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F*ck you f*cks

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RiKD    United States. Nov 13 2017 04:32. Posts 8445
So, I think I am a little irritable right now. I am really only writing this because I have 40 min. until I can watch Curb Your Enthusiasm but I have some thoughts to unload so here we go:

Do we get to choose meaning or does meaning find us???

I can say hey there is a cute kitten that was in a horrible hoarding situation and needs a home. I don't really know if it will provide meaning. Maybe the meaning doesn't kick in until later. I am taking care of this kitten and it is getting better and we are bonding and I love it even more. Now, I am feeling some meaning. That my existence is not completely insignificant. I mean it is insignificant but at least on this Earth it does not feel that way. It is Sartre's idea that we are free and autonomous to choose the life that we want. Can we pick out our meanings? Are enough meaningful endeavors pretty much known at this point or is it completely individualistic in what will tickle the fancy?

I have been talking a lot about love songs and songs. I guess there is a song for everything but there certainly seems to be a lot of songs about love. There are certainly a lot of advertisements about getting the one. I have never really been magically in love with someone that loves me back so I really can't speak on it to be honest but these songs just seem to be capturing that which I can understand but that is not how the world works. That has got to be fleeting just like every other damn positive thing on this planet. I think this boils down to do I need to get laid? Will a partner make me "happier"? I don't even think I am in the business of searching for happiness anymore. There is some more fleeting bullshit. Give me some self-esteem, some peace, some contentment, I enjoy conversations, deadlifting, and fucking some prime piece of ass. Yup, that came out. Am I conditioned to crave that. It's a fucking drug and I am an addict. Fuck.

I titled this blog "Fuck you fucks" because I just thought it was funny. Has anyone told you to go fuck yourself today? Oh no? Go fuck yourself. I have a buddy that that is his thing. Whatever. I am writing shit down and fuck off you fucks.

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 Last edit: 13/11/2017 17:39

PuertoRican   United States. Nov 13 2017 13:11. Posts 13030

opcorn:

Rekrul is a newb 

Nitewin   United States. Nov 13 2017 13:52. Posts 1539

It's all individual based on their experiences. You can seek meaning internally or externally. Externally would mean if your peers or society values xyz, you go do / become xyz. Internally would mean relative to your own experiences or expectations, so if you grew up thinking xyz was how one should be, and you didn't achieve xyz, your self esteem would be lower than it would be if you did achieve xyz.


As far as direction to go, it seems like most people don't really cognitively think about where they're going. They use their feelings of what makes them happy and who they think they should be to guide them through their decisions in life.

You want:

1. self-esteem
2. some peace
3. some contentment
4. you enjoy conversations
5. deadlifting
6. prime piece of ass

First of all, those things aren't going to fall into your lap. You have to go and achieve it.

1. self-esteem - you are low on the society ladder due to your job, education, background. you are high on the society ladder because you are American. What's giving you low self-esteem is probably your self-talk, what you say or think to yourself. Practice reframing thoughts into positive ones about yourself.
2/3. peace/contentment - same thing. Check out Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Start from the bottom.
4. conversations - We're having one right now aren't we? There 8 billion people in the world, it would be hard to imagine that no one wants to converse.
5. deadlifting - gym membership. If you get into bettering your physique, cheap and well spent (money/time) hobby imo
6. prime piece of ass - figure out how to attract a woman. If you don't want to spend the energy, pay for it.


Fuck you too motherfucker. Get to work. I want the next blog post to show some progress.


dnagardi   Hungary. Nov 13 2017 19:50. Posts 1776

fuck you shitheads


RiKD    United States. Nov 13 2017 22:14. Posts 8445


  On November 13 2017 12:52 Nitewin wrote:
It's all individual based on their experiences. You can seek meaning internally or externally. Externally would mean if your peers or society values xyz, you go do / become xyz. Internally would mean relative to your own experiences or expectations, so if you grew up thinking xyz was how one should be, and you didn't achieve xyz, your self esteem would be lower than it would be if you did achieve xyz.



Yeah and if one changes the conditioning or social spheres or both "esteem-able things" can shift. I was listening to an interview with Jordan Peterson and he says people should only go for esteem through basically vulgarian status related accolades. That is one opinion. I think it is bullshit. If a homeless guy needs a ride to a storage facility an hour away so he doesn't have to sleep by the freeway for yet another night and I have nothing going on I am giving the guy a damn ride to the storage facility. It is the right thing to do. After talking to him for a while it is amazing how much pain he was in and how happy and grateful he was. The fact that I tell this story kind of cheapens the act but I am telling the story because that brought me more self-esteem than any piece of clothing or material item. I didn't have to check in the mirror insecure about being cool. I did the right thing and I did what most people in my social sphere at the time would have done.


  As far as direction to go, it seems like most people don't really cognitively think about where they're going. They use their feelings of what makes them happy and who they think they should be to guide them through their decisions in life.



Who they think they should be. Yeah, I have an idea of who I think I should be. I have through out my life. It has changed quite a bit. I remember in college I had a bunch of black roommates and I started shopping with them and ending up with baggy Rocawear jeans, going to black barber shops, oh man that is kind of funny but these guys were really fucking cool and I was kind of immersed in that life. I mean one of them ended up being an All-Pro in the NFL and another won the Heisman trophy. I thought that's who I should be rofl.


  You want:

1. self-esteem
2. some peace
3. some contentment
4. you enjoy conversations
5. deadlifting
6. prime piece of ass

First of all, those things aren't going to fall into your lap. You have to go and achieve it.

1. self-esteem - you are low on the society ladder due to your job, education, background. you are high on the society ladder because you are American. What's giving you low self-esteem is probably your self-talk, what you say or think to yourself. Practice reframing thoughts into positive ones about yourself.
2/3. peace/contentment - same thing. Check out Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Start from the bottom.
4. conversations - We're having one right now aren't we? There 8 billion people in the world, it would be hard to imagine that no one wants to converse.
5. deadlifting - gym membership. If you get into bettering your physique, cheap and well spent (money/time) hobby imo
6. prime piece of ass - figure out how to attract a woman. If you don't want to spend the energy, pay for it.


Fuck you too motherfucker. Get to work. I want the next blog post to show some progress.



I don't know if I accept Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

We aren't really having a conversation. We are having a forum discussion. Still fun but not as fulfilling. It would be better to just have conversations. Still, I enjoy writing and like this form of discussion too. I just have to be careful to not let it takeover in person communication.

I am still in the go for walks on the beach season but it is getting cold out and the iron is calling me.

I was just pointing out I have carnal desires. Sometimes I just want to put the hands on a young, nubile princess and beat it up to NIN "Closer" on top volume. Who knows what will be louder? The act and moans and screams of the raging coitus or the genius of Trent Reznor. Fuck neighbors. Seriously, fuck neighbors, fuck suburbia, fuck strip malls, fuck traffic, fuck bitches get money they tell us. I just want to take a walk on the beach so I will.


Baalim   Mexico. Nov 14 2017 10:50. Posts 34246

the fact that you censored fuck triggers me

+ Show Spoiler +

Ex-PokerStars Team Pro OnlineLast edit: 14/11/2017 10:51

RiKD    United States. Nov 14 2017 19:34. Posts 8445

I didn't censor it. Someone else did. It's the man I tell ya. Trying to kill our free speech. I don't believe in censorship.


RiKD    United States. Nov 14 2017 21:33. Posts 8445

Jordan Peterson has said it is good to write everyday and I have found it beneficial. Especially on my days off that are not really stacked with activity in the midday. I am re-reading two novels at the moment. "50 Shades of Grey" by someone I don't remember her name. EL James or something. I am also re-reading "Money" by Martin Amis. I tell you what, 50 Shades is actually a pretty good story. Sometimes simply written and bordering on the cliche at times it feels as if it was written to make money rather than be a piece of art. Martin Amis has said it is difficult to write sex but EL does it well. There are also times when she is describing the secret BDSM room that it is actually quite lovely. On the other hand it could just be considered bullshit fantasy for 20 somethings.

Then there is "Money" by Martin Amis. A true classic. John Self. What a character. The writing is brilliant. There is a richness and humor that is severely lacking in 50 shades. This guy knows how to write.

Nabokov says a truly great reader is a re-reader and I can see where he is coming from. I don't exactly remember every last detail but I kind of know where the book is going. I can fully focus on the artistic sense and the writing. I can relive some of the amazing moments and even appreciate some of the other aspects more.

I really just wanted to talk some literature. I am just throwing topics out there. Back to "Money."


RiKD    United States. Nov 15 2017 19:47. Posts 8445

I know it is a little weird to just randomly start discussing literature.

I eventually want to read that book about the sex addict who uses Schopenhauer to overcome (?). I don't know if he overcomes it. I just like the premise.

I've been listening to some Drake too. I know I know. It just interests me. What a life that guy must have. Worth a $100 milly and can use his albums as advertisement for pussy. That is another fantasy. 20 somethings thinking they can get a piece of that life. Maybe they can. Is that what I am going for? I would love to get some booty calls. I just have to be me though. I've said it or thought it a million times but I am going to have to take the dating route. Now, do I want the dating for a relationship or the dating for fun? Why can't it be both? I date for fun and see where it goes.


RiKD    United States. Nov 15 2017 20:11. Posts 8445

I think guys can be very visual. Physical attraction is very important but also how one carries one self. Even a voice can be very sexy.

I think when wanking it is good to have some visuals in mind. Something that spurned the erection in the first place. I don't want to find myself having to search the inventory mid-wank. I never know if shit I don't want to think about finds itself in there. I leave the wank feeling like I'm a bit fucked up.


RiKD    United States. Nov 16 2017 04:07. Posts 8445

Sometimes I wonder if not coming to this site anymore would be a great thing for me. Dropping social media has been a positive. I could see dropping this site being the same. I don't know. Something to think about.


RiKD    United States. Nov 16 2017 04:24. Posts 8445

Pornography provides the visual and the audio. Some are quite good. Many are not so good but I suppose passable. It has to be pretty bad to click away to another one. You'll have the fake moaning and the slightly contorted sex positions. One has to see the breasts jiggle no? I mean reverse cowgirl has got to be one of the best pornography positions. I've done it IRL (IN REAL LIFE) and it is kind of silly if there isn't a camera in the room. Crazy broads. I guess it is kind of like doggystyle but they are in control. The ass and the back look pretty decent from that angle. Whatever.


Silver_nz   New Zealand. Nov 16 2017 07:48. Posts 5647

Have you understood what life really is? based on our best understanding of all the evidence:


RiKD    United States. Nov 16 2017 17:54. Posts 8445

Summary?


RiKD    United States. Nov 16 2017 20:34. Posts 8445

I only came relatively quick one time. I think this hooker was really trying to get me off. I was extremely drunk. She was giving me a ferocious blowjob and fingering my prostate and I assume when it got hard enough she jumped on it for a raucous cowgirl. Her breasts were amazing and she was going after it. That mixed with smothering me with her breasts and I was done. Then she took the condom off and swallowed my load. Damn. I guess she was serious about getting future business.


Loco   Canada. Nov 16 2017 22:31. Posts 20963

fuck I should just sell some of my Pokemon cards, if no one stakes that is what I will have to do - lostaccount 

Silver_nz   New Zealand. Nov 16 2017 23:44. Posts 5647


  On November 16 2017 16:54 RiKD wrote:
Summary?



Yes, that 7 hour YouTube video is the summary


RiKD    United States. Nov 17 2017 04:10. Posts 8445

I love Bojack. One of my favorites.


RiKD    United States. Nov 17 2017 04:50. Posts 8445

The second time I had sex with that hooker I decided that I was going to fuck her. The first time she fucked me and got me off pretty quick which I am not complaining. She certainly wasn't complaining. So, I decided to go every position I could think of for a while. Something disturbing I remember was I was fucking her doggystyle and I kept catching this glimpse of my lat in the mirror. I was lifting some decent weights at the time and I am fucking this beautiful woman and I am focused on my lat in the mirror. Then me in the mirror. Then me fucking her in the mirror. It's like narcissism city. I never had sex with a hooker after that. It's like I got it out of my system. I mean I really used her up as if she were some sort of highly advanced sex doll. It was fun but I never went back. I was a raging narcissist in my 20s and still probably am. I think hitting bottoms through out alcoholism and bipolar disorder curbed that a bit but hey, here I am posting all these posts in my blog.

Would I go back? I don't know. It would have to be legal I think. Sex is just so much better with strangers that you get to know or don't know very well. Sometimes there is a spark right off the bat and you almost have to have some amazing sex at some point. In some ways it sucks I can not drink or use sex to run or escape. I guess I can use sex to get outside myself but it is a dangerous game. I told a woman that my higher power was her vagina and she was like ich don't think so. If a woman has some good pussy I'll make it my higher power so quick. Something to be aware of. I am probably better off celibate orrrrr I can advance as an Earthling and date and have sexual relations and just live a better life. As the Bojack movie said that will take action. Yes, it will take action.


Loco   Canada. Nov 17 2017 09:05. Posts 20963

The Bojack vid reminded me of your blog (and other LP posts). Do you see yourself in there at all?

fuck I should just sell some of my Pokemon cards, if no one stakes that is what I will have to do - lostaccount 

 
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