Time for a blog?

So today i came back after university really motivated and having like 5 hours of free time, which i felt like spending on playing poker. Session started calmly, i was a bit up, but then after 15 minutes of playing i lost a hand that i really needed to win to feel a bit self confident again: http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/142700 . Now i was a bit angry, but i still had a clear mind. Cold decks were killing me and finally i made a really foolish bluff vs shorty: http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/142701 . Now i felt tilty and should have left the poker after 20 minutes of playing. But i still kept playing and my game now was total joke now:
http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/142702 - after long period of cold decks i finally hit a top pair! So my pair of jacks on flop felt like the truely nutssssss. And on the river i instantly called not even looking at the size of bet cuz i had the *NUTS* Now feeling really tilty i kept playing. I made a sick *read* on the guy - http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/142703

Then it was followed by this: http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/142704 The guy is total donk, but i didn't liked the river, but still bet, again feeling like my QQ is the nuts since there was no Ace or King on the flop! WOW sick luck!
Now being on heavy tilt, i finally hit a really weird hand(by weird i mean the fact that i hit a set). I missclicked on the flop, and when turn came i was just laughting out loud and saying to myself NOT AGAIN. http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/142706 ofcourse i called being on tilt. Lost some more hands like this, today i was playing like total idiot and i was even ashamed to post these hands on the blog, forced myself to show how long lasting tilt can fuck persons minds, ofcourse not everyones, but atleast mines. So despite the huge downswing before today i doubled my loses, started with 8400$ in the morrning and ended with 6883$.

Ok, poker not going well, mostly of awful play and tilt. But today i had a basketball match that i was really looking forward, i burned a music DVD cd went to the car put it to my audio/video equiptment on the highest volume and went to the city just to drive out my tilt and listen to the music. There it was the basketball match, i came to warm up feeling really shitty, had pain in my back, chest and legs. No clue why, might of nerves? So basically i was just a shade of myself in the court, dunno scored some points but made a lot mistakes and didn't make some easy shots.
Overally life isn't going my way nowadays. Having some health problems, which are really annoying and doctors says i am fine, poker isn't going my way, from team leader in the basketball i turned in to the shade of myself basically scoring twice as less as i used to. And the anger i really have no clue where is it comming, my poker tilt? During the match today after missed shots i was cursing loud, shouting on referees etc for what i was warned. At the end of the match i missed a shot and then made a foul, i was totally angry now and threw ball away, and got technical foul, for which i will have to pay myself.
Here are some photos of the match, poor quality but still:

0 votes

Comments (6)

So it's 12:42am. I have to be up after less than 6 hours for the university. But i don't feel like sleeping. I had been trying to get asleep for 1 hour but i didn't manage to. Why? I am feeling down. Lately poker isn't going my way. I had a lot of hopes for January, i had tones of free time, because of the session that i didn't have to take i had a completly free month. I have played every single day in January and i raked 9000$, which is great since i get 30% rake back. But despite the huge effort i didn't manage to win, actually i think am down a bit(PT is on the other comp). January was a strange month, i have never thought that poker can impact me that much, i was in a bad mood almost every single day, i felt depressed,angry or whatever, it just wasn't me. I had a downswing from 11400 to 6666$, which firstly started from bad beats and then turned into semi-tilt and the lose of my best game. But somehow i managed to win it back, yesterday i had 10400$, but now i am down again to 84~~~$ and feel really terrible, now when university started again i don't feel like playing poker, since it effects my overall mood and i feel shity. Dunno what went wrong, it seems that i no longer know what's my A game, i feel confused about my play, and very often feel like i might be doing smth wrong for not winning. I feel really terrible when weak passive player sits on my table with 3-4 bi being very predictible having 6% pfr and 14vpip. Everything went wrong since i started using PT, i started giving too much respect for my oponents, easy decisions turned into overthinked situations. Analyzing my play screwed my mind completly, since i lost the feel of the game. Now i am not sure what i am going to do next, but i have completly no motivation for poker at the moment. I put so much effort which went to wastes.

I guess i will have to update my blog tommorow, i can't express myself atm easily, i am tired. I don't even really know why i made this post, but just i felt like i should start my blog, updating it daily, showing the lossing hands and asking for help. I realized that i might be not as good player as i thought i was. And i need a lot to learn, and overlearn again. I would really appreciate if someone would give a glance to blog time to time commenting on the lossing hands that i will probobly start posting tommorow.

PS: sorry for the typos, i really don't feel like checking what i wrote.
Peace

6 votes

Comments (8)