what should I do? - Page 2

On October 17 2018 19:59 hiems wrote: Show nested quote + On October 17 2018 12:03 GoTuNk wrote: I'll go against the grain and tell you not to rush into squandering your savings. I assume you are into "ERE" stuff. It's hard to tell you what to do. What kind of values do you have? Well I think I agree. Had to google ERE, now I know its early retirement extreme. I haven't read that forum specifically but I think in general yeah I try to save, mostly on the big ticket items like housing and transportation. As mentioned I live with parents. I drive a crappy 2004 mazda 3 rust-bucket right now. I also am not the type to spend money on education or fixed costs. Also I know alot of dudes that have gotten divorced and I never want to end up like that. I definitely spew money here and there though. What kind of values do I have? That's a too big question to answer. Good news is I think I came up with a solution. I think it's probably a good idea to work at my current position a bit longer though. It will save me some more money, be good for my work history, and I'd like to do it out of respect for my employer.

I'm kinda like you in that way, I make decent money, share house with parents (as in share expenses) and drive a 2008 mazda lol.

It was an open ended question on purpose.
I used to struggle a lot like most geeks, but eventually I found certain values that allow me to feel happy about myself and what I'm doing.

I did start with the "basics" however, before that: Diet, getting fit, relationships.

Do you regularly see girls and/or friends? How much do you care about what others think about you?

On October 17 2018 21:16 GoTuNk wrote: Show nested quote + On October 17 2018 19:59 hiems wrote:   On October 17 2018 12:03 GoTuNk wrote: I'll go against the grain and tell you not to rush into squandering your savings. I assume you are into "ERE" stuff. It's hard to tell you what to do. What kind of values do you have? Well I think I agree. Had to google ERE, now I know its early retirement extreme. I haven't read that forum specifically but I think in general yeah I try to save, mostly on the big ticket items like housing and transportation. As mentioned I live with parents. I drive a crappy 2004 mazda 3 rust-bucket right now. I also am not the type to spend money on education or fixed costs. Also I know alot of dudes that have gotten divorced and I never want to end up like that. I definitely spew money here and there though. What kind of values do I have? That's a too big question to answer. Good news is I think I came up with a solution. I think it's probably a good idea to work at my current position a bit longer though. It will save me some more money, be good for my work history, and I'd like to do it out of respect for my employer. I'm kinda like you in that way, I make decent money, share house with parents (as in share expenses) and drive a 2008 mazda lol. It was an open ended question on purpose. I used to struggle a lot like most geeks, but eventually I found certain values that allow me to feel happy about myself and what I'm doing. I did start with the "basics" however, before that: Diet, getting fit, relationships. Do you regularly see girls and/or friends? How much do you care about what others think about you?

I can't play sports anymore because I tore my meniscus messing around with golf. I work out a little bit I gained about 15 lbs this year and I'm more or less happy with my weight now. Not trying to be a bodybuilder/powerlifter or anything and I definitely don't look like one, haha.

-Do you regularly see girls and/or friends?

no and no. I would explain, but its too much info for here, lol. wouldn't know where to start. this part is obviously huge.

-How much do you care about what others think about you?

I mean if they are right, yeah I do. I care alot about what I think about myself, or what the reality is. Sometimes I feel like you can think that you are a legend in your own mind if you let yourself get like that. I was probably like that in the past. Reality is rough and depressing sometimes. But I'd rather face reality and push myself rather than be delusional. I've gotten through alot I think tho in the past few years.

Your natural state is well being, the reality you speak about is a reality of depression and everything looks shit when you feel shit, you say you want to face reality and not be delusional but if subtle mental/emotional programs are running below level of your awareness and fucking up your experience isn't that delusion?

I was depressed I observed it for years and can promise you when you feel shit and your mind thinks "I am worthless" over and over again, if you believe it that is not reality but that is a delusion.

On October 17 2018 23:06 hiems wrote: Show nested quote + On October 17 2018 21:16 GoTuNk wrote:   On October 17 2018 19:59 hiems wrote:   On October 17 2018 12:03 GoTuNk wrote: I'll go against the grain and tell you not to rush into squandering your savings. I assume you are into "ERE" stuff. It's hard to tell you what to do. What kind of values do you have? Well I think I agree. Had to google ERE, now I know its early retirement extreme. I haven't read that forum specifically but I think in general yeah I try to save, mostly on the big ticket items like housing and transportation. As mentioned I live with parents. I drive a crappy 2004 mazda 3 rust-bucket right now. I also am not the type to spend money on education or fixed costs. Also I know alot of dudes that have gotten divorced and I never want to end up like that. I definitely spew money here and there though. What kind of values do I have? That's a too big question to answer. Good news is I think I came up with a solution. I think it's probably a good idea to work at my current position a bit longer though. It will save me some more money, be good for my work history, and I'd like to do it out of respect for my employer. I'm kinda like you in that way, I make decent money, share house with parents (as in share expenses) and drive a 2008 mazda lol. It was an open ended question on purpose. I used to struggle a lot like most geeks, but eventually I found certain values that allow me to feel happy about myself and what I'm doing. I did start with the "basics" however, before that: Diet, getting fit, relationships. Do you regularly see girls and/or friends? How much do you care about what others think about you? I can't play sports anymore because I tore my meniscus messing around with golf. I work out a little bit I gained about 15 lbs this year and I'm more or less happy with my weight now. Not trying to be a bodybuilder/powerlifter or anything and I definitely don't look like one, haha. -Do you regularly see girls and/or friends? no and no. I would explain, but its too much info for here, lol. wouldn't know where to start. this part is obviously huge. -How much do you care about what others think about you? I mean if they are right, yeah I do. I care alot about what I think about myself, or what the reality is. Sometimes I feel like you can think that you are a legend in your own mind if you let yourself get like that. I was probably like that in the past. Reality is rough and depressing sometimes. But I'd rather face reality and push myself rather than be delusional. I've gotten through alot I think tho in the past few years.

mm start with the basics
we are social animals, won't feel good if you don't have health and a prospect of social life (some people call this a sense of belonging and a higher purpose!)

And maybe watch some youtube videos and lurk around so you start building something belief wise. You can't be a total idiot if you are saving money., I'm sure you care about something and have some philosophy.

In my case I'm as hardcore conservative as you can be without being religious , so "gratitude" is always helpful to put things back in perspective. But that's just me, you need to find your own values.

This is more personal, but I don't give a shit what people think of me and I don't think you should. Care what you think of yourself, according to your values (remember that question). When this gets messy you can ask people whose judgement you trust (my gf, my dad, NOT my mom, some friends) but I do not give a dime of consideration to what the losers from my previous business think of me, for example, or any other "mob" of unqualified people.

My two cents I hope they help

Imo:

Bottom line is you have to figure out what makes you happy as a person. Be honest about your strengths and flaws. Make a list of things that you want to happen before the end of your life. Pick one, break it down to manageable steps and treat it like studying for poker. Use your down time from work to really enjoy this process. You will be happy just knowing you're taking steps moving in the right direction. The whole moving to a 3rd world country thing is just a fantasy of what the perfect life would be. Even if it happened, you may not be happy. What truly makes you happy is probably what you wrote about in your first post:

Not having friends.
No romantic life.

So I'd start with some self-development. 150k savings and 72k job is awesome! I think you'll be fine. I'm also struggling so know that you're not alone. Good luck bro : - )


Edit:

As for fighting the feeling of depression:

Spend some time understanding depression and what you can do to naturally be happy, namely nutritious food, burnout exercising, deep sleep, genuine laughter, and being social. What I do is simple and I try to move towards these areas even if it's 1 step at a time. You'll find yourself to be an expert one day and maybe eventually helping others overcome obstacles in their lives.

On October 16 2018 22:48 Loco wrote: That's not exactly correct. There are psychological diagnoses given by clinical psychologists. Anxiety disorders, depressive disorders, personality disorders, and other disorders can be diagnosed and treated by a psychologist via psychotherapy or other means. In response to hiems' comment: these diagnoses are there to help people better identify the things they struggle with and identify the best possible intervention, not to stigmatize them for life. All of these disorders can be put into remission with the right intervention(s) and commitment, so that's why it's important to know about them and not fear diagnoses. People who avoid seeing psychologists are always those who need them the most. People with personality disorders are especially notorious for avoiding them because these disorders are ego-syntonic, meaning that the person who suffers from it doesn't think there's anything wrong with their behavior/"symptoms". They like who they are, no matter how dysfunctional/maladapted they are and how much suffering they experience on a daily basis (or how much harm they've caused to orders, in the case of the Cluster B disorders).

agreed, go to a psychologist, your reason for not liking them its shallow and silly, get an appointment and do an honest attempt to work with them and hopefully you will be pleasantly surprised.

Don't go to a life coach, they are usually unprepared charismatic people who will give you shitty cliché advice and if they are good a catharsis which will bring nothing to your life but delusion.

Just spent the whole day doing pretty much nothing. There aren't any quick fixes to be found anywhere.

On October 20 2018 21:26 Nitewin wrote: Imo: Bottom line is you have to figure out what makes you happy as a person. Be honest about your strengths and flaws. Make a list of things that you want to happen before the end of your life. Pick one, break it down to manageable steps and treat it like studying for poker. Use your down time from work to really enjoy this process. You will be happy just knowing you're taking steps moving in the right direction. The whole moving to a 3rd world country thing is just a fantasy of what the perfect life would be. Even if it happened, you may not be happy. What truly makes you happy is probably what you wrote about in your first post: Not having friends. No romantic life. So I'd start with some self-development. 150k savings and 72k job is awesome! I think you'll be fine. I'm also struggling so know that you're not alone. Good luck bro : - ) Edit: As for fighting the feeling of depression: Spend some time understanding depression and what you can do to naturally be happy, namely nutritious food, burnout exercising, deep sleep, genuine laughter, and being social. What I do is simple and I try to move towards these areas even if it's 1 step at a time. You'll find yourself to be an expert one day and maybe eventually helping others overcome obstacles in their lives.

List of things I actually want to happen.
-the thing is alot of the things I want are impossible or have a very low chance of happening.i feel like if I accepted or settled for stuff itd something that is what most people would do to survive but it's very hard to do. The whole failure at poker thing gets me too.

You might be right about the cheap country thing. But I mean what's not a fantasy is that they are in fact cheaper and your money goes a long way there. Plus I'm not sure why but making friends is so hard for me where I live. When I last went on vacation at least I did get along pretty well some ppl.

I think people have already given u the answer really

correct your food intake (see a specialist if your lazy or don't know what to do)
workout - even if your knee is banged up you have to workout its a necessity of life (if your lazy or don't know what to do or have a hard time starting hire a specialist)
social/relationships- join stuff like clubs/organizations/classes - use a passion or hobby you like - join a cooking class etc.

don't quit your job-when your in a slump its hard to appreciate what you have and being in the positive financially is a really big thing.

Seeing an overall specialist/psychologist could help as well.

I got injured early in the year and continued working out for like 3 months adapting everything but got frustrated that my injury didn't get better so i ended up stopping and that was the biggest mistake for me as i got into a bad slump for a few months and am only getting out of it and semi-back to normal now. its a bitch.

On October 16 2018 14:38 Stroggoz wrote: dont come to LP to advice

this + lmao at that " visit a life coach" advice, if you're going for a lifecoach - please just pay me 200$ an hour and I'll feed you all the unhelpful and potentially disastrous bullshit you want


nobody here knows you, nor experienced your life, nor is in the same situation as you, you know you, find your desires go for them - ez game... you just have to figure yourself out, that seems to be the main issue

also I'd suggest you read

https://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153

its not so much about introversion rather than figuring out your psychological traits and how you can benefit from them while being aware of your weaknesses from the point of view of society (doesnt matter if introverted or extroverted, the title is very much a clickbait imo)

You should start living, whatever that means to you.

On October 15 2018 17:14 hiems wrote: I kind of want to just quit my job and travel/live in cheap countries for a while. Maybe just the winter and then start working again. I could probably keep doing that every year.

Sounds like a great start.


Therapies a good idea if you can afford it, which you obviously can. It helped me a ton. I would still be doing it if I could afford it. Instead I found a retired professional / personal development consultant who helps me by email.