heuheuheuhe

I self excluded for a couple of days on FTP, I didn't tilt any money off (directly, atleast).

Fucking hell, this is so bad.

I really feel like thailand is killing me for some reason. The air, or the bad sleep(it sounds like a silly complaint, but my bed +pillows are very hard and I wake up throughout the night from my arm or leg falling asleep and being extremely uncomfortable, etc.), or maybe there's something else in the environment. I always have bags under my eyes and I feel tired all day nearly every day. (I can only 'pray' a fixable health problem is the root of my worse-than-ever poker performance lately, lol).

I am enjoying seeing my new friends and everything else about experiencing thailand.

I might need some Zoloft or something for a couple of months until I can get my head back together. Dunno what to do about that, or if its really needed.. or if it'll even help. I guess I will decide at the end of the month after I try to cool off and have been grinding for a couple of days again. I will do research..

I guess I will make a to-do list
1. buy soft bed cover
2. buy pillows
3...

o wait I'm flat fucking broke, nevermind.


blog saver

with showdown/nonshowdown
+ Show Spoiler +

actual blog saver

I actually saved that picture as "holy shit"

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An ex-gf who is a good friend of mine just got engaged. It is really weird to think about.

I guess I'm at the age in life where people around me will begin the first cycle of marrying.

Getting old I suppose.

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"When you exercise you live longer, and studies have shown that you have more sex when you're alive then dead. So when you exercise you're more likely to have more sex than someone who doesn't exercise."

-Zen Grey from Exercise TV



In other news, I have no idea what to think about anything right now.. so I'm just going to keep trying I guess. I think I need anti depressants.

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Hey all,
First off thanks for all the different thoughts I received in my last blog. Here's what has been going on since.

I am in the middle of a 3 week course in conversational Thai for beginners, which is a nice diversion and gives me something to wake up to do in the morning. I'm learning at a pretty mediocre rate, I'm probably in the middle or bottom half thai skill-wise of the class of 8. The teacher is great fun though.

With the help of a place to be in the morning, I've decided to set myself a schedule for the duration of the course. I go to bed at a certain time, and play poker in a certain time frame, etc. I've managed to follow it about 70% of the time, which isn't bad, and I'm trying to improve on that. Its sort of an experiment to see how I feel and how my poker performance is under such conditions..

I've also taken up an 8 week meditation course, which has been pretty cool. It is an introduction to meditation for beginners and only takes 8 minutes a day.. in the course of 8 weeks you basically 'sample' 8 different meditation techniques and from there you have a better idea of what meditation is about and can continue on on your own. I'm not sure if the benefits are coming through yet but its a good experience.

Finally, I've been trying very hard to work on my game. Watching videos, and taking notes. A nagging thought I've had for a long time now is if I have the wrong basic approach, or foundation of thought in my poker game. I can't seem to make any real progress here though.. Anyway, I have done some tweaking so I'll see where it takes me. Either way.. I'm sure I'm beating nl50 6m though my results since moving down are hardly confidence boosting (and i've only played 6.5k b/e hands of nl50 6max this month).

Graph since my ban


And I'm still stuck $750 for the month lol.

Writing this blog was depressing, fail.

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I'm almost completely ruined, 2k roll and 650 dollars in the bank haha. It isn't like I have many options.. lol I have to grind nl50 I guess. What a joke....

Feel like I've alienated everyone with my ridiculous tilt and emotional instability lately. Lost my respect in the community and with my friends/acquaintances/etc. It just isn't what I ought to be doing. Many of you have given me a lot of helpful thoughts or more and I shouldn't repay you like this.

I'm going to have myself temp-banned from LP and hopefully when that expires I will be a little more grown up. Of course I will still lurk lols, can't help that.

What's my problem, ugh.

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I wrote the most emo but actually semi-eloquent and true paragraph here but I replaced it with this sentence. And this next one.

fml, I am pathetic

February



roll 3.1k

I'm worth 9 dollars an hour after almost 2 years of fulltime training.

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that's -25bi (little bit of it was 1/2 tho, probably -2200 bbs if u do it properly)

guess I should also learn not to tilt, thought I Was doing good up until today too

enjoy

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that is all

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I was dicking around my laptop database (which is v small, like 25k hands), and I ended up filtering 3-6 player, filtered out and filtered only for sb & bb and effective stacks < or > 145bb. The result was interesting. My winrate with <145bb stacks is very small, with a strongly declining red line, and my winrate with >145bb stacks is enormouslymassive with a strongly inclining red line. I would really like to see some of your guy's graphs with 145bb stacks with or without the blinds, in 6max play, to see if the result is typical or if it shows that my 100bb game is suffering.

I also just had a thought that I should filter for like 75-145bb vs 145bb+ to remove whatever weird effect shortstacks might have (then again there are no shortstackers in my games on ftp HAHA STARS PLAYERS and FTP databases from jan. or earlier, plz filter for 75-145bb instead of just <145bb).

Anyway I will post my graphs later, my laptop doesn't have internet access right this second.

Plz show meee, thanks.

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super mega session for me, but I hardly got to play yesterday (internet problems) so it is only just making up for that

Well I'm glad I won in the end! Red line is bad but I think I played ok, I had to x/f a lot of rivers after my hand got counterfeited etc. after 2 barreling and such



also recovery w00t

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