Turning this into a training blog - Page 5

Was pretty meh today. DB bench just didn't feel right. I think I was still pretty beat up by BJJ. Salvaged it with a decent push in DB incline and got in the dips pretty good. I always seem to hit plateaus in push more so than pull and legs. It could just be a case of not enough rest which is likely. BJJ is taxing. I have been eating enough food. I think I will switch up the exercises next time and see what happens.

Just had a bit of a disappointing leg/lift day. Deadlift was meh. I turned it around and got some good kettlebell swings in though. Good volume and intensity levels. Good work. I think I am just getting beat up by work and jiu jitsu. They fired the other prep guy so I have been putting in long hours and I don't think I have been eating or sleeping enough. Maybe I am trying to do too much.

I came across some JOI porn (Jerk Off Instruction) last night and I don't know what it is about it but I love the stuff at times. I think I am still watching quite a bit of porn these days but not as many hand jobs. I am in the habit of watching it before I train as studies have shown it increases testosterone and sometimes it is like might as well. This one time I was pretty manic and spending this time with this one woman and really horny. She handed me some lube and said "go ahead, enjoy yourself" and watched. I was so wishing she was going to free 'em up (she has perfect large breasts) or play with herself but then she just left. It was a bummer.

" I am in the habit of watching it before I train as studies have shown it increases testosterone"

Where are you getting this information from? As far as I know this is not true. Higher serum testosterone levels are seen during abstinence. Dr. Greger also says in this video that having sex increases testosterone and it can be measured with facial hair growth, while masturbation does not.

Information

I said watching porn not masturbating.

So, it appears sex is best followed by abstinence followed by masturbation?

To be fair in the study from above I think they went to a swingers club so were exposed to live sex and not pornhub. I just like to rationalize my pornography perusal.

Well, it says there's other studies where looking at porn increases T but it's likely for a very short period of time. Only one study showed that it was up to an hour +. Even that is quite short. I think if you take that stuff seriously then you're just going to watch a lot of porn which becomes a problem and the effects might not carry on due to some kind of adaptation. I'd imagine someone who cares that much about it would rather start injecting low doses of the stuff. One more thing we don't know is whether or not T levels fall back to some stable baseline after the effect wanes or if it goes lower than if nothing had been watched. Since T levels seem to be associated with "feeling like a winner" it seems likely that there could be an adaptation where one doesn't feel like much of a winner watching porn on the regular and never beating off. I think we can't put much stock into these short term studies.

I don't really want to be an injector of anything. I don't think I ever really feel like a winner while watching porn. I feel like a winner after that back workout I just had though. Whooo wheee!

Yes. This must be while I still come to this site. Attractive metal chick with her breasts all out shredding to some Death.

I would have been just as happy if she had a oversized Death t-shirt on too. She didn't have to display the half sleeve and the breasts but she wanted the vieeewwzzz.

I have been reading Johaan Hari's "Lost Connections." It's pretty decent. I think it is an evolution for me. Drinking, doing drugs it all kind of spurns from depression and anxiety which are linked which is linked to being overweight. It's all linked. If I treat the depression and the anxiety I am likely not going to want to drink or do drugs or eat shit compulsively. So it has been another evolution. Even if some of it or even most of it is kind of common sense it's nice to see it written and it's nice to see some studies and also some anecdotal examples to go with it. A deity is not keeping me sober so I have to stay current with the science aspect of it. My problem may be that I have an allergy (I can't control my drinking), a mental obsession (I can't stop obsessing when I am drinking and not drinking when I am drinking), and a spiritual malady but to me a spiritual malady is just depression and anxiety. I can maybe solve the spiritual malady with God or other delusional outlets or I can meditate or I can read an up to date books on solutions to depression and anxiety. The spiritual malady, the Void: These are kind of systemic of culture. I think there are ways to tinker and move things a little bit to help with these feelings. Hari talks about junk values and meaningful values. I mean we've been through this before. Work more, spend more doesn't end up well for most people. The chase for the Mercedez and the Rolex is not a sound plan for most. And it doesn't even really matter in a way because I know it is not a sound plan for me.

1.) Disconnection from meaningful work
2.) Disconnection form other people
3.) Disconnection from meaningful values
4.) Disconnection from childhood trauma
5.) Disconnection from status and respect (CLEAN YOUR ROOM AND CLIMB "COMPETENCE" HIEARCHIEZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!) (Not exactly)
6.) Disconnection from the natural world
7.) Disconnection from a hopeful or secure future
8 & 9.) Genes and brain changes (ZOMG PSYCH DRUGS?!?!?!? ORLY?!?!?!?!) ...

Seems more reasonable than lack of God or badly in need of drugs.

I could use more meaningful work. I am getting better with the connections to other people. I mostly have my head on straight with meaningful values. I have worked quite a bit on childhood trauma. I am still finding my right size in the world but I don't feel like I am at the bottom and I am not in constant battle with the "alpha" so I think I am pretty good on that. I don't feel that I am really submissive to anyone except I do probably laugh at my boss's jokes more readily than usual. That kind of goes back to #1 I don't feel that I am that controlled at work. As long as I make enough food for the people to eat I can do whatever I want for the most part. I get beat up a lot in BJJ but it is for play. Like rats wrestling for fun. I do wish to move to the mountains whether that is Asheville, NC, Colorado, Brazil, Chile, wherever, Asheville, NC is where I have my sights. If I could get a meaningful job in Asheville I would be looking pretty good. Mountains, lakes, rivers all around and all abound. I feel like if you have the first 6, 7 is kind of a no brainer. I see a good psychiatrist and therapist regularly so 8 and 9 are taken care of.

I don't know why I just wrote all of that out. I think I just needed to. I don't necessarily think I need to move to Asheville and chase this idea of a meaningful job. I just think I could be doing something a bit more meaningful to me. Some intrinsic value versus just extrinsic value. I think it is such a hard thing to find something that supports you that happens to be an end-in-itself. It kind of ceases to be an end-in-itself once it starts supporting you. So, I think we just have to find something that we are not too controlled and doesn't get us caught up in the junk values of materialism and doesn't have us at the lowest rung on the totem pole and doesn't have us battling alphas all day and losing. I don't know I feel as long as you are battling alphas with Kant and Nietzsche and whoever else by your side even if you lose you will end up in the right place but that's a stressful world. Corruption is real. Many times it takes 5 years at the least until some of that stuff gets weeded out and only if the "alpha" loses grace anyways. Norway might have a lot of things right. I don't really know though. Writing this I am really happy to be out of Shitown, Indiana driving in to fucking corrupt as shit steel mills every day hoping for the "finer" things and the penthouse in Lincoln Park. No real friends, holding my childhood traumas, playing and losing to the big boys. Trying to find some semblance of anything in the drink. That's the best anti-depressant/anti-anxiety I ever found up until that point that it stopped working.......... don't ever go there. ughhhhhh . Don't ever go there. Don't ever get there.

Well, in some of her vids she isn't showing much or any cleavage, so I don't think her main purpose is to get as many views as possible using her body. I wouldn't be too surprised if this is her normal style IRL.