICATION*

It feels like I have discovered some great music on Spotify that I otherwise might not have discovered but that is just a feeling. In reality, the way I have found most of the music I like was because of a friend or looking into who my favorite artists like or who influenced them. I kind of want to go back to having stuff. I still have pages and pages of cds. I miss going down to the record store. The minimalist says that is accumulating STUFF but I like that STUFF. Spotify is incredibly easy to use though. That UX and UI though bro!

We are all doomed. Most likely on a faster timeline than many would like to admit. I already played an hour of guitar and singing today. It's why I come on here. I have housemates and neighbors. I don't think they would want me primal screaming at midnight. It feels like sometimes I am numb to it all and others I am a bull in captivity. I don't know how to get ahead of it all. Life. Being an adult. I don't know if anyone does. Some seem better at it than others but I guess it is unlikely to ever share someone's consciousness so no one knows. That's why it is wise to come together and share the burden. I am drastically grabbing at music straws in hopes that one will heal my woes. I am a frustrated and mundane composer. I am an artist without a studio. I need help.



You're talking about a very specific subset of algorithms used by monopolistic companies. Algorithms have been around for thousands of years and for the most part are great.

One of 3 non decent human beings on a site of 5 people with between 2-3 decent human beings 

Loco   Canada. Sep 20 2022 01:23. Posts 20963

If you feel lonely you can always invoke Archangel Michael.

fuck I should just sell some of my Pokemon cards, if no one stakes that is what I will have to do - lostaccount 

RiKD    United States. Sep 20 2022 01:57. Posts 8445

I stopped watching at 1:44. 44 is a sign from the angels that I am in the right place. Which angel is looking after me?


Loco   Canada. Sep 20 2022 04:08. Posts 20963

If you hear someone say "Michael" it means you have to pay special attention because whatever comes next is guidance for you. So if you were going to work for example and you hear something about Michael going back, or Michael leaving his job, you have to change paths or leave your job. I think that's what she's saying. Shame that lostaccount isn't here to enlighten us more about the ways of the Archangel Michael.

fuck I should just sell some of my Pokemon cards, if no one stakes that is what I will have to do - lostaccount 

RiKD    United States. Sep 20 2022 04:14. Posts 8445

I mean sure I'm lonely. I have not done a single social activity with people outside of my parents for a month or so now. I do get social interaction at work but that is different. I have my guitar. I have my action movies.

Matrix
Leon: The Professional
Akira

What else is there?

I've got J.S. Bach!
Nathan Fake
Burial

I've got typing. That is an activity that I enjoy doing. Especially, on this Shanzai blue switch key keyboard.

It is difficult sometimes as the day is winding down. I don't know what I want. I don't know what I want.


RiKD    United States. Sep 20 2022 04:36. Posts 8445

How was your vacation?


Loco   Canada. Sep 20 2022 05:17. Posts 20963

Social interactions usually just end up making you feel lonelier than if you hadn't seen people at all. I've done plenty of social activities lately and that's how I feel. Because at the end of the day you go back home and probably haven't built anything -- there's no stability or narrative thread to any of it, people come and people go with nothing to hold them together, and that just feels weird. The normies combat this emptiness and boredom by having families, because it's the only "refuge" in modern capitalist civilization. A sad state of affairs. Well, I guess there's also BJJ, boxing or CrossFit gyms, those sorts of things, but you have to be pretty passionate about those things to "join the family". Not to mention have enough spare cash (not an issue for me but it is for some)

I'm not sure how to resume my vacation since it involved a few different things, but overall good. I survived camping alone in the cold, rainy Laurentians, fighting off raccoons and skunks, and survived the Kublai Khan show, where someone stage dived directly on my face without me seeing it coming. So there's that. Thanks for asking. When I came back to work today no one asked and no one cared - lol work. At least my shift was 100% downtime and I finished The Expanse.

Last Friday I met Matt Honeycutt from Kublai Khan and bought some merch from him and took a pic. His new merch hoodie has a gambling/poker theme so we talked a bit about that, that was cool. He said he gambled but wasn't a good player or anything and I mentioned my past living off of poker. Also, I made a fangirl's day by introducing her to him and getting her a pic with him (she was too shy to ask). I ended up going to a bar with her after the show, but as usual, turns out to be a mess of a person, and I'm better off not getting involved. Just my luck.

fuck I should just sell some of my Pokemon cards, if no one stakes that is what I will have to do - lostaccountLast edit: 20/09/2022 05:32

Loco   Canada. Sep 20 2022 05:39. Posts 20963

Did you go hiking already?

fuck I should just sell some of my Pokemon cards, if no one stakes that is what I will have to do - lostaccount 

RiKD    United States. Sep 21 2022 03:40. Posts 8445

I recently went hiking in a national forest. It was sublime. Some trouble though too the paths hadn't been taken care of and the mosquitos were really bad this time of year. You have to watch out for poisonous snakes and alligators at ground level but there are also giant spiders above eye level. I walked right through a web but luckily the spider was scared of me and scurried off onto a tree. A portion of the path was almost completely wild and the pricker bushes were tough to get through. That is about 40 min. away and there is another place that is about 40 min. away and that is about it here.

I'll have more freedom to hike when I visit my family near Halloween and there is better hiking there.


RiKD    United States. Sep 21 2022 04:05. Posts 8445

For me, if I am being honest with myself, I don't know if I feel lonelier. Sometimes things are clicking and it feels nice. According to the AA cult the only requirement for membership is a desire not to drink. That's their words not mine. So, I qualify as a member but to achieve the "join the family" like status I have to ascribe to what they ascribe to. I am not actively working any steps. Nor do I have a sponsor. Nor do I have any sponsees. Nor do I give two shits about the Big Book of AA. Even though I am technically a member I will always be an outcast. So, at the end of the day, yes, I do feel lonelier. To AA, I am a dry drunk which is one of the worst insults one can throw around in those circles.


RiKD    United States. Sep 21 2022 04:48. Posts 8445

A co-worker told me a story of his friend Brendon today. He found a girl on Tinder and they went out and he gave her some free weed. She called him the next day super pissed in the ER that the cops said the weed was laced with LCD and Fentanyl and the Doctor said she barely made it. He was high off of the same weed and was like "uhhhhhhhh, wat?" and then she apologized and said it must have interacted with one of her medications and she's ok as if she hadn't just previously said what she said....

That is the state of dating these days. It's fucked up.

No way I am bringing a kid into this world in some hopes of "refuge" or something to do or "Love" or anything of the sort. I do agree that that is what people do though.

In the beginning of social situations it is hard to avoid chatter. I feel like with alcohol things move more smoothly from chatter to something a little more substantial. Kant always said alcohol brings sociability, talkativeness, and enthusiasm. Whereas I start with chatter and stay there for a little bit too long or refuse to chatter all together. The alternative of alcohol is off the table as well so I sit in my room and engage with music basically.


RiKD    United States. Sep 21 2022 05:03. Posts 8445

Song of the day:


Loco   Canada. Sep 21 2022 07:15. Posts 20963

In the moment it feels better with alcohol. But again, that is just the moment. It doesn't translate to anything "real", or persistent. It's just easier to get along temporarily, to be okay with chatter, to be okay with discussing with people who don't actually care about you. You forget your needs temporarily. Like, I will have a work party next weekend, and the only thing that will make me tolerate it is going to be the alcohol. Without it I could never stay there. I might even like some of the people after I've gotten a couple beers in me. But it's never going to lead to any real friendship, and that is the sad part. We will find ways to have fun and then we will go back to working from home and ignoring each other more or less.

fuck I should just sell some of my Pokemon cards, if no one stakes that is what I will have to do - lostaccountLast edit: 21/09/2022 08:05

RiKD    United States. Sep 22 2022 01:37. Posts 8445

I've been to bad ass concerts and read good books but I have never had to fight off racoons and skunks isolated in nature. What is that like?


Loco   Canada. Sep 22 2022 06:10. Posts 20963

Well, it's scary. I'm being a bit hyperbolic as I didn't physical touch them, but you don't want to be sprayed on by a skunk that gets spooked and have your vacation ruined, and you don't want raccoons to fuck with your food. They're not afraid of coming right up to you to take your shit, and a gang of them literally circled around me at night when I was cooking. If you're not constantly keeping an eye on your food they will take it from you and you're not going to catch them. Last year we kept our bag of toiletries and misc stuff right outside of the tent and I think my ex had left a bag of nuts in there and they came while we were in the tent right next to the bag and took the entire bag of stuff. I ran right after them but they went in some small bushes and outran me. Never found any of our belongings in the forest nearby.

fuck I should just sell some of my Pokemon cards, if no one stakes that is what I will have to do - lostaccountLast edit: 22/09/2022 06:13

RiKD    United States. Sep 23 2022 07:58. Posts 8445

Wow, that Loco guy really knows how to kill a room with his racoon stories.

Oh, yeah, it's only us in here.

I always thought racoons were kind of cute albeit mischievous. I never knew they were that mischievous or industrious.

Sorry, I had to post.

I had the craziest dream. It was a mix between a dream, sleep paralysis, nightmare, vivid dreaming, and lucid dreaming and it felt like an eternity. It felt like a trip. It ultimately felt like I had seen the Oracle and had a hero's journey. The moment I became Lucid I felt like Neo in the Matrix, Leon in The Professional, and Tetsuo Shima in Akira but for good. I kept on doing runs from the sleep paralysis point which was my bed. Most were very, very bad runs like in Limbo if you suck. I don't know how many runs I did. It felt like 1,000+. Finally, I was lucid and the runs became longer and positive. I ended up in a mobile, tiny home that I let guide me through a suburb. It felt safe. Then I woke up and felt like Sandra Bullock from Galaxy when she washes up on shore. I honestly cried that it appears I am back in base reality. I have to be aware that all of this is manic behavior for me. I don't feel all that manic but then again I am listening to Ades, and Ravel, and Shubert crying to how beautiful the music is. How great it is to not be trapped in a sleep paralysis prison as far as I know.


RiKD    United States. Sep 23 2022 08:47. Posts 8445

btw, anyone play Splatoon 3 for Switch?


RiKD    United States. Sep 24 2022 04:10. Posts 8445

I tell you what. I should probably leave composing music to the music composers. It is fun arranging songs in whatever DAW I am using whatever week but I am not very good at it. What I make is more like sound trips than actual songs. On the bright side, I am getting better at the guitar slowly but surely. Slowly but surely. I am thinking about learning the piano too. So, like if I am into the piano I focus on that more and if I am into the guitar I focus on that more. I have plenty of time to practice both. I like the drums too and the bass and singing but that is unreasonable at this stage to get private lessons in all of these things.

Tomorrow is going to be a difficult one. Big sale on a Saturday. Ouch. I don't know how to not worry about it. I do take stress home from work. It feels nice to have breakthroughs on the guitar. Transcendence. I listen to Burial and Four Tet and Aphex-Twin and I'd love to make music like that but I feel inept. Burial made Archangel in 20 min. That is mastery. It's like how does one get better at digital music. I could get better at the piano. Otherwise it's kind of just learning how to use the damn DAW and arranging the right sounds.

I am still feeling like some gaming would help ease the stress and worries of my life. I'd have to upgrade my computer which I am willing to do. Or, just keep the gaming on the Switch but I miss mouse + keyboard action.

Hmmmmmmm


vurna   . Oct 27 2022 19:49. Posts 124

--- Nuked ---


 



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