Stuff

League of Legends was buggy as fuck. I tried to reduce graphics or whatever but it wouldn't let me click on that stuff in game. I had to "A(ttack)" left click to kill anything. My right click did nothing. I could barely move around. WTF mate ^^;;

Computer clearly isn't good enough to run it.

I have no idea what the fuck games that leaves me with.

Damn, these headphones are ridiculous though.

Songs To Test Headphones With playlist on Spotify is killin' it!

This Death Adder is sick as fuck too and the blue switch mechanical keyboard went with knock off Chinese so I got the Shanzhai Oneitsu keys instead of the German engineering originals. Not sure how much of a difference it makes but typing you can just feel the cleanness with hitting the sweet spot.

Listening to Burial, Aphex Twin, NIN, Bjork, Jamie XX, et al. I am getting motivated to go back to making music digitally tomorrow lol.

But, this keyboard and mouse are motivating me to find a game to play.

What a battle.

Although in some ways it is also de-motivating in the fact that I will never make music like any of the above. T.T

I'll never play BW like Flash either. T.T

I tell you what: Grimes Visions is a great album. I don't care what anyone says. It's hard to look at the album without looking at what exactly she has become today but hell, I liked Miss Anthropocene too.

trentemoller is one I haven't heard in a while. Vamp is a great song.

SUN RA

Door of the Cosmos

Being a "gamer" is a dumb thing imo unless you meet ppl from it or somehow turn it into revenue.

Playing games as a distraction/entertainment is definitely fine and something u probably need but don't use it as a crutch to hide from facing the issues in your life.

I guess same goes for guitar.

I find it interesting that I quit guitar while u r pursuing it.

On April 07 2022 17:34 hiems wrote: Being a "gamer" is a dumb thing imo unless you meet ppl from it or somehow turn it into revenue. Playing games as a distraction/entertainment is definitely fine and something u probably need but don't use it as a crutch to hide from facing the issues in your life. I guess same goes for guitar.

I have no notions of playing professionally in anything at this point. Straight gamer was never my strong suit. I had a far shot to win my regional WCG qualifier in W3:TFT and I put my heart and soul into that and still sucked. At this point it is for transcendence. I'd rather play a good game than zombie mode watch a bad tv show. I have no expectations of meeting people through gaming lol. I actually met some cool people through W3:TFT so maybe that isn't laughable and I met some amazing people through poker. I wouldn't have found poker and had an advantage if it weren't for gaming. But, poker was certainly an outlier event.

Of course, I am going to use gaming to hide from facing the issues in my l life

Same with the guitar. Guitar > gaming though imo. Music is good for the soul. Gaming is just ludic freedom within the constraints of a game which is also worthwhile. I'm not picking up any women because I am not terrible at League of Legends where as if I can play a handful of songs at a bonfire that is like the pinnacle of life. I'm not playing video games or playing the guitar to pick up women though. They bring me freedom in my life where I don't get much freedom honestly. I am stuck in a job 40 hours a week and then the job doesn't even pay enough to allow me to mix it up a bit in my free time. Guitar and gaming are too things which bring a lot of bang for the buck.

On April 07 2022 17:36 hiems wrote: I find it interesting that I quit guitar while u r pursuing it.

I don't find it that interesting. It sounds like you fell out of love with it and moving forward through a potential plateau. I am still happy to plod along and get a little bit better each week.

LOL the joke is on me.

I can barely play any games on this laptop.

League of Legends was so weird. My mouse works perfectly fine but I loaded LoL up and I can barely move and the right click isn't working. I had to "a" + left click to attack enemies. But, I can play Doom 3... a game I beat in like 2006? 2005?

A+ left click is how all the good players play that shit game as far as I know. I'm pretty sure you can pirate all of those music softwares too. QBittorrent has its own search engine once python is installed.

You seem to be a bit manic here. I was just swinging by to say I met a beautiful girl recently who is a talented musician and we hit it off well, only for me to find out she's bipolar (I am assuming - she mentioned having made some stuff while manic, and there aren't that many conditions where mania is involved). I was like "fuck" but she claimed to have made a lot of progress with meditation and spirituality and I gave her a chance. She ended up admitting she doesn't medicate and talked about her "spirit energy" being this and that and positive drug experiences and I knew she was trouble there. I questioned her spirit belief in the most inoffensive/unconfrontational way and she ghosted me. What a world. So anyway, I wanted to say: you're lucky you're not delusional when you're not manic. Apparently a lot of bipolar sufferers are. I read some stories of people in support groups enabling their delusions and if you question them thinking they are psychics and shit they kick you out.

On April 08 2022 16:32 Loco wrote: A+ left click is how all the good players play that shit game as far as I know. I'm pretty sure you can pirate all of those music softwares too. QBittorrent has its own search engine once python is installed. You seem to be a bit manic here. I was just swinging by to say I met a beautiful girl recently who is a talented musician and we hit it off well, only for me to find out she's bipolar (I am assuming - she mentioned having made some stuff while manic, and there aren't that many conditions where mania is involved). I was like "fuck" but she claimed to have made a lot of progress with meditation and spirituality and I gave her a chance. She ended up admitting she doesn't medicate and talked about her "spirit energy" being this and that and positive drug experiences and I knew she was trouble there. I questioned her spirit belief in the most inoffensive/unconfrontational way and she ghosted me. What a world. So anyway, I wanted to say: you're lucky you're not delusional when you're not manic. Apparently a lot of bipolar sufferers are. I read some stories of people in support groups enabling their delusions and if you question them thinking they are psychics and shit they kick you out.

Lol..

On April 08 2022 16:32 Loco wrote: A+ left click is how all the good players play that shit game as far as I know. I'm pretty sure you can pirate all of those music softwares too. QBittorrent has its own search engine once python is installed. You seem to be a bit manic here. I was just swinging by to say I met a beautiful girl recently who is a talented musician and we hit it off well, only for me to find out she's bipolar (I am assuming - she mentioned having made some stuff while manic, and there aren't that many conditions where mania is involved). I was like "fuck" but she claimed to have made a lot of progress with meditation and spirituality and I gave her a chance. She ended up admitting she doesn't medicate and talked about her "spirit energy" being this and that and positive drug experiences and I knew she was trouble there. I questioned her spirit belief in the most inoffensive/unconfrontational way and she ghosted me. What a world. So anyway, I wanted to say: you're lucky you're not delusional when you're not manic. Apparently a lot of bipolar sufferers are. I read some stories of people in support groups enabling their delusions and if you question them thinking they are psychics and shit they kick you out.

"A" + left click is clearly superior but my point was the tutorial was telling me to right click and I couldn't. I also couldn't click on any option on the option menu (I was going to turn graphics down). My fps was like 30 and worse in battle.

Considering you are a pro game tester I would like to hear your suggestion.

I have a Lenovo ThinkPad T440P 14'' Laptop, Core i5-4300M 2.6 GHz, 8 GB Ram, 240 GB SSD, Windows 10 Pro 64-bit.

What game(s) should I try?

Also, it could be mania or just how thrilled I was with my new headphones. I think it would be difficult for me to be psychotic at this point since I am on a standard dose of Vraylar AND they added a standard dose of Seroquel as things were getting dicey about two months ago but Lithium is typically the weak spot for me so mania is possible.

Cocaine and meth can produce manias with out Bipolar 1 but it's probably not a good thing if she is using those drugs either. Some times it is hard not to be delusional with some of the stuff I've gone through. You are right though, I am lucky that that doesn't effect me too bad. When I am "normal" I just kind of snap back to realty almost as if my mania / psychosis was a dream. They are not dreams is what makes it tricky but I am a rational person who was raised in a rational family. It's easy to think that I haver super powers or that I am living in a dream / simulation anyways because in a way when I am manic there is some truth to this. Meaning not having to sleep and having endless energy and synesthesia and extra sensitivity to senses, etc. is kind of a super power and I have no way of knowing that I am not in a dream / simulation but the "super powers" aren't worth it in the long run and I definitely don't have them when I am "normal." Sometimes when I am "normal" certain things seem scripted but I reason it out to not obsess about it and just go on with my day. If I turn it into white hat hackers and black hat hackers are controlling my brain in an epic behind the scenes Cold War or that a hallucination in a cop cars lights is actually fairy Grimes who is actually one of my guardian angels and who communicates to me through her music I am at a point past rationality and I'm likely headed for a shitty bid in the psych ward. It's like I remember all of this stuff but have to just live my life with out getting caught up on any of it. I feel for people who carry their manic delusions with them all the time. That would be agony. For people to enable those delusions is fucking sick.

That's garbage my friend, it's a laptop from 2013 with a dual-core and integrated graphics. You can't play any decent game on high FPS on a laptop with integrated graphics, even more recent ones. I don't think you can even play games like Limbo but you should try that (again, please just pirate everything through QBittorrent, it's not hard). I'd just play StarCraft tbh (but it's really addictive and not a great idea). I see some insane deals lately in Canada for god-tier laptops around $1000-$1300 cad that are brand new. If you're working there is no reason why you couldn't have a great laptop for around 1k US new--or less if used or not as great--if you save up a bit while you shop around. I don't know the equivalent of the site I use in the US but for me it's RedFlagDeals.

When you make posts in repetition like this without people responding to you it's 99% mania. You're usually cycling through the same old obsessions and throwing in a few new things here and there. You are excited about something you haven't done in a long time here -- can't blame you, but clearly overboard. No one's that excited about a DeathAdder mouse, even my 16 yo self who was playing competitively wasn't that excited when I upgraded my mouse and had good results owning people.

But yeah, my point is, you are coherent a lot of the times. And it's kind of easy to see when you are manic. This girl's brain seems a lot more fried than yours. And maybe it's just because I'm used to reading your stuff, but I have no idea if she's manic and to what level, what her "normal is", etc. She didn't end up ghosting but she replied to me 3 days later (tonight) and said she was sorry blah blah that she wanted to make sure she had enough time to write down her thoughts. Despite this, it ended up being pretty incoherent, and she didn't answer several questions I had asked. And she's younger than you too. You've gone through a lot more by the virtue of your years and still you have a pretty good head on your shoulders despite everything. Tell me, if you were interested in someone, would you wait 3 days to write to them? Would you not instead write to them at some point within 2 days and say "hey I'll get back to you whenever I can"? I'm pretty sure you would and that she was just offended or confused I questioned her spiritual beliefs during all this time but ended up changing her mind and writing when she was in a better mood.

And yeah there is no simulation. And you don't have a superpower. It's a degenerative brain disease. Every excess catches up to us, there is no way to cheat homeostasis. You're lucky when the delusional beliefs don't merge with your normal personality. It made me realize you're lucky to be able to read philosophy, understand some things about capitalism, etc. while a lot of these people basically believe in the toothfairy and have their friends validate them for it and when that happens they will never in a hundred years come close to understanding important parts of reality.

I've got some time to type something up because I decided to go with StarCraft. Limbo trailer looked great so I will try that next.

I dropped the ball a little bit with my planning. For my birthday my family said they would help chip in for a nice desktop on sale at Micro Center for $699.99 from $899.99. Well, I never really followed up on it and they all forgot about it so I was amassing my DAW project. The musician (Stimming) suggested this laptop and I pretty much just followed his guidelines. It's a great setup for creating music except my audio interface was not working properly and in turn my mic didn't work. I was in bliss watching tutorials and making music with my MIDI controller for a few days until I got discouraged that my mic didn't work and that making good music is incredibly difficult and time consuming while overcoming a knowledge plateau. Burial can make Archangel in 20 min. fueled by his dog dying but I am not Burial.

Anyhow, a new starter Gibson Les Paul is $800. A Martin probably starts at $1,000. I don't need either of those guitars but I don't need a God laptop either. I would like an acoustic guitar that fits me though. Then, it's probably save for a desktop.

Not that I am a big dating guru but I don't ghost unless it is the end of times with that person. I recently did not respond to a manager's text at 11:40pm when she knew I had a day off the next day but she knew I saw the text and I had nothing to say. I ghosted my last sponsor because I did not want to tell them that I didn't want them as a sponsor anymore. I regret that and made amends this year.

ps.

I'm reading a "new" Byung-Chul Han: Hyperculture: Culture and Globalization. I saw that it was published in 2005 in German but it's nice sitting down to some Han that is new to me.

It's difficult to find enjoyment in playing video games for fun, after having competed for years and having worked in the professional gaming scene.

I think I'd have to play video games on the NES in order to just play a game for fun and not feel like I'm wasting my time. Computer games is out of the question.

The great debate:

Having fun playing video games versus wasting time.


- - -

It is difficult to save money making $13.50/hr. I know that I am squandering some of that every month. I don't want to do a budget on here but it might be wise to do a budget in general. Two that comes to mind is I eat out every day for lunch and I have subscriptions to stuff I don't even use.

im procrastinaitin here with u cuase i dont wanna do my taxes.

im not sure who is the dumbest bettwen u byunshinchul han n loco

On April 10 2022 12:58 RiKD wrote: The great debate: Having fun playing video games versus wasting time. - - - It is difficult to save money making $13.50/hr. I know that I am squandering some of that every month. I don't want to do a budget on here but it might be wise to do a budget in general. Two that comes to mind is I eat out every day for lunch and I have subscriptions to stuff I don't even use.

mabe get a better paying source of income.

or ask ur millionaire dad for a startup loan.

Not blowing hours of salary on food every day and useless shit when you live with your parents would definitely be a good start. Gotta find joy, meaning and strength outside of consumption habits if you're going to make it out.

Anyway, I can't keep posting here and see the goldfish brained people's posts any longer than this. Take care dude.

On April 10 2022 16:45 Loco wrote: Not blowing hours of salary on food every day and useless shit when you live with your parents would definitely be a good start. Gotta find joy, meaning and strength outside of consumption habits if you're going to make it out. Anyway, I can't keep posting here and see the goldfish brained people's posts any longer than this. Take care dude.

locolo!! u so smart!!!

StarCraft is incredibly difficult. WC3:TFT made a lot of things easier on the player. My macro is pathetic and I don't even know the tech trees. Although it is fun cycling through a bunch of buildings making units I don't even know how to manage an army above 100. At least I can own the computer but I am embarrassed to try b.net. I feel like I am playing with crack cocaine though.

I think I may need to find a new game.

Get back to making music just for fun and not comparing myself to anyone. I do regret quitting the piano when I was a child. Whether it's a MIDI controller or a synthesizer knowing the piano would come in handy. Some time on the drums too. The guitar is my salvation. We can't go back and re-live our lives though. It may be late for me to become a multi-instrumentalist or maybe not. Time will tell. I'm still finding myself at 38. I have to try at the right things or else there is no hope. I do love gaming but StarCraft might be too big and too dangerous of a mountain to try and climb. I'm also old and feel like I will never be as fast as I was when I was 18. I watched the recent Bisu v Light match and it's just remarkable how great those guys are.

I tried battle.net lol. Just when I say I am going to quit I start shooting the crack into my veins. First two games they quit at the start. Then the third game I got raped. I saw Bisu was going fast Nexus on big maps so I did that but my build sucks. The other guy went 2 expansions and still had more units than me in the beginning although I don't think I ever went over 600 minerals. I had an expansion, 2 gateways and I wasn't on top of making zealots which would have stopped the zergling bust although he did luck out with the position spawn versus where I expanded. I was doomed from the start though. I am pretty sure 2 fast expand rapes my plan to expand once and tech. I don't think me personally can ever get enough units out and micro to stop the expansions and the tech gets over-run. The fact that he over-ran me with 2 expansions in early game just shows how much I suck. Gahhhh. No one cares. Time to play some guitar.

Doh. I played another game. This guy was worse for sure but I am terrible. I don't even know what to do in a PvP. My money and gas was soaring but I didn't know what to do. Didn't build enough gateways or tech. At least I got up to 180 units. Do you just hot key them to 1 through 7 or whatever and get good at that? I never needed more than 1-4 in WC3:TFT. I was winning the expansion battle but then I didn't know what to do with it. He caught up and a bunch of archons popped and absolutely raped my lower tier army.

Mania and a StarCraft addiction. Rough times.

U don't have mania. Ur just dumb.

Stop listening to loco-san.

D-League baby let's go!

I have no idea how to play this game T.T

Fuck StarCraft. I am hopeless and helpless at that game.

Time for Limbo. Loco isn't going to be happy. I like playing those games with a controller so I bought it for $9.99 on the Switch.

Limbo is great. It is kind of like Donkey Kong Country but better. More puzzly and sets a dark mood. *Chef's kiss*

I can't get enough of this damn StarCraft game. Back losing some more games. It's funny in WC3:TFT there was almost basically 1 build order regardless of what race you were playing. There was 1 gold mine. 5 workers. If a worker was idle it would show on the screen.

I just played someone that did absolutely nothing special. They stole my gas mine then just teched to a reaver drop and it was GG.

I don't even know A build order let alone probably the 100+ that were listed at liquidpedia.

How are the Baldur's Gate games?

StarCraft and battle.net are off my computer. Good riddance. It's back to Abelton Live 11. Burial is inspiring me to make some prog music.

I traded StarCraft for Sunshine Of Your Love on the guitar. I am more than happy with the trade. I still do want to find something to play on the computer that will put my keyboard and mouse to good use. The floor is open to suggestions.

I've hit the edge. The edge of a cliff with my tippy toes inching over the side. The abyss is staring me dead in the eyes. Limbo is getting F difficult. I like a challenge but not right now. I've played Sunshine Of Your Love + a piece of a Hendricks song like 5 million times today. I'm trying to get it to the point where I don't get it wrong. That is stronger than getting it right or mostly right (once). I am terrible at Ableton Live 11. I'm considering un-installing that again. I need a computer game that excites me. I am not sure if Baldur's Gate II excites me.

What excites me?

What excites you?

There has got to be more out there than pussy, money, power.

The Buddhists say I can not be a monk. The best I can hope for is Jesus Christ. Who the hell can live up to Jesus Christ? So, then maybe the story of the poor man eeking it out. The question of what should I obtain really might be what can I lose?

I thought that once I obtained my "Beats on a budget" hardware and software that I would be over the moon. I was for 3 days now I loathe it because I am not good at it and it is difficult to learn.

So, is it time for the rope?

No, I don't think so. I'd rather give the rope to someone who could use it in a more productive way than killing one self.

I threw away a bunch of things from my childhood today. It felt liberating. Who has time or room for all those trinkets and whatsits?

I am not flush with money but I do have some money coming in especially versus 2020 and 2021. I was flat out destitute at that point. Now is the time to modify my behaviors. Humbly sort clothing and try and figure out how to live this life... still... still to this day.

Would I be any happier with a solid desktop computer?

I don't think so. I am a snob when it comes to games to play.

I am in another transition and I am not sure where it will lead me. How does a loser like me find wins in this life?

How do I wrest some freedom from the authoritarians trying to run my life?

That's coming from all angles too. All angles since I was a toddler. I don't quite march to the drum. They let me be as almost nothing. They want to keep me almost nothing. I don't even have aspirations of becoming more than something. Some times it feels pre-determined. To try and fight against an avalanche. Swim against a hurricane. Imagine trying to shove a tornado.

So, what can I carve out of life?

Some guitar and some fun video games and maybe some friends here and there?

On April 13 2022 02:39 RiKD wrote: I thought that once I obtained my "Beats on a budget" hardware and software that I would be over the moon. I was for 3 days now I loathe it because I am not good at it and it is difficult to learn. So, is it time for the rope? No, I don't think so. I'd rather give the rope to someone who could use it in a more productive way than killing one self. I threw away a bunch of things from my childhood today. It felt liberating. Who has time or room for all those trinkets and whatsits? I am not flush with money but I do have some money coming in especially versus 2020 and 2021. I was flat out destitute at that point. Now is the time to modify my behaviors. Humbly sort clothing and try and figure out how to live this life... still... still to this day. Would I be any happier with a solid desktop computer? I don't think so. I am a snob when it comes to games to play. I am in another transition and I am not sure where it will lead me. How does a loser like me find wins in this life? How do I wrest some freedom from the authoritarians trying to run my life? That's coming from all angles too. All angles since I was a toddler. I don't quite march to the drum. They let me be as almost nothing. They want to keep me almost nothing. I don't even have aspirations of becoming more than something. Some times it feels pre-determined. To try and fight against an avalanche. Swim against a hurricane. Imagine trying to shove a tornado. So, what can I carve out of life? Some guitar and some fun video games and maybe some friends here and there?

hmm idk maybe...instead of video games...play 10nl/25nl/50nl for some additional income....not that hard to beat those...

pls stop complainin. u r just lookin 4 an excus 2 complain about capitalism n materialism.

also mods should warn u about this suicide bullshit enough is enough

If I lived in PA I would consider poker.

You have certainly read my blog enough. There will be complaints about capitalism and talk about suicide. That's just the way it goes. I don't even talk about killing myself above. I talk about wanting to lend a rope to someone who needs it. Like a sailor or the boy from Limbo.

I could go either way tonight. Long blog post about probably the same ole shit or find other stuff to do. I can only practice guitar riffs for so long even though I have the most fun in playing the guitar yet with learning riffs. Limbo is getting fucking difficult man. Good fucking game though. One of the best I've played in a while.

I even considered starting a spat with hiems or Santafairy but that would be a complete and utter waste of time.

I got Baldur's Gate Enhanced Edition. Problem is the resolution is fucked. All the people are tiny as fuck and I can't even read the letters. Probably because I bought this piece of shit laptop with 14'' screen. I have a vga - dvi adapter coming on Sunday so I can hook up this POS laptop to a Samsun 20'' monitor from 2006 LOL. What a setup. It at least amuses me. I googled. There is a way to change resolution but I am too tired and don't feel like looking into it.

I'm just bored. Baldur's Gate was supposed to be my out.

I practiced my guitar for maybe 15-30min. A lot of nights that seems to be all that I practice. My brother was telling me about Cellists in college looking to go pro practice 6 hours a day. Says I need to build up guitar muscles to practice more and have material to practice. I could do chord progressions, scales, riffs and that wouldn't even be an hour. I'm also not trying to be a pro concert cellist or whatever the equivalent of that is for guitar. I would like to improve more or less optimally for me though.

I just realized that capitalism has hiems fucked up quite a bit and he doesn't even realize it and will never acknowledge it. The same could be said for a lot of people. Even my dad who has mostly benefited from capitalism was on death's door one year they had him travelling around ragged. The doctor was amazed he hadn't had a heart attack or stroke and was still living. I don't even think my dad ever went undead. One of the lucky ones that just had an easy street to finding something that was meant for them and taking advantage of it. What a life that Vice President of Marketing and Research at a large multi-national corporation is a great fit. So, yeah, besides almost dying every day for a whole year (LOL) there is someone out there who capitalism treated well albeit still sucking the life away. He was never there when I was a kid. Maybe it is a little bit silly to try to weigh the positives and negatives about other people's lives. All I can really speak for is myself which capitalism has continuously de-moralized me. Lunch will always be more than 1 hour of work unless I eat at McDonald's or worse or cook up big batches of stuff and eat the same thing for like 4 or 5 days. I get frustrated and angry sometimes but the best I can do is turn on NIN at full blast and yell along with the lyrics. That is my freedom. Oh well, no one cares...

That is the thing no one cares. It's a meager fucking existence. No one cares. And everyone is FUCKING CHEERING ABOUT MAKING $50,000 ON THE DAY WHEN NOT ONE OF US SEES ANY BENEFITS FROM THE INCREASE OR FUCKING OPENING CREDIT CARDS CHEERING AGAIN FUCKING HELL MAN.

A co-worker the other day was reading a news story about this kid that was driving 150mph on the highway and he didn't even put on the breaks and crashed into someone killing a family of 6 people in some shit Rav 4 or whatever. That is fucked up. I don't know why I keep thinking about that story. I was speeding down the road today a little bit and thought about damn how did he just not even break or try to turn? At least just drive off a mountain or into a tree or something.

Another co-worker was telling me about her friend that killed himself. Had a wife and kid and blasted himself all over the house that they lived in. She was super pissed. Of course, blasting yourself so your family can come home and get a nice surprise is selfish as fuck but it's also sick as fuck. Depression is inertly selfish but it is also a sickness. Anger is a stage of grief. I can't really hate on a guy for blasting himself all over the furniture if he's sick as fuck. I can't really hate on the co-worker who is irate at her friend for doing something so fucking selfish. Life (for us that don't blast ourselves across the walls) goes on.

And on and on.

I think I'll drink a cup of tea,
The world keeps turning,

I'm back listening to my Berlin friends Moderat. I always think about going to Germany and getting a degree in German Thought and the German Language. That ship has fucking sailed though brother. You have no idea. Laughable man, HA!

Fuck Kant. Fuck Hegel. Fuck Heidegger. Nietzsche is cool. Anyways, I like Moderat too and the German language although I am shit at it now. My last college German course I got an A+ and could bring it German language wise. Now, it's just sad and pathetic. I'd probably pick it up if I moved there but the damn fucking ship has sailed. No way would I survive getting a PhD in Hegel and Heidegger ROFL. Fucking maniacs that survive that shit. That is a real man that has a PhD in German Thought.

You know what? The damned HR lady that hired me suggested that I buy a camper and take a tour of the USA. I was laughing my ass off. I should have asked her to be a reference if I ran out of money and needed a side job in say Utah or Wyoming or some art town in the middle of no where Texas. She's right though. What the fuck am I doing. The guitar is cool but I am getting my panties in a twist worried about Baldur's Gate. Where are my friends? Do I have any friends?

I don't even know any more. I'm tired. I don't know how to live life and I never will.

I know Saturdays at the fashion store can be equated to torture. I have to put up with damn torture just so I can eat some food and keep up the bare minimum so I hopefully don't get sick and die. I'm supposed to make a damn stew from Ikaria and eat it for 4 days straight. Fuck!

Fuck! I need a better practice regiment with the damn guitar. I could be practicing something instead of droning on and on and on and on on on on on on here.

FUCK!

can u guys give me cliff notes or is it a good read?

Cliff Notes:

I got Baldur's Gate and the resolution is fucked. Was too tired to fix it.

Guitar. I want to practice more.

Boo capitalism.

People cheering big days for the store and credit card sales even though we get none of that excess cash.

Some news story about a guy going 150 mph and crashing into a family of 6. He didn't try to turn or put on the brakes.

A co-workers friend blasted him self all over the household with a gun with a wife and kid and my co-worker was in the anger stage of grief.

I love Moderat. I still wish to go to Germany and study German Thought and German language but that ship has sailed.

Only maniacs and real men have PhDs in German Thought.

The HR lady that hired me suggested I get a camper and travel around the USA.

I don't know how to live life and I never will.

Saturdays at the fashion store are shitty.

FUCK!

Thank u save me a lot of time

I am thinking of getting a camper van in the future too. Just not atm gotta make $$$ first. I want a Tesla n a camper van. I would love to sleep in my van at Stanley park. I literally would pay 500$ a month to be able to park at Stanley park n sleep there during the nice weather time. In the winter I’m sleeping in my bed lol

Rikd positive mindset. Law of attraction, don’t say u can’t say how can I do it

The other shit no comment

Capitalism is good we just have crony capitalism

On April 16 2022 15:24 RiKD wrote: The HR lady that hired me suggested I get a camper and travel around the USA.

im curious how did that conversation cum about.

On April 16 2022 15:49 lostaccount wrote: Thank u save me a lot of time I am thinking of getting a camper van in the future too. Just not atm gotta make $$$ first. I want a Tesla n a camper van. I would love to sleep in my van at Stanley park. I literally would pay 500$ a month to be able to park at Stanley park n sleep there during the nice weather time. In the winter I’m sleeping in my bed lol Rikd positive mindset. Law of attraction, don’t say u can’t say how can I do it

I was in a van building community on discord for quite a bit and was pretty immersed in it.

Some thoughts :

there are a fuckton of anarachist/communists in that community. I was reppin the right wingers in that discord and got banned eventually. most of the mods/users were anarchists/leftists

the hardest part of vans/rvs is AC/Heating. Heating is managble with disel heaters or whatever but AC simply takes too much power...having a generator is LOUD and cumbersome. The only real solution is Electric Vehicles....I personally would want an actual RV size not some Promaster or someshit but I think in general waiting and seeing on EV development is key for RVs.

most ppl who do vanlife try to "beat the rake" and will fail. most will also get burned out of the lifestyle.


Funny story:

There was this trans person that was a mod in that discord that actually looked like an attractive female. one day I found out she was a trans person cause she had this secret twitter advertising her trans-only fans

anyway I at some point I realized the mods didnt know and one dude started saying shit like how he was going to take her around the world on a sail boat lol....so I send him a private message and Im like Yo XYZ is a trans woman. He is like naww mann. then i link the twitter to him LOLLL...then he was like "WTF I was hitting on her for like a year" lol....

On April 16 2022 17:24 hiems wrote: Show nested quote + On April 16 2022 15:24 RiKD wrote: The HR lady that hired me suggested I get a camper and travel around the USA. im curious how did that conversation cum about.

I said "Hi"

She said "Hi, do you need anything?"

I said "No, just saying hi."

Then we had a convo

cliff notes:

She is from out West and has lived a lot of places there and has a camper van. I am interested in going like art town in Texas to Utah to Wyoming, etc etc.

On April 16 2022 21:03 hiems wrote: Show nested quote + On April 16 2022 15:49 lostaccount wrote: Thank u save me a lot of time I am thinking of getting a camper van in the future too. Just not atm gotta make $$$ first. I want a Tesla n a camper van. I would love to sleep in my van at Stanley park. I literally would pay 500$ a month to be able to park at Stanley park n sleep there during the nice weather time. In the winter I’m sleeping in my bed lol Rikd positive mindset. Law of attraction, don’t say u can’t say how can I do it I was in a van building community on discord for quite a bit and was pretty immersed in it. Some thoughts : there are a fuckton of anarachist/communists in that community. I was reppin the right wingers in that discord and got banned eventually. most of the mods/users were anarchists/leftists the hardest part of vans/rvs is AC/Heating. Heating is managble with disel heaters or whatever but AC simply takes too much power...having a generator is LOUD and cumbersome. The only real solution is Electric Vehicles....I personally would want an actual RV size not some Promaster or someshit but I think in general waiting and seeing on EV development is key for RVs. most ppl who do vanlife try to "beat the rake" and will fail. most will also get burned out of the lifestyle. Funny story: There was this trans person that was a mod in that discord that actually looked like an attractive female. one day I found out she was a trans person cause she had this secret twitter advertising her trans-only fans anyway I at some point I realized the mods didnt know and one dude started saying shit like how he was going to take her around the world on a sail boat lol....so I send him a private message and Im like Yo XYZ is a trans woman. He is like naww mann. then i link the twitter to him LOLLL...then he was like "WTF I was hitting on her for like a year" lol....

Whoa! A somewhat helpful post from hiems. I will be on the lookout for the progression of Electric Vans.

Your post got me thinking. I'm not man enough to suck a trans woman's dick. She could look like Bar Rafaeli or be as charming as a hot witch and I could try to picture her dick as a just a really big clitoris but it's not. We could be friends. I would fuck a trans woman in the ass. Now, I'm getting myself in trouble. I'd sodomize a trap but don't have the dignity to suck a woman's penis... These beliefs may preclude me from being friends with trans people if they knew but I do have trans friends and they are all just friends. No real interest in a romantic relationship yet. Trans lives do matter and they do deserve love it's just not going to be from me in that way. Maybe one day but not today. Imagine studying like Sasha Grey and Vienna Black and Riley Reid videos just to gag on some cock and please your woman. It's the same thing as getting fucked in the ass. I'm just not that interested. But in reality I have had my prostate fingered while getting head and that is some unreal shit. But, no no no getting fucked by some well hung dude is something out of a nightmare. I have some friends that are like totally liberated in this regard and that is respect. I am pretty simple. I like vagina. I like The Toilette of Venus and many variations. Don't hate me for that.

So, the guitar that would fit me best of any guitar in existence would be a 1959 Gibson Les Paul. There are 650 of these guitars in existence. The problem is they start at $500,000. It has to be easy to Shanzai one of these guitars. All respect to Gibson but it would be silly not to Shanzai the shit out of these guitars.

One of my favorite past times is listening to great music and writing shit on here.

I can't help myself.

Resolution is still fucked on Baldur's Gate. I'm hoping it will all be fixed when I hookup this shit laptop to my shit monitor when the vga / dvi adapter comes in the mail.

I am a simple man. Get me a good guitar, a good video game, and some good food and I'm set. Don't even need vagina.

I can't sleep yet. Work was the busiest day I've experienced yet. Too wired. Everything in fast, repeatable actions. All day. Not healthy. Although I have noticed that I have some difficulty playing the guitar as well as soon as I wake up. My hands, wrists, arms, fingers are not as dexterous versus after a day of constantly using my hands, wrists, arms, fingers. I should probably always warm up with some scales and chord progressions and get into it a little bit.

I think that I fucking hate Baldur's Gate. Such a waste of time and energy getting that stupid game.

This strawberry short cake, white tea, and indie dance music has got me GOIN'

I have been working on BG 3. Graphically it looks sick I think, real buggy so far tho. I've barely scratched the surface but it looks deep.

Yeah, it is known for the many hours of gameplay and storylines. I fixed the resolution so that is not the problem. I'll probably get back to it. I am just used to the action of Diablo and the gameplay to BG:EE is just a bit different to that.

I don't like to lie but I have to lie to this one guy in BG:EE or else he just kills me pronto.

Who would have the guts to turn down ass to ass dildo with the motive to dominate and humiliate it it was life or death?

I would have to think about but if it was hari kari with assisted beheading I might have the guts to do that.

I wish I were better at StarCraft. That is such a great game but not if you are terrible and lose every game.

I need a video game, a tv show, and some films.

Or, I could have friends and a date.

I can always go back and replay Mega Man 2. Party Down is a good comedy. Cabin in the Woods is a good movie.

You do understand this makes you a transphobe?

On April 22 2022 18:39 PoorUser wrote: I can always go back and replay Mega Man 2. Party Down is a good comedy. Cabin in the Woods is a good movie.

Mega Man 2 as a stone cold noob is fucking hard man.

Will get to others in due time.

I'm just frustrated. Frustrated at work. Frustrated at home.

Limbo gets fucking difficult. Mega Man 2 is difficult just out of the gates. Baldur's Gate: Enhanced Edition I think just isn't for me. I'm not even thriving on the guitar anymore. I can crush Sunshine of Your Love but Wish You Were Here is destroying my soul and I don't even know what to do about it. I don't even know how to practice or what a practice session should look like. I'm losing everywhere and getting no wins anywhere.

On April 22 2022 21:24 CurbStomp2 wrote: You do understand this makes you a transphobe?

Because I said I do not want to suck a woman's dick?

I got a little carried away saying I would sodomize traps that look like Bar Rafaeli.

I do admit sometimes I feel strange around trans-women. I am afraid I am going to say something stupid or mis-pro-noun. I've got love for them though. It must be a tough life from what I have seen. I don't think anyone chooses to have gender dysmorphia.

I've got the OG NES controllers. That might be a win but I try not to make a big deal about hardware even though I am into it. If hardware is the only thing that brings me joy I am in trouble... I am in trouble.

On April 23 2022 03:04 RiKD wrote: Show nested quote + On April 22 2022 21:24 CurbStomp2 wrote: You do understand this makes you a transphobe? Because I said I do not want to suck a woman's dick? I got a little carried away saying I would sodomize traps that look like Bar Rafaeli. I do admit sometimes I feel strange around trans-women. I am afraid I am going to say something stupid or mis-pro-noun. I've got love for them though. It must be a tough life from what I have seen. I don't think anyone chooses to have gender dysmorphia.

The thing about trans ppl and all this they them bs...

1. Its obv bs...but beyond that...

2. From my experience trans ppl are overwhelmingly inclined to be communists and anarchists... I think same thing can be said for gay/lesbian ppl except they are generally less extreme but tend to be leftist or democrats. Thing is there is no real reason for gays to overwhelmingly vote democrat in 2022....the gay marriage thing is not an issue anymore.

If these ppl think being slighted by gay marriage in the 90s or whatever is some reason to have the country overrun by communists then I have no problem saying "ok fuck u too then buddy".

I mean...let's just pretend this "let's ignore sci-ence" wasn't an issue and I had no problem with they them bs...

Let's say there is some trans person I meet...y would I pretend to not realize there is probably a 90% chance they are a anarchist/communists. This has overwhelmingly been my experience lol

On April 23 2022 03:04 RiKD wrote: Show nested quote + On April 22 2022 21:24 CurbStomp2 wrote: You do understand this makes you a transphobe? Because I said I do not want to suck a woman's dick? I got a little carried away saying I would sodomize traps that look like Bar Rafaeli. I do admit sometimes I feel strange around trans-women. I am afraid I am going to say something stupid or mis-pro-noun. I've got love for them though. It must be a tough life from what I have seen. I don't think anyone chooses to have gender dysmorphia.

I bought blowjobs from trannies for 300 baht. Most of them were quite friendly and funny people. One tranny that I didn't do business with, who was fucked up on Yaba, got mad at me, threw her shoe at me and cussed me out in Thai.

On April 23 2022 17:20 CurbStomp2 wrote: Show nested quote + On April 23 2022 03:04 RiKD wrote:   On April 22 2022 21:24 CurbStomp2 wrote: You do understand this makes you a transphobe? Because I said I do not want to suck a woman's dick? I got a little carried away saying I would sodomize traps that look like Bar Rafaeli. I do admit sometimes I feel strange around trans-women. I am afraid I am going to say something stupid or mis-pro-noun. I've got love for them though. It must be a tough life from what I have seen. I don't think anyone chooses to have gender dysmorphia. I bought blowjobs from trannies for 300 baht. Most of them were quite friendly and funny people. One tranny that I didn't do business with, who was fucked up on Yaba, got mad at me, threw her shoe at me and cussed me out in Thai.

lol wtf

I'm getting better at Mega Man 2. You gotta really figure shit out in this game or else it's doom. Pretty class game for 1988.

I start on Flash Man. It's all worth it once you get to the music for Wily stage 1.

FINALLY FUCKING BEAT LIMBO!

FUCKING MASTERPIECE!

NEXT IS MEGA MAN 2!

Speedrun / no deaths @ Limbo is a tough outing. I'm not even sure if I remember all the puzzles at this point and some of the timing is hella tough. I think I probably come back to this game though. 5 star classic.

Last night was all losses and tonight was all wins.

I'm even turning the corner on Wish You Were Here. I sure as hell am not sounding like David Gilmour but it's getting there.

Try the game Inside next if you liked Limbo. And then Little Nightmares 2.

I just remembered I have 8 years sobriety today.

I celebrated last night by winning and reading The SCUM Manifesto by Vanessa S. I laugh at her rhetoric but there was some truth in there as well. Probably a lot of cat girls on twitter take it 100% serious though which would be problematic. Just using their terminology. One day, Vanessa went to Andy Warhol's studio and tried to shoot everyone. She has a lot of contempt for men and "Great Artists." I don't know if they all deserved to get shot though... She also wants to kill all men and the only passable men are ones that kill men. Just a curious short read. Ended up LOLing quite a bit. Some is intentional humor some is not.

Flash Man is the way to go. It's taking me a while to find the right paths and recognizing some of these fuckers' patterns but they never stop showing up and sometimes it feels like chaos even though I know it isn't.

Inside is the shit. I wanted my heart to always be with Limbo in these type of games but Inside has already won me over in its own ways.

Anyone on here play the guitar? How do you practice?

The song is coming along fine but it feels like I should be practicing some chord progressions and scales to keep that up as well as older songs too.

Soma by The Smashing Pumpkins is a great song. Killer solo too. Say what you want about Billy Corgan... He is a very talented musician.

Guitar control is the only micro I care about now a days.

On April 24 2022 04:15 PoorUser wrote: I start on Flash Man. It's all worth it once you get to the music for Wily stage 1.

quick man is the coolest stage of any platform game I've ever played.

I had a great idea for a meme just now where I put loclos face on "xena warrior princess" and ur face on her side kick gabrielle....

Honestly I get ideas like that all then time....I'm such a creative master ....

I'm losing again. Was sick of practicing my guitar so I jumped on Ableton Live 11. I just can't get it to do what I want it to do and it's pissing me off. So, I say I'm going back to real instruments but I'm sick of the guitar and I'm sick of the video games too.

I am learning from lostaccount going haywire on here that it's foolish and desperate and not a good look but the void is probably worse.

I could get a StarCraft coach but that is like getting a crack smoking coach.

I could take coding seriously again but what good will that do me? Stroggoz is right. It's mostly tedious.

I'm too amped to sit down and watch tv or a movie.

I'll bet 1 to win 1,000 my Protoss versus your pick but you have to watch the replay with me and tell me what I should have done if I lose.

My brother was getting pissed at all of my stuff that was stored in his basement. That was after I crashed and burned badly at the hands of Bipolar I and Alcoholism. I got all the stuff back. Threw the dishes and kitchen stuff in my Narnia type secret attic space. I threw everything else away. All of my trophies. All of my childhood crap. I'm not a very sentimental person. A lot of the trophies and awards were not just participation stuff but I have no use for it. Curiously, the only thing I kept was 2 boxes of 8 Wood Elf Archers from Warhammer. They maybe worth $60. I still have like common Magic cards. There's a games shop nearby I might have to stop in and see what I can fetch for them. Worst case scenario is they convince me to play Warhammer / Warhammer 40k again... or some new game I don't even know about. I figure I never played Hearthstone either that might be worth a shot but live gaming is fun. If there was a casino in my city I'd be there by now. The games shop is right next to a Jersey Mike's. I could post up there all day like I used to with Magic. I realize I just like games. Always have.

Apparently, a new expansion came out for Hearthstone Voyages to the Sunken City on April 12, 2022?

Is Hearthstone worth getting into?