Ich wandere im Herbst

What have our parents done?

God is the whole. "I" am a part. I am something. I am approaching zero. Maybe I can get so close to 0 we are almost touching but I can't be nothing unless I am annihilated. Probably. I actually have no idea if we have a soul that is above annihilation. I've been to hell. Hell is infinity. Somehow my consciousness escaped. Probably extra Seroquil and time. There was no time in hell. For what seemed like an eternity I was in hell. It was probably only 10 days or so in Earth time. Maybe we can upload our conscioussness into something else but that seems complicated. There is no evidence that there is a God and there probably never will be. Seeing God in the Other or in the world's beauty is the imagination. Religious ceremonies as ritual and anti-production / anti-efficiency can probably even amount to spiritual experience. I have had what some people amount to profound spiritual experience or maybe I am deluding myself. I have been put into states of mind that can only be described as spiritual experience. That does not mean that God exists. The inception of the Universe is the whole. "I" am a part. I am here breathing. I breathe and I wait for God. What absurdity. Does it always come back to the existentialists?

I want to be more precise with my words.

The limit as x approaches infinity of 1 divided by x equals 0. Perhaps God is the whole. "I" am a part.

I want to be more precise with my words even if I am writing fast and this is merely a dead blog. Not entirely dead!

I wish to be moved by gothic spires and stained glass windows! But, I refuse to be baptised!

If you live by the sword you die by the sword. If you don't live by the sword you may die by the sword.

Do I really want to re-read The Stranger or Nausea? No. Being and Nothingness is an exciting tome of philosophy but I don't think it holds up as well as Being and Time. I'd rather re-read Moby Dick, Infinite Jest, Blood Meridian, Brothers Karamazov, Anna Karenina, these sorts of magical tomes. In another life I graduate university with a German degree move to Germany and learn real German with The Phenomenology of Spirit by Hegel and Sein und Zeit by Heidegger like one of my heroes Byung-Chul Han. I think Spirit is Geist in German but I have no idea what Phenomenology would be. Phanomenologie with an umlaut over the a. Perhaps it's a German word.

I don't know where my spiritual and intellectual homeland is. I don't think it's here. I'm moving soon. Maybe it will be there. I thought it was Paris but I wouldn't want to live there.

I cannot truly pray. I do not believe in God. I believe in the absence of God. Which does not mean that God does not exist. I believe in the silence of God. Maybe it was taken hostage. Maybe it will come back. God disappeared. I do not wish to wait but I do not wish to be a nihilist. I do not have to wait to create meaning for myself or is that a fool's errand? I walked past a cemetary today. One day I will die. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS AUTHENTICITY! (Baudrillard)

If extreme attention is prayer maybe I can pray. I can play my bass guitar. I can paint.

I am not so big on consumption and production but I like to wear boxer briefs, jeans, hoodies, and eat bread and drink white tea. The crape myrtle are losing their leaves.

Damn, I want to go full Nihilism pill but I can only find Nihil Unbound in PDF. I'm not spending $135 for that effing book.

After Finitude by Quentin Meillassoux is up next.

A lamp-in-itself is x

I saw the lamp yesterday. It looked green. A scientist did some tests and said it was black 1 week ago.

Person A said the owner painted the lamp green because that is her favorite color.

Person B said the lamp was always black.

Person C said we can't know the color until we get another scientist in there.

Person D said clowns came out of the sky in a hot air balloon and painted it green.

Who is right? What are the probabilities of correctness?

The Universe is approximately 13.8 billion years old. The Earth is approximately 4.5 billion years old. Homo habilis existed approximately 2 million years ago. I trust the scientists to tell the lowercase truth also open to revision about events that took place before the existence of human consciousness.

It seems like some creationists put the creation of Earth and humans at 6,000 years ago. This does not mean that God does not exist. It certainly does not mean that God does exist. Furthermore, God may not exist and then one day exist. Nothing is necessary except contingency itself. This is the principle of factiality (factualite') (Quentin Meillassoux).

Hmmmm

What to do next...

Learn Set Theory or read Nihil Unbound by Ray Brassier?

I can probably get an inter library loan for Nihil Unbound.

That or get to Alan Badiou. I would need Set Theory for Being and Event or I could just pick up Infinite Thought.

I need someone like Stroggoz to guide me. I don't really want to try and piece it together with LLMs.

Stroggoz, where are you?

But, honestly, the real answer is just find a book I can work from and do the work. Not all that sexy. I think I would rather just read (non-Set Theory) philosophy.

I decided on getting Book of Proof by Richard Hammack and if I like that I'll go into Elements of Set Theory by Herbert B. Enderton.

Requested Nihil Unbound on the inter library loan. We'll see how that turns out.

Funny story at my expense. Book of Proof is available for free on PDF. So, I thought it would be worth it to print it out. I wasn't paying attention and the printer got majorly jammed and I think I might have broke it... T.T

I instantly tilt bought the paperback but it was only $26 so that's not too bad.

Empiricism and the Philosophyof Mind by Wilfrid Sellars until I can get the Nihil Unbound loan.