"Don't call it a comeback"

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MARSHALL28 United States. Apr 17 2008 07:12. Posts 1904

I dunno, I think it's somethin Dr. Dre or Ice Cube said, so it obviously can't be a bad title for this blog post. No matter what you wanna call it, it is what it is, and it doesn't matter how it gets taken by the community.

"I know you are very dedicated and you study hard and I think you have what it takes to do very well in this game, but poker is much more ruthless then starcraft for example. No one gives a shit about you, they only care about themselves, and really theres no truer statement then that.

Beleive me Marshall I KNOW how much it sucks to be down, and I have a good idea of how you feel, I know how much it sucks to be kicked when you are already down but its almost second natrue in this game.. The point I am trying to make thought, For every decision you make in life or in poker you should expect every possible outcome so theres no surprises and everything is anticipated." -- This was sent to me in a PM after one of my previous posts, and I didn't ask for permission to post it here so I'm going to leave the name anonymous.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. A lot. About poker, my life, my future, my goals. I wasn't doing any of this from the start of the year up until about mid March. The reason I wasn't thinking was because I was delusional. I think the anonymous comment above illustrates a pretty good example of how delusional, and needy (I'm about to get to this) I was.

I created this blog after a HUGE heater. I believed it was because of my 'superior skill' but what really happened is that for four months, the planets aligned and everything I did worked, regardless if it was good play or bad play. I'm stubborn, and my stubborness is rooted in how strong my belief system is. Meaning, if I think something is true, you'd be hard pressed to convince me otherwise, many can attest to this, particularly my roommate.

By playing hundreds of thousands of hands, I gained an elementary understanding of the game, nothing of the level to which I claimed and boasted in my previous posts. Thinking about the real reason I created this blog, it was an attempt to gain recognition and praise. I posed it as a means to help others, slyly concealing my neediness in regards to attention. Of course it wasn't all just a ploy, a few posts were sincere, but because my reasons were incongruent with the statements made, I suffered tremendously. A few of you were quick to figure this out, and what can I say but eat my words and admit you were right.

However, a lot of good has ended up coming out of it. I understand now how petty and unfulfilling the need to be glorified or recognized is. It's immature and it really makes no difference what anyone thinks about myself or what I have to say, except myself. For this reason, I am going to re-continue to blog here. I went back and re-read a lot of the things I posted, as well as the responses I received, I was able to use these as a barometer in terms of gauging my own personal growth--which should be the real reason I blog in the first place--everything else should be taken with a grain of salt.

So as of now, my new mission statement is this: I will write posts to document my struggles and successes in poker while continually outlining thoughts I have about the game, and how my life is affected by the game (and vice versa).

I think this is plenty for now. In my next post, I intend to cover my brief stint blogging at flopturnriver.com, which illustrates extremely well the emotional affects and strain this game can put on anyone unprepared, and the completely ridiculous assumptions it had caused me and could cause anyone to make. I'll also outline where I'm at in my game right now and what steps/goals I need to take and set for the future.

As always, thanks for reading, and GL,
Marshall

0 votes

Baalim Mexico. Apr 17 2008 07:27. Posts 34305

Every time i try to sympathize with you somebody bashes you and u get defensive and u become the same old person, i would really would like to see a change in you.

i think you really want to change but it aint easy and with people attacking you its even harder but i wish you luck... in that cuz in poker i wish you lots of bad luck u lucksack

Ex-PokerStars Team Pro Online

Last edit: 17/04/2008 07:29

lachlan Australia. Apr 17 2008 07:45. Posts 6991

lol baal still fuming at all the lost pots to marshall?

i read it all and it sounds good, one thing u have to work on is ur tilt issues too

full ring

Oly United Kingdom. Apr 17 2008 07:51. Posts 3585

Good luck mate. If it's any help, your experience was in my mind and reminded me to keep my head straight and ego low when I myself red-hot-heatered into mid limits.

Fuck the cliques - they apportion glory and ignominy only in proportion to their will for association or schadenfreude; nothing else.

Researchers used brain scans to show that when straight men looked at pictures of women in bikinis, areas of the brain that normally light up in anticipation of using tools, like spanners and screwdrivers, were activated.

SakiSaki

Sweden. Apr 17 2008 07:56. Posts 9687

Takes alot of stones to write something like this. Respect. Stay humble and eager to learn, I sincerely wish you the best of luck.

what wackass site is this nigga?

Loco Canada. Apr 17 2008 08:01. Posts 21015

surprisingly a good read.

gl

fuck I should just sell some of my Pokemon cards, if no one stakes that is what I will have to do - lostaccount

Stygg Sweden. Apr 17 2008 08:17. Posts 2347

your blogs are often very good
gl with everything

bane United States. Apr 17 2008 08:19. Posts 2379

gl, and im pretty sure ll cool j said dont call it a comeback ive been here for years

DaEm0niCuS United States. Apr 17 2008 08:41. Posts 3292

live and learn. Sad humans.

Fraser Canada. Apr 17 2008 09:54. Posts 4605

EXPLOSION! OVERPOWERIN. OVER THE COMPETITION I"M TOWERIN.

rockman255 Canada. Apr 17 2008 10:26. Posts 4471

it was LL cool J who said that btw =D

rockman255: its not easy being superman U N0 MySteeZ: mega man. rockman255: same thing U N0 MySteeZ: no

ggplz Sweden. Apr 17 2008 11:09. Posts 16784

gl
u got a lot of work to do =p

if poker is dangerous to them i would rank sports betting as a Kodiak grizzly bear who smells blood after you just threw a javelin into his cub - RaiNKhAN

Last edit: 17/04/2008 11:12

shaneomac United States. Apr 17 2008 12:19. Posts 4245

yaya i wish u best of luck too. like raszi would say: LP is like America, a very forgiving community, and the best of lands. we forgive u and give u a second change.

k2o4 United States. Apr 17 2008 12:51. Posts 4803

welcome back =) Good luck man!

InnovativeYogis.com

FrinkX United States. Apr 17 2008 13:01. Posts 7562

i'll be suprised if u actually meant/stick to it, but if u do then gl to you

bitch on a pension suck my dong

BigRed0000 This user is a quality poster

United States. Apr 17 2008 13:22. Posts 3554

Who won the over/under on how many months till he was back?? Jk Pete, good to have you back gl bud.

MaidenFan United States. Apr 17 2008 14:10. Posts 450

I understand now how petty and unfulfilling the need to be glorified or recognized is. It's immature and it really makes no difference what anyone thinks about myself or what I have to say, except myself.

Nah man that's perfectly natural. Everyone wants to be appreciated and recognized, it makes us feel like the things we're doing have meaning, even if it's just something as stupid as clicking the right buttons in the right situation. It's nothing to feel guilty about. Life is about other people, it's give and take, some take more than they give but I've yet to meet a person who takes nothing.

Like Tom said, it takes alot of balls to be so sincere, and although I don't know you and I've never read your blog before FWIW I recognize you, and I sympathize with you. This was an excellent post and it made me think, for that I thank you. I'll leave you with a quote from a wise man, may he rest in peace: "We are who we pretend to be, so be careful who you pretend to be." ~ Kurt Vonnegut

Let it roll.

kimseongchan United States. Apr 17 2008 14:29. Posts 2089

good post