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hiems   United States. Oct 15 2018 18:14. Posts 1499
I'm feeling pretty depressed about stuff lately and I'm not sure what to do.

Dont have any friends and dating is hard for me. I dont have many avenues to meet new people.

I have a stupid job that I stay at because it pays ok around 72k. Currently have around 150k+ in savings. Living with parents at the moment cause I dont know what to do. Life is passing me by right now...

I kind of want to just quit my job and travel/live in cheap countries for a while. Maybe just the winter and then start working again. I could probably keep doing that every year. Still I'm not sure if that constitutes a real life. It's probably the most realistic plan I have now though.

I'd like to work remotely somehow while traveling but I dont know how to get this done. If I knew I could do the job I wouldn't mind getting some sort of IT or programming skills but I have heard alot of remote positions are for seasoned/high demand workers and I really dont think id have the chops for it.

My original plan was to just keep working, save up like 500k and just live off that forever(in cheap countries). I can't wait that long though. I think if I am very frugal I'm saving around 40k a year right now so that'd be 9 fucking years...

What should I do?



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 Last edit: 15/10/2018 18:41

RiKD    United States. Oct 15 2018 19:09. Posts 5289

Dukkha, dukkha is calling.

I am not a very good person to give advice on friends and dating. I have few friends where I live currently. Tinder was a disaster for me. I don't really go to bars, lounges, clubs, etc. anymore. etc. etc. I am unsure if you will even consider my suggestions so I will try and keep it simple.

This attitude of life passing you by... Mundane existence passes us all by. Nothing is stable, satisfying, or controllable. You can't hold on to anything. I don't know all your wants and desires but they are all impermanent, dissatisfying, and unmanageable. For example, if you want to have a bunch of sex with attractive women before you are in your 30s or 40s or whenever this goal is pointless and full of dukkha.

Again, this idea of what constitutes a "real life." There is no real life. Life has no purpose. It is just an amalgamation of phenomena. We should look to reduce suffering rather than seek pleasure. Pleasure only brings suffering anyways.

One thing to remember is that no matter where you go you have to bring yourself.

I am quite partial to the idea of heading to Southeast Asia in their cool season. If I had $150k cash I'd be there already. Actually, I might not be as there are things I am currently working on here but I certainly would be planning on a trip that is for sure. I realize it is more complicated for you because you want to think about opportunity cost and your career. This I have no real suggestion but $150k living frugally should be able to go quite far. It's just a matter of if you could come back and get a job you desire but again I think that is the wrong attitude. That just puts you right back into your current situation. It's just constant craving and grasping.

You could just take a 2 week vacation somewhere and see how you feel? I don't actually know. I am quite far removed from the whole corporate scene. Quitting and going AWOL for a season could kill your chances for certain corporate opportunities.

My gut says jump but this is from someone who has sworn off the corporate life and has jumped in the past and it was a great decision. Even if you are just partying in Bangkok or Pattaya and doing cocaine and banging hookers you will learn something about reality. That's like something maybe you need to get out of your system. With 150 large you could ball out to some extent as well if you want and pick up some non-pros I am sure. You could also just start doing Vipassana meditation. Wherever you go there you are. Learn the true truths about reality. It's like a red pill vs blue pill kind of deal. Lose yourself in your senses in a novel change of scenery or sit in a quiet room and truly understand reality. I have found that my defilements and hindrances go with me wherever I go but I do learn about life and humanity by traveling to new places. Just do it man. Only to find out that after the novelty wears off it's not so much different than anywhere else and in my opinion there is not much difference in a $40k/yr job and a $72k/yr job. I thought it was unthinkable to GO DOWN in income for much of my adult life. There is more to it than that. Maybe you do find some magic. The magic ebbs and flows. I fell in love with the city I currently live in and now it's just kind of a place to live. Alright, I said I was going to keep it simple and it feels like I am rambling so I will cease writing for now.


dnagardi   Hungary. Oct 15 2018 19:53. Posts 1580

visit a life coach or a psychologist. Seek professional help and definitely don't listen to RiKD


RiKD    United States. Oct 15 2018 21:10. Posts 5289

Have you put in a solid tour of duty at this company? (2+ years of good+ work)

Some managers will look at taking a season off as a big negative but many will look at it and say "awww, I wish I would have done that." It just depends. I would rather find the hiring manager that is endeared by a season abroad than the douchebag workaholic. Never work for a douchebag workaholic! As long as you can tell some good stories about your time off I would bet that it would all work out.

That's my RiKD corporate hat.

I'll shut up about the Vipassanna meditation but it would improve the situation.

hiems, at least consider what I am saying. I have experience with depression, stupid $72k jobs, cutting out and living the digital nomad life, and experience with REALITY. I am sure others on here do too. I hope they chime in.

I have never met a life coach that I would want to visit.

Therapist may not hurt but how do you find a "good" one? You run up a lot of bills trying to find a "good" one. It's a crapshoot.

I honestly think it doesn't really matter what hiems chooses he will end up being dissatisfied in the end.

That being said:

There are energy considerations here being young and doing something like this and being old. There could be other considerations. hiems seems concerned about his dating life. It is possible to just naturally do better in certain areas rather than others. I did my best dating wise when I was a strapping young 28 year old going out a lot and a highly functioning alcoholic. I attracted a lot of women from a lot of different strata but one of the commonalities is that they liked to drink and have a good time. I was in a big city so there were a ton of women looking to mingle. I was winning at what hiems seems to call a real life and women wanted to be a part of it. It really was that simple. It was quite fun for a while. I still remember getting "netflix and chill" texts while I was in rehab........................

If hiems is Vietnamese for example and goes back to Vietnam... actually I don't know how that works. I have heard everyone does well in Thailand. Some would say that's lowering the bar and that once you do that you are finished but who the fuck cares. Finished? What does that even mean? I am not going to ride Black Ferrarris and get ridden by Kate Upton in black lingerie anyways so what's the difference here?

I bet through discourse here we figure out some things. We'll talk about bootcamps that no one seemingly has any experience with, etc. but I bet some people bring up some useful experience.


hiems   United States. Oct 16 2018 00:33. Posts 1499


  On October 15 2018 18:53 dnagardi wrote:
definitely don't listen to RiKD



lol.


hiems   United States. Oct 16 2018 00:35. Posts 1499

I'd respond to more stuff but dont want to go into too much detail.

edit : seriously considering 8 months on 4 months off cycle

 Last edit: 16/10/2018 02:10

bigredhoss   Cook Islands. Oct 16 2018 06:15. Posts 8632


  On October 15 2018 17:14 hiems wrote:
I'm feeling pretty depressed about stuff lately and I'm not sure what to do.

Dont have any friends and dating is hard for me. I dont have many avenues to meet new people.

I have a stupid job that I stay at because it pays ok around 72k. Currently have around 150k+ in savings. Living with parents at the moment cause I dont know what to do. Life is passing me by right now...

I kind of want to just quit my job and travel/live in cheap countries for a while. Maybe just the winter and then start working again. I could probably keep doing that every year. Still I'm not sure if that constitutes a real life. It's probably the most realistic plan I have now though.

I'd like to work remotely somehow while traveling but I dont know how to get this done. If I knew I could do the job I wouldn't mind getting some sort of IT or programming skills but I have heard alot of remote positions are for seasoned/high demand workers and I really dont think id have the chops for it.

My original plan was to just keep working, save up like 500k and just live off that forever(in cheap countries). I can't wait that long though. I think if I am very frugal I'm saving around 40k a year right now so that'd be 9 fucking years...

What should I do?




Might sound silly but are you exercising and eating reasonably healthy? I think for most people depressed or in a funk those are usually the two easiest and most effective levers to pull.

Beyond that, it's really hard for someone on the outside to try and guess if you just need a break or a complete career change. Getting decent pay for truly remote work is kind of tough as you seem to be realizing. My experience working abroad is with teaching so I don't know if it's of any interest to you, but broadly speaking these are the options I'm aware of:

1. There's places you can just walk in and get a job if you're a native English speaker (being white doesn't hurt); no other qualifications needed. Pay is dogshit - $20-25 per day is what I've heard - but it's a really chill and friendly atmosphere. You're basically paid to have conversations with people who want to practice their English, most of whom are going to be some level of interested/intrigued by gringos. Fairly sure similar places exist in Asia etc. but the information about pay/working environment/etc. is from Colombia.

The reality is you could make more writing for an online content mill or some other menial work, but if you're going to make very little anyway this seems like a more interesting option. You can actually live off that in Colombia if you live like a backpacker.

2. After taking a 4-5 week full-time course and paying a grand or two (price varies depending on where you take it) you can get a CELTA certification which will open up better - but still not great - paying jobs teaching English. Korea seems to have a lot of schools for people who want to do this, although you can get a job teaching English pretty much anywhere. Here in Bogota people make like $20/hour starting out, which I guess isn't bad at all for Colombia. Job atmosphere can vary a ton, but it's definitely more of a "real job" with real responsibilities than #1. A lot of people also do private tutoring, presumably for similar rates. That said it's probably not worth the the effort if you're just going somewhere for the winter.

3. Become a certified teacher in the US (or Canada, UK, Australia, etc.) and you can apply to teach at international schools. Most common way to get certified is to have a degree in Education or in whichever specific subject you're teaching if it's at the high school level, then take some Praxis tests. That said, I could write 10,000 words on the different certification routes/options. Depending on which you choose you don't necessarily have to get a new degree, but it's still going to be a big time/financial commitment either way. The compensation is a lot better than options 1 and 2 though.

4. The only truly remote option I've heard about for teaching is VIPKID. I don't have any experience with it but I've heard of teachers using it to supplement their income. You basically give 1-on-1 English lessons to little foreign kids remotely, not really my thing but there's worse ways to make a living. According to their site they pay $14-22/hour. They say they require '1 year of teaching experience', but if you read their requirements they seem to stretch that as far as possible to include coaching, tutoring, mentoring, etc...You also don't need to be licensed or have any ESL credential (like the CELTA). Maybe it's worth thinking of something you can vaguely spin as teaching experience and seeing if it's something you can tolerate while checking out another country for a few months?

Out of curiosity is there any particular region you want to go to?

Truck-Crash LifeLast edit: 16/10/2018 06:24

lucky331   . Oct 16 2018 13:21. Posts 1124

get off work for a while and do what you feel like doing. don't think too much about it, just go.


lucky331   . Oct 16 2018 13:22. Posts 1124

the hardest part is taking that first step.


Stroggoz   New Zealand. Oct 16 2018 15:38. Posts 4149

dont come to LP to advice

I was GTO in 2007 -wobbly_au 

Santafairy   Korea (South). Oct 16 2018 16:32. Posts 1371


  On October 15 2018 18:09 RiKD wrote:
Dukkha, dukkha is calling.

I am not a very good person to give advice on friends and dating. I have few friends where I live currently. Tinder was a disaster for me. I don't really go to bars, lounges, clubs, etc. anymore. etc. etc. I am unsure if you will even consider my suggestions so I will try and keep it simple.

This attitude of life passing you by... Mundane existence passes us all by. Nothing is stable, satisfying, or controllable. You can't hold on to anything. I don't know all your wants and desires but they are all impermanent, dissatisfying, and unmanageable. For example, if you want to have a bunch of sex with attractive women before you are in your 30s or 40s or whenever this goal is pointless and full of dukkha.

Again, this idea of what constitutes a "real life." There is no real life. Life has no purpose. It is just an amalgamation of phenomena. We should look to reduce suffering rather than seek pleasure. Pleasure only brings suffering anyways.

One thing to remember is that no matter where you go you have to bring yourself.

I am quite partial to the idea of heading to Southeast Asia in their cool season. If I had $150k cash I'd be there already. Actually, I might not be as there are things I am currently working on here but I certainly would be planning on a trip that is for sure. I realize it is more complicated for you because you want to think about opportunity cost and your career. This I have no real suggestion but $150k living frugally should be able to go quite far. It's just a matter of if you could come back and get a job you desire but again I think that is the wrong attitude. That just puts you right back into your current situation. It's just constant craving and grasping.

You could just take a 2 week vacation somewhere and see how you feel? I don't actually know. I am quite far removed from the whole corporate scene. Quitting and going AWOL for a season could kill your chances for certain corporate opportunities.

My gut says jump but this is from someone who has sworn off the corporate life and has jumped in the past and it was a great decision. Even if you are just partying in Bangkok or Pattaya and doing cocaine and banging hookers you will learn something about reality. That's like something maybe you need to get out of your system. With 150 large you could ball out to some extent as well if you want and pick up some non-pros I am sure. You could also just start doing Vipassana meditation. Wherever you go there you are. Learn the true truths about reality. It's like a red pill vs blue pill kind of deal. Lose yourself in your senses in a novel change of scenery or sit in a quiet room and truly understand reality. I have found that my defilements and hindrances go with me wherever I go but I do learn about life and humanity by traveling to new places. Just do it man. Only to find out that after the novelty wears off it's not so much different than anywhere else and in my opinion there is not much difference in a $40k/yr job and a $72k/yr job. I thought it was unthinkable to GO DOWN in income for much of my adult life. There is more to it than that. Maybe you do find some magic. The magic ebbs and flows. I fell in love with the city I currently live in and now it's just kind of a place to live. Alright, I said I was going to keep it simple and it feels like I am rambling so I will cease writing for now.


It seems to be not very profitable in the long run to play those kind of hands. - Gus Hansen 

locoo   Peru. Oct 16 2018 16:42. Posts 4519

Yeah, first try to get advice either from a professional psychologist or someone that actually knows what he is doing. Especially if you say you are feeling depressed. You have the money for it. It can potentially help you a lot more and faster than just trying to figure stuff out by yourself and it will be cheaper in the long term.

bitte bitte bitte bitte bitte bitte 

hiems   United States. Oct 16 2018 18:19. Posts 1499

Yea I have been since this year I'm in ok not great shape but have been working out less lately.

When I was living in Vegas they were hiring teachers and so I thought about it but never went through with it. Not sure which subject I'd teach either right now I'd probably get < 80% on Praxis II math. Also it would only be worth it if I can get into these international schools afterwards. Wouldn't it be pretty competitive getting accepted once you apply? I'd probably be interested in those other options though at some point.

I'm interested in Latin America, probably the better off countries..Being Asian Latin America is much more of an adventure for me. Learning Spanish can be fun too though mine sucks right now haha. Probably Colombia/Buenos Aires/Guadalajara. Dont know much about Peru, Chile, etc. I've been to Colombia before and I'd like to see Argentina. I also have thought about living in Playas de Tijuana.... Getting Sentri//Global Entry and working in San Diego.


hiems   United States. Oct 16 2018 18:26. Posts 1499

I personally have issues with psychology. I think alot of it is BS and often times leaves the patient worse off than before esp when they get diagnosed with some disorder. It's like registering yourself as problematic with the government I dont understand why people do it!!

 Last edit: 16/10/2018 18:29

uiCk   Canada. Oct 16 2018 19:23. Posts 3517


  On October 16 2018 17:26 hiems wrote:
I personally have issues with psychology. I think alot of it is BS and often times leaves the patient worse off than before esp when they get diagnosed with some disorder. It's like registering yourself as problematic with the government I dont understand why people do it!!



psychologists don't prescribe medication, nor actually diagnose mental illnesses (thats the domain of Psychiatrists), so i wouldn't worry about "dirtying your dossier" by going to see a psychologist; they are more or less there to talk and point you in the right direction.

I wish one of your guys had children if I could kick them in the fucking head or stomp on their testicles so you can feel my pain because thats the pain I have waking up everyday -- Mike TysonLast edit: 16/10/2018 19:29

dnagardi   Hungary. Oct 16 2018 19:36. Posts 1580


  On October 16 2018 17:26 hiems wrote:
I personally have issues with psychology. I think alot of it is BS and often times leaves the patient worse off than before esp when they get diagnosed with some disorder. It's like registering yourself as problematic with the government I dont understand why people do it!!




well perhaps then learn more about the subject before you critise it.

just take 1 session and see if you like or not. It's private and no one will know about it ever. Definitely much better than taking life advice from random burnt out degen poker players


RiKD    United States. Oct 16 2018 20:16. Posts 5289

I may be random but I am not burnt out, degen, or a poker player. I did live in Buenos Aires though.... Clearly I have nothing to add...... Guess where I got all my information about Buenos Aires from? The internet from random "burnt out," "degen," poker players.

hiems if you are dealing with depression read the book "Lost Connections" by Johan Hari. Trust me.

Also, read Yuttadhammo Bhikku's booklet on Vipassanna Meditation and start practicing. You are unlikely to do the latter but seriously "Lost Connections" explains depression and anxiety well.

I still don't think you like me or respect me so this is all for naught but I like you man I want to see you suffer less.

Buenos Aires is a great place to be. Vipassanna meditation is not always a great place to be but you will learn more about reality than doing anything else.


Loco   Canada. Oct 16 2018 23:48. Posts 19585


  On October 16 2018 18:23 uiCk wrote:
Show nested quote +


psychologists don't prescribe medication, nor actually diagnose mental illnesses (thats the domain of Psychiatrists), so i wouldn't worry about "dirtying your dossier" by going to see a psychologist; they are more or less there to talk and point you in the right direction.


That's not exactly correct. There are psychological diagnoses given by clinical psychologists. Anxiety disorders, depressive disorders, personality disorders, and other disorders can be diagnosed and treated by a psychologist via psychotherapy or other means. In response to hiems' comment: these diagnoses are there to help people better identify the things they struggle with and identify the best possible intervention, not to stigmatize them for life. All of these disorders can be put into remission with the right intervention(s) and commitment, so that's why it's important to know about them and not fear diagnoses.

People who avoid seeing psychologists are always those who need them the most. People with personality disorders are especially notorious for avoiding them because these disorders are ego-syntonic, meaning that the person who suffers from it doesn't think there's anything wrong with their behavior/"symptoms". They like who they are, no matter how dysfunctional/maladapted they are and how much suffering they experience on a daily basis (or how much harm they've caused to orders, in the case of the Cluster B disorders).

For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong. (Mencken)Last edit: 17/10/2018 00:05

GoTuNk   Chile. Oct 17 2018 13:03. Posts 2781

I'll go against the grain and tell you not to rush into squandering your savings. I assume you are into "ERE" stuff.

It's hard to tell you what to do. What kind of values do you have?




hiems   United States. Oct 17 2018 20:59. Posts 1499


  On October 17 2018 12:03 GoTuNk wrote:
I'll go against the grain and tell you not to rush into squandering your savings. I assume you are into "ERE" stuff.

It's hard to tell you what to do. What kind of values do you have?






Well I think I agree.

Had to google ERE, now I know its early retirement extreme. I haven't read that forum specifically but I think in general yeah I try to save, mostly on the big ticket items like housing and transportation. As mentioned I live with parents. I drive a crappy 2004 mazda 3 rust-bucket right now. I also am not the type to spend money on education or fixed costs. Also I know alot of dudes that have gotten divorced and I never want to end up like that. I definitely spew money here and there though.

What kind of values do I have?

That's a too big question to answer.

Good news is I think I came up with a solution. I think it's probably a good idea to work at my current position a bit longer though. It will save me some more money, be good for my work history, and I'd like to do it out of respect for my employer.

 Last edit: 17/10/2018 21:02

 
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