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SakiSaki  Sweden. Mar 19 2009 19:30. Posts 9685 | | |
Well, maybe not as dramatic as it sounds. Basicly I dont have any motivation to play anymore. I had a goal to earn myself enough money to buy myself an appartment before I went back to school. Well, winning the sunday mill sort of took care of that. After the mill win I wanted to give 5/10 a real shot, with my new nice bankoll. I to this day think Im definitely good enough to beat most 5/10 games and definitely most HU regs on both ipoker and prima. Its kinda sad that I am quiting right now as I have such a deep deep understanding of this game. However, my shots at 5/10+ went soso, went good in the beginning but I kinda crashed and burned after that. I ran pretty shitty in alot of key spots and ended up playing my B or even C game way to often. This in combination with my horses running really shitty resulted in my bankroll dwindling and Im not rolled to play 5/10 anymore.
The dream of beating 10/20+ was the only thing motivating me and the hands on 2/4 and 3/6 ive played the last few days have been poorly played overall. Basicly, I have lost the love of the game. To be honest I think I probably lost it a long time ago, but ive keept going because poker for me was a necessary evil, I had to put in a couple of hours a day to pay the rent or to validate my existence or whatever. Well guess what, poker is not a necessary evil anymore. I have money and I have a plan for my life. I see no reason to push myself to play bad regs on 3/6 anymore when all it does is cause me stress and makes me unhappy.
Ive always been happy when running well and feeling bad when running like shit, but what made it all worth it above everything else was that playing poker in it self, regardless of results, made me happy. I enjoyed it imensely and poker is the one single thing I have spent the most time in my life on. More than starcraft, more than any other game/sport/hobby/job.
I have let myself completely drown in poker. During the last 3 years in general but the last 6 months in perticular, I have lived poker. I think about/play/study poker and that is pretty much all I do. Everything else that I do during my days has indirectly been connected to poker, things i deemed necessary to do to keep myself on my A-game. I think its this obsession that has made me as good as I am today, but it has also made me define myself as a poker player, both to myself and people around me. Everyone around me except my best friends and my family view me as "that poker guy", and this puts me on tilt. I remember years ago when I though it would be so cool to be able to say to people that I play poker professionally. Now, I am very reluctant to admit it to new people I meet, because A: people dont understand poker and B: I dont want to be that poker guy.
I have defined myself as a poker player and I want to be more. Poker has made me neglect things I used to do regularily. I have put all my self worth in my ability to destroy people in this game and I have neglected to develope other important characteristics. I dont read as much as I used to. I dont work out as much as I used to. I dont play the piano as much as I used to. I dont spend as much time with my family and friends as I used to. As much freedom as poker has given me, it has also chained me down in other ways. Im kinda like the guy/girl that where the most good looking/most popular in high school, neglecting to develope character and qualities because they are the king of the world and then five years later you see them working in the supermarket.
When you define your own life and person through poker, your selfworth and your self confidence will swing along with the natural swings in the game and that is for me unacceptable. I dont want to work in the proverbial supermarket.
Now this blog post probably makes things sound worse than they really are, but I made my decision 2 hours and I have been feeling genuine happiness since then. I am quiting poker. I leave about 20k online for now, uninstall all my poker programs and move on to other things. I wont go back to poker until I have found the love to play the game again. Until I feel the urge to play the game and not the urge to just win money I wont play a single hand of poker.
I will keep coaching, I will keep backing my horses and I will still frequent these forums alot so not much will change in that department. I just wont play. As for ept and Vegas I am still undecided. I might still go and I might not.
This is the end.
For now.
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| what wackass site is this nigga? | Last edit: 20/03/2009 18:26 |
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I feel the same as you in a lot of ways, esp w/ the freedom but being chained down |
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Luckb0xx Germany. Mar 19 2009 19:39. Posts 2069 | | |
Well this is up to you, but I'm sure you'll be back one day!
Take care and see you later!  |
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| I sometimes fold AA preflop to balance my range | |
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Fayth Canada. Mar 19 2009 19:43. Posts 10085 | | |
well have fun i guess, pretty sure u'll play every once in a while still |
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| Im not sure what to do tomorrow when I see her, should I shake her hand?? -Floofy | |
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its not long time ago when i read a blog post from you "starting playin poker profesionaly for a living" now after a while ur ending it cuz u already have enough money. What can i say...
GG sir. |
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| Je ti 31 let a umíš akorát klikat myší, vzpamatuj se -Daniel Havlík | |
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NewbSaibot United States. Mar 19 2009 19:44. Posts 4944 | | |
Those who cant do, teach. You should take on more pet projects the way you did with k2o4. If you cant be happy playing the game yourself, be happy giving other people the gift to play the game. |
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TheTrees United States. Mar 19 2009 19:48. Posts 1592 | | |
what he said...teach me, lol |
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Zalfor United States. Mar 19 2009 19:53. Posts 2236 | | | |
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whamm! Albania. Mar 19 2009 19:55. Posts 11625 | | |
i agree that this kind of freedom does kinda suck on so many levels too 
you can't really leave your "work stress" at the offc for one lol |
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thewh00sel United States. Mar 19 2009 20:00. Posts 2734 | | |
gl i guess, just make all ur friends poker friends, boom done. it's like any job, people charactarize you for your job regardless. Bill the teacher, jim the doctor, Jew the banker, etc. naturally the higher up you get in any profession, the more you can only be happy around people within that profession. CEOs hang out with other ceo's and super rich people, doctors with other doctors who understand what the other person does. You will feel the way you feel now about whatever you end up doing if you become successful enough at it. |
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| A government is the most dangerous threat to man’s rights: it holds a legal monopoly on the use of physical force against legally disarmed victims. - Ayn Rand | |
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Uptown . Mar 19 2009 20:02. Posts 3557 | | |
Looking forward to welcoming you back in the future.
But for now, GL  |
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Uptown . Mar 19 2009 20:03. Posts 3557 | | |
whoosel speaks the sad but true fact about people congregating towards similar people |
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Loco Canada. Mar 19 2009 20:06. Posts 20963 | | |
what's with the 'i guess' guys? the guy wants a break from poker and it almost seems like you find it offending by saying 'i guess'. just wish the man good luck... |
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| fuck I should just sell some of my Pokemon cards, if no one stakes that is what I will have to do - lostaccount | |
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Gawuss Poland. Mar 19 2009 20:17. Posts 2336 | | |
very well-written SakiSaki, have a happy life without poker, I actually understand your decision
gl
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| When people ask: What nationality is this guy raking in all the pots? The answer invariably comes back Poland, Poland. Again and again - Karma | |
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bane United States. Mar 19 2009 20:47. Posts 2379 | | |
good luck saki i wish you well and honestly jew the banker made me laugh |
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Twisted Netherlands. Mar 19 2009 20:55. Posts 10422 | | |
I have felt the same in different periods of my poker career where I basically slummed. Right now I'm actually going through one of those. I'm on an unstoppable downswing (or so it seems) and I'm not enjoying poker. What helps me is working on sideprojects and making videos for Dutch Pokerstrategy and stuff so I can still earn good money while not playing poker.
Actually the thing about poker is that you are never satisfied with the level you are at. At least this counts for me. Everytime I reach a milestone I'm very happy but that feeling pretty goes away when it becomes common place and I yearn for bigger results even though it becomes harder and harder. Like I'm making good money on poker and it's so unreal that I can just do shit all and still make shitloads but I'm still not satisfied. Whatever I'm just rambling right now. Poker can definitely get in your head and to lead a balanced life with poker is extremely hard.
Good luck Anders with whatever you want to do. Keep in touch though, even if you're not gonna play the EPT it can still be fun flying out there to meet up with the poker crowd (kinda like I did hah). I enjoyed meeting you in Copenhagen and wish you all the best for the near future. |
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Bluffed1331 United States. Mar 19 2009 21:00. Posts 246 | | |
These posts are very depressing for me b/c saki is somewhat an lp hero and i still remember watching his first video 2-3 years back. This video increased my poker knowledge 2-3 fold and helped me immensely at the time..... and to see him become exhausted with poker....sucks. gl dude. have fun with real life. |
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