It's my birthday today

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RiKD

United States. Mar 06 2020 05:45. Posts 8535

It's my birthday today. I think there are always some reflection around these times. My parents offered to take me out to dinner. I wanted to try this sushi restaurant downtown. It ended up being really expensive and I felt uncomfortable about how expensive these pieces of fish were. I just didn't like the whole vibe of the place. Playing like fancy club music and all the decor. I felt like a class traitor in this place. I ended up getting a bunch of nigiri for way too much money and then thoroughly enjoyed it. It was delectable. Ugh. Now, I just feel dirty about the whole thing.

Then I went out with some friends. The sex addict from the last blog ended up sitting next to me. She was touching me a lot. It made me slightly uncomfortable. I've never met someone like her. She may have some sort of spell on me. We were at a crowded table and she was talking to only me for a long time as if no one else was at the table. That made me slightly uncomfortable. But then I realized I would actually just like to talk to her with no one else at the table. Conversation opened up a bit and I felt more comfortable but then I realized the conversation with her was much more interesting. She was giving other people attention but I wanted that full attention back. I want her touch and attention. I want to date her but she isn't going on dates yet. I want her to wrap those long legs around me. I want to see that ass in reverse. etc. but I don't want to fuck with her recovery (or mine). I have this relationship with her as basically a wise friend or therapist when needed which may or may not be sexy. I shouldn't even be worried about what is sexy. She is a sex addict in recovery meaning I would be a shitty person to try and manipulate that. But I feel like she knows all of this and is also very wise herself. I am actually trying to be anti-flirtatious and anti-charismatic. And I don't think her touching was flirtatious... I was happy when she sat down next to me but also maybe dreaded it a little bit because I don't know how to act around her. The more I get to know her the more I want to spend time with her but she told me she isn't dating for 90 days and is abstinent from sex and I want to respect that. I guess just keep seeing her when I see her and try and find some other candidates to date. I want to be supportive of her recovery first and foremost she just put a spell on me that I can't seem to shake. Tinder sucks. For some reason I look at my Food Not Bomb comrades as comrades not potential dates. I need women to come into my life to shake me from this spell. Or just have a sexual relationship with the sorceress... This is why they say in AA that it should be the men with the men and the women with the women. I don't think it was a good idea for me to get that intimate with her the other day. I am not a therapist. I haven't taken any hippocratic oaths. I am just some guy who hasn't gotten laid in far too long and I have got plenty of issues of my own.