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the ol' cock block |
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milkman United States. Apr 16 2008 01:28. Posts 5719 | | |
well im on my flight home now from oregon back to boulder, i hate flying so im gonna try and blog out the last 2 days so i can think about something else.
this weekend i spent saturday and sunday at the casino playing a little 1/2NL, first day i only put in around 6 hours and didnt have that many good hands, i had one hand with a guy, i raised up AJs in early position, he calls from the button, flop is Kx5s2s, i fire at the flop, he flats, turn is 9x i double barrel, he reraises and leaves about 40 in chips behind, pots over 100 but im not sure by how much, i shove, he folds.. i had a few reads on him, he showed me a4os
the second day i spent alot more time at the table, i showed up at about 1 and left around 2, most of the day i spent just drinking redbull and when i was comming down from that id go to the bar and get drunk then come back, i did a few orbits of minraiseing dark PF, and i playd a few hands in the dark, pretty fun stuff.. so its about 1:45am and were consolidating tables and we get some new girls at the table and a few ppl, but i wanted to catch last call, so i head to the bar. oops i forgot one part, when i was at the bar earlier that day i saw some girls and one of them had a tiara so on my way out i dropped 20 infront of her and said happy birthday.
so im going back about 4 hours later, and there still there, and hammered as shit, one of them was really hot and 2 were really not, they were both huge and shit.. it was one of their birthdays and the hot one was their sister. so the hot one grabs onto me and says "ur comin with me" they wanted to go play some roulette, i obv wasnt down for playing but w/e, so i grab the hot one and leave the 2 fattys and head to the poker room, i cash out around 600 in chips and leave, so everyone at the poker table musta thought i was just the sickest kid there going to the bar for 10 mins and snagging this 10. so we head out, i didnt wanna play roulette so i tell
um we should just go to the store and get some beer and then go to their room. we get to her car and security blocks us in and says we cant leave and they need to escort them to the hotel loby and one of them cant leave.. so we go through all that and then i leave withone of the fattys and go get some beer, we play drinking games and fuck around all night, and the whole time im just wondering how im gonna get this girl alone, so one of them disapears and then the other one gets a phone call, and she was drunk so i was thinking i could be in luck. The hotty tells me to hit the lights, and im just like "JACKPOT!" shes takin her pants off i kill all the
lights, jump in bed, get my pants off and start climbing on her, right as im moving in to start making out... in comes the first cock block of the night, her sister is banging on the door, she lost her key and wanted back in.. so the cute girl walks over to the door, opens it up, the light shines through and just gives me a full preview of everything i just missed.. the sickest ass ever, perky, and pefect.. and i wasnt getting any of it... im just like waving at her like quick get into bed, she comes back and then her sister walks in and is like "WAHHH! what are u doing she has a boyfriend!! and im just like "i dont care.." so then all 200 pounds of this bitch just comes
running over and jumps in between us.. and im like fuck this.. i get up to grab another beer.. later on the fat one fell asleep so i got some cuddeling with the cute one in the other bed but no action.. so its about 9am i havent slept at all and ive had about 10 beers, then the phone rings.. and i hear one of the girls like "NO who r u!? u called me first.." then she just has this random look on her face and turns and is like "chris... george?" and im like.. hrmm...
now george is my step dads name and then it hits me... i took my moms car and she said to be back b4 9 because she had a meeting... so im like... wtf how did u find out where i was? cuz i just randomly hooked up with a few girls from the bar and now ur calling me here... ( my cell was dead btw ) so at this point it doesnt even matter cuz my mom missed the shit outa her apointment, and i was gonna b able to nail this bitch.. so i snag the tiara and put my pants on... which they also ripped in half while we were playing around on the bed.. so i come down to the loby to cash in some ships , i got a pair of pants with the ass totally ripped out and a tiara on at 9am...
so i cash out my chips, head back to the car and pretty much decide i might b able to make it home...
and like who the fuck gets a DUI at 9am.. so i get home, i try and get to sleep but the fuckin 9 redbulls in my system had me wired, i sleep for about 30 mins and get a call from the moving company, then cant sleep for the next 2 and a half hours.. then i gotta be up at 5 for a date anyway..
i get up at 5, scrub off the cigarette smell and head out, meet up with this one really cute girl for some dinner, then i get a call from my parents who im already on the bad side of... im sitting at dinner in the nicest place in oregon having dinner and my parents are like "where do you want to have dinner at? your grandma flew in today and you said we were having dinner" im just like FUUUUUCCK!
so i tell this girl, and shes like "i feel so badd!!" and that was awkward.. but i ordered desert and we went and did some speed shopping, i mad plans to fly her out to vegas this summer and we were all good, so i hawl ass to dinner wih my parents, i order when they are getting their food, i get a pizza and the waitress sets it down, the pizza holder gets caught on her menu and she turns around and flings my pizza off the table
the maranara sauce on the side got all over my pants and my new sparkley white shoes... so im just like "fuck this im out" i leave and head out to the bar with my friend.. the owner of the bar was there and she just wouldnt let me and my friend stop drinking... so i run up a 75$ bar tab, i drank flaming dr peppers, double vodka cran, rusty nails, jegger bombs, washington apples... sooo much shit... i get back to my friends house, he insta stars puking everywhere
about 20 mins later i fuckin lose it to.. i havent puked in months but my fuckin shit would not stay down... so i was puking alot, and i finally look down.. see a buncha blood.. and im like great... my friends GF says he was puking blood 2... after i can barley breathe cuz of all the barfing i just fuckin fall over and pass out.. i wake up about 2 hours later on the floor and just lookign around like... well im alive... so i get up and his GF made a
bed for me on the couch.. i fuckin go to lay down, fall over, land on a table, and its a multi story office computer desk thing, and she had a buncha glass flower and candle holders on top, so they all come flying down and smash and break everywhere.. she comes out crying and im just like "Fuuuckk.." not again. so i give her some money to replace that shit.. go home and grab some sleep.. now im flying home.. looking forward to some good sleep and a nice big tv to do it infront of.
gl everyone.
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| Its hard to make a easy buck legally, its impossible to make a easy buck morally. | |
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Moffa United States. Apr 16 2008 01:38. Posts 617 | | | |
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| Dangerous, but worth the risk. | |
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SemPeR Canada. Apr 16 2008 01:40. Posts 2288 | | |
roffl.......gooooooood read. |
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god i hate fat chicks with issues |
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Baalim Mexico. Apr 16 2008 01:43. Posts 34304 | | |
so how on earth did ur mom find u? |
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| Ex-PokerStars Team Pro Online | |
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u shouldve just fucked the fatties. |
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Red9 Canada. Apr 16 2008 01:50. Posts 7447 | | |
chloroform the fatties
or order a cheesecake w/ room service |
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| I will grind you into dust. | |
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CrownRoyal United States. Apr 16 2008 01:50. Posts 11386 | | |
LOL
awesome seriously.
you remind me of myself more than anyone on LP |
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So ah, not too concerned about barfing blood? |
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TheHuHu United States. Apr 16 2008 01:52. Posts 4271 | | |
I just about went on life tilt when I saw this massive blog. |
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| I have always wanted to quote myself. - Me | |
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Silver_nz New Zealand. Apr 16 2008 01:54. Posts 5647 | | |
thats pretty serious drinking. I think you need to be more of a life nit. ;;;; |
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jase Australia. Apr 16 2008 02:07. Posts 1604 | | |
how the fuck did your stepdad find you? |
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DaTruf United States. Apr 16 2008 02:18. Posts 398 | | |
sounds to me like you got off easy with the fattys. usually they run in and are all LOL and try to grab you by the cock. next time carry a stun gun and just tag that bitch at the door... why the fuck do you think God made stun guns? (fat chicks obv) |
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| | Last edit: 16/04/2008 02:19 |
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milkman United States. Apr 16 2008 03:23. Posts 5719 | | |
ohh yea i left out how they found me in that hotel room.. security had us all red flagged after we left the roulette tables and especially after they escorted us to the hotel.. so my parents called the casino floor and then told them it was really urgent and then security helped them find me....
i thought it was kinda fucked up, cuz it should b a little private where i am and shit, but w/e... at least it wasnt my GF that called... (not that i have one, but if i did, she would) |
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| Its hard to make a easy buck legally, its impossible to make a easy buck morally. | |
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ggplz Sweden. Apr 16 2008 04:22. Posts 16784 | | | |
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| if poker is dangerous to them i would rank sports betting as a Kodiak grizzly bear who smells blood after you just threw a javelin into his cub - RaiNKhAN | |
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Milkman, you are an absolute hero. Great story and great story telling. I was laughing imagining the fattie jumping in between you and chick. Kind of like parting the red sea. SPLOOOSH! |
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Shenny Canada. Apr 18 2008 19:11. Posts 1514 | | | |
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blunt_smokr United States. Apr 18 2008 19:31. Posts 1314 | | |
haha great write up milkman, funny read. |
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United Kingdom. Apr 16 2008 02:08. Posts 3539
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