Update

you seem much happier now enjoying stuff, good for you

Feelings are just visitors. But, yes, when I am painting, playing the drums, and curating music I am typically doing pretty well. I am looking to fill up my days with activities like this. It's not good to have shitty work and shitty free time. It's one thing to slovenly make pizzas versus really putting care and attention to each one but still being able to laugh a little bit inside if they come out flawed. "Wabi sabi." It's too much pressure to make perfect pizzas every time and an impossible goal but if I give them my care and attention that's all that really matters. But, that's even fucking hard to do over the course of 20-40 pizzas so I just have to do my best and make sure to not have shitty free time. It's the pits having to go from making 20-40 pizzas and doing all the cleaning up and everything to shitty free time. So, I am trying to challenge myself at work and challenge myself in my free time. I would race cars if I could. Fuck a young Lisa Bonet if I could. But, those are not the most realistic. Well, the ladder is impossible. I would wager I am too broke for the former at the moment. So, I do what I can.

Crucial. Thank you sk p.

you can buy an used kart

Like a go-kart?

I want to go 150mph not 50 mph. Although actually going 50mph through tight winding roads is pretty fucking fun. There was this hill and turn by my house I used to take at 50mph and it was scarier than going 130mph on the highway.

Primetime of our lives
Now
Do it

I want to race fucking cars and if I can't fuck Lisa Bonet I would at least like a sexual relationship with someone suited for me. Probably not wise to force either of the two. Those are just the two that came to mind earlier.

Drifting away like a feather in air:



Open your eyes to Open Mike Eagle:



LOL



Little by little we can make it to where we want to go. Even when we "get there" the existential weight is still a thing. It never leaves us. Fear of death, fear of life. Let's replace the fear of life with love.



It's never too late to be who you want to be, to say what you want to say. It's never too late to leave if you want to leave to stay if you want to stay:



This is just one to get krunk to:



Old School NIN:



Precursor to Closer.

I wonder if fucking Rihanna is so close to zero it might as well be zero. Going all math nerd on ya'll. I'm sure mathematics make Rihanna wet.

My manias are always connected in some way. They carryover in some ways. I become stronger, better, harder. It's all a sculpture. Knocking away the pieces my core doesn't need. A caterpillar into a butterfly. Float in these great times!





My last tattoo was great. The artist was amazing. She played Outkast "ATLiens" unknowing that that is one of my favorite albums of all time. Unbelievable vibes. It's hard to relive shit like that man. Trying to chase that feeling man. I don't know if I'll ever get another tattoo but it is likely that I will.

Feelings are visitors. Do I chase the feelings? That seems like a recipe for discontent. I LOVE the feelings though. Not the bad of course. Although sometimes sitting contently in a really bad depression is a thing. Laying in bed staring at the wall listening to this:



I'd rather paint and listen to this:



¡MUSIC!:



I regret never getting ridiculously blazed and going to a Dave concert back in high school. No way they can still perform like that.

I am mostly a caterpillar and sometimes a butterfly.

On August 23 2019 03:12 RiKD wrote: Like a go-kart? I want to go 150mph not 50 mph. Although actually going 50mph through tight winding roads is pretty fucking fun. There was this hill and turn by my house I used to take at 50mph and it was scarier than going 130mph on the highway.

private GoKarts are nothing like your average shitty rentals, they are very fast.

I bought a 125cc 6 speed shifter kart and it can reach120mph and it will curb stomp a Lambo in the track.


Random vid of a shifter:

i drove a rental kart once and it felt awesome. I never thought i'd like it that much but it was a great experience. and it definitely was one of the shitty rentals you mentioned lol.

I don't have $5k+ to put down on a kart. Then there are all the other stuff like helmet, jacket, gloves, neck roll, etc. Not to mention the spare parts and the fact that I am not a mechanic. Not to mention I have no idea if there is a track nearby. It's just a fantasy at this point. I was transfixed by that video though. It would be a reason to make more money but then I would have to work more at a conceivably more stressful job. My job actually is pretty stressful but the nice thing is I can leave and leave it all behind for the most part.

Anyone want any paintings? Paintings for 125cc karts? Oh that's another thing. I don't know how to drive stick......

What do I do when painting doesn't bring paradise?

I'm not burnt out on the female form but I am burnt out on painting it. They all turn out the same'ish and my last one I made all sorts of mistakes and I don't like it. Argggghhhhhhhhhhh. I'm in real existential turmoil here.

My last painting I wanted to use a lot of bright, "hot" colors. I painted the woman crimson. She just looks like an anatomy chart of sinewy muscle. It's a Buddhist reminder. I accidentally painted over one of her nipples and then painted over one of her arms. Hah. There all the damn same. Some have bigger breasts, bigger hips, carrying more body fat or not what's the difference? With my paintings the coloring makes the difference. In real life a woman's being (soul) make the difference. Of course, there are certain proportions that are particularly appealing but to a point it doesn't matter. There are particular proportions that are unappealing. Not many people want a largely obese woman. At least I don't. I'm sick of painting model level women. I want to paint "normal" women.

have fun

That was really fucking awesome. I always said my blog needs less of me and more stuff like that.

On August 25 2019 18:19 RiKD wrote: I don't have $5k+ to put down on a kart. Then there are all the other stuff like helmet, jacket, gloves, neck roll, etc. Not to mention the spare parts and the fact that I am not a mechanic. Not to mention I have no idea if there is a track nearby. It's just a fantasy at this point. I was transfixed by that video though. It would be a reason to make more money but then I would have to work more at a conceivably more stressful job. My job actually is pretty stressful but the nice thing is I can leave and leave it all behind for the most part. Anyone want any paintings? Paintings for 125cc karts? Oh that's another thing. I don't know how to drive stick......

I bought mine for about 2k you can fish a good deal, and don't even have to get a shifter there are cheaper options that are still fast, in fact mine is too fast for the karting track in my city can't use all the gears and an automatic would be faster.

You can get a cheap helmet for like 60 bucks, you dont need a suit and you can buy those 10 bucks mechanic gloves in autozone, knowing hot to fix stuff is important but tracks have mechanics there that help people out, thats what I do, if my kart doesnt start those guy just help me, these are niche things so people really put an effort to make you part of the community.

If its something that kind of appeals you just go to a track on a Sunday, ask around tell them that you are thinking about buying a kart but are clueless, they will give you a kart to try out most likely since everybody is selling their old karts all the time.

It appeals to me but after a search there is only a fun park place and adventure time place not even that nearby. The closest place that I thought had promise turns out to be a horse track. Looks like I have to find something else to do for fun.